Fall with people who quarrel, chat with people who don’t quarrel

1.

When Momo was struggling to choose Mr. A or Mr. C, he spoke in a confused manner. She said that when you and Mr. A are together, you just eat, drink tea, and chat, but when you and Mr. C are together, you quarrel. Obviously you like Mr. C more.

Momo was surprised by her conclusion. In her opinion, in the early stages of a relationship, no, two people have not yet confirmed their relationship, so how can they quarrel? Of course it is better to get along calmly. There will be friction before it even begins. Later, when the running-in period comes, the gun may go off and a war will begin.

As a "experienced person", Luoluo has her own wonderful explanations. However, after her analysis, Momo felt more and more that she liked Mr. A more. So, Momo continued to maintain a relationship with Mr. A by eating, drinking tea and chatting.

Momo naturally has her reasons for thinking this way. She and Mr. A have many similar interests and hobbies, and have many similar topics. They always feel very happy chatting with each other on weekdays.

Momo feels that if you always feel happy when you are with someone, and you always want to talk to him when no one is talking, then you probably like him. In comparison, the way she gets along with Mr. C is simply terrible. They had little contact, but in such a small amount of time together, she and Mr. C could get into a fight over trivial matters.

For example, Momo talked about a scenic spot and described it for a long time. Mr. C found that Momo mentioned the wrong location, so he immediately corrected it, which made Momo very embarrassed and unhappy. Mr. C finally managed to coax her, but when they were talking about another thing, they started bickering again. In Momo's view, Mr. C never gives in to her. In front of her, he is like a stern teacher, who has the tendency to hate iron but not steel.

2.

Although Momo has a closer relationship with Mr. A, they have never confirmed their relationship. Although Mr. A has said that he likes Momo, he will be jealous and unhappy when he learns that Momo goes out with others, and he will be nervous when Momo is angry, but their relationship has never been far or close. There seemed to be an invisible wall between them, leaving Momo in a dilemma.

What really changed their relationship was a quarrel. Actually, that probably wasn't even a fight. Because after what happened, Momo was the only one sulking alone. She poured out her emotions to Mr. A and said hurtful words without meaning. She prepared all her anger and planned to have a quarrel with Mr. A.

But what puzzled her was that Mr. A didn't say anything and was just silent from beginning to end. The more Momo thought about it, the angrier she became. She couldn't see him, and he didn't reply to the message. There was nothing Momo could do. So, they each remained indifferent for a few days.

After about a week of touching him, Momo talked to him as if nothing had happened. Unexpectedly, Mr. A remained silent. His silence meant that there had been no news from him for two or three months. Momo had countless guesses, and the feeling of being ignored appeared and disappeared in her heart.

About three months later, Mr. A suddenly started to contact Momo. He still told a joke every day, chatted and laughed, as if nothing had happened. The old feeling came back, and Momo maintained a good relationship with Mr. A again. But it didn't take long for friction to arise between them again. Momo just showed his impatience, and Mr. A fell into silence again.

This back and forth between them lasted for a year and a half, and Momo was exhausted both physically and mentally. She really couldn't figure out why this was happening. Mr. A always said that he didn't want to quarrel with her. He said that if he quarreled with her, the relationship would be gone.

3.

Mr. C appears in Momo’s life again. In fact, he never left. However, because getting along with him was not peaceful, Momo kept a distance from him. Sometimes in order to avoid quarreling with him, she would deliberately avoid it to ensure that the distance between them did not become too far or too close.

Until this moment, Momo discovered that the reason why she and Mr. A did not become closer - the quarrel. Mr. A has always avoided quarrels. Whenever he encounters a situation where the two of them disagree, he will choose to avoid it. So, they maintain a pleasant atmosphere when similar characteristics appear. But when differences appear, they become like strangers.

However, if this continues, two people will not be able to get along for a long time. Because the initial encounters and acquaintances between people rely on intimacy, which is formed by years of social experience, and it will shorten the distance between each other. But in the later stages, when two people start to get along, they have to rely on personality.

Only when two people can show their "personality" in front of each other, that is, their true selves, will their relationship get closer. It is obviously difficult for Momo and Mr. A to reach this point.

Mr. C’s feeling for Momo remains unchanged. He is a talkative, loves to educate people, and does not understand the principle of "being humble to girls". Although she didn't like it, she couldn't say she hated it. Because she felt that Mr. C gave people a very real feeling, the kind of feeling that even though you haven’t seen him for many years, you still feel that everything is the same as before.

Naturally, Momo and Mr. C had a quarrel. Just like their previous relationship, they were all competing over their personalities, and no one gave in. Mo Mo was so angry that she poured out all the negative emotions in her heart. Even her anger towards Mr. A also burst out, shocking Mr. C.

After what happened to Mr. A, Momo was ready to be treated coldly by the other party. Although this attitude hurt, she had become more or less used to it over the past two years. She always told herself that as long as she had no expectations, she would not be disappointed.

What surprised Momo was that Mr. C actually read her message and replied: Your words make people feel angry and funny. Why do you think so?

He saw her losing her temper, seeing her angry at being ignored, and also seeing her true and vulnerable self when she was angry. At that moment, Momo suddenly realized how terrible cold violence was.

4.

The reason why we fall in love with someone is that this person makes you feel a broader world. In this world, he saw your fragility and helplessness, your powerlessness and your nowhere-to-place mood. However, he did not leave, but chose to stay by your side quietly, listening to your babble, listening to you. Vent, wait until you have vented your emotions, and then continue your daily life.

Two people will quarrel because they have different opinions. As two different individuals, it is normal to have disagreements. Because the two people come from two different family environments and have different life experiences, even the gender difference between the two people directly leads to different directions of thinking.

The important thing is not whose point of view you follow during a quarrel, but whether both parties can calm down after the quarrel and then think about a solution. At the moment when emotions break out, everyone can only see themselves. How to repair their injured hearts and how to make their neglected selves visible again is the main reason for quarrels. When quarreling, the more accusations you make, the more love you demand, and the more hurt you have buried in your heart before.

When a wife accuses her husband of coming home late, she is not talking about this, but because she feels unappreciated and unloved because he comes home late. When a husband accuses his wife of nagging, he is not talking about the superficial thing, but because he feels that he is not accepted and that the other party wants to reform him.

A suitable partner does not avoid quarreling with you, forcing each other to calm down, and falls into a lonely whirlpool, but one who dares to express his feelings during the quarrel, and can talk to you when he calms down afterwards. You communicate, find solutions to conflicts, and make the connection between each other deeper. Every quarrel is an exchange of the real sides of each other. It takes a certain amount of courage to show your fragile and bad side to the other person. At least you have to subconsciously believe that the other person will not leave just because they see you like this.

In Mr. C, Momo saw many things that she had not noticed before. She realized that when a person wants to maintain a stable relationship with you for a long time, even if it is an argument, he will only talk about it. He may deny what you have done, but he will not deny you as a person. When you are in love, it is important to have the same topic, but it is even more important to be able to handle each other's emotions after a quarrel.

A person who can quarrel can always understand your deeper thoughts and needs through quarrels, and then bring the relationship closer. Arguments are not the killer that ruins close relationships. What really distances one another is hiding oneself, deliberately trying to please, and then pretending to be in love.