Free conversation before English class, within five minutes, the topic is better.

1. A Sunday school teacher is telling her students the importance of making others happy. "Now, children," she said, "have any of you ever made others happy?"

"Teacher," said a little boy, "I made someone happy yesterday."

"Well done. Who's that? "

"My grandmother."

"Good boy. Now tell us how you made your grandmother happy. "

"Please, teacher, I went to see her yesterday and stayed with her for three hours. Then I said to her,' Grandma, I'm going home', and she said,' Well, I'm very happy!' "

The teacher of a Sunday school (a children's class held by the Christian church on Sundays to instill religious ideas in children) is telling the students the importance of making others happy. "Now, children," she said, "have any of you ever made others happy?"

"I, teacher," said a little boy, "I made others happy yesterday."

"Well done, who is it?"

"My grandmother."

"Good boy. Now tell us how you make your grandmother happy. "

"Well, teacher. I went to see her yesterday and stayed with her for three hours. Then I said to her,' Grandma, I'm going home.' She said,' Oh, I'm glad!

2. Stan: I won 92 goldfish.

Fred: Where are you going to put them?

Stan: In the bathroom.

Fred: But what do you do when you want to take a bath?

Stan: blindfold them!

Stan: I won 92 goldfish.

Fred: Where do you want to put them?

Stan: The bathroom.

Fred: But what do you do when you want to take a bath?

Stan: blindfold them!

Postgraduates and undergraduates

discrepancy

differentiate

"I can always tell the difference between a graduate class and an undergraduate class," said the teacher who taught my graduate engineering class at California State University in Los Angeles. "When I say' good afternoon', college students will answer' good afternoon'. "But graduate students just write it down."

"It's easy to tell the difference between graduate classes and undergraduates," said the teacher who taught us graduate engineering at California State University in Los Angeles. "I said' good afternoon' and the undergraduates answered' good afternoon'. The graduate student wrote down what I said in the notebook. "

I'll take care of the rest. I'll handle the rest.

A conductor was about to signal the train to start when he saw a beautiful girl standing by an open door on the platform, talking to another beautiful girl in the carriage.

A conductor had just signaled the train to start when he saw a beautiful girl standing by an open carriage door on the platform, talking to another beautiful girl in the carriage.

"Come on, miss!" He shouted. "Please close the door!"

"Hurry up, Miss!" He shouted, "Please close the door."

"Oh, I just want to kiss my sister goodbye," she replied.

"Oh, I haven't kissed my sister goodbye yet." She replied.

"Please close the door," the guard shouted. "I'll take care of the rest."

"Please close the door," said the conductor. "I'll handle the rest."

Watch out for dogs! Watch out for dogs!

A stranger walked into a small country shop and noticed a warning sign, "Danger! Beware of dogs! " Stick it on the glass door. Inside, he noticed a harmless old hound sleeping on the floor next to the cash register. "Is that a dog that people should watch out for?" He asked the shopkeeper. "Yes, that's him," he replied. The stranger couldn't help being amused. "In my opinion, that certainly doesn't look like a dangerous dog. Why on earth did you put up that sign? " "Because," explained the shopkeeper, "people kept tripping over him before I put up that sign!"

A stranger walked into a small shop in his hometown and saw a sign posted on the glass door, which read: "Danger! Be careful of dogs! " After going in, he saw an old dog that didn't look fierce at all sleeping on the floor next to the cash register. "Is this the dog that everyone should pay attention to?" The stranger asked the shopkeeper. "Yes, that's him," replied the shopkeeper. Hearing this answer, the stranger felt very funny. "I don't think that dog is terrible at all. Why did you post that notice? " "Because," explained the shopkeeper, "everyone tripped over him before I put up the notice."

The effect is really good.

Tom has the problem of getting up late in the morning and is always late for work. His boss was angry with him and threatened to fire him if he didn't do something. So Tom went to see a doctor. The doctor gave him a pill and told him to take it before going to bed. Tom slept well. In fact, he woke up earlier than the alarm clock in the morning. He had a leisurely breakfast and drove happily to work.

"Boss," he said, "the pills really worked!"

"That's good," said the boss, "but where were you yesterday?"

