Can you tell me the funniest joke around you?

On this day, Song Jiang was chatting with Sun Erniang on QQ when there was a sudden beep.

"Your friend Li Kui is online. Reply, ok"\

"It's annoying," sung river murmured, and Li Kui jy said hello.

After a while, there was a beep: "Your friend Li Kui is on the line ..." \

Sung river and hastily cope with a few words. But I didn't expect that jy in Li Kui kept beeping.

\ "Shit \" \ Song Jiang scolded him.

"Can you stop farting? Who do you think you are! " \ Li Kui jy responded.

"Iron cow, I am sung river. \

"hmm? You AE, why is your name Britney Spears? " \

"Alas, iron cow, what are you doing? Why are you always online? " "Oh, my old 386 crashed." \

"Don't get on the bus and go to the reception desk of PII Wuyong tomorrow." Song Jiang thought: Someone must have told him to play tricks.

(Li Kui jy bedroom. )

"Li Xiong, this method is really clever. "Li Kui jy said to Yan Qing.

"What is this? That's how I got mine. " \

"Brother li, thank you very much. How about copying the machine for me tomorrow? " \

"No, I'm going to chat with Li Meimei online tomorrow. Ask Lin Chong to copy it for you. He doesn't like surfing the Internet anyway. " \

"He can't, he practices Red Alert every day, ready to retaliate against Huarong Road; \

"As long as you ask Wang Ying and Song Wu for some life films, he will definitely copy them for you." \

"Good, then go to Wang Ying." \

"Then I walked first. \

"I don't send. "Li Kui jy humming a ditty, holding the 386 machine to Wu Yong. ...

(sung river bedroom)

Sung river is chatting with Sun Erniang's son at this time. The bed is a mess, the ground is dusty, only wearing shorts, smoking a cigarette and tapping on the keyboard.

Li Kui jy burst out laughing.

Better than Tang Sanzang.

There was a man who drank too much wine and drank it every day. His wife is very disgusted and always tries to make him change. Once, he was drunk again, and his wife secretly put a pair of pig livers in the dirt he spit out. When he woke up, his wife advised him, "Look, you were so drunk that you spit out your liver. People have five internal organs. Now you spit out a dirty. Just drink it later. " ! "

Black people write letters to white people

Dear white man, there are a few things you must know:

When I was born, I was black.

When I was born, I was black.

When I am in the sun, I am black.

I am in the sun, I am black.

When I am cold, I am black.

When I am cold, I am black.

When I am afraid, I am black.

When I am afraid, I am black.

I am black when I am sick.

I am sick. I am black.

When I died, I was still black.

I'm dead. I'm still black.

You-white people,

You-white.

When you were born, you were pink.

When you were born, you were pink.

When you grow up, you turn white.

You have grown up and turned white.

You are red in the sun.

You are in the sun, you are red.

You are blue when you are cold.

When you are cold, you are blue.

When you are afraid, you are yellow.

When you are afraid, you are yellow.

You are green when you are sick.

When you are sick, you are green.

You were gray when you died.

When you die, you are gray.

And you, call me "color"

You call me [colored]

suggestion

One day, the zebra saw his long-cherished panda sister and couldn't help confessing to him. But Sister Panda said, "My mother said that tattoos are not good teenagers."

As soon as the zebra got bored, he said, "My mother also said that people with silent mirrors are gangsters.

Say that finish, both of them left without looking back.

Three women who love me.

When my hero was young, there was a girl who was willing to give her life for me-she firmly said: If you pester me again, I will die.

When I ran away from home, there was a girl who was willing to wait for me in the next life-she said softly, you have to be my boyfriend, in the next life.

When I was down and out, a girl was willing to go to the grave with me-she said with red eyes, if you don't pay me back, I will die with you.

Alas! Women in the world are so infatuated, but they still can't make me stop. So far, I am still lonely. I want to be humble. ...

teacher training school

Some teacher,

The sun is shining.

Go in and have a look,

It's tattered.

Eight professors,

Seven idiots.

There's another one,

insane

Different drinking methods

There are three people: Americans, China, Jews … drinking together …

Suddenly, a fly flew into their drink.

The American called the waiter to come over and put on another drink.

People in China drink without saying anything. ...

