Girlfriend bedtime joke story

(1) A humorous story for his girlfriend.

A woman was walking at night when she suddenly saw a man coming towards her with open arms and hugging her. The man fell to the ground crying and said, this is the third piece. It's hard for me to bring a piece of glass home.

Ge You once went to the toilet, and Ge You invited a friend to dinner. He went to the toilet on the way, and his pants were wet when he came back. Friend: Why are your pants wet? Ge You: It has been like this ever since I became famous. Friend: Often? Ge You: Yes! It is often that the people next to him suddenly turn around and shout, "Isn't this Ge You?"

Laugh and adopt ~

? Super funny joke

1. Ghost: God, next time I want to be as white as an angel with wings, but I still want to suck blood. ?

God: Then reincarnate as a nurse. ?

2. A friend sold popsicles in the park for the first time, so he was embarrassed to shout. Then suddenly someone shouted "sell popsicles ~ ~ ~ sell popsicles ~ ~". Hearing this, my friend shouted happily, "Me too ~ ~ Me too ~ ~". ?

Ants and elephants died soon after they got married. While burying the elephant, the ant wept bitterly: "Dear, why did you leave so early?" I will bury you if I don't do anything else in my life! " " ?

4. Your boy fell in love with a girl. Have the courage to ask what kind of boy she likes?

The girl who is "congenial" answered, and even asked several times is the same answer?

The boy was very discouraged and said, "Can you have a flat head?" . ?

One day, I was out of breath to catch the last bus and shouted: Master! Master, wait for me ~

Suddenly a passenger poked his head out of the window and said to me slowly, Wukong, will you stop chasing?

6. One day I had a physical examination, and one of the questions was to guess the name of a bird by looking at its legs. A student really couldn't understand it, so he tore up the paper in a rage and was ready to leave the examination room. The invigilator was very angry and asked him, "What class are you in? What's your name? " A student lifted his trousers and said, "Guess, guess." ?

7. After the beautiful Mongolian actress finished her performance, the leader took the stage to receive her. Then her hand asked her if she was cold and warm, and she refused to let go for a long time. She asked kindly, what's your name? The actress excitedly replied "Maragobi Matsumoto"?

8. A man bought a parrot that can only speak two words. One day, when the master was not at home, a ventilator knocked at the door. ?

Parrot: Who is it? ?

Gas converter?

Parrot: Who is it? ?

Gas converter?

……?

There is a man lying at the door of his master's house. The master wondered, who is this?

Internal: Ventilator?

9. A person saw a pile of things on the road, squatted down and smelled it, said it might be poop, touched it with his hand and licked it in his mouth. It was really poop, but fortunately he didn't step on it! ~?

10. The doctor asked the patient how the fracture happened. A: I feel sand in my shoes, so I shake my shoes with a telephone pole. I shook and shook ... a man thought I was electrocuted, so he picked up a wooden stick and gave me two. ?

1 1. A professor is giving a lecture on the spot: "Don't be afraid of being dirty in scientific research. . . "Then he squatted down, poked the cow dung on the ground with his finger, and then put his finger in his mouth and licked it clean. A classmate quickly said, "I'm not afraid of being dirty." . . "Then I poked the cow dung on the ground with my finger and licked it in my mouth. Professor: "Besides, I should be good at observation. I just poked dung with my middle finger, but I licked my index finger. . . "？

12. In a public toilet, Mr. A was constipated and couldn't pull it out for a long time. Then another man, Mr. B, rushed in, just squatted down and pulled happily. Hearing this, Mr. A said, "Dude, I really envy you for playing so happily." Mr. B said, "What is there to envy? I haven't taken off my pants yet ..."?

13. A gentleman was practicing riding a bike when a pedestrian came up to him. A gentleman panicked and shouted, "Stop! Stop! " The pedestrians stopped in a daze. But a gentleman rode so badly that he knocked down a pedestrian. Pedestrians got up and got angry: "You told me to stop! You have a good aim, don't you! " ?