Tom can't get up in the morning, so he is always late for work. His boss was very angry and warned him to fire him if he didn't improve. So Tom went to see a doctor. The doctor gave him a pill and told him to take it before going to bed. Tom did as the doctor said and slept well. In fact, he got up before the alarm clock rang in the morning. Tom had a leisurely breakfast and then drove happily to work.

"Boss," said Tom, "this medicine really worked. I slept well! "

"It worked," said the boss. "The question is, where were you yesterday?

Once upon a time, a stupid guy went to see a doctor.

"What's the matter with you?" asked the doctor.

"I have been broken!" , said the fool.

"What do you mean, broken capital?" The doctor was surprised.

Then, the fool pointed to his head and said, "Ouch! There is something wrong with my head. " After that, he pointed to his back and said, "Ouch, my back hurts." Then he touched his nose and said, "Ouch, my nose hurts" ...

The doctor thought for a moment and said, "There is something wrong with your finger."

Once upon a time, a fool went to see a doctor. The doctor asked him what was wrong. The fool said he was hurt all over. The doctor is confused. Then, the fool pointed to his head and said, "It hurts. I have a headache. " Then, someone pointed to his back and nose and said that he was injured.

The doctor thought for a moment and said, "Your finger hurts."

A man went to church and started talking to God. He said, "God, what is a million dollars to you?" God said, "a penny", and then the man said, "God, what is a million years to you?" God said, "One second", and then the man said, "God, can I have a penny?" God said "at once"

A man walks into a church and talks to God. He asked, "Lord, what does a million dollars mean to you?" God replied, "A penny." The man asked, "What about a million years?" God said, "One second." Finally, the man asked, "God, can I have a penny?" God replied, "Right away."

Four best friends met in the hospital because their wives were having a baby. The nurse came up to the first man and said, "Congratulations, you have twins." The man said, "It's strange that I'm the manager of the Minnesota Twins." After a while, the nurse came to the second man and said, "Congratulations, you gave birth to triplets." Men are like, "Well, strange, I'm the director of three musketeers." Finally, the nurse walked up to the third person and said

"Congratulations, you have twins x2." The man was very happy and said, "Ironically, I work for a hotel" for four seasons. "All three of them were happy until they saw their last partner jumping around, cursing God and banging his head against the wall. They asked him what happened, and he replied, "What happened? I work for 7-up!

Four good friends met in the hospital, and their wives were having a baby. The nurse came to the first man and said, "Congratulations, you gave birth to twins." The man said, "It's strange that I'm the manager of the Minnesota Twins." After a while, the nurse came to the second man and said, "Congratulations, you gave birth to triplets." Men like it very much: "Well, what a coincidence. I .. you got two pairs of twins. " The man said happily, "That's ridiculous. I work in the Four Seasons Hotel." All three of them were happy, but the fourth partner was as anxious as ants on hot bricks, cursing God and banging his head against the wall. They asked him what happened, and he replied, "What happened? I work in 7-up! "

Hehe, one is more efficient than the other.

Canadian Osama bin Laden and President Bush were walking in the street when they saw a golden lamp. They rubbed it, and an elf came out and said, "I will grant everyone one wish, three in all." The Canadian said, "I am a father and my son will be a farmer, so I hope the soil in Canada will be fertile forever." The elf said a spell and his wish came true. Osama looked surprised, so he wanted to build a wall around Afghanistan. The genie said a spell and his wish came true again. President Bush said, "Tell me more about this wall, Genie," and the Genie said, "It is 50 feet thick and 500 feet high, so nothing can get in and nothing can get out." President Bush said, "Wow! That's a bridge ... full of water! ! !

Osama bin Laden, Canadians and President Bush were walking down the street and saw a golden lamp. They wiped the lamp and an elf appeared. The genie said, "I want to grant each of you one wish, three in all." The Canadian said, "I am a father and my son will be a farmer, so I want to make the land in Canada fertile forever." The elf said a spell and his wish came true. Osama was surprised when he saw it. He wants a wall around Afghanistan. The genie said a spell and his wish came true again. President Bush asked, "Genie, please tell me about this wall." The genie replied, "The wall is 50 feet thick and 500 feet high, so nothing inside can get out and nothing outside can get in." President Bush said, "Wow! That's a bridge ... full of water! ! ! "

My child swallowed a bullet.

