How to make good use of "sugar-coated bullets"?

There are many times when you feel you have to say something to your family or friends, but if you say it, your feelings are hurt and things get messed up. So you quote an old saying to defend yourself, saying, "Good medicine tastes bitter, but honest advice offends the ears."

But. Why does good medicine have to be so bitter that it is difficult to swallow? Why does good advice have to be painful to listen to? With the development of medical science, many good medicines are sugar-coated or roasted with honey, which makes them no longer bitter. With the development of language science, we pay attention to the methods and methods of criticism and the art of language, so that our honest advice is not offensive and is loved by people of all ages.

We have done things, spoken, and written articles, but we are not at ease and dare not make judgments. At this time, why don’t we hope that someone will come out and tell us what is good and what is bad. Sometimes, we will meet a person who can faithfully and boldly point out many of our mistakes. Because of this, we admire him, be grateful to him, and even never forget him.

But why do we not like to hear some criticisms and advice? When we hear it, we feel uncomfortable and angry, and even feel that our self-esteem and self-confidence have been damaged? We also feel wronged and slandered. And insult? A bitter-tasting pill coated in sugar that makes it taste sweet and easy to swallow. As a result, the medicine enters the gastrointestinal tract, its properties take effect, and the disease is cured. When we say something critical to others, before saying it, we should first give them some praise so that they can taste the sweetness first. Then, when you say something critical, it will be easier for them to accept it.

One day, the director of a certain agency said to his subordinate: "Your typing speed is really getting faster and faster." The subordinate suddenly heard the director compliment her like this, and was flattered and turned red in the face. Get up. The director continued: "But, I hope you will pay more attention to punctuation marks when typing in the future." After hearing this, she happily agreed, and the punctuation marks in future documents were indeed more standardized.

If the director did not say this, but directly told her to pay special attention to punctuation marks, she would feel that she had been scolded by her boss today and feel very ashamed. She might have some feelings for this. It was unpleasant for several days. She may also want to defend herself, saying that she was very careful because there were errors or unclear areas in the manuscript, so she cannot bear full responsibility for the error. In this way, not only did the director's advice have no effect, but it might even cause some trouble.

So what kind of criticism can make your words sound honest? The following are some principles summarized by language masters over the years. I hope they can help you not only remind others of their mistakes, but also remind you of their mistakes when criticizing others. It will not make the other party unhappy, and it may even make the relationship with you more harmonious because they understand your criticism.

Principle 1: Sincerity. When criticizing others in good faith, it may be more effective to start with words like this, "I have made such mistakes before", "Maybe you don't understand what went wrong", etc. Sincerity is often the most impressive.

Principle 2: Moderation. It’s best to stop criticizing and let bygones be bygones. For example, say this: "Even if things don't happen, they will happen. The most important thing for us is to learn from it."

Principle 3: Understand the other party. Who wants to make mistakes? Especially when the person involved is already blaming themselves, they need the psychological support of others. Therefore, saying more like this is far more important than criticizing: "I think you may be feeling very uncomfortable right now." "Take some time, let's find a time to analyze the reasons for the mistake together, okay?" "I believe you will do it next time." It will be done.”

Principle 4: Don’t blame. Blaming will only plunge people into bad emotions, affecting their rationality and judgment. It's best not to say things like this again: "How many times have I told you?" "Why do you always make the same mistakes?" "I think you are really hopeless!"

Principle 5: Euphemistic hints. When faced with direct criticism, anyone's first inner reaction is to feel uncomfortable, because criticism is punishment. Hints are like the sugar coating on the outside of a bitter pill. Using implicit and euphemistic methods can achieve the ultimate goal of curing diseases and saving lives.

Principle 6: Distinguish the objects. When communicating with different people, you must say different things. What you say to elders is different from that of younger generations. Men and women cannot all be the same. They have different stances towards friends and opponents. They consider different issues towards family members and colleagues. Never confuse the character or say inappropriate words. Otherwise, not only will the effect of criticism be failed, but the harmony will be damaged. Many words themselves are not problematic, but when used in different situations and with different people, they may make big jokes.

For example, when a person with very low self-esteem makes a mistake, the appropriate comfort we give him will be worth a thousand words, because he has already blamed himself very much. For a person who loves face very much, if we criticize him at the same time, he will correct his mistakes in time. For a person who is convinced and unconvinced, we do not need to hold on to him. What is important is to look at his actions.

The crux of many communication errors is unclear roles.

If we do the above points well, then we can make others happily accept our criticism.