14. Beautiful sister, 2 years old. One day, I called her mother and the little guy answered the phone. Out of courtesy, I also want to say hello to her. "Honey, where's mom?" "Go to Huaguoshan!" "..." "Honey, what are you doing?" "Aunt, you are so funny. I'm not calling you! " ?

My colleague's son, 4 years old. A classic saying: "When I was young ..."?

15. There was an accident on the expressway-the tortoise trampled the cow to death. The police are investigating the cause of the accident and say, snail: How did the tortoise hit you? The lying cow in plaster recalled sadly: I don't remember, he was too fast! ?

16. A polar bear stayed in a daze on the ice. When he was really bored, he began to pull out his own hair, one ... one ... one ... one ... one ... one ... one ... one ... one ..........

17. My colleague's daughter is a little beauty embryo. When she comes back from kindergarten, her mother often asks her, "Beauty, did anyone call you that today?" The little girl sighed: "I guess they see me too much, so they think I'm not beautiful." ?

18. A couple gave birth to a little boy after contraceptive failure. When the baby was born, he clenched his fist and kept laughing. The nurse broke his fist and found birth control pills in it. Then the little boy said, "You two want to kill me, it's not that easy, hahahaha ..."?

19. Two people went to the mountain to play. A man accidentally slipped and fell off a cliff. His companion shouted anxiously, "how are you, brother?" Are you all right? " I only heard the person who fell answer "I don't know, I'm still falling ~ ~ ~"?

20. I also thought of a cyclist who didn't hold the handlebar and put his hands on his chest. A traffic policeman saw it and said, Good palms! The man replied, hello, comrades! ?

2 1. The monkey asked the fox how to describe the elephant's fart with a song. The fox said: Ku Kuiji's Ant said: "Fuck, I thought it was a power train." : when > yes. " ?

22. The two brothers were chased by the tiger, and the younger brother really couldn't run, so he said, "Brother, let's stop running and kill this beast." The eldest brother said, "Don't talk nonsense, I can't run, just run past you." ?

23. Noodles were beaten by steamed bread. I asked my cousin for instant noodles for revenge. When I saw the bean bag, the instant noodles were beaten to pieces. When I came back, I said to the noodles, don't worry, I beat the shit out of it. ?

24. A fashionable woman got on the bus. Seeing that she was empty, she took out a paper towel and wiped it for a while. She was just about to sit down and fart. A man next to me said with a smile, "I am Kao, * * * clean, and I have to blow after wiping"?

Penguins are bored and want to go to the North Pole to play with polar bears?

Walking, walking for many years, almost there, suddenly remembered that the gas at home was not turned off properly?

So I went back, walked for many years, turned off the gas, and set off again, walking for many years?

I finally came to the door of the polar bear and knocked on the door.

-Polar bear! Come out and play! ?

Polar bear:?

-Stop playing. ?

26. In junior high school, a math teacher talked about equation transformation. On the podium, he rolled up his sleeves and shouted: Attention, students! I'm going to change! ……?

27. A judge squinted and tried three suspects, A, B and C, in one day.

The judge said to A, "Did you steal it?" ?

A: "No"?

The judge was furious: "I didn't ask you." ?

"I didn't say anything," C said?

28. On the plane, the crow said to the stewardess, "Give me a glass of water", and the pig said to the stewardess, "Give me a glass of water, too!" After hearing this, the stewardess threw the crow and the pig out of the plane together. The crow smiled and said to the pig, "Are you stupid? I can fly ~ ~ ~? " ?

29. A rabbit walked into a shop and asked the boss, Do you sell carrots here? The wife said: no, after a while, the rabbit asked again, do you sell carrots here? The boss impatiently said no! After a while, the rabbit asked again, and the boss finally couldn't bear it: if you make trouble again, I'll cut your ear off with scissors! ?

After a while, the rabbit came again: Do you sell scissors here? The boss said: No. Rabbit asks again: Do you sell carrots here?

