Yesterday, my husband beat my son

Yesterday was the first time that my husband spanked his son.

The cause was a small matter. The father said that his son’s feces had stuck to his underwear and asked him to go home and change his underwear. The son was worried. Displeased, he said in the elevator, Dad, last time you put poop on your underwear...

As a bystander, it sounded like a joke between father and son. I even joked, yes Ah, my father is still confused even in his thirties (in my heart: It seems that every time the father and son have a verbal dispute, I stand on the child's side, hoping that the father can understand the child's behavior.)

But dad I was very angry when I was angry, and I suppressed my anger silently. No one noticed. In the car, my father spoke seriously, but I didn't even notice. In order to ease the tension, I laughed with my son. My father was as cute as a child.

The father was so angry that he suddenly lost control of his emotions while driving. He grabbed his son's collar and warned him not to laugh at me again from now on. My son and I were both frightened. My son stared with big eyes and was very nervous when he saw his father losing control. I shouted to the side to explain that my son did not laugh at you, you are crazy! ! I stood on the opposite side of my husband, and my husband became even more angry. I was very angry with him for getting angry for no reason, so I got out of the car at a red light with my son.

After getting off the bus, I told my son, "Mom will protect you. Don't worry, your dad is crazy." I said, "Dad said you laughed at him. Did you laugh at him?" I didn't feel it, um, but my dad felt it. He had tried hard to control his anger. You and I were still joking and laughing in the car. He would definitely be even more angry. It would undoubtedly add fuel to the fire.

I originally planned to take my son to stay in a hotel to teach his father some lessons. Thinking of this, I decided to go home first. Maybe he would realize his mistake after calming down for a while.

After returning home, the house was in a mess, the milk was smashed, the chairs were smashed, the bowls were smashed... Dad hasn’t been so angry for a long time, what’s wrong? The son was very frightened when he saw the tragic situation at home and said, "Mom, let's go stay in a hotel." I thought for a while and said nothing. After a while, my father came out of the study. Still looking angry, a 150-pound fat man stood in front of a 40-pound kid, pointed at his head and started to curse and accuse,

You just think your dad is not good, don't you? You can’t find your keys or glasses every day, and you laugh at me for putting shit on my underwear. Don’t you think that your dad is in your best interest? I didn’t earn anything from the food and clothing you have at home to the cram school you attended. Yes, if you don’t have any sense of gratitude, you can only see my shortcomings and point at his head fiercely. I tell you, grandson, it’s okay for you to look at the advantages of others. You are like me, no. Spend a penny from the family to buy a house and a car...

I stood at the door blankly and saw my father's excited and angry expression. When I heard these words, I felt especially sorry for my son. Feeling aggrieved and familiar, I couldn't hold it back. I started to interject from the side: My son didn't mean to laugh at you, you are overthinking! !

Once again, I stood on the opposite side of my father, and my father became even more angry. This is the good son you raised. If I tell him, he will say something bad about me. I can’t say it anymore, right? You are still an expert in psychology, bullshit. I won’t care about your son anymore! !

When I heard this, I was also very angry and wanted to pass the blame. No way, why do you call me my son? ! It’s your son too, and you educate him.

Dad said: Can I educate? Can I control it? As soon as I take care of it, you intervene and don't let me take care of it. I can't talk about him now. He laughs at me when he is only a few years old. He is a grown-up at 7 years old. Just watch. I will treat him as if I have no son in the future. My heart is broken. . All extracurricular classes will be canceled tomorrow! ! ! The father was so angry that he trampled all the favorite chocolates he bought for his son! !

I said: Then you are in charge. Now you are in charge of education. After you finish speaking, do you want your son to share his thoughts? I said to the child, tell your father whether you laughed at him. He also felt a fire in his heart, with tears in his eyes, and shook his head.

The father became even more angry when he saw it. He came over and threatened and punished him again. During this period, he pointed his finger at his son's heart. The child was so frightened that he cried loudly. The father said that you have raised a good son and you have such a cruel mouth. The weak son's crying failed to arouse his father's distress. His silence made his father even more angry. I was angry and distressed at the same time.

Dad returned to the bedroom for the third time to calm down his excitement.

I came over and sat next to my son, wanting to comfort him. I held him and asked him to tell his mother, if it would be okay to let his father know what he thinks. My son’s eyes were red and swollen from crying. As he cried, he told me, why did my mother give birth to me? I wanted to die. When I heard this, I couldn't hold back the tears and burst out. My father heard this and scolded me. You still insist on studying psychology every day. I have never dealt with the son you taught for 6 years. This is the first time to deal with it. Just say you want to die, so fragile. I was too sad and speechless. The father came out of the bedroom again and pointed at his son, "Do you want to die? Do you want to die now?" He slapped him twice, not too hard. I knew that his anger had subsided a little, and he continued, "Do you still want to die?" Even if you feel so fragile in your heart, you are still not a man! ! Let me tell you, if I am a man, please be strong. Don’t you think I am weak? No matter what happens in your life, you can never want to die with me again, do you hear me? The child nodded vigorously.

