100 a joke with a stomachache.

1, it is said that you can't have your cake and eat it, but God is too kind to me. I can be poor and ugly, and fat and short go hand in hand.

Girls often want to find a white horse, but when they open their eyes, they find that there are grey donkeys everywhere in the world.

I met a Jianghu elder brother the other day. My brother has a carp tattooed on each side of his calf. The colors are red and black. The fish head on the left is facing up and the fish head on the right is facing down. The shape is vigorous and the face is ferocious. This is terrible. At dinner, someone finally asked about the meaning of tattoos. Big Brother lit a cigarette and said, "I was born in March 1976, 15." We all pricked up our ears, waiting for the story that was doomed to bleed. Big brother smoked a cigarette and said, "I'm a Pisces."

Let me tell you the truth. If you are not my boyfriend, don't blame me for being your girlfriend.

5. Others look good when they smile, but you are different. You look funny.

Yesterday, my mother taught my brother to do his homework. My brother didn't think about it. He asked his mother all the questions. My mother was angry: "you can't do every question." Let me do it for you! " The younger brother said flatly, "No! Different handwriting will be discovered by the teacher! "

7. When I was a child, every time I walked at night, I always felt that someone was following me, so I developed the habit of turning around after a few steps. Ten years later, I became a tango teacher.

8. A buddy's wife bought a puppy and gave it to RMB all day. The buddy asked, wife, what are you doing? The wife replied, you will know when the time comes. A week later, my buddy asked me for a drink with a bitter face, saying that his wife had found out all his private money.

9. I have a dream, that is, to return to China with sunglasses and Lamborghini. After more than 20 years of hard work, I have done half of it, and I have sunglasses.

10. When I was a child, I saw my parents quarreling, and I often wondered whether I should get married when I grew up. It was not until I reached that age that I found out: I really think too much!

1 1, "When I drink, everyone can drink!" A man in the hotel is calling everyone together. He drained the whisky in his glass and shouted, "I want another glass." Everyone can have another drink. "So everyone had another drink with gratitude. The man drank the second glass of wine, took out a $2 bill from his pocket and slapped it on the counter. "When I pay the bill," he roared, "it's time for everyone to pay the bill! "

12, I heard that irregular rest is very harmful to my health, which scares me to stay up late every day and cook regularly.

13, I have two dreams, one is dreaming and the other is not waking up.

14, you opened a circle of friends at 8: 00 in the morning, now I open a circle of friends, and I open a circle of friends at night. People who can't get you will get your eyes.

15, go to the hospital and ask an expert if there is any way to lose weight without dieting or exercising. Experts say there is. I asked eagerly what it was. He said it was garlic. I thought it was wrong at first, but then I thought about it. That makes sense. Garlic can burn fat and promote metabolism. Experts say garlic can keep others away from you. The farther away, the smaller it looks.