5-minute funny talk show manuscript

202 1 5 Minute Funny Talk Show Manuscript

Material refers to raw, perceptual and scattered raw materials collected by the author from real life. Next, I will arrange a 5-minute funny talk show for you on 202 1, hoping to help you!

5-minute funny talk show manuscript 1 I'm kidding. Can I give you a big report? No one is more knowledgeable than me. If I want to report it, you must refund the ticket. To say that my knowledge is not even a little knowledge, nine Niu Yi hairs are not wow! When it comes to learning, I don't have much knowledge. When I said I was illiterate, I lost some heart, which was not much better than illiteracy. I know a car with two big characters and a cross, generally.

Up to now, there are many people who can read, and everyone close to them is reading a newspaper. There are too few people who can read, but one person can read, and that is a "saint". It's like posting a notice on the side of the road, and many people around you are watching. Everyone watching can read, right? No. If he can't read, what can he read? Let others understand his meaning, and others will understand him, so as to understand. This is the pain of illiteracy. It happened that someone read it out, and he didn't read it for nothing; Go to this illiterate person for fear that you will make people laugh if you read it wrong. You know you dare not look outside. This illiterate person sweats when he looks at it!

Say this man is mumbling! Don't ask him. Because of what? Although he mumbles, he may not be able to read. How should I know! In the first two years before liberation, government-run banks posted notices. A man has been muttering, but he can't read. If he can't read, how can he mumble? He bought a sesame seed cake and kept eating it, muttering! He chews cookies, chews cookies. Come on, he pretends to be loud. Come, have a bite of sesame seed cake;

"Ho, ho, yes, whatever!"

Don't hesitate is a lot of material, and there is a lot of sesame sauce in it!

"That's great! Another bite. What's wrong with "great" The sesame seed cake is very small, "great"!

No one stood around and asked around. Ask someone else, or just ask someone who eats sesame cakes. Why? He muttered to himself!

"Well, that's great, yes, haha ..."

"What?" The man asked anxiously.

He can't read, how can I say it! He put his hand out!

"Yes, where are you?"

"Do you eat sesame cakes?"

"oh! I am talking about the one above. "

"It's covered with sesame seeds."

"I said black."

"The black one is bigger and burnt!"

"I said the one in red circle!"

"I bought the red circle myself, which is full of bean paste."

The two of them have been arguing for a long time, and the donkey's lips are not right!

Said there was such a person, what kind of person? Careless literacy. He reads it as a word! This kind of thing often happens in the street: sugar-fried chestnuts, he looks at sugar-fried tickets, Beijing Wumen, he looks at Niumen, and the hospital looks at the sauce garden ... It is still very common.

I have seen such a real thing. What is this? This was before the July 7th Incident, when I turned the corner on the Guanyin old railway bridge, where there were ten neon lights-as I said, all the old residents in Tianjin remembered it. Neon lights are safe in Buddhism and bright at night. What is that line of words? "There is no Guanyin Bodhisattva in South China." A gentleman was walking there that day, and I happened to pass by in the garden. He stood there chanting loudly, "Alas, there is no pity and pity in South China to compensate for the loss." "Bodhisattva" said "compensate property". Whose property did Guanyin lose? It's true!

There's another file. There is an archway in Beijing, which is the archway on Qianmen Street. At the age of eighteen, there was a closed hotel on the south side of Wupai Building, and a note was posted on the door. After posting this note for many years, no one came to dump his business. What did he write? Supposedly, it should be written like this: "We pour out. Furniture auction. " This word "pat" is not a "handle" or a "white" word, is it? The gentleman wrote a "vertical heart" and a "white" word: "This shop is upside down. Furniture is afraid of selling. " -Don't sell if you're afraid of selling!

