Post funny sentences

1. There are so many idiots in the world, but you have become the best among them

2. I can’t sing “uneasy” because I don’t want to roll my eyes

3. Sleep is an art. No one can stop me from pursuing art.

4. The teacher asked me what to do if I found a gas leak when I got home. A certain student said it was okay, just light a cigarette and calm down. I was speechless at the time...

5. Love is like poop, which cannot stop his menacing appearance.

6. A true warrior dares to face his girlfriend who is taking off her makeup!

7. I have lost my way in love.

8. When you have a cold, look up at the sky, so that you can enjoy the scenery and prevent your nose from leaving...

9. You can also learn from Tencent and do it every time you go online. They all call me dear...

10. All the primary school students went to celebrate Valentine's Day, the middle school students celebrated Singles' Day, and the rest of the college students all celebrated Children's Day...

11. Because my signature is too personal, the system crashes and cannot be displayed.

12. You scold me now because you don’t understand me yet. When you understand me in the future, you will definitely hit me.

13. Your appearance has seriously affected my life

14. Tomorrow, singles will collectively observe 24 hours of silence for lovers!

15. I skipped too many classes. I wanted to go to class yesterday. When I saw the professor, he was surprised and said, "I haven't seen you for such a long time and you have grown so much."

16. My adolescence coincided with my mother’s menopause.

17. Whether the cat walks in a straight line or not depends entirely on the mouse.

18. The most romantic thing I can think of is to watch you grow old alone

19. When you read this line clearly: Friend, you stepped on me.

20. If computer technology can be applied to reality, I really want to put a mosaic on your facial features

21. Who can not be bored in the world?

22. The beauty of knowledge lies in making people confused; the beauty of poetry lies in inciting men and women to cheat;

23. Little mosquito, if you bite again, bite again, be careful I will bite you. Eat

24. Those with wings are not necessarily angels, they may also be bird-men.

25. If you don’t study for a day, no one will notice. If you don’t study for a week, you will start to get angry. If you don’t study for a month, your IQ will be lower than that of a pig.

26. One orangutan reads the palm of another orangutan: Your fate is very tragic, you will evolve into a human.

27. The stars in the sky are twinkling, and the sky is filled with daydreams of money.

28. Oh, it’s called Baoyu. It’s both treasure and jade. If you want to buy it, hurry up.

29. Falling in love these days is worse than playing cotton at home.

30. If God gives me another chance to be reborn, I must choose to be in the Tang Dynasty, so that I don’t have to learn English or lose weight

31. Hitting a tree while riding a bike , the posture is still cool.

32. When you grow up, you will marry Tang Seng. If you can play with him, play with him; if you can’t, eat him up.

33. If you want someone to be unforgettable with you and never forget you, the best way is to borrow money from him.

34. If you smile once, it will take ten years, then if you smile twice, wouldn’t it be straightforward? It’s lifeless

35. Don’t always try to use Romeo’s methods to win me over. I’m not your Juliet at all.

36. I meddle with mice every day and let dogs and cats rest. This is also a sign of caring for small animals.

37. Have you ever thought about how your underwear feels when you fart? Yes, yes.

38. An outstanding man must be sexy.

39. Staying up late is because you don’t have the courage to end the day; staying in bed is because you don’t have the courage to start the day.

40. If you have a shoe-stud face, don’t blame others for stepping on you.

41. A person’s longest love history is narcissism.

42. If you want to hang out in the world, it is best to be a bachelor.

43. Why can’t I transform even though I have an Ultraman transformation card?

44. Asking you how much sorrow you can have is just like a pair of long johns that everyone has.

45. When I was a child, the teacher explained the meaning of "handsome" on the blackboard, and I couldn't understand it. My deskmate quietly handed me a mirror, and in an instant, I understood.

46. No matter how strong you are, can you hold back your urine?

47. If you are bored, you can play with snot bubbles.

48. The only thing I can hold and put down in my life is chopsticks

49. Students, please stop being invisible. 50 years from now, your avatar will be I can't even light up even if I want to.

