Ask Wu Zongxian for funny programs and quotations.

1. I can't give her happiness, but I can comfort her; I can't give it to her forever, but I can give it to her once.

2. Eat soft food during the day and work hard at night; Men are not responsible, but also pay!

I hate two kinds of people most, one is racist (others start cheering) and the other is black.

Businessmen don't know how to hate their country, and prostitutes don't know about extramarital affairs.

4. Women are not drunk, men have no chance; Men are not drunk, women have no tips; Men and women are not drunk, and no one sleeps in the hotel.

5. Men eat, women sleep, and if they don't eat or sleep, they will be scrapped immediately.

Brother Xian: Welcome Singapore guests now. How long will you stay in Taiwan Province Province?

Guest: A week.

Brother Xian: OK, I have opened many restaurants. Please feel free to come to my restaurant, ok?

Aya: It's all your responsibility, isn't it?

Brother xian: no, it will be faster to serve food this way!

Brother Xian: What do you do?

Guest: Playing music at the funeral.

Xian Di: Do you always blow by the coffin?

Guest: Yes, it's next to him.

Brother Xian: Did you blow up the dead man to thank him?

Brother Xian: She made a mistake once. When she went to work, the clothes she wore were too fancy. Her chest was so low that her eyes were bulging, her skirt with suspenders was exposed in the gap between her thighs, and she drove sideways to her armpit.

Brother Xian: Which university did you study at?

Guest: * * University

Brother xian: ah ~ ~ ~ ~ junior.

Cheng Lin: Brother Xian, where are you from * * University?

Brother Xian: Yes.

Colin: Did you go to school?

Brother Xian: OK, OK ... May I come over?

Colin: Do you know what the movie Spider-Man is called in Chinese mainland?

Aya: What's your name?

Cheng Lin: Spider-Man, chivalrous man.

Brother Xian: Nothing. Spider-Man is Spider-Man. Do you know what Superman is called in Chinese mainland?

Cheng Lin: Superman?

Brother Xian: There are so many chivalrous men. Let's call them Superman!

Cheng Lin: I think many boys like eating grass again.

Brother Xian: Why? The road is easier?

Aya: We girls will be good horses.

Brother Xian: No, we should do the grass well. If he goes back to Malaysia, don't give it to him.

Brother Xian: Do you know what black people hate to eat?

Cheng Lin: No idea.

Aya: What is it?

Brother Xian: Chocolate, because it will bite your fingers.

Aya: Yes.

Brother Xian: So what do yellow people dislike to eat the least?

Aya: Is it a banana?

Brother Xian: No, it's actually shit.

Aya and Cheng Lin: Why! !

Brother xian: nonsense, who likes to eat shit!

After a while, my good brother thought of something and couldn't help laughing.

I cann't believe you two are asking why you eat shit

Hey, boss, give me a catty of shit and bring me a knife and fork.

Brother Xian: Do you still have the habit of playing the cello often on an empty stomach?

Guest: Yes.

Aya: Why?

Customer: Because the cello is played sitting. ...

Brother Xian: Oh ~ ~ ~ Because once you eat too much, I'm afraid your posture will really pull out ~ ~ ~ It feels like a toilet.

Brother Xian said Aya: Actually, you should be asked to make a ghost film. People have no head when they come out. As soon as you come out, they have no breasts!

One guest and one song, everyone is making trouble and following the chaos.

Guest: Shut up.

Brother Xian: Look, all your friends are singing around, but I'm the only one who didn't sing.

Guest: Yes, good friends are like this.

Brother Xian: No, when I listen to you sing, I cover my ears with my hands. Why do I have a microphone in my hand?

Guest crazy k-line brother

Aya asked the little boy, are there many good friends at school?

Boy: Yes.

Cheng Lin: Do many girls like you?

Boys: There are no girls in our class, only boys.

Brother Xian: Oh ~ ~ ~ Is there a boy who likes you?

Aya: Will you stop being such a pervert?

Brother Xian: Do you win sympathy with tears when you do something wrong?

Little boy: Sometimes

Brother Xian: Nine-year-old boys don't cry. Like I have children, my son won't cry.

Aya: Because you sewed up his mouth.

Brother Xian: No, he once fell from the fourth floor. Just patted him and said, Oh, it's so high. Be careful in the future.

Brother Xian said Aya: You really look like twins. From a distance, you really look like a splash-ink landscape painting.

Brother Xian: May I ask you a professional question? It's all rice fields. Will it be quite symmetrical to pull it out?

Customer: Actually, it's basically the same as usual, or it may be similar to yours.

Brother Xian: Have you seen mine? Mine are all pink, and there are two angels spinning on them.

Nuo Nuo: Pink? You even took out a bow!

Aya asked the guest: My friend said that your singing sounded like Faye Wong?

Guest: Yes.

Brother Xian: Why did they lie to you?

Brother Xian asked the guest: Really, are you also in this play? Your brother seems to be acting.

Guest: Yes, I play the second child of his B club.

Brother Xian: Is it comfortable to play with his penis for the first time?

Brother Xian: No wonder your hairstyle is bald.

One guest dresses sexy at a time.

Brother Xian: Oh, my God, you let our deer hit you ~ ~ ~

Laibinxiao

Xiandi: Excuse me, what do you do?

Customer: The assistant of the equestrian coach.

Brother Xian: Excuse me ~ ~ ~ Is it a real horse or ...?

Guest: Real horses, of course.

Brother Xian: The guest said, Miss, I want to ride a horse. Can you ...?

Customer: I can teach you how to ride a horse.

Brother Xian: You can teach me ~

Guest: Yes.

Brother Xian: Then I'll change my clothes first! Do you want to take a bath after riding?

visitor .......

Brother Xian smiled: Are you serious? Because of you, it is hard for us not to want to go there.