30. The devil caught the princess?

The devil said: you can shout your throat out, and no one will come to save you! ?

Princess: Break your throat, break your throat! ?

Nobody: Princess, I'm coming to save you! ?

Devil: Speak of the devil! ?

Cao Cao: Devil, what's your name? ?

Devil: Wow, I saw a ghost! ?

Ghost: Shit! Has been discovered.

Shit: Nonsense, who found me? ?

Who: It's none of my business! ?

Devil: Oh, my God! ?

God: Who called me? ! ?

Who: Nobody called you! ?

Nobody: I didn't! ! ! ?

It is said that the devil has suffered from schizophrenia since then.

3 1. A king wanted to marry a princess and put an apple on her head. Whoever wants to shoot will have a chance to marry the princess. ?

The first man shot the apple and said, "I'm Robin." ?

The second man also shot the apple. He said, "I am Hou Yi." ?

The third man accidentally shot the princess. He said, I'm sorry?

32. Someone was practicing in a mental hospital, and suddenly a psycho came after him with a kitchen knife. The man turned his head and ran until he reached a dead end, thinking it was over. The patient said, here's the knife. It's your turn to chase me. ?

33. The wolf is just lovelorn. When he was foraging, he passed a hut and heard a man lecturing his children: "If you cry again, I will throw you out to feed the wolves. The child cried in the house all night, and the wolf stayed outside all night. When I got up in the morning, the wolf choked and said, men, men are liars! ! ! Hope to adopt

(2) Ask to tell a few jokes or stories to girls before going to bed.

1. On the first day of class, the English teacher announced: "From tomorrow on, all my English classes will be in English, and I will no longer speak in Chinese." The students objected one after another: "Teacher, our poor English listening will make us unable to understand." The teacher said, "Don't worry about not understanding. You listen to me speak English every day, and you will understand it after a long time. " I raised my hand and said, "Teacher, I listen to my dog barking every day, and I don't know what it is saying today."

2. Teacher: "Our pollution control is natural." Classmate: "Why do you say that?" Teacher: "The garbage is blown by the wind and the sewage is evaporated."

3. Teacher: What did the victory of the Sad Warrior give us? Student: When the victory is uncertain, the crying soldier can cry the other side down and finally win. Crying twice and hanging up three times is the magic weapon of war.

4. Teacher: "Lily, your problem is the improper use of words. Now test you, please use one sentence to describe that I am very happy. " Lily: "The teacher is smiling in the grave."

The math teacher talked about congruence and similarity of triangles, and then asked the students: What is congruence? What is similarity? I fell asleep and didn't listen to a word. All this is in vain! When I was asleep, I seemed to listen a little, as if I didn't hear anything. Deja vu.

6. Senior three! June is not far away, time is getting faster and faster, clothes are getting less and less, the college entrance examination is getting closer and closer, and the grades are getting worse and worse! My heart! The weather is getting colder and colder!

7. A science teacher was assigned to work in a remote mountain village school. In the first class, he told the students what modern science is and how it promotes human progress. He also talked about spaceships and how people landed on the moon. After class, he asked the students what questions they had. "Teacher," a student asked, "when can we have a bus service in our village?"

8. Dialogue I heard in the canteen: (A boy finishes his meal) What is this? Fried meat with potatoes. What is fried with potatoes? Fried meat with potatoes. What is fried with potatoes? Fried meat with potatoes. What is fried with potatoes? Meat ... (Finally the cook woke up and added some meat to the boy)

(3) short stories or jokes that make people fall asleep. Be brief, and you will get extra points if you are satisfied.

In the process of children's growth, it is inseparable from the company of our parents; For a 5-year-old child, our parents can tell him a bedtime story every day when they have time.

By telling bedtime stories, children can not only fall asleep quickly, but also enhance the affection between parents and children, so that children can master more knowledge and cultivate their imagination.

Therefore, there are many bedtime books that children can choose, and we need to choose according to their hobbies.

(4) Little jokes or stories that amuse his girlfriend.

