Personal humorous quotes

1. Whoever loves what I can’t get will want it...

2. Women should remember that the final destination of Youlemei is the trash can.

3. When you go to work, you must carry forward the spirit of a dead pig who is not afraid of boiling water.

4. If you have the power to show off to me, I have the power to kill you.

5. Although I can’t do my best. But I try my hardest!

6. Learn to be strong from failure and learn to be optimistic from failure

7. What is over is over, the important thing is to be happy.

8. You must sell yourself 100%.

9. It is things that fail, not people.

10. What do we have to be afraid of? When we come to this world, we have no intention of going back alive!

11. Don’t blame your brother for not being human, just blame your sister-in-law for being too charming.

12. Sisters are like brothers and sisters, and men are like clothes. If anyone touches my sister, I will tear off his clothes.

13. I want to give you the whole universe, you just need to give me the whole world.

14. If you don’t chase it, you will never have it. If you don’t move forward, you will always stay where you are.

15. No matter it is sunny or cloudy, you must remember to give yourself a beautiful smile.

16. I will greet every enemy with a smile.

17. When you are embraced by failure, success may be waiting to kiss you.

18. As long as we try our best, everyone can become our own hero.

19. I really love you very much, and it will not change in a hundred centuries.

20. Since I can’t get into your eyes, let you leave my heart.

21. Being beautiful is your advantage, and living a beautiful life is my ability.

22. If you just like it, why exaggerate it into love.

23. No matter how wide or far the road is, it is safe as long as you hold it.

24. Even if I can’t see you, my heart won’t hurt.

25. Walking with time is unforgettable.

26. I can only love you for a lifetime, but I cannot love you for a while.

27. A wise man will lose something in every thought, and a fool will gain something in every thought.

28. If you get his love, be sad instead of happy.

29. No one gets tired of drinking water because of its blandness, so don’t give up on life because of its blandness.

30. If you have yourself, you will not be influenced by others at will.

31. Love yourself more than anyone else can love you.

32. Choice is more important than effort, attitude is more important than ability, and stance is more important than strength!

33. People who don’t want you to be alone will always let you do whatever you want.

34. A sincere heart can enable us to live with a clear conscience.

35. When the tears run away, what remains should be strength.

36. In life, there is no eternal pain. No matter how deep the pain is, the wound will always heal when it is cut.

37. Don’t doubt my heart that I love you.

38. From today on, be a difficult person to get along with, and have fun humiliating the people you hate, and speak words of love to the people you like openly and honestly. I would rather live a few years shorter, and just want to be happy.

39. For a domineering, gentle, and ambitious young man like me, what reason do you have for not staying by my side?

40. I always don't understand your expression. Even when you are smiling, I feel very sad.

41. A simple life is not a gorgeous adventure.

42. I will never repeat the words I have said, never redo the wrong things I have done, and never re-love the people I have loved.

43. If you love me, life will be lovely everywhere.

44. If you can’t fly, then run.

45. Doubt is doomed to break up, and relationships cannot be guessed.

46. It’s either too late or too early to meet again.

47. If you can’t fight her away or scold her, this is what the fuck is love.

48. If you like me, don’t tell me anything unrealistic. If you don’t like me, you can leave.

49. Strong confidence can enable ordinary people to do amazing things.

50. Make friends with sincerity and parents with filial piety. Classic humorous quotations

1. Cigarette in the left hand, wine in the right hand, enjoy loneliness!

2. Once you learn how to break the jar, you will find that the world suddenly becomes brighter.

3. I feel so unfortunate that the world is so big and I can know you.

4. Shutting up for one minute can save you an hour of explanations.

5. How do you, who are in heat, and me, who are ruthless, face this ruthless world?

6. I dedicated my best years to compulsory education.

7. My principle is: I will not offend others unless they offend me; if they offend me, I will get angry!

8. Are you tired? Just be tired, comfort is reserved for the dead.

9. Girl, your bed is always busy with people coming and going.

10. If one day I go down. Remember, I'm coming for you.

11. Since the space music was replaced by anxiety, I have found that there are fewer and fewer people running the hall.

12. Your appearance has seriously affected my life.

13. Do you think it is more handsome horizontally or vertically? Brother can help you!

14. The biggest tragedy in the world is that the radiation did not come, but you were killed by the salt.

15. I would rather have deep sorrow than superficial happiness.

16. Don’t say sorry to me, because we have nothing to do with each other.

17. Closing my eyes, I saw my future

18. Love is sometimes like the feeling of being drunk. The mind is obviously sober, but the behavior is out of control.

19. When you are sad, eat a candy and tell yourself that life is sweet!

20. Every lie I tell you is true

21. In order to figure out why I had insomnia yesterday, today, I have insomnia again

22. You are calm because you are not afraid of death. I am calmer than you because I am not afraid of your death.

23. Don’t always look as depressed as constipation!

24. Whenever I find that I have done something wrong, I will hit others on the head with a brick

25. Life is like a bowl of noodles, it depends on whether it tastes good or not. How do you add condiments?

26. Life is like a climax. When you are unable to resist, it is better to close your eyes and enjoy it.

27. The food in the canteen is terrible, but after eating the food made by my wife, I decided to continue eating in the canteen!