And writing letters. I can't write this word. When you ask others, you can't ask clearly. There is a mistake! The old lady asked her son to write a letter to his mother's brother, and the person who replied was the uncle who wrote the letter. His uncle has gone to Shanghai. His uncle likes to eat eggplant in autumn, but his eyes hurt when he eats eggplant. My sister is very concerned about her brother and asked her son to write a letter to his uncle tonight. That student was so careless that he piled a few words in his schoolbag: "Uncle, don't eat autumn eggplant, so as not to attract his attention." He wrote the word eggplant and forgot how to write it! As soon as he asked the neighborhood, a second uncle fell asleep in the yard.

"Uncle!"

Wake up uncle!

"What is it? Get up quickly. "

"You don't get up, I write, how to write the word" eggplant "for this eggplant? You tell me. "

"The word' eggplant' can't be written? The word' grass' is preceded by the word' plus'. "

This "addition" is an addition and subtraction. He wrote a "home" for his home. I forgot the word "eye" when I wrote!

"Uncle, how do you spell eyes?"

"Next to the word' eye', there is a dry word' root'."

Next to the word "purpose" is the purpose. He wrote the word "wood" in Jin Mu, so I don't mind! This letter was written by his uncle. At first glance, he didn't know what was going on: "Uncle, don't eat Qiu Zi, lest it take root." Do not eat in autumn. What? There is no such word! What hair roots? ..... without rhyme or reason.

Something happened in our neighborhood again, and it was a disaster to read a eulogy to others. In the old society, wow! There are a lot of people watching the eulogy. Our son is a dutiful son and a good wife-that is, our grandparents kneel in mourning and our relatives and friends stand outside. The gentleman held the eulogy and read it out loud. Our neighbor doesn't know the two liters in Chinese characters, but insists on pretending. Who is going to die in this eulogy? This is a dutiful son and a good wife. Wow, that couple. As soon as he read it, the words "dutiful son" and "dutiful son" were clearly pronounced. My family name is Pan, and his name is Liang Xian-Pan Liangxian. He has finished reading the dutiful son, and he didn't read any of these three words correctly! "dutiful son, somersault!"

After he finished reading, the son of this family heard: "What's the matter, somersault? What is this etiquette? How to make me somersault? "

He didn't move. The waiter came. The waiter listened to Mr. Wang's instructions and patted his son on the shoulder. "Grandpa, please turn it over. Isn't that what Mr. Wang asked you to turn over? You turn it over! "

Uncle Ben knelt down and muttered to the waiter:

"I haven't practiced!"

"Never practiced it doesn't matter. Mr. Wang asked you to transfer I hold your waist and you turn around. "

I hugged my waist here, and my family is in their thirties. Very clever, Ben. I fell down and knelt there! He went on reading: "filial wife", a filial wife is our great-grandmother! In the old society, when women didn't write their names, what was their maiden name? What is the maiden name of this great-grandmother? Even the word "ye" is not straight.

As soon as he says "dutiful son somersaults", it's over!

"Filial wife, Shi Ye."

Our grandmother knelt here and said, "Is that right? Do I also somersault? "

The waiter can't come, but the big momma is here:

"Great grandma, you turn it over, it's not, the big ye all turned it over, you also turn it over! Come, I'll hold your waist. "

This grandmother is embarrassed, she is pregnant for six months! You say somersault, but you are afraid of miscarriage; Don't somersault, for fear of rudeness! No way! Turn it over! The old lady dare not hug hard. The lady knelt on the ground and raised one leg to discuss with her husband: "Sir, I can't do somersaults. Well, I can climb with scorpions! "

There are several things in life that must not be lost: self-control, calm mind, hope and confidence.

The worst thing for a person is to miss the past all the time, sit and fantasize about the future and waste the present every day.

Everything can be bad, not bad mood. Everything can be lacking, and confidence can't be lacking. Nothing can be done without happiness.

Life is like walking in a maze, endless, colorful and unpredictable.

You never know what is waiting for you at the next corner, which may be surprise, frustration, reunion, separation, climax, trough ... Every time you turn around, your life trajectory is changing and your life perception is no longer the same.

A person should not only be responsible for his own life, but also learn to look at life humorously, so that he will be less sad and more happy.

Two people * * * taste bitterness once, but two people * * * enjoy joy once, but have fun twice.

