How much is the wedding gift in Xinghua, Jiangsu?

Text/Liu Chengyin Betrothal gift is one of the wedding procedures in ancient China, also known as engagement gift, betrothal gift, betrothal gift, etc. Some time after the founding of New China, it was once abolished, but it still persists among the people. After all, thousands of years of customs are difficult to change. In Taizhou area, there are three steps to get married. The first step is to visit relatives (blind date). The girl's relatives and family come to the boy's house to get to know each other. It is nothing more than a meal. There is no need for betrothal gifts. The boy can at most bring some small gifts to the girl to share. The second is the engagement, which is held at the man's house. On that day, the "engagement contract" is written, which is later called the "letter of freedom." The woman has to charge the engagement fee, which is agreed upon by both parties in advance; Send them over, and take some of them with you when you welcome the bride. In recent years, there has been a trend of getting engaged and getting married at the same time, cutting out the complicated and simplifying it, which is called "cooking it with a shovel." There is also a way to recruit a son-in-law, which does not require a bride price from the man, and there are very few weddings (at least I have never seen one) ), the man comes to stay at the woman's house in advance, and the woman holds a banquet on the "good day". However, with the implementation of family planning, there have been more one-child families. It has become common for a girl’s parents to treat their son-in-law as a son, and a man’s parents to treat their daughter-in-law as a daughter. This may be a sign of social progress. In the old days, if a man had more brothers, he would ask for more betrothal gifts. The reason was because he was worried that if his daughter got married, the property of his father-in-law and mother-in-law would be unevenly distributed among his sons, so he would earn a share for his daughter first. property. If the man is an only child, it is easier to say that all the property earned by the father-in-law and mother-in-law belongs to the daughter and son-in-law. In the Taizhou area, there is a saying that Xinghua people pay heavy betrothal gifts and have many etiquettes. In fact, this is only a one-sided view. Every family is different, there are many, some have few, and some even do not accept betrothal gifts. The author has stayed in Xinghua for two years and attended several local weddings. The overall impression is two words: lively. But I always feel that Xinghua people are more competitive than people in other places, and their love of face may be a custom left over from generations. The betrothal gift in Xinghua is probably like this. When getting engaged, add "three gold" or "five gold" to the "gift". A few days ago, I attended a wedding of Wenyou's son. The man and woman were both from Xinghua. The engagement fee is 10,000 yuan, plus an additional 30,000 yuan (give the money to the woman and let her buy it by herself); the wedding fee is 10,000 yuan, and the man will host a banquet and wedding. The woman offered a dowry of RMB 50,000 and a car at the bottom of the box, while the man offered double the dowry, that is, RMB 100,000. The author made a rough calculation and found that the marriage cost the groom's parents about 400,000 yuan. Including house purchase, decoration, and miscellaneous expenses, it cost nearly 1 million. Fortunately, the old guy has the strength. If he were in an ordinary rural family, he would probably Going into debt. In Taixing area, the three-step "music" of marriage is also played, which is the same as in Xinghua. The same is true for Jiangyan, and so is Jingjiang, which was influenced by Wu culture. However, the betrothal gifts in Taixing are indeed much less than those in Xinghua, and those in Dongxiang are even less than those in Xixiang. Taixing people pay much more dowry when they get engaged than when they get married, which is contrary to Xinghua. Often when you get engaged, you ask for 100,000 to 80,000 yuan, but when you get married, it may be more interesting. Taixing people pay great attention to the "gift burden" when they get married. In the past, a matchmaker would pick up the gift burden. They would use two baskets tied with red ropes and a mulberry wood pole placed on their shoulders to swing it up. Fish, snacks, cigarettes, and wedding candies are essential in the gift burden. There are some key gifts in the gift burden, which cannot be careless, such as: there must be two pig hind legs. When the gift burden is picked up by the woman, the woman keeps one and returns the other to the man. This is called "foot to foot", which means that both parties have to move around frequently after getting married. There was a joke once. Since the woman was not from Taixing, she conveniently took away the two pig legs, which made the man a little unhappy. It seemed that the woman did not welcome her in-laws to visit her. In fact, after getting married, it is the daughter and son-in-law who move back and forth, while the adults rarely move around. In the words of Taizhou people, it is called "the relationship becomes closer". In my hometown, making the bed is an important step on the wedding day. The concierge, a highly respected elder, or the groom's sister-in-law should be asked to make the bed to ensure the couple's happiness after marriage. Of course, those who make the bed will also get happy money. The happy money is not much, but it is of great significance.