50. Whenever the charge horn sounds, I quickly hide in the trench, because: I am an undercover! Post funny and humorous sentences about talking

Post funny and humorous sentences about talking

1) I’m going to meet the other person’s parents tomorrow. I’m so nervous. After all, I was the one who hit his child first. of.

2) Newton died and left behind a bunch of formulas. Qu Yuan died and left three days of vacation. The Chinese still feel sorry for us Chinese!

3) I originally wanted to rely on This time I had a hard time with the final exam, but I didn’t expect it to stick to the pan.

4) If you are reading this sentence, it means you like me. If you want to deny it, then why are you still reading.

5) I hope that when the results come out, I will feel guilty that I am not worthy of such a high score.

6) When I was a kid, I thought Internet cafes were the most wasteful place. Twenty yuan was gone in an afternoon. Now I think Internet cafes are the most economical place. Twenty yuan can buy you a seat all afternoon.

7) My grades were very poor back then. My teachers and classmates laughed at me, saying that I would definitely not be able to go to college and would have to move bricks in the future. I was not convinced, so I secretly made up my mind, worked hard from dawn to dusk, and studied hard. My grades improved by leaps and bounds, and I was finally admitted to college. I studied civil engineering and went to move bricks after graduation. I just want to prove to them: Moving bricks is destined, and it has nothing to do with whether you can get into college!

8) Wife: Husband, what should I do if someone calls me a beauty on the street? ?Husband: Then you have to help him cross the road quickly. Wife: Husband, why is this? Husband: Because he is blind

9) I vowed to buy things from Taobao again, and now I am on Taobao Look at prosthetics

10) As long as you have the classroom in your heart, you can skip class wherever you go. Teachers will never understand.

Humorous sentences suitable for posting

1) What does it feel like to fall in love at first sight? Have you ever seen RMB?

2) I really can’t understand those who discriminate against homosexuals. Boys, you are stupid. Every time you have a gay couple, there are two more girls.

3) How to euphemistically describe someone else's ugliness?

4) Every time I see those skinny people on the street, I want to give her some meat. It's so pitiful.

5) As long as we all hand in blank papers together, we can be the first place, why should we kill each other.

6) If the director lets Big Big Wolf eat a sheep, the ratings will definitely skyrocket.

7) People who know your past are scary, but people who have photos of your past are even scarier!

8) People’s potential can be stimulated, for example, if you give me a pound I may not be able to lift a pound of bricks, but if you give me a pound of RMB, I will definitely pick it up and run away.

9) I hope that your life is not as good as mine, that you die earlier than me, that you don’t eat or sleep well, and that you look very old.

10) New Year’s money is something that adults give to adults, so we can see it in the middle.

11) When I was a child, I looked down on those scumbag students who fell in love early. Now that I think about it, I feel that those classmates are really amazing. They already have partners at a young age.

12) I feel that my wallet is really pitiful because I have never seen money in my life.

13) The difference between new shoes and old shoes is that when the new shoes are stepped on, you will say that you stepped on my shoes, but the old shoes are different, you stepped on my feet!

14) As a poor student, I hope that the questions are as difficult as possible. I can’t write them anyway, so it’s enough to be a top student.

15) No matter how decent a man is, he must lose his dignity in my territory. No matter how chaste the martyrdom is, I will let them take off their clothes completely naked. Don’t ask me why, I run a bathhouse.

16) If someone thinks you are stupid, just keep pretending to be stupid. Anyway, you have nothing to do, just tease them!

17) When you went to the store to buy something this morning, you heard The clerk said hello, how can I help you? I wanted to say yes, yes, please help me pay.

18) Female: What should we do? Male: What do you mean? Female: Oh! It’s what your parents often do. Man: (Silent for a few seconds) Fuck it! If you want to fight, just say so!

19) After cutting my hair, the barber asked me how I was doing. I was silent for a while and said to him, "As long as you are happy." Staying up late is not good for your health, so I suggest you stay up all night.