The following ten interesting philosophical jokes may give you insight into life.

Father and son saw a very luxurious imported car.

The son disdainfully said to his father, a person riding this kind of car must have no knowledge in his stomach.

The father replied airily: the person who said such a thing must have no money in his pocket.

Your view of things reflects your true attitude.

An aunt joined a doctoral group by mistake. Someone asked: A drop of water falls freely from a very high place. Will it hurt or kill?

The group immediately became lively, and all kinds of formulas, assumptions, calculations of resistance, gravity and acceleration were fully discussed for nearly an hour. At this moment, my aunt asked quietly: Have you never been caught in the rain?

There was a sudden silence in the crowd ... and then, and then the aunt was kicked out of the group.

Knowledge can bring you more ways of thinking, but experience can help you solve problems faster.

After dinner, mother and daughter wash dishes together, and father and son watch TV in the living room. Suddenly, there was a sound of breaking dishes in the kitchen, and then there was silence. Then the son looked at his father and said, "Mom must have broken it." "How do you know?" "She didn't swear."

We are so used to seeing people and ourselves by different standards that we are often strict with ourselves.

Many foreign media don't understand why we celebrate the New Year so grandly. In their eyes, it has become: factories are closed, shops are closed, married and have children, a rich man is heading for a distant place, local people are eager to exchange money for food, many families put up slogans at the door to express their demands, the streets are full of the smell of gunpowder left by explosives, adults are idle all day playing cards, and children are begging for money in droves. .....................................................

Every year in the rush hour in Spring Festival travel rush, we are stuck on the APP to grab tickets and drive on the road. Although the process is very hard, it is not just going back to that warm and happy home before the Chinese New Year, and listening to your parents say to you, "Have you found someone?" When my mother saw me coming back alone, she said earnestly, "Looking for a partner depends not only on the looks of others, but also on your own looks."

After all, when it comes to New Year's Eve, I have lived in coastal areas. Those wild animals in the mountains, geese in the clouds, cattle and sheep on the land, and seafood at the bottom of the sea are eaten every day. What do you think when you see fish, shrimp, crab, scallop, sea cucumber, abalone and so on all over the table? Hey ~ it's the Spring Festival, why do you eat these again? If you are tired of eating and don't want to eat, it's easy to understand. If you are afraid of being fat and don't want to eat, I will give you a science lesson today. It is reported that 20% of people in the world die of obesity every year, which means 80% of people die of thinness, so it is clear at a glance what is the safest body shape.

Speaking of Chinese New Year, the best activity is to visit relatives and friends. Questions about relatives can always hit your soul directly. I think 99% of the problems and 1 0,000% of the lucky money can be solved as long as you have good academic performance in that year, but not as an adult. If you are single, ask your salary after completion, ask your deposit after completion, and ask your deposit to urge you to find someone. Have an object, ask the salary, ask the salary of the object, and ask the salary of the object to urge you to get married; If you are married, don't think that early marriage will be spared. Besides work and salary, you can also have children and have a second child. They always take pains to find problems for you.

Finally, during the Chinese New Year, most people will have a ceremony, which is to write New Year's resolutions. Some people will write again whether the plan can be realized or not. Some simply make a wish, which is simple and rude. After all, sincerity is the spirit, right? Take me for example. I vaguely remember that I was full of chicken blood at the beginning of the year and wrote down the major goals that need to be completed in 20 19 years. For me, it will be more economical. A plan can last for 357 years, and the first thing in the plan is reading. I buy a lot of books every year and have a strong thirst for knowledge. I saw a book called "Solving 50% of the problems in your life" in the bookstore. I bought two books without thinking. I don't feel guilty because I bought a lot of books. It is precisely because there are more people like me that more bookstores can stock up and buy books. We are called scholars and we are called philanthropists. We plan to stay there every year, but people are really one year old.

Finally, the Spring Festival is coming, and we are going to the north and south. We live up to our lives and never lose our way. Let me say "Happy New Year" to you here. After all, the next time will be 366 days later.