An eloquent celebrity in history.

1. Old man

Ji Xiaolan worked in the Imperial Academy when he was the chief editor of Sikuquanshu. One day in midsummer, the weather was hot and dry, and Ji Xiaolan undressed and read the proofreading sample at his desk. When I looked up, I saw Emperor Qianlong coming towards this room, and I didn't have time to put on my clothes. I was afraid that it would be disrespectful to see the emperor like this, so I got into the case and pulled the curtain to hide.

Unexpectedly, Gan Long had already noticed Ji Xiaolan's move. He quietly walked into the room and signaled the panicked editors to calm down and work. Then strolled to the edge of Ji Xiaolan's book case and sat silently.

Ji Xiaolan cowered for a long time, listening to the elegant silence in the room, thinking that Qianlong had left, he lifted the curtain and poked his head out and asked, "Is the old man gone?"

when Qianlong heard this, he scolded, "Ji Xiaolan, you are so rude! What is an old man? Why do you call me old man? I can't tell you the reason to die immediately! "

The editors turned pale with fear. Ji Xiaolan rushed out and saluted Ganlong. "Isn't it old for the emperor to call it Long Live? The emperor is the head of state, isn't it the head? The emperor is the real dragon son of heaven, isn't it a son? Old man' is an abbreviation. "

Gan Long smiled and said, What an eloquent Ji Xiaolan! Get up! I pardon you for your innocence. "

2. Holding things

One year, Ji Xiaolan went on a tour of Jiangnan with Emperor Qianlong. When Qianlong saw a bamboo basket, he felt very fresh and asked Ji Xiaolan, "Ai Qing, what is this?"

"bamboo basket."

"what's the use of this thing?"

"hold something."

gan long was silent for a while and said, "why not call it shengnanbei?"

after a moment's reflection, Ji Xiaolan said, "Jiamu in the East and Geng Xin Jin in the West. This gold and wood can be put into a basket, so it is called holding things. However, if the fire basket in the south is to be burned, the water must be missed, so it can't be called Sheng North and South. "

gan long nodded with satisfaction.

3. Don't dare to plunge into the water

Once, Ji Xiaolan and Emperor Qianlong swam the Guluo River together. Qianlong saw that this was the place where Qu Yuan, a doctor of Chu, threw himself into the river to be martyred, and took the opportunity to give Ji Xiaolan a difficult problem.

gan long asked, "what should I do if you want me to die?"

Ji Xiaolan said brightly, "I will not hesitate to die.

"You are my loyal minister. How about I order you to throw yourself into the river and die immediately?"

"I got the order!"

Who knows, after Ji Xiaolan went to the bow and threw himself into the river, he didn't jump, but just talked to himself, and then he went back and knelt in front of Ganlong.

gan long asked, "since you are a loyal minister, why don't you obey orders?"

Ji Xiaolan replied, "I was drowning when Qu Yuan jumped out of the river and scolded me, saying,' Ji Xiaolan, you boy, are you going to be a sinner forever? I jumped into the river because the king of Chu was fatuous. Now that the emperor is wise and the country is prosperous, but you want to throw yourself into the river, who do you compare the British Lord to today?' The emperor calls me a loyal minister, how can I bully the false master? So I dare not throw water. "

when Qianlong heard this, he beamed and said," I'm joking with you. Get up! "

4. True Old Turtle

The Prime Minister celebrated his 8th birthday. In order to make a fortune, he sent invitations everywhere, including Ji Xiaolan. Ji Xiaolan was very dissatisfied with this behavior of the Prime Minister. On the day before his birthday, he sent someone to the Prime Minister's office to send a big red one with the words "true old turtle" written on it.

The prime minister was furious when he read it. The next day, he went to Ji Xiaolan and scolded him, "I didn't offend you. Why did you write to scold me and give me a hard time?"