1. When someone was in his teens, he got up with his second uncle in the morning and went to the village next door to steal apples. After being discovered, he ran away quickly. The second uncle ran ahead, and someone found a half-burned wreath on a grave by the side of the road, so he picked it up and ran, trying not to be seen by the pursuers. Uncle secretary ran to look back. A half-burned wreath chased him and fainted on the spot! After staying at home for two months, I couldn't get out of bed. ...

My brother said: I bought a cup with "I want a raise" printed on it. Point these words at the boss at every meeting. Finally one day, the boss also bought a cup, which said "fuck off"!

3. After Yao Ming retired, because of his height problem, his life was inconvenient, and he sought medical advice everywhere, but it was not solved. One day I met a monk. The monk said that there is a secret recipe that can reduce the height to 1.8 meters after taking it. Yao Ming was overjoyed and asked what medicine it was. The monk said: short oil!

4. Two children are talking:

A said: Our whole family likes animals very much. My mother likes cats, my brother likes dogs and my sister likes rabbits.

B said: What about your father?

A said: I like foxes.

5. Once upon a time, Americans visited Russia. One day, I saw two Russian workers on my way to Russia. One is to dig a hole by the roadside with a shovel, and dig a hole every three meters. Another worker immediately backfilled the hole just dug by the previous worker, and so on. ....

Out of curiosity, the American asked the first Russian worker, "Why did the guy behind you fill in the hole as soon as you dug it?" ? 』

Russian workers replied: "We are greening the road. I dig a hole, the second person plants trees, and the third person fills the soil. But the second man didn't come today. 』

6. Tomb-Sweeping Day has arrived. Last night, my family and I went downstairs to burn paper money to worship our ancestors, leaving my sister to look after the house. As soon as I came back, my sister said to me, "Brother, a few people talked to you on the Internet just now, and I helped you reply!" " "I looked at the message record curiously. It turned out that ... Oh, my God, my sister actually replied to me: I'm sorry, my brother is gone, and he can't come up to talk to you unless I help him burn paper ...

7, drinking coffee, sitting next to a man in a suit and tie, the phone rang, he connected, complaining: "I didn't tell you, your bill is only one billion, too little, I won't do it." And then hung up. I'm in business, too, and suddenly I look at him with a little more respect. Q: "What company do you work for? Don't take such a big business? " He smiled awkwardly: "I printed money in Mingbi, and the profit of one million and one billion is only tens of dollars." Who will do it! "

8. After Yao Ming retired, because of his height, his life was inconvenient, and he sought medical advice everywhere, but he couldn't find a solution. One day I met a monk. The monk said that there is a secret recipe that can reduce the height to 1.8 meters after taking it. Yao Ming was overjoyed and asked what medicine it was. The monk said: short oil!

9. Two boys just finished playing football and came back to the classroom sweating all over.

A Jun: If I take off my shoes now, the people in the classroom will definitely run away at once!

Mr. B said calmly: If I take off my shoes, they won't even have a chance to escape! ! !

Two students are talking after the mid-term exam. A: This time, I am miserable. I'm sure I'll be scolded if I go back ... What about you? B: B: Women's singles below 80 points, men's singles below 70 points and mixed doubles below 60 points. ...

5. Ask for humorous stories: tell jokes to your girlfriend.

1

Sunflower Lai Lai always looks listless, and everyone doesn't know why.

I had to persuade him to try to do photosynthesis during the day.

But Riley has his own little secret. Every night he looked at the moon alone and said in a voice that no one could hear.

"But I just like you."

five

Fox's teeth and claws are so sharp that many small animals are afraid of her.

She is busy every day, busy foraging, busy shuttling on the Yuan Ye, busy taking a bath in the pond,

Gradually, some bold animals began to want to be friends with her, but she politely refused every time.

Just occasionally curled up in her beautiful warm red tail,

She will consider not being friends. What if she hurts them?

[6] A little joke that amuses his girlfriend.

