A humorous story that makes friends happy.

1, the cat was forced by life and sat in the cordate telosma hair salon opened by the fox. One day, the mouse came to the hair salon to ask for the night, and the cat vowed to die. The mouse was furious and said, I chased Lao Tzu to death, and now I'm sending it to the door, and I'm still a prude! The doctor asked the patient how he broke his bone. The patient said, I felt sand in my shoes, so I shook my shoes with a telephone pole. A fucking * * * passed by and thought I was electrocuted, so he grabbed a stick and gave me two sticks! [Transferred from Tiexue Community//bbs.tiexue/] 3. In biology class, the teacher asked: How can we correctly distinguish the hands and feet of an octopus? Answer: Give it a fart to smell. Is the hand will cover your nose, and the rest is your feet. The whole class fell down. 4, a person always farts at work, and colleagues can't help but say: Can you keep quiet? Then I saw him sitting there trembling. Colleagues asked him what he was doing, and he replied, I am tuned to vibration now! 5. When someone was riding a bike, I heard a passerby shout: Go, Go, Go … I thought, Damn it, I can sing: Ole Ole…… I plunged into the ditch and didn't fall. Passers-by scolded: Shit! Let me tell you something, Gou Gou, do you still ride horses? ! You deserve to fall to death! 6, carp and tortoise to get a marriage certificate. The clerk asked how old the tortoise was, and the tortoise said: 100. The clerk said regretfully, I'm sorry, according to your family rules, you are underage and are not allowed to get married. 5 1gxqm 7。 A couple came to the wishing pool. The husband bent down, made a wish and threw a coin into the well. My wife also wanted to make a wish, but when she bent down, she accidentally fell into the well. The husband was surprised, then smiled and said to himself, "What a fucking spirit!" " 8. A couple are fishing by the river. The lady always quarreled, and after a while the fish took the bait. The lady said, this fish is really poor. The husband said, yes, just shut up. [Transferred from Tiexue Community//bbs.tiexue/] 9. The science teacher asked, "Why is the body cold after death?" No one answered. The teacher asked again, "Nobody knows?" At this time, someone at the back of the classroom said, "That's because it's calm and naturally cold." 10, spiders love ants deeply, but they are rejected when expressing their love. The spider roared, "Why? Why is this? " The ant said timidly, "My mother said that people who surf the Internet all day are not good people!" " "1 1. Xiaoguang is a diligent student. He earned his tuition before the winter vacation. Help the butcher cut meat during the day and go to the hospital for internship at night. One night, an old woman had to undergo surgery because of an emergency, and Xiaoguang pushed her into the operating room. The old woman screamed in panic: "My God! You kill pigs. Where are you going to push me? 12, the male and female toilets in the school are connected. A girl forgot to bring toilet paper to the toilet. When she was embarrassed, toilet paper came from the men's room next door. The girl turned pale and asked loudly, "Who?" . The boy next door replied with a deep and powerful voice: "Lei Feng." 13. When a person wants to throw up for the first time on the plane, the stewardess takes an empty bag, and then goes to get it when it is almost full, telling him to "stop throwing up". When I came back, I saw it everywhere. I asked why, and replied, "I was almost full, and I took another sip, and everyone around me vomited ..."14, the woman is 8 years old, and you still have to make up stories to put her to sleep. 18 You have to make up a story to trick her into sleeping with you. 28 years old, she will sleep with you, no story. 38 years old, she will make up stories to lie to you and her. [Transferred from Tiexue Community//bbs.tiexue/]15. After seeing the Three Kingdoms, the tiger went to catch wild boar. He saw that there were no pigs in the pigsty, so he touched his beard and said, Empty city plan! I turned around and saw a dead pig on the animal trap. I was shocked: danger! I was overjoyed to see you again suddenly: yo-ho, and honey trap? ! 1. The old couple went to take pictures, and the photographer asked, "Grandpa, do you want side light, backlight or full light?" My uncle said shyly, "I don't care." Can you leave a pair of underwear for your aunt? " 2. Wife's Quotation: You are allowed to get drunk and hook up with girls, but you must return to the team at night. If you dare to break my heart and my lungs, I will definitely cripple your third leg and let your bird sleep forever. 3. Two charming children got married. After seeing off the guests, the groom returned to the bedroom and found a meatball lying on the bed! The groom was frightened and asked where the bride was. Meatball said shyly, I hate it, you don't even know people when they take off their clothes! 