Ji Xiaolan said calmly, "I didn't scold you! You are an old minister of the former dynasty, 8 years old, and you are' old'; From generation to generation, the black gauze covers the top, which is for' Wu'; Since ancient times, turtles and cranes are equally famous, and they are all symbols of a long life. What kind of person is Wei Wudi? He even praises the turtle as a turtle, celebrating the birthday of the old xiangguo, and taking this as a blessing, it is not false; The' turtle' is real and well-deserved. How do you say it is deliberately difficult for adults? "

The old prime minister had something to say about his sufferings, so he had to smile and say, "I was wrong about you. I'm really sorry! Thank you for your kindness! "

5. "Offending" Spring Festival couplets

One Spring Festival, Ji Xiaolan went home to visit his relatives. There was a family of three brothers in the village who asked him to write about me in spring to increase the festive atmosphere. Ji Xiaolan wrote cheerfully:

Shanglian: an earth-shattering portal;

bottom line: one of the best families.

horizontal criticism: act first, then act

This is a disaster. Someone accused him of cheating the monarch for "committing a crime". When Emperor Qianlong learned of this, he immediately called Ji Xiaolan back to Beijing to inquire.

Ji Xiaolan replied, "I wrote the Spring Festival couplets, and there is nothing wrong with it. The boss of this family sells firecrackers, isn't it an earth-shattering portal? The second child is in charge of fighting in the market. Isn't it one of the best families to scream all day long? The third is to kill pigs, isn't it first? "

Even and even

Once, Emperor Qianlong rewarded Ji Xiaolan with many gifts, including an exquisitely made sweater of ten arrows. The old mother-in-law loved it very much, and she looked at Ji Xiaogang in an arrow suit that night.

Seeing this scene, Ji Xiaolan took it upon himself to say,

My in-laws are too affectionate,

I'm going around my knees to see the sweater.

After seeing the dead of night,

...

Before Ji Xiaolan finished reading, the old mother-in-law was afraid that he would go wrong, and immediately said seriously, "How do you want to stay?"

Ji Xiaolan slips of the tongue, and can't find a suitable word at the moment, so he sings according to the law of flat and even: "Flat and even."

6. There is nothing below

Every time Ji Yun is on duty in the palace, the eunuch asks him to tell stories and tell jokes, otherwise he will not be allowed to go to work.

One day, a eunuch met Ji Yun on the road and insisted that he tell a story before he was released. Ji Yun repeatedly refused, but the eunuch refused. Ji Yun then deliberately thought hard for a while and said, "Yes, there is a person …" At this point, he suddenly kept silent and fixed his eyes on the eunuch.

When the eunuch saw that he stopped talking, he urged: What else is under this man? "

Ji Yun said," There is nothing below. "

It took the eunuch a long time to realize that he had been mocked by Ji Yun, so he laughed and left.

7, the vertical is a dog

When Ji Xiaolan was an assistant minister, he was once invited to visit a Shang Shu's house. At the banquet, there was also an suggestion. Three people talk over a drink, very carefree.

After three rounds of drinking, a dog suddenly passed by the kitchen. The suggestion wanted to make fun of Ji Xiaolan, pretended not to know him, and asked, "Is it a wolf or a dog?"

Ji Xiaolan heard the implication that he was mocking himself that "assistant minister (the homonym of' wolf') is a dog" and immediately blurted out: "It's a dog."

Shang Shu also deliberately asked, "How do you know? .

Ji Xiaolan replied, "There are two differences between a dog and a wolf: one is that the tail is up and down, the drooping is a wolf, and the vertical is a dog. The second is to distinguish by what you eat. Wolves don't eat meat, while dogs eat meat and shit. "

Ji Xiaolan homophones Shang Shu and Yu Shi with "Shang Shu" and "Yu Shi" to make fun of Shang Shu and Yu Shi.

Shangshu and Yushi laughed.

