Tell me jokes. As long as I see and laugh, I will give points.

1, there is a man named Suo who married a wife for you to take care of and gave birth to a son. His name is Trouble. One day the trouble disappeared! The couple went to report the case. The policeman asked his father, what's your name? Dad said: It's really embarrassing. The policeman was very angry and asked his mother's name again. Mom said: I want you to take care of it. The policeman said angrily, what are you doing? The couple said: nothing to look for. 2. Maruko asked: "Why can we only say that the daughter is like the father, but not that the father is like the daughter?" Dad said, "I ask you, did you have a father or a daughter first?" "Of course, there is a daughter first, then a father." Maruko said confidently, "You became my father after my mother gave birth to me!" " " .。 . 3. Company recruitment. Number one said, "My name is Fan Jian." The boss was speechless. Number two said, "My name is Fan Tong, his brother." The boss shouted wildly. Three good words: "My name is Liu Chan. "The boss vomiting blood. No.4 said, "My name is Lai, male. "The boss cried to death. The fifth said, "My name is Shi! "The boss was sent to a mental hospital. 4. The deskmate changed the QQ name to "Before your father died" and added our class teacher. So I often remind the class teacher Q: Your father asked to add you as a friend before he died. Your father invited you to play in the parking space before he died. Your father gave you a QQ show before he died. Your father stole your food before he died. Your father reported you before he died. Your father forwarded your story before he died. The fiercest: Your father left you a message before he died. 5. The county magistrate with a strong accent came to give a report: "Rabbits (comrades) and shrimps (villagers) don't want pickles (don't talk), pickles are too expensive (now the meeting is over). There is enough food for the dog today. Everyone is chinemys reevesii (to make a big bowl)! No pickles (don't talk) I'll lick a lump of shit for you (I'll tell you a story) "6. Policeman: Have you been drinking? Ren Lei: No! Policeman: Why does it smell of alcohol? Ren Lei: I had a beer. Policeman: Beer is also wine! Ren Lei: Excuse me, is a snail a cow? Policeman: No. Ren Lei: Is soy sauce oil? Policeman: No. Ren Lei: Is that girl a mother? Ren Lei: Is beer wine? Policeman: No. Ren Lei: It's over! 7. I saw a couple quarreling in the street this morning. The girl slapped her boyfriend hard, and the man shouted to the girl to save face: "slap me again if you have the ability!" " "My girlfriend slapped her again without hesitation. The man paused and said, "Since you are so obedient, I will spare you." 8. Two counterfeiters inadvertently made counterfeit banknotes with a face value of 15 yuan, and they decided to spend them in remote mountainous areas. When they bought a 15 yuan candied haws with 0 yuan, they cried and the farmer gave them two 7-dollar ones. 9. The dog said to the kitten, Guess how many sweets are in my pocket? The kitten said, you guessed it. Can you give it to me? The dog nodded: well, I guess I'll give it to you two! The kitten swallowed and said, I guess five dollars! Then, the dog smiled and put the candy in the kitten's hand, saying, I still owe you three dollars. 10, a man went to a coffee shop and asked: Is there any cold coffee here? Attendant: Sorry, only spicy ones! Then this person doesn't want it. The next day, the man came again: Is there any cold coffee here? Attendant: No, do you want it hot? That man doesn't want to leave. On the third day, the man appeared again: Is there any cold coffee here? Attendant: Yes, would you like something to drink? M: OK, please heat it for me. 1 1. An old lady said with tears after watching the black 100-meter race, how scary! Several coal diggers knelt in a row and were shot, but they fired without aiming. The children ran in fear, and the rope couldn't stop them! ! ! ! 12. The son told his father that he likes the beautiful woman across the hall. His father whispered to him: That's your half-sister, and you can only be friends. The son added that he likes the girl next door, and the father added, that's your other half-sister. Don't tell your mother. The son cried and told his mother, who comforted him: marry whoever you like. You are not your father's son at all. 13 The little boy asked Tintin, who was playing with him, "You have grown up. Will you marry me? " Tintin said, "Oh, I can't. I love you, but I can't marry you. Because in our family, we can only marry people in our own family. " For example, my father married my mother, my grandmother married my grandfather, and my uncle married my aunt. "The little boy read. 14, there is a mental derangement. I don't know where to get a pistol. He is walking in a small black alley. Suddenly, I met a young mental derangement. Without saying anything, I pressed him to the ground and pointed a gun at his head. I asked how many young people were scared and pondered for a long time. The answer is that the two insane people killed him without hesitation, then dragged the gun in their arms and said coldly, you know too much ... 