20) The girlfriend leaned on the shoulder of the cheap boy and asked delicately: We have been together for more than a month, why haven’t you attacked me yet? Boy: Do you really want me? Are you going to attack you? The girlfriend’s eyes were full of expectation: Really! Boy: OK, I’m going to attack you right now. After the boy finished speaking, he stood up and suddenly swept his legs and knocked his girlfriend to the ground

Popular humorous sentences suitable for posting

21) Xiao Ming, please fuck the teacher for us Broken heart was changed to passive sentence. The teacher's heart was broken by us. Xiao Ming, get out of here!

22) Edison went shopping with a couple and invented the light bulb after returning home.

23) Young people must not lose confidence just because of one subject of mathematics. This is not the only subject that you cannot master.

24) If there is a step distance between us, as long as you take a step toward me, I will hit you with a bottle. Why are you so close on a hot day?

25) There was news before that cheating in the college entrance examination will be punished. If a college entrance examination student is caught and sent to prison for cheating, an inmate will ask him how he got in, and the child can answer, you may not believe it, but I got here by taking the exam.

26) A buddy likes to chat online. Once I went to meet a female netizen. I asked him what happened. He said: I passed the written test but failed the interview. . .

27) Before you know it, summer has become the season for boys to show off their beautiful legs.

28) You think finding someone who doesn’t talk to sit with me can make me quiet. The head teacher would never have imagined that I cured that buddy’s autism.

29) When I don’t like to talk, you must know that your little official has a little mood again.

30) Today I heard a lewd voice on the roadside. Little handsome boy, come and play. I sneered in my heart, slut, if I don’t kill you today, I took out a dollar coin and sat on her. Pleasant Goat, Beautiful Goat, Lazy Goat, Boiling Goat, Big Big Wolf

31) I remember when I was a child, I often pointed to the ugly pictures in the textbook and said to my classmates, look, this is you. Then my deskmate looked through the whole book to find pictures uglier than this one and said, Look, this is you!

32) I am grateful to two people in the summer: one is named Willis Carrier, male, American Man, he invented air conditioning. The other one was Hou Yi, male, Chinese, who killed a sun.

33) My friend said that she lost several pairs of underwear some time ago, so I advised her to change her house quickly. It was not safe to rent in that kind of place. She smiled slightly: No need to bother, I don't wear underwear now.

34) Xiao Ming has been secretly in love with a beautiful woman for a long time. On Christmas Eve, he finally got up the courage to confess to the goddess. The beautiful woman looked at Xiao Ming faintly: I just regard you as my good friend. Xiao Ming's eyes were dazed, but they immediately brightened up and said excitedly: Let's have sex together.

35) Please hold my hand when you walk with me. Didn’t your teacher tell you when you were a child that you should carry valuables with you?

36) A question: I wonder what happens after death? How are you doing? Another said: How are you doing?

Everyone asked in surprise: Why do you say that? The person said: Have you ever seen a dead person come back? This means that you are living a good life down there!

37) If your boyfriend is Wu Shixun, then When you want to get something from a high place but can't, if Oh Sehun sees it, he will say, "You idiot, won't you ask me to help you?" If your boyfriend is Park Chanyeol, Park Chanyeol will touch your head and say he wants more. Grow taller, you idiot. If it were Baekhyun, he would say: Don’t look at me, I can’t get it!

38) Robbery in ancient times: I opened this mountain and planted this tree. If you want to pass by, Leave money to buy the way. After hundreds of years of civilization, in today's society, robbery is like this: There is a meter toll station ahead, please slow down

39) In class, the teacher asked: Children, how do ducks quack? Xiao Ming: quack quack, where's the sheep?, Xiao Hong: bleat bleat bleat, the teacher finally asked a question: how does the chicken crow?, Xiao Gang: oh, push it, don't um um ah

40 ) I'm 1.77 meters tall, I can cook and do laundry, I have eight-pack abs, I can repair elevators and I never litter. I have CET-8 English and Level 2 Japanese. I have a black belt in Taekwondo and Sanda fighting. I usually like to tear my pussy, pull my dick and play with my wife. It's skiing, paragliding, bungee jumping. Of course, these are not important. What I am best at is bragging. Post funny sentences about friends in 2019

1. Why do you have more nonsense than Hunan Satellite TV’s advertisements?

2. I want to become thin and light up all the obscene fat people.

3. It is better to be fat and exquisite than to be thin and the same.

4. The hair is gone without a trace, and the dandruff is more prominent.

5. Use the landlord’s toothbrush to brush the toilet when you feel depressed.

6. Cucumbers are about shooting, life is about having fun.

7. The mind is a daily necessities, not decorations.

8. Whoever’s husband is a fucking temporary worker.

9. Exposing half of your butt does not mean you are sexy. It only means that you bought too small underwear.

10. Your smile is brighter than that piece of shit under the sun.

11. If two people are together for a long time, staring at each other is also romantic.

12. My heart is not a bus. It is not a place where you can sit down whenever there is space.

13. Count the stars with me. If your IQ is low, just count the moon.

14. Mermaid, I love you, only you will not cheat.

15. My ears are not trash cans. Don’t throw anything here.

16. Life is like a journey, you may end up overturning somewhere.

17. You call me diving brother when you play, and you call me lurking when you play.

18. The most useless thing in the world is the salary slip. If you look at it, you will get angry and wipe your butt too thinly.

19. Medicine cannot cure fake illnesses, and wine cannot cure real sorrows.

20. Sorry, the signature is too personal and the system cannot display it. Please refresh.

21. Do you wipe your butt with your left hand or your right hand? It’s disgusting. I use paper.

22. The ancients said: Only when you have a house, you will have a wife, and if you have a wife, you will have a wife. , Only with children, only with children can I be my father!

23. This is how feelings are, if you hurt others, whether intentionally or unintentionally, there will always be someone to hurt you.

24. When I have money, I will take the people I hate the most to the best mental hospital in the world

25. I like this season, Because the green sea is like a sea, the light is warm, and because everything is beautiful, you are in the center

26. Boys must transform into warriors and fight in different battlefields to give their women fairy tales

27. I'm not as smart as you think, so don't play tricks on me

28. A man and a woman were called out by the teacher to answer questions at the same time. The whole class was coughing. This is the best school time in my memory.

29. It is better to wish that I could dominate the world than to be so scrupulous

30. I can live a good life without you, but this does not mean that you are not important

31. {Let go of the girl and let me come first}

32. Throw away the people around you with your own hands but complain that you are lonely and unloved

33. Your suffering is yours This is how I feel after multiplying pain by ten

34. You say I have changed, but it is actually because I have not lived according to your ideas

35. The worst thing in life is to be hungry Belly two is without you.

36. What disappoints women is not that you have no money, but that there is no hope in you.

37. How are you doing now? What if you are not doing well? I feel relieved.

38. After the transfusion was finished, the doctor came and said, "Young man, you are so lucky to have another bottle"

39. You are the author of your own life, why bother writing the script? Word.

40. Which superhero do you think I want to be? Spiderman? Superman? No, your man

41. The right path in the world is the vicissitudes of life, so don’t live too arrogantly.

42. In the eyes of the teacher, the questions on the test paper are all for giving points, but in my opinion, the questions on the test paper are for deducting points.

43. The math teacher’s mantra is relatively simple @#￥￥%

44. I have always been alone and never need to be loved

45. I used to like to hold on to the past because I was sick before and there is a better present worth cherishing

46. A name that sounds too nice is also a mistake. The hit rate is too high. Huihui They were all caught by the teacher. Post funny sentences on WeChat

1. Losing weight is not that easy, every piece of meat has its own temper.

2. The highest state of vacation is: being bored enough to take the initiative to learn.

3. People in their 30s still like to call themselves girls, while those aged 16 or 17 prefer to call themselves mothers

4. The only reason to hand in papers in advance is that the people around you are no longer of use.

5. If Lu Xun was still alive, he would definitely not be able to answer his own reading questions.

6. After you fall in love with me, I will definitely give you a Xuanmai to eat.

7. Do you know what a tomboy is? Her partner said, "I feel like talking to her is like two men having sex!"

8. Our invigilator said that students who want copies should just tell them to go over and get them. Don’t keep asking me to squint, otherwise it will be difficult to explain to your parents at the parent-teacher meeting!