I quite agree with my father’s words. Nowadays, children are very fragile inside. I remember education experts said that children can be spanked between the ages of 7 and today. It just so happens that today is also my son’s frustration education class, which is used as a lesson. It is better to experience setbacks at home first than outside.

After my father finished cleaning up, he returned to the bedroom. My son and I chatted. Why did you say something about your underwear when your father said it? The son said, Dad is laughing at me.

Oh my God, it turns out that father and son feel the same way. So the son didn't say it unintentionally, he also wanted to laugh at his father and take revenge...

Just like that, at 12 o'clock in the night, his father stopped. The child was sleepy and tired of crying, so he washed himself and went to bed. I knew my dad must be feeling uncomfortable inside, so I went to chat with him.

Dad was very resistant to me at first and asked me to go out. Obviously he was still very sad and angry. I think he felt that I didn’t understand him and didn’t want to communicate with me.

I said, Dad, you did the right thing today. Boys need some frustration education. Boys can be beaten before they are 7 years old, no problem. I also discovered recently that my son can't talk and gets upset when he talks. He either loses his temper or blocks us with words. I reflected on what you said today. Every time there was a conflict between you and my son, I always turned to my son without taking your feelings into consideration. The last time my son and I had a conflict, you handled it very skillfully. You handled it for me and my son respectively. My sons understand each other's work and tell me privately that what I am doing is wrong. I really need to improve and learn from you. I have been learning and teaching that our close relationship is greater than the parent-child relationship, but I am the first in the parent-child relationship and ignore you.

When Dad heard what I said, he calmed down, sat up and we started talking on the sofa. He said that he was really angry and sad today. He hadn't felt like this for a long time. He had always wanted to be a superhero for his children, but he was laughed at by his children for being weak... I was curious and asked my father what happened today. ? A few jokes from children can actually piss you off and make your faith and outlook on life collapse... Dad began to tell stories about his childhood and his father... His father's strict and high demands and Shocked and deeply unaccepted of the child, the father saw the inferiority and pity in his father, and also saw his own inferiority. Even though he was doing better than his peers, he still felt that he was not good enough.

Returning to the children's education, my father said that he would start military management. He was upset when his children were too stained when sent to school every morning. When I heard that, it was so scary, and I immediately had an idea. There are two methods, which one you can choose. One is the militarization you mentioned, which may make you more tired. The other is to let him take responsibility. We don't ask, don't rush, and are late. He accepted the teacher's punishment himself.

Dad said, that’s probably the second type. Maybe I’m usually talkative and care too much, so he doesn’t like to be with me. Indeed, no one likes to be talked about every day. From now on, I will try to control it as little as possible and try it out for a while.

The next day, the child was really a child. After a good sleep, it seemed that he had forgotten everything about the first day. He had no grudge against his father and was happily doing his own thing. My father and I followed the agreement and no one rushed the child. My son finished washing himself, had breakfast, and asked his father to send him to school without being late.

My son went to school. I felt very heavy in the morning. Thinking of my son’s small figure, sensible and obedient, I was particularly sad and couldn’t help crying. I may have assumed the role of the child, and I also thought I lost my past self. My father couldn't stand others laughing at him and saying something bad about him. He was suddenly relieved of many years of family conflicts and conflicts. But he still couldn't help but want to cry. Let the tears fly for a while. When my father saw me crying, Come and comfort me,

Honey, don’t be sad. He said that I went a little too far yesterday and I’m going to buy him a gift today. This matter also has a positive meaning. It is indeed a problem in our education. You see how well our son performed this morning. We control too much, talk too much, and demand too much. Our son is very competitive. When he grows up, he can manage himself. We must trust our children so that they can be more independent.

I have been waiting for this sentence for seven years. He used to take care of me and demand everything from me, but now he takes care of his son. My son can't stand it. My father has never felt that there is anything wrong with his methods and keeps beating me. In the name of doing your best, you have been letting me down. Today he suddenly had an epiphany. When I saw my son being beaten, my husband talked nonsense about not caring about the baby and not having a second child. He felt desperate, scared and helpless about the future. At that time, my husband woke up on his own, which really surprised me. This is a gift from Allah. Everything was just right. When I let go of judgment, expectation, and control, Dad's own wisdom emerged and he grew.

Every family conflict has meaning.

I would like to write this article to commemorate our family’s little story.