The Jew grabbed the fly and put it on the table, saying, "Spit it out, spit out the drink you drink ..."

Donate a father or mother.

Xiao Ai is a six-year-old boy who goes to kindergarten. One day, the teacher said to his classmates, "Children, Mei Tao's parents have left. How pitiful she is! " Should we help her? "

The children said in unison, "Yes."

"Well, shall we come one by one?" The teacher said, "The teacher will donate fifty dollars first."

The students immediately donated ten dollars to their pocket money and five dollars to me.

At this time, it was Xiao Ai's turn. He didn't move, as if thinking about something. The teacher asked, "Little Ai, don't you want to help your classmates?"

"No, it isn't." Xiao Ai quickly said, "I, I was thinking, should I donate a father or a mother to her?"

It's best not to look.

One day, the teacher found a student uploading a note in class and asked him to hand it in.

Teacher: Bring me the note.

Student: Teacher, I advise you not to look.

Teacher: Cut the crap! I just want to have a look. Bring me the note.

The student took the note to the teacher, and the teacher opened the note, which read: I told you not to look, but you still have to look. Hey, what an idiot! It's hopeless!

Want to sleep

The young mother sang her child a lullaby while putting him to bed. She sang for three hours, the child was still sleeping, and the mother could only continue singing.

Finally, the child looked up and said, "mom, you sing very well, but I want to sleep."

Explode for no reason

My son, a musician, decided to play the guitar at his wedding. He tuned the string for a long time that day and apologized to the guests, saying that it was not easy to tune the string with a ring on his hand. At this time, a man's voice came: "It's not easy to do anything with a ring on your hand."

remind

There is a female boss who is less than 1.5 meters tall and weighs nearly 80 kilograms. One day, she asked a male secretary to accompany her to the hospital for a physical examination. The doctor asked her about her height and weight. Without thinking, the female boss said, "She is 1.68 meters tall and weighs 50 kilograms. The doctor looked at her suspiciously.

At this time, the male secretary quietly reminded the female boss: "Boss, this is in the hospital, not online."

Animal philosophy

Turtle's dream: the rabbit is very proud when taking part in the competition; The secret of hen: It is not enough to lay eggs these days, but also to bark. A fish for a mouse.

It didn't last long enough.

A citizen just celebrated his centenary birthday, and a reporter came to interview him on Saturday. "What do you think kept you alive for so long?" The reporter asked. The old man thought about it, knocked on the table with his hand and said word for word, "I never smoke or drink." I always get up at 6 am because of overeating. "

"But," the reporter objected, "I have an uncle who did the same thing as you but only lived to be 50 years old. Why is this? "

"He won't last long." The old man answered calmly.

antithetical couplet

Part 1: Hahahaha. Bottom line: hey, hey, hey. Horizontal batch: there is a mental derangement!

rooster

Once in a Chinese class, after the teacher finished the idiom "looking for fish by the tree", please think of another similar idiom. A boy replied, "Kill the goose that lays the golden egg". The teacher corrected: "Wrong, begging for fish by the wood is a fruitless thing!" " The boy answered frankly, "teacher, I killed a rooster!" " "

There is one kilo without sugar.

A man who likes to take advantage of petty gain goes to the market to buy grapes. He stopped at the first grape stall, twisted a few and put them in his mouth.

The seller is busy: "Is it sweet? If you are not sweet, you will have no money! "

He shook his head and walked to the second booth. He ate some grapes and then went to the third booth. ...

Finally, he burped and came to my brother's sixteen stalls:

"Is this grape sweet?"

"Not sweet, no money!"

"Then give me a catty that is not sweet!"

One day, the devil took the princess away and she kept screaming.

Devil: "Just scream ... no one will come to save you ..."

Princess: "Broken throat ... broken throat ..."

No one: "Princess ... I'm coming to save you ..."

Devil: "Speak of the devil and he will come ..."

Cao Cao: "Devil .. Why did you call me ..."

Demon: "Wow ... seeing a ghost"

Ghost: "Shit! Was discovered .. "

Shit: "Ghost, can you see me ..."

Devil: "Oh, my God! 」

God: "Who called me? 」

Who: "Nobody called you ..."

