Recommend a classic joke! ! ! Listen, classic! ! !

A young man received a gift on his birthday. He was a talking parrot. But it was soon discovered that the parrot was foul-mouthed, very rude and had no manners at all.

he is determined to change parrots. Say polite words to it every day, teach it elegant vocabulary and play soft music, but it's no use. The parrot is still full of dirty words. He shouted at the parrot angrily, and the parrot shouted at him even louder.

once, he was so angry that he threw the parrot into the refrigerator. A few seconds later, he heard the parrot flapping, shouting and cursing inside. Suddenly, it was quiet, and there was no sound at all. Half a minute passed, but there was still no sound. He was worried that the parrot would be frozen, so he opened the refrigerator at once.

The parrot came out calmly, stood obediently on his arm, and said in a very sincere tone, "I'm sorry I made you angry. I did something wrong before, so I decided to mend my ways and stop swearing. Please forgive me."

The young man was amazed at the change of the parrot. Before he could say anything, the parrot went on to say, "Can I ask what the chicken inside did wrong?"

The emperor said to the little plum beside him: You can describe me in one word. Xiao Lizi replied: Zha! Then the little plum was cut. . .

18. Patients in the hospital's intensive care unit always die around eleven o'clock on Sundays, which puzzled doctors and even made them think it was paranormal, so they set up an expert group to investigate the cause. On Sunday, the clock just struck eleven o'clock. Through the monitor, it was found that the cleaner who cleaned on Sunday walked into the intensive care unit, unplugged the wire plug of the life support system of the seriously ill patient, then plugged in the vacuum cleaner and began to clean. . .

three people died at a time. The soul flies to heaven.

After arriving at the gate of heaven, an angel said to them: Sorry, because there are more and more people on earth, there is no place in heaven. Only one of you can go to heaven.

three people asked what to do? The angel thought for a moment and said, well, you three tell me how you all died. Whoever speaks well will go to heaven.

So three people agreed to this method after discussion.

a: I'm an office worker. Go to work every day recently, when I go to work in the morning, my neighbors always say to me; Your wife stole someone at home while you were at work. Told me that for days on end. So I decided to find out the truth. So I got off work early today, ready to go home and catch him. I came home to find my wife naked. And there are men's shoes at the door and men's clothes and trousers on the ground. So I was angry and frantically looking for that beast in the house. But I can't find it anywhere. Just then I found my hands on the windowsill on the 3th floor. MD, you can really hide. I kept attacking his hand and yelling to go to hell. But he's strong. He just won't let go. Finally, I lifted the refrigerator and stabbed him. He finally fell. But I have a heart attack due to excessive excitement. So I died.

The angel said in silence: What about you? Q b

b: I'm a high-rise building cleaner. One day I was cleaning the glass on the 35th floor when the cable broke. I caught my family's windowsill in the fall. I'm glad I'm not dead. Suddenly a madman rushed out and beat my hand desperately. Finally, this madman tied me down with a refrigerator and fell dead.

angels. . . . Then how did you die? Ask C

C: Me? I was hiding in the refrigerator

angel. . . . . . .

rabbit joke

The little white rabbit skipped to the bakery and asked, "Boss, do you have a hundred buns?"

boss: "Oh, I'm sorry, there aren't that many"

"I see. . 。” The little white rabbit left dejectedly.

The next day, the little white rabbit skipped to the bakery. "Boss, do you have a hundred buns?"

boss: "I'm sorry, but there isn't."

"I see. . 。” The little white rabbit left dejectedly again.

On the third day, the little white rabbit skipped to the bakery. "Boss, do you have a hundred buns?"

The boss said happily, "Yes, yes, we have a hundred buns today! ！”

The little white rabbit took out the money: "Great, I'll take two!" "

A small match was itchy, so I scratched it, then caught fire and set myself on fire. Then I went to the hospital and became a cotton swab because my head was covered with gauze ...

Xiaoming got a new haircut and came to school the next day. The students saw his new hairstyle and laughed: Xiaoming, your head looks like a kite! Xiao Ming felt very wronged, so he ran outside and cried and cried, and he flew.

once in class, the teacher gave a difficult question: "Li Mao, you answer!" "

Mao Mao stood up: "teacher, I won't!" "

Teacher: "Oh, then sit down ~ ~ ~ Please ask No.1 (student number) to answer!"

Mao Mao stood up again: "Teacher, I really can't ~ ~ ~" At this moment, someone was laughing below.