People who make the bed have a saying in their mouth, which is called "talking about pigeons": I sweep the bed with my left hand to give birth to a precious son, and sweep the bed with my right hand to give birth to a phoenix. Golden flowers bloom on the phoenix's head, and glory and wealth come to my house; one round to the east, one round to the west, the bride and groom are happy people; The edges of the quilt are pressed together to indicate that the bride and groom will give birth to a baby; the corners of the quilt are pressed together to indicate that the parents-in-law will hold the baby in the coming year. In the Taizhou area, the third day of marriage is the day when the daughter returns home with her son-in-law, and it is also the day for "bloodletting" of the father-in-law and mother-in-law. . Men often prepare casual gifts. Gifts are not about expensiveness, but about heart, affection, sincerity and heart. They represent blessings to relatives and friends and express concern for them. The random gifts are for each family. The girl's parents, grandparents, uncles and aunts, etc. all need to bring "home gifts". The gift packs include tea, food, drinks, cigarettes, etc. The blood of the elders was about to be sacrificed. The groom came to the house for the first time after his official marriage. The red envelopes floated like snowflakes, ranging from a thousand to tens of thousands. However, the elders were happy to give them. Of course, when getting married, the woman also needs to accompany her with gifts. There is still a saying: "If you have money, you will accompany your son and daughter, but if you have no money, you will sell your son or daughter." The amount of accompanying gifts depends on the woman's family strength and social status. Those who have no money will use up all the bride price, while those who are rich will use the gift money, which does not count, and a large amount will have to be paid. For example: In many married families nowadays, when buying a house, the woman pays the down payment, and the man decorates it and organizes the wedding. This is only possible if the woman's financial conditions permit, and not every family can achieve this. But I absolutely believe that the woman will not use the gift money as her own, otherwise her reputation will be ruined if word spreads. The bride price in one's hometown is not a symbol of marriage. In the 1980s and 1990s, there was a period of popular marriage buying and selling, which was sold by women from Yunnan, Guizhou, and Sichuan. The buyers were all poor families who could not find daughters-in-law, and the price was 20,000, 30, 300, 300, 50,000, Even ten thousand or twenty thousand can buy a young woman. These brides who have been bought often run away secretly a few months or even a few days after the wedding. Across the river from my house, I bought a woman from Guangxi. The child was five or six years old and eventually ran away. Fortunately, she left the man with a wife. The bride price in my hometown is different. It is taken from the man and used for the man, which is incompatible with commercial marriage. In the old days, people in Taixing, Jingjiang, Xinghua, and Jiangyan all had rules for marrying off girls. You might as well discuss this. People in Taixing married girls, but those who had few ginkgo trees at home did not marry. At that time, ginkgo trees were considered a source of wealth, and it was normal for a tree to earn an annual income of 10,000 yuan. People in Xinghua did not marry girls in the north, as the further north they went, the poorer they became; in Jingjiang, girls married in Going south, the Jingjiang people consider themselves of noble blood, and those who speak the Wu dialect think that the old sows they raise have double eyelids; the Jiangyan people marry their daughters and take care of the family property, and it is best if they have money, but don't bother if they don't have money. actually. This is because they dislike the poor and love the rich, for fear that their daughter will marry off and live in poverty. Now, this phenomenon is gone forever, and men and women can just make eye contact. However, betrothal gifts are still required when getting married, and the matchmaker is just a formality. With the development of society and the progress of the times, the wedding customs of people in the hometown have changed a lot and become simpler and simpler. Some rules inherited from ancestors have also been eliminated, such as the "ritual burden" in the hometown. However, I believe that betrothal gifts will definitely exist in China, because people in my hometown are rich and have no shortage of money.