1. After dinner, when you are bored, go to the stool in the community park and sit and play with your mobile phone. There is a father and son sitting on the bench next to me. His son is only 4 to 5 years old!

Then I heard the following conversation.

Son: "Dad, do you think you can have some backbone?"

If you use the courage to marry my mother to educate her severely, our father and son will not be thrown out! "

My friend and I are walking on the road with his little daughter. Looking at the intersection of the road ahead, two large and light trucks collided. The scene is terrible! Still smoking black smoke.

His three-and-a-half-year-old daughter asked me: Uncle, what happened to these two light trucks?

I thought for a moment, in order not to leave a shadow in the child's heart, I said calmly, it's nothing. These two transformers are tired. Sit down and have a cigarette!

My wife lives in a bedroom with her children, and there is a child who doesn't know the code between her and my wife.

Husband: Shall we go to Beijing?

Wife: I'm waiting. The children haven't gone to bed yet. Wait until the children are asleep!

Husband: No way! Can't wait to go to Beijing now!

Wife: Are you bored? Look at you, when the baby is asleep.

Child: I sat up at once. You two should leave quickly so that I can sleep!

4. Take my 4-year-old son to his girlfriend's house to play on weekends. My girlfriend just watched a news: "What should I do if my husband cheats?"

My son ran to his best friend and sat down and said, "I know this, I know this!" " "

My best friend and I looked at him in surprise! The son's confident expression said, "The teacher once said in class that you should call the traffic police to measure traffic accidents 122!"

5. I feel extremely lost because my account for playing games has been stolen.

Dad enlightened me and said, son, although I have never played online games, I don't understand. Please describe it to me. How does it feel to have my number stolen?

Me: Actually, it's like, it's like you hid 3,000 yuan under my bedside table several times, even if it was stolen, and you were afraid to tell anyone, so you could only be angry. ...

Dad immediately covered my mouth and said that he looked outside and said, it's a bit harsh to chop people up.

Jokew, don't worry too much about making girls happy. I really like you. She won't leave you without telling her jokes! I'll teach you a way to read more jokes every day, and then put these jokes in the topic of every conversation between you and her, with a little humor in your words!

Ok, that's it, don't ask, and I won't answer you! I hope it helps you!

(7) jokes or short stories that put girls to sleep.

If you want to go.

Once upon a time, there were two little pigs who lived carefree all day. They love each other. Every day when the host brings them to dinner, the boar always lets the sow eat first, and then goes up to eat the sow's leftovers when the sow is full. Every night, the boar always keeps an eye on the sows because he is afraid that his master will pull them out and kill them while they are asleep. As the days passed, sows became fatter and boars became thinner. One day, the boar suddenly heard that the owner was discussing with the butcher to kill and sell the growing sow. The boar was extremely sad, so from that day on, the boar's temperament changed greatly. Whenever the owner brings food, the boar always grabs it and eats it all. After eating well every day, he lay down to sleep and told the sow that she was going to keep watch now. If he finds that she is not on guard, he will never pay attention to her again. As the days passed, the sow felt that the boar cared less and less about her. The sow was disappointed, but the boar lived a happy life as if nothing had happened. A month passed quickly, and the owner came to the pigsty with the butcher. He found that a month ago, the fat sow was thin and had little meat left, while the boar was shiny. At this time, the boar ran desperately, trying to attract the owner's attention and show that he was a healthy pig. Finally, the butcher dragged the boar away.

At the moment he pulled out the pigsty, the boar smiled and said to the sow, don't eat so much in the future. The sow was so sad that she rushed out desperately, but the enclosure door was closed by the owner and the fence was put aside. The sow looked at the tearful boar. That night, the sow looked at her master's house and ate pork happily. The sow lies sadly in the place where the boar sleeps every day. Suddenly, she found a line on the wall: "If love can't be expressed in words, I am willing to prove it with my life"! When the sow saw this line, human beings were moved by this sad love story. To commemorate this love, the girls also said that they had not forgotten the wild boar's will before leaving, "Don't eat so much in the future."