28. My current dreams determine my future, so I’d better sleep a little longer.

29. If you want to gain, you have to pay. If you want to win 5 million, you have to spend 2 yuan.

30. Don’t ask me to keep saying I love you. If you want to listen, find a repeater.

31. The most charming person is Master Kong. Thousands of people follow him every day.

32. Half of life is misfortune, the other half is how to deal with misfortune.

33. Your advantage is that you are useless at critical times.

34. Life cannot be like cooking, you have to prepare all the ingredients before cooking.

35. The so-called love words mean that you say something that you don’t even believe, but you hope that the other person will believe it.

36. I bought an egg but accidentally broke it. I know that this egg and I are destined to be together.

37. How many children have been harmed by exams, and how many honest children have learned to cheat?

38. In fact, one day of class is short, and it passes as soon as the computer is turned on and off.

39. Women have two mouths, one mouth tells right and wrong, and the other mouth can eat people.

40. After today, don’t meet again. I’m afraid to wake up and beat you several times every day.

41. God, give me the strength to do my homework!

42. I don’t really want to eat, but my mouth wants to move.

43. Love is like a play, and I want to play a never-ending play with you.

44. Yes, we are all following the rolling of the earth, rolling further and further away.

45. Secret love is a pantomime, but speaking out is a tragedy! Humorous Quotations about Weight Loss

1.50 years from now, show your grandson your slightly yellowed wedding dress: back then, grandma’s waist was only like this!

2. I think we should all star in a movie called "Those Years, We Girls Who Couldn't Lose Weight"...

3. I originally planned to lose weight this year It turned into a bolt of lightning and blinded your eyes. Unexpectedly, it turned into a wall of nuts and blocked your sight.

4. Don’t wear a green down jacket, it looks like a watermelon, and don’t wear a red one, it looks like a tomato. Don't even wear yellow, it looks like grapefruit. Don't wear white, it looks like cabbage. Don't wear black, it will look like a bear. Don't wear beige either, it will look like a potato. Even if he wears nothing, he still looks like a meat bun.

5. Don’t worry about sprained feet when wearing high heels.

6. Try tying three or five sandbags on your legs. How does it feel to go shopping with a heavy load?

7. I just want to play in the water, how can I get stuck in the swimming ring?

8. Don’t go to men’s clothing stores to find “women’s clothing” that suits you.

9. Thanks to me being fat, I can squeeze my belly when I’m sad.

10. Obesity is not good for the health of future babies.

11. Many people interpret "Being generous" means "Being generous".

12. When squeezing on the bus or subway, you can do it with ease.

13. When you lead the guest to the sofa, you will not judge him or her because of the two big holes on it.

14. There are two children playing hide-and-seek with you!

15. Scientists say that the more overweight you are, the shorter your life span will be!

16. When going on a romantic outing, you won’t wear the back strap of your boyfriend’s bicycle flat.

17. Every major weight loss at a turning point in life has an ulterior purpose.

18. Those who say I don’t need to lose weight are bad people.

19. It is an anecdote that Pavarotti crushed the piano bench to collapse, but when he was a guest at a friend's house, he crushed the chair to pieces - but it is a joke.

20. The Fat Kid’s Song of Youth is really an adventure story of a meat bun.

21. Of course, fat people can still be confident, but if you are worried about your weight and can't let go, then you'd better lose weight.

22. A fat man’s life is like a measuring cylinder, destined to be measured throughout his life.

23. The three most beautiful words in the world are not "I love you", but "You have lost weight".

24. Although I am a fan of Real Madrid, I still have to draw a clear line with Ronaldo!

25. People who didn’t dislike me when I was fat, I will definitely repay you when I lose weight.

26. When you go shopping with your boyfriend in the summer, he won’t always want to walk behind you to enjoy the shade.

27. Smoking already requires you to pay more in premiums. Who dares to say that in twenty years there will not be regulations: when buying life insurance, you will have to pay more because it is very important?