Young mother: "doctor, my baby swallowed a bullet." What should I do?

Doctor: "Don't let him point at anyone."

The young mother said, "doctor, my child swallowed a bullet." What should I do? "

The doctor said, "Don't let him point at anyone."

notes

1. Swallow a bullet.

Step 2 point: aim ...

allybaby

Once, two hunters went hunting in the forest. One of them suddenly fell down accidentally. He rolled his eyes and seemed to have stopped his fear. Another hunter quickly took out his mobile phone and called the emergency center for help. The operator said calmly, "First of all, you should make sure that he is dead." Then the operator heard a gunshot from the other end of the phone, and then he heard the hunter ask, "What should I do next?"

Two hunters went hunting in the forest. One of them accidentally fell down and his eyes turned white, as if he had stopped breathing. Another hunter quickly took out his mobile phone and dialed the emergency number. The operator said calmly, "The first step is to make sure that your friend is dead." So, the operator heard a gunshot on the phone, and then heard the hunter ask, "What's the second step?"

He won

Tommy: Johnny, how is your little brother? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.

Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?

Johnny: We played a game to see who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.

He won

Tom: Johnny, how is your little brother?

Johnny: He is ill in bed. He's hurt.

Tom: That's too bad. What happened?

Johnny: We played a game to see who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.

I have his ears in my pocket.

Ivan came home with a bloody nose. His mother asked, "What happened?"

"A child bit me," Ivan replied.

"Can you recognize him if you see him again?" His mother asked.

"I know where he is," Ivan said. "His ears are in my pocket."

His ear is in my pocket.

Ivan came home with a nosebleed. His mother asked, "What's the matter?"

"A boy bit me," Ivan said.

"Can you recognize him when you see him again?" Mom asked.

"I can recognize him wherever he goes," Ivan said. "His ears are still in my pocket."

A good boy.

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"

"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.

"You are a good boy," mother said proudly. "Give you two cents. But why are you so interested in that old woman? "

"She is a candy seller."

Good boy

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents.

"What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"

"I gave it to a poor old woman," he replied. "You are such a good boy," mother said proudly. "Give you two cents. But why are you so interested in that old lady? "

"She sells sweets."

drink

One day, a father and his little son came home. At this age, boys are interested in all kinds of things and always ask questions. Now, he asked, "Dad, what does the word' drunk' mean?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are two policemen standing there. If I think two policemen are four, then I am drunk. "

"But, Dad," said the boy, "there is only one policeman!"

Drunk

One day, the father came home with his youngest son. The child is at the age of being interested in everything and always has endless questions. He asked his father, "Dad, what does the word' drunk' mean?" "Well, son," the father replied, "Look, there are two policemen standing there. If I see that they are four, then I am drunk. " "But, Dad," said the child, "there is only one policeman there!"

treat cordially

The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest because there was no cheese in the apple pie she served. The little boy of this family quietly left the room and went to Amo. When he came back, he took a piece of cheese and put it on the guest's plate. The guest smiled, put the cheese in his mouth and said, "Son, your eyes are definitely better than your mother's. Where did you find the cheese? " "In the rat trap, sir," the boy replied.

Hospitality

The hostess apologized to the guests because there was no cheese at home when they ate apple pie. The little boy in this family left home quietly. After a while, he returned to his room with a piece of cheese and put it on the guest's plate. The guest smiled and put the cheese in his mouth and said, "Son, your eyes are just better than your mother's. Where did you find the cheese? " "On the mousetrap, sir." The little boy said.

English jokes

Last Friday, I wore an Adidas dress to play ball. An American saw it and laughed at me and said, "Really!

Do you know what this means? It means I dream about sex all day. I've been thinking about it all day

Sex, abbreviated as Adidas) "I'm surprised how he reacted so quickly. When Lenovo was so rich, he was there.

An American helped me out. He said that there is a famous Korn choir, and one of their signature songs is

A.D.I.D.A.S (Dreaming about sex all day) So, this story is familiar to many Americans.

Can be detailed! It's your turn to make fun of America next time.