Nobody said, "Where am I? Play dumb! 」

Garlic: "Who is pretending to be me? 」

Who: "It's me again? Are you looking for trouble? 」

Trouble: "which one is looking for me?" 」

Which one: "Looking for you? I didn't ... Gee, there are so many people here. 」

Many people: "I just arrived … who are you?" ? 」

Which one: "I'm not who. 」

Who: "He's not me. 」

Princess: "Is everyone here to save me? 」

Everyone: "I'm not here to save you, I'm here to watch the fun." 」

Lively: "What do I have to see? 」

God: "It's none of my business. I'll go first. " 」

Devil: "You answer a question before you go. Why do so many people save the princess? " ? I am a demon.

How did Wang play? 」

Go down: "You good devil won't do it, what shall I do?" 」

Princess: "if no one hits the devil, I can go." 」

No one: "If I play the devil, how can I let you go ..."

How come: "I won't let the princess go, I want to watch the excitement." 」

Lively: "What are you looking at me for? 」

What: "You want to fuck me? Rogue! 」

How dare you: "I didn't? 」

Me: "What does it have to do with me?" 」

Devil: "Shit! I'm going crazy. 」

Shit: "What am I doing? ...」

Madman: "What do you want me to do? 」

You want me to say, "I don't know anything! 」

I don't know anything: "I don't know! 」

I don't know: "I'm here! Is someone calling me? 」

Someone said, "I didn't call you! 」

I didn't say, "Who called him? 」

Who: "Wrong ... I didn't ..."

I didn't say, "I haven't wronged you ..."

You: "I dare you. 」

I dare you: "Who says I dare not! ? 」

Who: "please ... I didn't say anything."

I have nothing: "What do you want me to say? 」

I am nothing: "... you ... aren't you my long-lost brother?" ”」

My long-lost brother: "Kao ... my name is very long ... and I will be called."

Ah ... "

Who: "... I want to leave this troublesome place. "

True or false: "So this is my place ..."

I am nothing &; No: "Don't make any noise. We are talking ... "

Don't argue with Allah: "I'm not talking ..."

I didn't: "I didn't speak! ...」

I am nothing: "-_-\ \" ... Let's go ... Let's talk outside ... "

Go: "I'm sorry ... (wriggle)"

I have nothing: "It's none of your business ... Go away ..." (Two brothers go out angrily)

It's none of your business: "Whoops ... why did you kick me out ..."

Why: "I don't want to kick you out ... listen ... don't cry."

I didn't say, "Oh ... What does it have to do with me?"

None of my business: "What? Did anyone call me? 」

Someone said, "Who wants to call you ..."

Who: "I really have to go ... T.T." "

Go: "I'm really embarrassed ... * v.v *" (\ \" Who \ \ "collapsed)

None of your business: "... aren't you my cousin?" ”」

It's none of my business: "... cousins of the same age (or cousins) ... long time no see ..."

For a long time: "I'm not here ..."

Devil: "Are you finished? 」

Endless: "He doesn't have me."

You: "I don't have him."

I just said, "Who said that? 」

Who: "What do you want me to do? 」

Do you want to fuck me? 」

You: "I won't fuck him."

I said, "Who said I wouldn't? 」

Who: "Wrong! I didn't say ... "

He said, "What should I do? 」

? "You two are shameless! 」

You two: "I want it! I want it! 」

Face: "Who wants me? 」

Who: "I don't want it."

Devil: "Hurry up, or I'll kick people out."

Man: "Kick me out? Looking for k "

K: "Who wants to see me? 」

Who: "aaaaaaa! Don't mention my name, mention me again! 」

He said, "Don't trust me."

Me: "Who wants me? 」

Who: "I finally caught one. Kill it. "

One: "Don't arrest me."

Me: "I've had enough, too. Whoever mentions my name again will never let you go! 」

Who said, "Look at my eighteen dragon palms! 」

Me: "Look at my nine yin bones and claws! 」

Eighteen palms of dragon descending: "What am I to see? 」

Jiuyin Bones Claw: "What am I to see? 」

What's there to see: "Brother, I finally found you! 」

What is there to see? "Brother, let's go out and talk. 」

Devil: "Shit ... this is an engagement meeting ..."

From then on, the devil really got schizophrenia …