28. When I was learning to swim, no matter how hard I tried my limbs, I was still floating on the water. I was so angry that I wanted to throw myself into the river, but found that I still couldn’t sink...

29. You know, right It is very embarrassing for the sales girl to say "Are there any extra-large clothes?" But "the clothes here are too fat" can be said with confidence.

30. When a man walks towards you, he turns around and turns his head - out of admiration rather than out of curiosity.

31. When taking a hot air balloon ride in some places, the weighing staff will write your weight on the back of their hand! ! !

32. Intimate contact on the beach is originally a romantic thing, but it is another matter if you have to dig the other person out of the sand in the end.

33. Find a job you like and won’t be rejected because of your body shape.

34. Prove your ability: you can do this thing, and you can’t do anything else!

35. If you live on the 14th floor and notice a three-day maintenance notice posted on the elevator door, you will not have the idea of ??hiding in a friend's house.

36. Sitting in the small tables and chairs in the bar, you will not feel like playing bumper cars with the people around you. Humorous quotes about life

1) The characteristic of false Taoism can be said to be shamelessness and preference for face.

2) If you eat an egg and find it delicious, why do you need to know the hen that laid the egg? Mao Zedong's Quotations

3) History should be like what Luo Gao said: sharpen the bayonet as a pen, dip it in blood as ink, and write on the enemy's skin as paper.

4) Many women smile so sweetly, but their smiles are just a soft exercise of facial muscles, as if a coach is shouting the command: "One!" Suddenly their faces are full of smiles, "Two!" Suddenly they are smiling. I don't know where I'm going, I just have an empty face.

5) A husband is a woman’s occupation. Without a husband, she is unemployed. Talk about mood phrases

6) Thoughts are silent language.

7) Smile can indeed be said to be the electric light on a human face, the eyes suddenly become brighter, and the teeth flash between the lips.

8) Beating a dog depends on the owner, so beating a cat depends on the housewife.

9) There are many scenes in the world that can only be seen with closed eyes, such as dreams.

10) Prejudice can be said to be a holiday of thought. It is not the daily use of the unthinking, but the Sunday entertainment of the thinking.

11) With doors, we can go out; with windows, we don’t have to go out.

12) People outside the city want to rush in, and people in the city want to escape.

13) Most knowledge is a matter of discussion and cultivation by two or three honest people in an old house in the wilderness. What is revealed in the market will become common knowledge.

14) Sleep, the most primitive form of life, is also a sample of death. Han Han

15) China is the country that promotes science the most in the world. No other country is willing to give scientists the job of officialdom. When foreign countries make scientific progress, Chinese scientists become nobles.

16) We don’t know whether pigs can be as happy as humans; but we often see humans as easily satisfied as pigs. Funny sentences

17) The meaning of a sentence in the listener's heart is often like a strange cat coming into the house, making no sound at all. You don't notice it until it makes a "wonderful" cry. existence.

18) We hope it comes, hope it stays, hope it comes again - these three sentences sum up the entire history of human endeavor. Humorous and hilarious quotes

1 I asked him: Husband, do you think I am ugly? I thought my husband would say: My baby is not ugly at all. After taking a look at it, I dropped two words: I don’t mind...

2 In the hospital, the doctor said to my husband, there is nothing wrong with your wife’s health. When you get home, follow her in everything and try not to If you quarrel with her, try to satisfy her if she asks for anything. It is best to take her out for travel twice a year to keep her in good spirits and she will get better soon. The husband came home and said to his wife: Wife, the doctor said your disease is incurable. .

3 Today I saw an old lady falling down on the street. I ran over to help the old lady up, but it looked like she was about to fall down again. I thought they were trying to extort my money, so I acted decisively. I fell to the ground first, twitching on the ground and foaming at the mouth. The old lady was stunned for a moment. I twitched and squirmed, and I probably squirmed to two meters away. I got up, patted the dust and left. The old lady was still in a daze.

