Who has office worker jokes?

N0.1

A man worked hard to study, so he wrote a couplet in front of his new home to encourage himself.

The first couplet is: Sleeping in a thatched hut behind closed doors

The second couplet is: Lying on one's feet and playing the flute

Horizontal comment: Willing to obey destiny

One day his friend came to visit and he became curious after seeing this couplet, so he read it loudly in Sichuan dialect:

"Who fucked my ass?"

"I made him hurt,"

"Hey, there is also Hengpi!"

　No.2 But this time he read the wrong words: "Tomorrow, tomorrow, "Heavy, fuck!"

There were two lunatics in the mental hospital. One day, one of them fell into the water, and the other jumped in to save him. After that, the doctor went to the lunatic who was rescuing people and said, I have two pieces of news, one good and one bad. The good thing is that you know how to save people, which shows that you are cured and can be discharged from the hospital. The bad thing is that you The one who came up hanged himself. The madman listened and laughed, I hung that person up to dry

NO.3 A Shandong student went to a small shop to buy instant noodles with a Northeasterner who slept with him. On the way, the Northeasterner said to himself He said: "What does it taste like? It tastes like green onion and beef..." The Shandong people didn't know what it meant, so they asked the Northeasterners, who told them that it means eating. Once, the two of them went to the toilet together. It happened that the water in the toilet was cut off, and inside there was ten thousand taels of gold~~~ The Northeastern man slapped his thigh: "How can this be done!~" After hearing this, the Shandong man's face turned pale, and he held his hands against the wall and vomited...

NO.4 Someone raised a parrot. No matter how he taught it, it could only say two words, "Who is it?" One day when this man went out, a man checking the water meter came and knocked on the door. The parrot said: "Who is it?" "The man checking the water meter." The parrot asked again: "Who is it?" "The man checking the water meter."... Two An hour later, the owner came back and found a man lying at the door. He was frothing at the mouth and had fainted. He asked casually: "Who is this?" A parrot's voice came from the room: "Checking the water meter..."

NO.5 The pastor said to the farmer who bought his horse and carriage: "This horse can only understand the language of the church. It will run when you say 'Thank God' and stop when you say 'Praise God'." "The farmer was doubtful, so he tried to shout thank God, and the horse immediately started galloping, faster and faster. One ran to the edge of the cliff and the frightened farmer remembered the command to stop it, "Praise God." Sure enough, the horse stopped. The farmer who narrowly escaped death let out a long breath: "Thank God..."

NO.6 The little boy was beaten by his father and ran to his mother aggrievedly: Mom, if someone bullies you What would you do with your child? The mother was furious: I’m going to crush his child!

NO.7 A person just learned to ride a bicycle when he was a child. He ran to the street before he knew how to ride a bicycle. He saw an old man walking in front of him. He felt that he was going to bump into him, so he yelled, "Don't move." Do not move. The old man stood there without moving, but he turned around and bumped into him. The old man stood up and said, are you aiming?

NO.8 A farmer was walking on the field ridge carrying two loads of manure. Someone walked up and asked: Uncle, how much does this sauce cost per pound? The peasants were silent. This person reached out and dipped a little bit into his mouth, tasted it, and thought: If you don’t tell me how much a pound of sauce costs, I won’t tell you that your sauce is smelly...

NO.9. Speaking of which On a dark and windy night, on the longest and scariest road, the taxi driver drove by and there was a woman waving on the roadside to get in the car. The ride was very quiet until the woman spoke. She said to the driver: I’ll give you an apple to eat. It’s delicious... The driver thought it was great, so he took it and took a bite. The woman asked: Is it delicious? The driver said: It’s delicious! The woman replied again: I remember that I also liked eating apples when I was alive... When the driver heard this, his hair stood up and he ate all the cores of the apples! The woman slowly tilted her head forward and said to the driver: But I don’t like eating after giving birth...

No.10

Daughter She told her mother that because her mother opposed her relationship with her boyfriend, her boyfriend committed suicide by taking sleeping pills.

The mother was shocked: "He committed suicide?" The daughter said, "Fortunately, he took the wrong medicine and did not die." The mother said, "I have said before that he is careless and careless, and he will not achieve anything big. Look, How can you commit yourself to a lifetime if you even get this little thing wrong? ”

I hope I can help you!