Teacher: "Excuse me, please sit down ~ ~ ~ Then the monitor will answer this question ~ ~"

Everyone laughed ~ ~ ~

Mao Mao was crying: "Teacher, you!

. A man climbed the wall out of the school and was caught by the headmaster. The headmaster asked: Why don't you go through the school gate? Answer: Metersbonwe Bang Wei, don't take the usual road. The headmaster asked again: how did such a high wall get over? He pointed to his trousers and said, Li Ning, anything is possible.

The headmaster asked again: What's it like to climb over the wall? He pointed to his shoes and said, Xtep, it feels like flying. The next day he entered the school from the main entrance, and the principal asked, Why don't you climb over the wall? He said: Anta, I choose, I like it. On the third day, he wore a gangster costume, and the principal said: You can't wear a gangster costume! He said: You are what you wear, Senma clothing. On the fourth day, he wore a vest to school, and the principal said that he could not wear a vest to school. He said, men, it is good to be simple, and they love fort clothes. The headmaster said I'd give you a bigger score. He said: Why? The headmaster said, M-Zone, my site is my decision.

1 said ... during the Iraq war, the United States issued a notice saying that one Iraqi soldier would be rewarded with $5,. After receiving the notice, the two American soldiers were very excited to look and look. They couldn't find it all day, and finally fell asleep in a broken house. When one of them woke up and saw 498 Iraqi soldiers pointing AK47 at them, the awakened American soldiers quickly called to the side to really sleep: "Get up." We' re rich. Get up quickly ...'

Say ... when a man came home at night, a man in black suddenly jumped out of the corner and pointed a gun at him and asked, "1+1=? The man slowly said with trepidation, "Bang ... 1 ~ ~ ~ ~ ~, and the man in black shot. When the man fell down, the man in black gently blew the smoke on the gun and said," You know too much. "

3 said ... a college student was kidnapped, and the gangster said to the college student with high voltage," Which school are you from? "Just listen. He first taught the parrot to say, Who is it? The parrot learned. One day, the master went to work. Suddenly, there was a knock at the door. The parrot said, "Who is it?" "The man said," The gas tank guy. "Keep saying: Who is it? Gas tank delivery guy. Later, the man who delivered the gas tank fainted. When the master came back, he saw a man sleeping at the door and asked, Who is it? Parrot replied: gas tank delivery.

I saw a couple quarreling in the street this morning.

The girl slapped her boyfriend hard, and the man shouted to the girl to save face, "Slap me again if you dare!"

my girlfriend didn't hesitate to slap her again.

The man paused and said, "Since you are so obedient, I will spare you."

classmate a likes a girl c, but he has never dared to pursue it. He has two buddies, so he helped him with advice and negotiated to save the United States with a hero.

On a miserable evening, two buddies dressed up as hooligans and stopped C from coming home from school. They said with an unsmiling face, "Come on, little girl, let's play!"

C: "ok!"

Miss C went with his two buddies.

four Tang Priests went on a plane trip, but the plane crashed on the way, but there were only three parachutes.

So Tang Priests said, everyone should answer the questions and jump if they can't answer them.

Tang Priests: Wukong, how many suns are there in the sky?

Wukong: One.

Tang Priest: OK, here you are.

Tang Priest: Friar Sand, how many moons are there in the sky?

Friar Sand: One.

Tang Priest: OK, I'll give you one, too.

Pig on the side is so happy, such a simple question.

Tang Priest: Pig, how many stars are there in the sky?

Not long after, the four of them traveled by plane again. They crashed on the way, but there were still only three parachutes.

They went on answering questions.

Tang Priest: Wukong, when was the People's Republic of China founded?

Wukong: 1949

Tang Priest: OK. Here you are.

Tang Priest: Friar Sand, how many people died in the liberation war?

Friar Sand: 2 million people.

Tang Priest: OK, I'll give you one too.

Tang Priest: Bajie, what are the names of those 2 million people?

... Bajie had to jump again.

...

Bajie jumped.

For the third time, the four of them went to travel by plane again, and there was an accident on the way.

At this time, Bajie said, Master, you don't have to ask, I'll jump myself.

Then I jumped. <

One day Xiaoming shouted: An Sizhu, An Sizhu, An Sizhi Pure Bamboo (I'm a pig, I'm a pig, I'm a stupid pig) and everyone laughed. Xiao Fang also said: Yes, I think bamboo, I think bamboo, I think pure bamboo (you are a pig, you are a pig, you are a stupid pig) and everyone said to Xiao Fang in unison: Genius.

please accept it, it has taken so long! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !