A profound and short joke.

1, take my best friend's car to go shopping in the city. She chose a long road. I: Why not take a shortcut? Girlfriend: That road is unlucky. Me: ... She went on to say: A month ago, I walked that road and my car hit a big tree. It was the same road or the same tree half a month ago! Shit, why don't you talk about your technical problems?

2. I remember when I first went to college, I saw a western restaurant as soon as I entered the door, thinking that the university was good and had its own characteristics. When I went to the dormitory, Nima saw the Oriental Restaurant again. I knew I was thinking too much!

3, stall owner: "This is real gold, 580." Me: "Ten dollars!" Stall owner: "You see clearly, this is real gold!" " Me: "Ten dollars!" Vendor: "How can I buy real gold goods for ten dollars?" Tell you what, 200 yuan will do, and we can't go any lower. Me: "Ten dollars! "Vendor:" Well, I'll sell it to you if you are so persistent. Me: If I don't buy, I'll practice bargaining. "

4. My wife likes fish very much, and will try to raise a little of everything. Yesterday, one of her goldfish died and she was sad for a long time. I just want to comfort him by saying that fish can't be resurrected after death. Don't be sad, my husband is buying one for you. She said that she had kept it for so long, and she was very emotional. I just want to bury it and ask me what to do. I blurted it out without thinking. Not cremated anyway. It smells so good. I'm afraid you can't stand the temptation.

On the first blind date with my daughter-in-law, we didn't look at each other, but we still had dinner together. I guess we didn't look at each other, so we didn't care about the image. We ordered six dishes, I ate three bowls of rice and she ate two bowls of rice. Then after dinner, I felt that she was suddenly particularly pleasing to the eye. I asked her to go to the movies, but she didn't refuse, and then we were together. ...

6. "There are many minibuses getting off at the station. An aunt asked me, "Do you want to take three rounds? "

7. A: "What should I do if my ear hurts?" C: "Have a rest." A: "It depends on the wife's mood. If the wife is in a better mood, take a rest. If it is still not good, slip away quickly to prevent the other ear from being injured. "

8. A buddy opened a new convenience store on National Day, and the business is good. He hired a waiter. On his first day at work, his buddy told him to pay attention to the power supply after work at night, and unplug everything that should be unplugged to avoid causing a fire. After I went the next day, I saw that the ice cream in the freezer had melted.

9. When I came home from school with my friends in junior high school, a bat flew very low, then hit me on the forehead and flew away. Frightened by the furry touch, I cried on the spot. I asked my friend, "Will bats fly away when they encounter obstacles with ultrasonic waves? How can it fly to the forehead? " The friend thought for a moment and said, "Well, maybe it's because you don't have a brain."

10, "Female:" Honey, how much do you think it will cost me to have a facelift? "

1 1. One day, my wife bought online at home. I stepped aside, turned my chair around and said to her, wife, I want to grow old with you! My wife was very moved after hearing this, and said to me: Husband, I also want to grow old with you. I quickly said: wife, I won't buy more than two thousand dollars of anti-aging essence!

12, a female college student in my unit, who has not been married for two years, feels a little fat and often clamors for losing weight. Never really tried to lose weight. People often make fun of her. I don't know which nerve is out of order. I have tried to lose weight 10 kilograms. Even the old friends I haven't seen for a long time have repeatedly exclaimed, "You've lost a lot of weight!" Not to mention the colleagues in our unit, there is no one who doesn't say so: "You have really lost a lot of weight." I didn't know that married women had strong eloquence. Shouting at the company: "You are blind, but no one says I have become beautiful. Now I find that my biggest problem is not being fat, but being ugly. " Everybody cover your mouth.

13, "Sister, how much is it?" "99。" "what! How expensive! Cheap! " "No bargaining". "Why don't you bargain? Sister, look, look at this material? This feeling? Can it be worth 99? ! Please hurry up, sir, or the train will leave. "

14, neighbor Zhang Bo brought a rabbit to my house, saying that it was raised by his grandson, but now his grandson is tired and says he can't raise it. But rabbits raised by dolls can't kill and eat meat. They sent it to my house for fear that the child would be sad. Just then, his grandson came crying and grabbed Jaco's clothes with a runny nose and tears: "Grandpa, I just want to eat rabbit meat. Why don't you understand and give it away? Wow ... "

15. A sister is cooking noodles in the dormitory. The noodles have just been cooked. The housekeeper came and knocked at the door. Sister panicked and rushed into the toilet with a noodle pot. Unexpectedly, the housekeeper came to repair the toilet light and knocked on the toilet door. Sister had no choice but to pour a mouthful of noodles into the toilet and rush out of the toilet. She said helplessly, "Is it easy for me to eat a noodle?" The whole dormitory laughed. ...