8. Add a Tathagata to the West Zhu State

On this day, Ji Xiaolan was reading in his study. A servant handed in a business card and said, "There is Liu Chaoyu, the prefect of Hengyang, outside the door to see your Excellency."

Ji Xiaolan invited the guests in and asked, "Have you finished all your business?"

Liu Chaoyu leaned over and replied, "I have finished my official business and will leave for Hunan tomorrow. I ask for an audience today. One is to say goodbye, and the other is to ask your Excellency to give me Mo Bao. "

It turns out that there is a Nanyue Temple on Hengshan Mountain in Nanyue, and the monk in charge has recently died. This place is under the jurisdiction of Hengyang Prefecture. Liu Taishou went back to attend the memorial ceremony this time and asked Ji Xiaolan to make a pair.

Ji Xiaolan agreed at once, spread out the paper and wrote down seven big characters:

A monk died in Nanyue Temple

Liu Taishou shivered in his heart: Isn't Master Ji speaking in words? Why is the vernacular coming up? Wouldn't it be a joke to take it back and hang it? "But I still can't say.

It happened that Ji Xiaolan asked again, "What do you think?"

"This ..." Liu Chaoyu is really hard to answer.

Ji Xiaolan smiled, and then wrote seven big characters:

Xi Zhuguo added a Tathagata

Liu Taishou hurriedly piled up a smile on his face and clapped his hands again and again to say goodbye.

9. Changing Poetry into Ci

One day, Qianlong sent someone to call Ji Xiaolan and asked him to write a folding fan noodle for himself.

Ji Xiaolan did not dare to refuse, so he wrote a poem "Liangzhou Ci" by Wang Zhihuan, a poet in the Tang Dynasty:

The Yellow River is far above the white clouds, and

Wan Ren Mountain is a lonely city.

Why should Qiangdi blame the willow?

Spring breeze doesn't pass Yumenguan.

After Ji Xiaolan finished writing, Gan Long took it over and said with a calm face, "I lost a word' between'."

when Ji Xiaolan saw it, he felt that something was wrong. He made a mistake in his busy work and even wrote down the word "between", which is punishable according to the law. But Ji Xiaolan, who was quick-witted, quickly calmed down and said to Gan Long, "There is no missing word, this is a word."

"a word?" Ganlong said in surprise, "read it."

Ji Xiaolan took his time and read the new words in this poem: "The Yellow River is far away, and there are white clouds. Wan Ren Mountain, an isolated city; Why complain about Qiangdi? Willow spring breeze, not Yumenguan. "

when gan long heard this, he laughed and said, "very clever, good sophistry."

1. It's just a glutton.

One day, Qianlong gave a banquet to the minister. Ministers had a good time eating and drinking. At this time, Emperor Qianlong, who was a little arrogant, became very poetic again. He went out to me and said, "The Jade Emperor is marching in the army, and the wind, knives, rain and arrows are thundering and thundering."

Emperor Qianlong asked the officials to answer correctly, but no one stood up to me. Ganlong refers to Ji Xiaolan. Correct.

On reflection, Ji Xiaolan made a couplet: "The Dragon King gave a banquet, and the sun, the moon, the mountains, the food, the sea and the wine served as dishes."

the ministers cheered. Emperor Keganlong felt very uncomfortable after hearing this. He had an irate look on his face and hesitated for a long time. Everyone felt the seriousness of the problem, and all of them were worried about Ji Xiaolan.

knowing that he had offended the emperor, Ji Xiaolan went on to say, "God is the son of heaven, so the wind, rain, clouds and thunder are all under your command, which is a great shock to the world; I hope that the days, the months, the mountains and the sea can all be in the banquet. It can be seen that the holy one is a great power, and I am just a glutton. "

Ji Xiaolan deliberately raised Qianlong and belittled his excuses, which immediately delighted Qianlong. He quickly praised Ji Xiaolan and said, "Although you have a good appetite, if you don't have thousands of books in your chest, how can you have such a big belly?"