4. Two old couples had a whim while eating one day: naked rice! Get back to your old feelings! * * * The old woman said: I still have a reaction! The nursing room is as hot as when I was young! The old man squinted and said, it's drooping in the soup! 5. Four mice brag: A: I eat rat poison as candy every day; B: it itches if you don't step on a mouse for a day; C: Don't go to the streets several times a day. D: it's getting late. Let's go home and hug the cat. 6. The sky is blue and the sea is deep, and nothing a person says is true; Love is eternal, blood is bright red, and it is impossible for a man not to fight; When a man has money, he is destined for everyone. If a person can rely on it, pigs can climb trees. 7. A group of ants climbed up the elephant's back, but they were knocked down. Only one ant sticks to the elephant's neck. The ant below shouted: strangle him, strangle him, demo, it's fucking backwards! 8. The child stole a parrot from a brothel. As soon as he entered the door, the parrot called, Move! Seeing his mother, he shouted: The boss has changed, too! Seeing his sister, he shouted, Miss has changed! Seeing his father, he shouted, I'm still an old customer! 9. Long road of life, who is better! Family to take care of, lovers to get along! There is a cook at home, a kind-hearted person outside, a nice table and a missing person in the distance! Keep two, keep one, develop three, four, five, six, seven! 10. A puppy climbed onto your dining table and crawled towards a roast chicken. You are furious and say, if you dare to do anything to that roast chicken, I will dare to do anything to you. As a result, the dog licked the chicken and you fainted. The dog said, look who is cruel. 1 1. Legend has it that tonight, ghosts wander, dead light reappears, and ghosts turn around! May the ghost hear my call, come to your bedside in the middle of the night, touch your face with pale face, green eyes and dry hands and say good night to you for me! 12. Men are always laughing and their eyes are discharging. They are either sick or cheating! A woman with breast enhancement and waist reduction is dissolute, either take out your pocket or let you have a black knife! These days, freaks and banshees, look out! 13. When you were walking on the road, a bitch jumped on you, bit off a piece of meat from your foot and swallowed it quickly. When you put out your foot to kick it, the dog said with tears: You fight, anyway, I already have your flesh and blood in my stomach! 14. Mice are particularly depressed without girlfriends. Finally, a bat agreed to marry him, and the mouse was very happy. Others laughed at his lack of foresight. Mouse: What do you know? She is at least a stewardess. 15. A friend asked the bat how he married a mouse. The bat's eyes are full of tears, which is meaningful: alas! That day, he ate Brother Wei, with strong firepower, and jumped on the ceiling to let him succeed. 16. I sent you this message for ten cents to tell you that I am not a penniless person. For example, this dime message is my birthday present to you. 17. The ant lay lazily in the soil and stretched out a leg. What is your friend asking you? Ant: Then the elephant came and tripped him. 18. The magpie came, and my mother said it was like a bird and a guest; The swallow came, and my mother said it was a good bird or a guest. The crow came, and the child asked, are you a guest? The crow cried, Yes, I am a hacker! 19. A beautiful woman found lipstick too heavy, wiped it with a wet tissue and threw it on the road. An old man picked it up, looked at it for a long time and suddenly woke up. He caught up and said, girl, this ultra-thin one is easy to fall off! 20. Cucumber was lovelorn and cried. Eggplant comforted her: Love is not only sweet, but also intoxicated, heartbroken and tearful. Alas! Who made you fall in love with onions? Yesterday, I dreamed that God said I could have a wish. I took out a globe and said I wanted world peace. He said it was too difficult to change. I took out your photo and said I wanted this person to look good. On reflection, he said that I would take another look at the globe. 22. A woman is too ugly to marry and wants to be trafficked. Finally, my dream came true, but I couldn't sell it for half a month. The kidnapper sent him back, but she insisted on not getting off. The kidnapper gritted his teeth and stamped his feet: Let's go, don't want the car. 23.20 years ago, dad held you waiting for the bus. Everyone laughed at the ugly child, and dad cried. An old man selling bananas patted his father and said, "Don't cry, big brother, give the monkey a banana!" " ! Poor thing, I'm so hungry that I have no hair. "24. On the plane, a parrot said to the stewardess," Give me a glass of water. The pig said to the stewardess like a parrot, "Give me a glass of water." "The stewardess was furious and threw the parrot and pig off the plane. At this time, the