Brother Xian: I heard that your boyfriend quarreled over your work.

Customer: Because people who come to our company usually don't ride horses very much.

Brother Xian: Oh ~ ~ ~ I see, I want to ride another kind of horse.

Full laughter

The guests are speechless.

Brother Xian argued: No, there are mini horses and Arabian horses. They want to ride this.

The guest just watched a ballet, and Brother Xian wanted to stimulate Aya and let her learn to dance.

Brother Xian: You can dance. It's just a simple tiptoe movement.

So the guests taught first, and Aya just stretched her feet to learn.

Brother xian immediately shouted: card!

Cheng Lin: She hasn't gone out yet. What a mistake!

Brother xian: I can't help it Her face, I want to be a director.

Brother Xian: There are five beauties in Chinese mainland:

A first-class beauty crossed the sea

Second-class beauty Shenzhen Zhuhai

Third-rate beauty stays in Shanghai.

Waiting at the home of a fourth-class beauty

Fifth-class beauties were sent to reform-through-labour institutions.

Brother Xian: Aya is really unprecedented ~ ~ Never ~ ~

In a topic about bus pervert, a guest said that he had been touched, but he didn't shout; Brother Xian taught her not to indulge the bad guys, but to learn from Aya. She immediately shouted out (Aya nodded. . ): "That's cool, that's cool. . . "-_-b

Brother Xian: Women are not drunk, and men have no chance.

Men are not drunk and women have no tips.

Men and women are not drunk, and no one sleeps in the hotel.

When Aya patted her chest to show confidence, Wu Zongxian shouted: Listen, there is an echo ~

A female guest has a good figure and big breasts.

Wu told her to stand up: Oh, it seems that someone is staring at me.

Wu Zongxian: "Xinru, how does it feel to cooperate with mainland actors?"

Ruby Lin: "Very happy!"

Wu Zongxian: "I heard that you and Zhao Wei are sitting next door, kicking each other around?"

Ruby Lin: "We are playing ~ ~ ~ ~".

Wu Zongxian: "Oh, it's a game. The two of them are still playing until the blood is like a column (echoed by the small S) ~ ~ ~ But I heard that the swallow has been talking about you recently! ~ ~ ~ ~ (pretending to whisper to the host ASOS next to him) said that he had no chest and was out of the photo album ~ ~ ~ ~ "

Ruby Lin (crazy wry smile): "You talk too loudly! ! ! ! "

Big S dozen circle field: "Who said that the chest is too small to make an album?"

Wu Zongxian (yelling loudly at S): "You really said it! I knew you took out the photo album! "

Big S (laughs): "I don't have ~ ~"

Brother Xian: "What do you usually eat to have such a good figure?"

Da Bo MM (who forgot): I like to eat fruit.

Aya: I like fruit too.

Brother Xian said to Aya: People like papaya, but you like grapes.

Brother Xian: Wow, you see it so thoroughly? Aren't we naked in front of you It's a good thing I posted a chest patch today, otherwise you would have seen it all.

Brother Xian: I admit, I farted in the swimming pool once, and then I got up quickly.

Aya: Why?

Brother Xian roared: Even the shit has come out, why don't you get up? And the water has turned yellow ~ ~ ~

Aya asked the guest: What kind of boy do you like?

Guest: As tall and handsome as Brother Xian (at this time, the screen shows: What are the contradictory conditions)

Brother Xian sings: I believe. ...

Aya: Do you have a boyfriend?

Guest: Yes.

Brother Xian changed his tune and sang: I should be under the car. You should drive over and run me over.

Brother Xian described the figure of a female guest like this: from a distance, it looks like two chopsticks with two mercury pills on it.

The bikini worn by the female guests is in good shape. The final pose is 30 seconds 18 movements, and the camera is aimed at the beauty's face.

Brother Xian: Please pat the whole body, or the audience will complain.

Then the director put a close-up of a beautiful woman's chest ~ ~ ~

Brother xian scolded the director: rude, personal interest ~ is it ridiculous? Too much. You also take a close-up of your chest. Please copy a tape for me. I'm taking it home and keeping it for myself.

Aya: Director, in order to show fairness, otherwise the audience will protest how to bully a little girl of 18 years old. Please take a picture of my chest! Give me a close-up, okay?

Brother Xian: No, we can't. We are fighting for ratings. Don't take such a risk.

In one issue, I think when it comes to perverts,

Brother Xian said: Because my sister is very beautiful, grandma taught her that women must not be soft when they are guarding against wolves. If the pervert has a knife, you can kick his knife off with your feet, and run if you can't kick it off. Remember to resist, so that the pervert will be afraid.

Aya asked: Is that pervert holding a gun in his hand?

Brother xian: well ... some things will pass soon!

Interview energy

Aya: I heard that all four of them have been acting recently. And everything is fine.

Milk: Actually, our roles in the play are all different!

Brother Xian: Yes, it is rare for four people to play a role!

Cheng Lin: Is your personality close to yours?

Milk: I played an autistic person in it.

Brother Xian: Oh, then this role is the same as that played by Nuo Nuo.

Aya: What does he play?

Brother Xian: He plays retarded. The director said that you don't have to ponder the role, just act as usual.

At the14th Golden Melody Awards Ceremony, Brother Xian and jolin won the prize together.

Brother Xian: Congratulations, you are the best seller of our jolin record all year round.

Jolin: "Thank you!"

Brother Xian: But you should be careful recently, because Zhou Xiao (you know who he is) is going to show a movie.

Jolin: Yes, I know.

Brother Xian: Do you like his songs?

Jolin: Not bad. I like it very much.

Brother Xian: Do you prefer his songs or his people?

Jolin: Everything is fine! Okay, okay, don't ask again. It's embarrassing!