15, the barber shop touched a buddy, and after sitting down, the master asked him if he wanted to wash his hair. He hesitated, agreed and chose shampoo. Master carefully washed his hair twice. Back in his seat, the master dried his hair and asked, "What kind of hairstyle do you want to cut? "This guy looked at the mirror for a long time and said," Shave off your head ... "16, bank robber:" Don't move, the money belongs to the country, and your life belongs to you! "Everyone is lying down without saying a word. Little robber: "Boss, let's count how much we robbed. "Old robber:" Silly, watch the news tomorrow! "The next day, the news broadcast reported that the bank was robbed 1 100 million. The robbers counted only 20 million, and the boss scolded: "NND Lao Zi fought for 20 million, and the bank president earned 80 million on his fingers!" "17, the bell rang, and the teacher smiled and said to the whole class: students who are clamoring for school should not panic, and they will not delay class. Please stop chatting with people who eat instant noodles. Tell the students playing poker in the back row to be quiet, and don't affect the sleep of the students in the front row. Students who look at the scenery by the window are called students who play basketball on the playground, so that I can arrange my homework. The students on the way remember to inform the students in the internet cafe about today's homework. 18, one day Xiaoming took tomatoes, watermelons and strawberries to the streets. At the crossroads, tomatoes were run over by a car. Xiao Ming said, "Ha ha ha! Tomato sauce! "At another intersection, the watermelon was hit. Xiao Ming said, "Ha ha ha! Watermelon juice! "At the third intersection, Xiao Ming was killed by a car. Strawberry said, "Ha ha ha! Scum! "19, my daughter is 4 and a half years old, a standard little girl. Dad left the toilet door open when he went to the toilet to pee. The little girl happened to pass by the toilet and turned her head. A wanderer rushed in and said, "Dad, that's not true. Come on, I'll teach you. Get down. "Xiao Qiang is going to take the exam. For a good omen, he never eats breakfast, and specially bought a fried dough stick and two eggs! But who knows, an egg turned out to be a double yellow egg! Xiao Qiang thought and thought, and finally only ate double yellow eggs. After the results were announced, Xiao Qiang shouted, "How accurate! ！” Everyone looked at it: "18 points! "2 1, women love you, you are the husband; Several women love you, you are a man; Ten women love you, and you are a lover; A hundred women love you, and you are an idol; Thousands of women in Qian Qian love you, and you are a hero; Ten thousand women love you, and you are the leader; Women all over the country love you, you are RMB; Women all over the world love you. Oh! You are a sanitary napkin. 22. The cow said: So many people drink my milk, but no one calls me mom. Squid said: Man Mo became a thief! The mouse said: can you eat, drink and drink all day long? The fly said: the biggest difference between me and bees is that they have different tastes. Fish said: I will never go to any internet cafe! The dinosaur said: I'm sorry, you died too early and made you nervous! 23. The algebra teacher said to his parents, "You have taken care of your son. Look at his algebra problem, 90-45= the second half. "My parents said," I will definitely teach my son when I go back. There is a second situation that he ignored, that is, he did not consider overtime. "24. A rich woman leads a dog for a walk, but there are beggars in Lu Yu. The rich woman proudly said to the beggar, you call me dog dad, and I will give you one hundred dollars! The beggar said, what if you call ten times? The rich woman answered happily, so give it to 1000! The beggar shouted at the dog ten times at once, which attracted the audience like a cloud. In full view, the rich woman had to pay. After receiving the money, the beggar repeatedly shouted: Thank you, Mom! Thank you, mom! ! 