Humorous jokes in English

English humorous jokes

DID YOUR DAD HELP YOU?

　One day, Tim's mathematics teacher looked at his homework and

　saw that he had got all his sums right. The teacher was very

　pleased-and rather surpr ised. He called Tim to his desk and

　said to him, "You got all your homework right this time, Tim.

　What happened? Did your father help you?"

"no, sir. he was too busy last night, so I had to do it all

myself," said Tim.

Did your father help you?

One day, Tim's math teacher looked at his homework and found that he got it all right. The teacher was very happy

and surprised at the same time. He called Tim to the table and said, "Tim, you got all your homework right this time. What's the matter? Did your father do it for you? "

"No, sir, my father was very busy yesterday, so I had to do it all by myself."

　Tom call Jim's name:"I can't bear such a foolish! "

　and Jim say:"You mother could (bear)! "

Pig or Witch

A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road. As they pass each other, the woman leans out of the window and yells "PIG! ! "the man immediately leans out of his window and copies," witch! ! "They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road. If only men would listen.

Translation 1: A man is driving on a steep and narrow mountain road, and a woman is driving in the opposite direction. When they met, the woman stuck her head out of the window and shouted: Pig! ! ? The man immediately poked his head out of the window and replied, Witch! ! ? They moved on. The man turned at the next intersection and ran into a pig in the middle of the road. If only this man could understand what that woman meant.

　Contented Married Life

　A man was telling one of his friends the secret of his contented married life, "My wife makes all the small decisions," he explained, "and I make all the big ones, so we never interfere in each other's business and never get annoyed with each other. We have no complaints and no arguments."

　"That sounds reas onable," answered his friend sympathetically. "And what sort of decisions does your wife make?"

　"Well," answered the man, "she decides what jobs I apply for, what sort of house we live in, what furniture we have, where we go for our holidays, and things like that."

　His friend was surprised. "Oh?" he said. "And what do you consider important decisions then?"

　"Well," answered the man, "I decide who should be Prime Minister, whether we should increase our help to poor countries, What we should do about the atom bomb, and things like that. "

A satisfactory married life

A man tells his friends the secret of his happy marriage. Little things are decided by my wife. He explained:? And I only care about big things. We never interfere with each other and never get angry with each other. We never complained or quarreled. ?

　? That sounds reasonable. His friends feel the same way. What matters are decided by your wife?

　? Well,? The man replied:? She decides what job I apply for, what house we live in, what furniture to buy, and where to go on holiday. ?

his friend asked in surprise. Oh? So what important things have you decided?

　? Well,? He replied:? I decide who will be the prime minister, whether we should increase aid to poor countries, how to deal with the atomic bomb and so on. ?

Tom scolded Jim, "I can't stand you stupid egg!" "

Jim said, "Your mother can!"

P.S.: bear has two meanings: the joke of "living" and "enduring" is based on this.

Tom calls Jim's name: "I can't bear such a fool! "

　and Jim say:"You mother could (bear)! "

Tom scolded Jim:" I can't stand you stupid egg! "

Jim said," Your mother can! "

P.S.: bear has two meanings: the joke of" living "and" enduring "is based on this.