parrot said to the pig, "you are so stupid, I can fly." "25. There was an old farmer hoeing in the field. A crow flew by and took a shit and landed on the old farmer's face. The old farmer looked up and cursed: "Cao, you mother! I don't know how to wear shorts when I go out! " The crow said, "Cao! You shit and wear underwear! "Section 26. Xiao Ming told his mother that a guest came to play at home today, and my brother put a thumbtack on the guest's chair. I saw it. Mom said, "Then how did you do it? "Xiao Ming said," I stood by, and when the guest wanted to sit down, I took the chair away from behind him. "27. One day on a crowded bus, a conversation went like this: A standing pregnant woman said to a man sitting next to him," Don't you know I'm pregnant? " (I want him to give up his seat ...) I saw the man nervously say, "The child is not mine! 28. Just a gust of wind, but so eternal, just a dream, but so real. You bowed your head and said nothing, but I couldn't calm down. I finally can't help but say to you: Next time you fart, let me know! 29. A pair of lovers were caught by a savage in the mountains and said that you would let you go if you ate each other's shit. The lover did it. On the way home, the woman cried. The man asked her why, and the woman said sadly, you don't love me, otherwise you won't pull so much! Humor joke: When the school began to call the roll, a class teacher was ingenious and said to the students, "I'll look at the student number, so you can report your own names, so that everyone can get to know each other, okay?" "No.0065438 +0!" "Teacher, my name is Jiao and my name is Jiao Pei." The teacher was a little dizzy and asked, "Who gave this to you?" "My dad." "What does your father do?" "Open a pig farm!" "No.002!" A girl stood up and said, "Teacher, my name is Zhang and my name is Zhang Dekai." "No.003!" "Teacher, I am Zhang Dekai's twin brother. My name is Zhang. "Who gave you this name?" "It's my dad. He sells pliers. " The teacher quickly took a sip of water. "No.004!" "Report teacher, my name is Qu (pronounced" ou "), and my name is Qu Ye (oh yeah). This is the name my mother gave me. She said that when she gave birth to me, a computer game exploded. " The teacher felt a little uncomfortable. "No.005!" "Report to the teacher, * * Niang!" "How do you call names? ! ""no! Teacher, I mean my last name is Gan, and my name is foster mother. My father makes wine. " The teacher took a pill. 006! ""Teacher, my name is Gou, and my name is Gou Ignore. " "Your dad is a steamed stuffed bun shop? ！” "Teacher, you are so smart! "The teacher has been a little shaken." 007! ""My name is Kuai (read fast and pronounce the third time. ) This is called goods. " "Don't tell me your father runs a warehouse." "Teacher, you are too old-fashioned. My father is a pimp. "Blood oozed from the teacher's mouth." 008! ""go to hell, teacher! " "What? what did you say ? /Excuse me? ！” "I mean, my name is Ni, and I'm going to the temple. My mother is a Buddhist. Is my name interesting? " "Interesting, interesting. "The teacher is about to cry." 009! ""Teacher, let's talk about it next time. " "Why do you want to say it next time, you say it now!" "no! Teacher, my surname is Xia, and my name is Xia Huishuo. My father is a storyteller. "The teacher has already felt dizzy." 0 10! ""Teacher, my last name is Gao. " "My name is Mei, and my name is Mei Conscience." "My name is Wu, and my name is Kate." "My name is Mao, called Mao Rongrong. "The teacher spurted blood and fell to the ground. It turned out to be a surprising joke. I suggest telling ghost stories. Generally speaking, ghost jokes are easy to make people feel refreshed and a little scary, and then they can laugh. Let me tell you first: once upon a time, a couple went out for a trip and they quarreled. As a result, the man killed the woman, and the woman became a ghost, haunting the man day and night. Later, the man found a local witch, and the witch said to him: There is only one way to make your girlfriend stop pestering you. At midnight, 12, go to her grave and give her what she likes all her life as a gift. The man did it. At midnight, 12, he went to the woman's grave with a bunch of things. Sure enough, the ghost appeared. She gave a gloomy smile. The man's legs went limp with fear. Female the ghost looked at the things on the ground, shook her head and said a word. Guess what this is? Yes: "No gifts this year, only melatonin. "Every good friend likes his good friend to smile happily and likes to see his smiling face. Unless you are not really a good friend, you won't care whether your life is happy or painful. I think if I want to make my friends happy, I should treat my friends happily first. If you always communicate with your friends with a black face, even if you tell him (her) jokes, he (she) will have the last laugh. He (she) will be happy to chat with you if he (she) is happy to talk instead of telling jokes.