4 At ten o'clock in the evening, my wife who was on a business trip out of town called me.

Here’s the conversation! Wife: Where are you? Me: At home! Wife: Are you really at home? Not out fooling around? Me: Are you sick again? Where am I when I'm not at home? Wife: Okay, then go to the middle door of the refrigerator and see what’s in the third compartment... I went to take a look and there was a photo of us. Told her. Wife: Well, you are at home, go to bed early…………

5 I met a class beauty whom I haven’t seen for many years on the street. She asked me what I have been busy with recently. I answered truthfully: I have been very busy these two days. Yesterday I placed an order with PetroChina, today I signed a contract with China Telecom, and tomorrow I will discuss a tripartite cooperation plan with China Unicom and Apple. My wife kicked me from behind and yelled: "Put on gas, install a broadband, buy a mobile phone, what are you going to do?" ...What's the matter? ...what

6 In the public toilet, I suddenly heard someone talking in the toilet, "Friend, do you have any toilet paper?" I rummaged through my pockets, "Sorry, no." After a few seconds, the person Then he asked: "Friend, do you have a small piece of newspaper?" I smiled helplessly, "Sorry, no, I just came to pee." After a few seconds, a 10 yuan note was slipped out from the crack of the toilet door, " Friend, can you break it into 10 pieces of 1 yuan?" Then I gave him 10 coins.

7 One day my brother said that he wanted to introduce a beautiful girl to me. I dressed up at home for an hour and made an appointment with the girl in a cafe. She was a top beauty. Suddenly Stephen Chow got on top and tried his best to amuse the girl. He treated the girl in all kinds of ways. I was grateful and wanted to develop further. The old man showed up without knowing the current affairs. He sat upright next to the girl and hugged her. He kissed her loudly on the face in public and said, "We all know each other, your sister-in-law, isn't she beautiful?" . . I cried. This is my brother. Is there anyone who can deceive people like this?

8 I went to the supermarket to buy things and found that the girl at the cashier was very cute. So I wanted to strike up a conversation... I thought of an advertisement... So I took a piece of chocolate and deliberately left the chocolate there after I paid for it... I expected MM to say: "Your chocolate" and then I would say: "It's your chocolate..."... But... MM After realizing that I forgot to take the chocolate, I put the chocolate into my pocket in a gorgeous way...ignoring me!

9 In a certain health program, experts said: If your poop is too smelly, there may be something wrong with your intestines. So some viewers asked: Why does shit smell good? The expert thought for a while and said firmly: There is something wrong with your nose!

10 The grandmother of the person I have a crush on died yesterday. She posted a message saying that she was so sad. I wanted to send her a comment to comfort her and express my concern, but* Ma accidentally clicked "Like" with shaking hands, and instantly felt that all the words in the world were meaningless.

11 A county magistrate was fired and became so angry that he became a vegetative state. He was sent to the hospital. After diagnosis, the doctor said that it might be better to read him a notice of reinstatement. My wife thought; since she wants to recite it, she might as well recite it to the director to make him happy. Unexpectedly, the county magistrate stood up and burst out laughing. The doctor sighs: If you don’t follow the doctor’s advice and increase the dose without authorization, you will be responsible for the consequences!

12 When I was eating in a restaurant, there was only a young man at the table next to me. He hadn’t used his chopsticks for half an hour after his food was served. The waiter was confused and asked: "You are staring at this dish. "It's been a long time, why don't you eat it?" The young man replied: "This dish is too salty, I'll take it lightly...be lighter...be lighter..."

13 Go shopping with the second-rate classmates The headset~ After putting it on, the idiot took it off, looked at the capital L on the left side of the headset, and said to the boss: The L is too big! Give me another M one! ! LZ immediately turned around and left, saying that he didn't know him...

14 On the day of the freshman report - as soon as I opened the dormitory door, the father of a roommate took the luggage from my hand and held me The hand said: "Come to see the child off? Big brother."——This is the eternal pain in my heart. A collection of humorous and personalized mood sentences

1. You look infertile!

2. People are afraid of being famous and pigs are afraid of being strong. Men are afraid of being poor and women are afraid of being fat.

3. When you smile, the wolf hangs himself. When you scream, the chickens and dogs will jump. As soon as you stand, the stench fills the air, and as soon as you take a look, the world is shaken. You sweat and the lice suffer. If you don't dress up, you're uglier than a ghost. When you dress up, ghosts will paralyze you.

4. Being humble is a universal truth, and you and I are just one of them

5. There is a beast that looks a lot like you.

6. I feel like you are like two pigs, because one pig cannot describe your stupidity.

7. If anyone messes with me, I will change my avatar to his picture and log on and off the line frequently! Curse him to death!