9. A girl faced the beautiful mountains and rivers and shouted: Motherland! my mother! A boy who had a crush on her quickly shouted: Motherland! My mother-in-law

10. One day, Bai Suzhen farted, and Xu Xian suddenly realized: "Madam, could it be that you are a rattlesnake."

11. I have always heard other people say, how about renting a house? How cool it was, finally one day I couldn't help but check out a room... It was so cool, sleeping on such a big bed all by myself!

12. Give me a test paper about EXO and let me tell you what a true academic master is.

13. Chen Rui's "Don't Be a Woman in the Next Life", Yi Xin "Don't Be a Man in the Next Life", comments: Don't be a man in the next life!

14. Who invented instant noodles? One bowl is not enough, and two bowls are not enough.

15. During the Spring Festival, adults play cards and children play everywhere. How embarrassing is it for me, who is neither old nor young and has no partner!

16. I just like him, so bite me!

17. People are reviewing before the exam. Damn, I opened the book as if I was previewing!

18. The biggest regret in life is not being able to kiss yourself.

19. Rock, paper, scissors, if you lose, you are mine, if you win, you are still mine.

20. When I went through all the trouble to drink a cup of tea, I found that there were too many tea leaves.

21. Don’t pretend to be Bao Qingtian just because you have a scar on your head!

22. My biggest dream is to break my sleeping record

23. People are born on the bed, die on the bed, and want to live and die, also on the bed.

24. I want to be a person like stinky tofu, smelling stinky and eating delicious food. This is called connotation

25. Sometimes I find that I have become ugly and I take out my ID card. Only after a competition did I realize that I was thinking too much

26. I didn’t want to get the paper or see the score. That's not cool at all.

27. My wife likes to see penguins, so we plan to go to Africa and see kangaroos by the way.

28. Teacher, just tell the parent you like directly and don’t hold parent-teacher meetings all the time.

29. Only people who have done well in the exam will post the kind of talk about those who failed in the exam. The real bad students don’t even want to say anything

30. I am the most insidious, bad and biggest My conspiracy is to make you fall in love with me.

31. "Why is winter vacation shorter than summer vacation?" "It expands with heat and shrinks with cold." "Then why do you have the same amount of homework?" "Because the quality remains the same."

32. I have had a dream since I was a child that everyone in China would give me one dollar.

33. Don’t laugh suddenly when you are playing on your mobile phone at home, otherwise your parents will think you are in love

34. Those who say I am scheming, come and tell me how you are. You can see that I am scheming

35. Invigilator + geographical location + friendliness of classmates in the exam room + mobile phone traffic + mobile search speed = test score

36. How many beautiful legs are ruined on the face , How many beautiful women are ruined by their body shape, how many beautiful men are ruined by their height, and how many infatuated men are ruined by poverty.

37. How many students, even if they don’t know how to solve a math problem, will write the solution first in a gorgeous way!

38. Quilt and I really love each other, but the alarm clock doesn’t think so.

39. Hanging Conan in the room will make it difficult to fail a class.

40. I don’t want exams, I don’t want reviews, I don’t want rankings, because that’s not cool at all.

41. As Lao Ban said, your final exam scores are related to your New Year problems! !

42. In fact, when we saw the test paper and the teacher saw the answer sheet, we had the same reaction: What the hell is this!

43. Homework mistress, please respect yourself, I am a person who has a winter vacation.

44. It’s only been 20 days since the winter vacation! It takes 33 days to lose love these days.

45. My ex-boyfriend sent me a message asking me to attend his wedding. I calmly replied with three words: I will go next time.

46. The quarrels when I was a child were so simple: "You are a pig" "You are the pig" "Rebound!" "Rebound is ineffective!"

47. Tiantian: "I am a big hero" "Yucheng: "I am a great hero" Tiantian: "You are a superwoman"

48. Forgive me for being so sexy when I was a child that I didn't even wear underpants.

49. Think about how much you looked down on 60 points back then. What a stupid idea this was.

50. What a great coin: Heads for surfing the Internet, tails for sleeping. If it breaks, I will go and learn