Told his girlfriend a little joke and story.

On a sunny afternoon, the rooster and hen were lying on the haystack in the sun. Suddenly, the hen took a bite, and then pointed to the rooster's stomach and said shyly, "There seems to be fetal movement!" " The cock sneered, "Is that fetal movement?" That's your egg pain ... "

What sweet bedtime stories are there for your girlfriend?

The bedtime story for my girlfriend is:

1, holiday in heaven

One day, while vacationing in heaven, an angel came to earth. In order to solve his boredom, he said to a girl, I can realize your wishes, power, money, beauty and love. ...

The girl thinks seriously, and the angel is a little scared. If she said something he didn't realize, she would lose face. In short, she must see how powerful angels are. I hope she worships me and I hope she appreciates me.

"I want to hear you say good night to me before going to bed every day!"

2. Grey rabbit

"Rabbit Ash, tell me, what do you like about me?"

"Bit by bit."

"Damn, how can you learn human rhetoric? I know I have many shortcomings, and you can't like everything. "

"Well, maybe I like your strengths, but I love your weaknesses more."

"What are the advantages of most love?"

"Which one is really hard to say."

"Why is it so difficult?"

"Because likes are not distributed in dots."

3. Mental patients

In a mental hospital, one day the dean wanted to see how three mental patients were recovering, so he put a white rabbit in front of each of them.

The first mental patient sat on the rabbit, grabbed the rabbit's ear and shouted "Drive". The dean shook his head.

The second man turned his back on the white rabbit, patted its * * * and said "chase me". The dean sighed.

The third crouched there, touching the white rabbit assiduously. After reading it, the dean nodded with satisfaction, only to hear him say, "sample, let you walk 300 meters, and I will chase you after washing the car!" " Dean fell down and passed out. ...

4. Bear skating

Winter is coming, the northwest wind is blowing, and the cold current is coming. The water in the river froze like a shining mirror.

In the morning, Bear just got up and walked to the river. He saw that the river was frozen. The bear jumped three feet high and thought happily, "I can go skating."

So he ran home excitedly and said to his mother, "Mom, I'm going skating."

Mother said, "The ice is very thin and dangerous."

Bear thought to himself, "I don't believe it. I'll go for a walk, so there won't be any danger. " Thinking about it, I slipped out quietly.

When I reached the river, I couldn't wait to jump on the ice. Suddenly, the ice cracked with a click. The bear fell into the hole, shivering with cold and crying loudly, "Help!" " "

At this time, the turtle who was resting at the bottom of the water heard it, floated to the surface, rescued the bear to the shore, and earnestly said to it, "I can't be willful any more!" "

5. The White Rabbit and the Wolf

"Grandpa, you won't be overbearing in the future, will you?" The white rabbit looked at the wolf seriously.

"Of course, Uncle Wolf keeps his word!" The wolf can't wait to stand at attention and salute. "I promise your beautiful big eyes!" Promise not to step on your flowers, and promise not to tie a bow on your beautiful ears. And make sure ... "

The wolf reluctantly replied, "Don't mess up your soft fur."

"You can tie the bow ..." She thought about it and whispered, "I can also rub your hair ..."

"You let your sister go! Why do you tie Lao Tzu to the rabbit's ear? " The butterfly is very angry. "Don't move, don't move." The wolf tried to persuade him gently and put the butterfly on the rabbit's ear. "Uncle, is there any misunderstanding between us?" The little white rabbit sat blankly. "This is your surprise?"

"I know how happy you are inside, so don't hide it!" The wolf looks very proud. "Sure enough, my mother was right. A good-looking girl can just act! "

⑽ Ask some short stories or jokes to put your girlfriend to sleep, something warm and lovely. thank you

Two people are chatting in the dormitory. One said, what would you do if you met a beautiful MM and there were only two of you in the room? Just listen to the half-asleep buddy next to me and say, stop it, let's go to bed ~