25. A nurse sent a urine sample to a male patient and accidentally spilled the patient's urine sample all over the floor. The nurse was afraid of jokes, so she took her urine sample for testing. The doctor was very surprised when he saw the paper. The patient was very scared and asked the doctor what was wrong with him. The doctor stammered, "Sir, you … you … are pregnant …" 26. A fool holds 12 eggs. Suddenly, the fool met a man named fool. The fool thinks he is smarter than the fool, so he blocks the road and says, test your IQ. If you can guess what's in my basket, I will give you six eggs. The fool glanced at the fool disdainfully and sneered, it's not embarrassing. Can you give me more advice? ! ! 27. Husband and wife quarrel and refuse to give way to each other. Finally, the husband flew into a rage and said, "get out!" Take everything that belongs to you! "The wife packed her luggage in tears, threw a big sack beside her husband and said," Get on the bus! "The husband was taken aback and asked eagerly," What are you doing? " "You also belong to me. Get on the bus! " The wife yelled at her husband. 28. The elephant was bitten by a snake, but the snake quickly got into the hole. The elephant was very depressed and thought, Wait until dark, and see if you come out! At this time, an earthworm got out of the hole and the elephant stepped on it: Boy, where's your father? 29. The teacher was giving a lecture and saw two students sleeping with their books on their pillows. One of them is an excellent student, and the other is a poor student. The teacher pulled the poor student up and scolded him: "you are a lazy guy." You sleep as soon as you read. You see people are reading books when they sleep. " 30. Dad asked his son, "Who will you marry in the future?" The son said, "I want to marry my grandmother. She loves me! " Dad scolded: "You fart! How can you marry my mother? " The son retorted, "You can marry my mother. Why can't I marry your mother? "! On the subway, I gave my seat to an aunt. Aunt and I had a good chat. She asked, "How old is the child?" I said, "Twenty-six. "Aunt said enviously:" You are so young, you look in your early 40 s, and your children are all 26 years old! " "My brother is a mess ... 32. One day, I went to a small restaurant with a group of friends. When ordering food, a buddy (bachelor) saw the waiter's Peugeot and wanted to take the opportunity to talk more. Brother: "Miss, do you have scrambled eggs?" Miss: "Yes." Brother: "Do you have scrambled duck eggs?" Miss: "There are some." Brother: "scrambled eggs with duck eggs!" " Miss: "Yes, an asshole." One day in physics class, when the teacher was foaming at the mouth in class, a classmate raised his hand and said, is there a problem with this classmate? Health: I want to shit. Teacher: At this age, can't you speak gracefully? The student immediately raised his hand and said, "Teacher, I feel sick in my anus. "34. I lost my ID card some time ago, and I went to reissue it with my husband. During the toilet, I saw my husband talking to a woman. When I came over, the woman left. I asked my husband who that woman was, and replied: My former wife. I was angry and shouted, do you have an old one? No matter how he explained it, he ignored it. Suddenly, I saw a woman who looked familiar. It was my aunt, and I suddenly realized. Yell at her husband: just say aunt and give it back to my uncle's wife. 35. At noon, mom: "Is it water-cooled?" Me: "Not cold. "Mom:" Then you do the dishes. "After dinner, mom:" Is it water-cooled? "Me:" Cold! "Mom:" Well, wear gloves to wash it. "36." Fire! Fire! "There was an urgent and frightened cry for help on the phone." Where is it? "Asked the operator of the fire brigade." At my house! ""I mean, where is the fire? " "In the kitchen!" "I know, but how can we get to your house?" "Don't you have a fire truck? "37. The rich man said: Money is not a problem; The poor man said: the problem is that there is no money. The rich man said: there are many women around, and I don't know which one is true; The poor man said: I am sincere, and there are no women around me; The rich man said: there are many children, and I don't know which one is my wife's; The poor said: a child, I don't know if it is his own; The rich man said: there are many houses, and I don't know which one to live in. The poor said: there are many houses, none of which are their own. 38. A said to B, "Look at that child. It's neither male nor female. Do you think he is a boy or a girl? "B answered unhappily:" It's a girl! She is my daughter! "A was embarrassed and said apologetically," Oh … I'm sorry, I didn't know you were her father! " "B shouted angrily," I'm her mother! ! ! "39. When quarreling, no matter what the other party says, you always answer" You have vegetables between your teeth. " If the other person says, "nonsense, I didn't eat food today." You said in surprise, "That was yesterday!" And so on. If the other person says "you have vegetables between your teeth", the answer is "Do you want to eat? I can dig it for you. "