8. If you don’t show off your power, you think I’m DOS!

9. Problems that money can solve are not problems.

10. Before I met you, my world was black and white. After meeting you, wow, it was all black.

11. I curse you for buying instant noodles without seasoning packets for the rest of your life.

12. Apart from teeth, there is also love that is difficult to extricate oneself from in the world.

13. Being online and being invisible these days are the same - no one will chat with you.

14. No matter now or in the future, just let nature take its course.

15. We had a little disagreement: she wanted me to turn dirt into gold, and I wanted her to treat gold like dirt.

16. If the fire truck doesn’t come, the fire will be extinguished.

17. A lifetime of gentleness, only a red smile.

18. Coax a woman like hanging up on QQ, at least two hours a day, and after a certain number of days, you can be in the sun

19. The advice in the story, get out of the mud but not The secret of dyeing.

20. The accountant said: Come and collect your salary later. I don’t have any change. Garfield's humorous quotes

1. The ball shape is also the body shape.

2. Never leave what you can eat today for tomorrow.

3. Garfield was definitely not born for pork rolls, but pork rolls were certainly born for Garfield.

4. Work is so interesting! Especially watching other people work.

5. Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.

6. The trouble with chocolate is: when you eat it, it’s gone.

7. If you want to appear smart, surround yourself with fools.

8. Smart people are all unmarried, and it is difficult for married people to become smart again.

9. No, fruit cake! It's one of the three things I don't eat. The other two items are raisins and snails.

10. God has decided who your relatives are. Fortunately, He has left you some room in choosing your friends.

11. There are many things in this world that are more important than money, such as pasta.

12. Having a big belly is not scary. The scary thing is that there is no good stuff in the belly.

13. Hard work will not lead to death! But I won’t prove it myself.

14. There is one thing about laziness that is particularly attractive, that is, it doesn’t require learning.

15. Love your neighbor with all your heart, but don’t let her husband know.

16. Love is like a photo, it requires a lot of darkroom time to cultivate.

17. I don’t watch TV every time after eating. Sometimes I watch TV while eating. Some changes in my life will increase the fun.

18. What is yours is always yours, and what others give will be taken away by others.

19. Why do people always want us to eat mice? This mouse may be the mother of a group of children, or it may be the teacher of the mouse classroom...

20. Oh? Eat mice? If the world already has pasta, why eat mice?

21. Odie was shivering with cold outside the window. He was so pitiful. I really couldn’t bear to see him like this. No, can I just sit back and do nothing? I have to do something - Garfield closed the curtains.

22. Odie, let’s go eat ice cream, but you have to watch me eat it.

23. The more you learn, the more you know; the more you know, the more you forget; the more you forget, the less you know; why do you learn?

24. You can let the kitten leave the meatloaf, but you cannot let the meatloaf leave the kitten.

25. Save water and try to take a shower with your girlfriend.

26. The characteristic of a failed person is that he will continue to fail. If you want to see his failure, he will not let you down.

27. With spaghetti, who would eat mice?

28. You can scratch my fur, insult my mother, beat my dog, and play with my rubber mouse, but you are not allowed to eat my food or sleep in my bed!

29. I had a good sleep, 16 hours. I like to take short naps.

30. My weight is my own business.

31. There is nothing more comfortable than reading a newspaper while drinking steaming coffee. It would be better if I could understand it.

32. I am fat and lazy—but I am proud!

33. If you can't defeat your enemies, join them.

34. Jon, take me to the vet! I have a problem with insomnia. Every 12 or 13 hours, I wake up.

35. The cutest thing is a small table with pork rolls.

36. God has decided who your relatives are. Fortunately, He has left you leeway in choosing your friends.

37. If you don’t want to give someone something to eat, you have to make it think about something.

38. Love comes and goes quickly, only pork rolls are eternal.

39. Why do people like teddy bears? This is because of their personality. They will not eat your food, dance with the girl you ask for, or steal your limelight.

40. Can you speak Chinese in English? Otherwise don't say anything.

41. Garfield has three wishes: "The first is for pork rolls, the second is for pork rolls, and the third, oh, you are wrong, I want more wishes." , so I can get more pork rolls.”

42. Money is not everything, and sometimes a credit card is needed.

43. I made a wish to the stars. I don't really believe in it, but it's free anyway, and there's no evidence that it doesn't work.

44. A beautiful lady told Jon that you are so cute, and you asked me what was wrong!

45. Odie, let’s go buy one or nine hamburgers for dinner.

46. Everyone should love animals because they are delicious.

47. Don’t wait to make excuses if you can’t pay the job tomorrow, make excuses today.

48. Shhh - don’t tell them that I have done good things, it will affect my image!

49. There should be a better way to start the day than waking up every morning.

50. You actually brought back an old and useless guy, and it’s not me.

51. Odie, let’s go eat ice cream, but you have to watch me eat it.

52. No matter how happy a bachelor is, he will get married sooner or later. Isn’t happiness permanent?

53. I am not fat, I am just a little short for my weight.

54. I would like the morning if it came later.

55. Don’t leave until tomorrow what you can eat today.