I want to collect some jokes, the more the better!

1 A classmate was joking, but Wired Media said "Wired Beauty" and I laughed. ...

2. A slip of the tongue during the conversation with the customer: "……" Me: "…" When I ended the call, I said, "OK, thanks, the gift will be delivered around mid-July." What time is it now? Customers must be very upset ...

second floor[British English]; third floor[American English]

On the second day of coming to work in this unit, the unit organized a visit to a science and technology exhibition, in which there was a dynamic movie, that is, sitting in a chair and watching the movie, the chair would move up and down, creating a very real effect. Because this is a new achievement, it is said that it is very touching, so everyone should send a seat belt!

Because there were too many people, I finally had to sit with a MM, and the seat was big enough for two people, but I looked at it and blurted out: Who should I send condoms to with her? (It was originally a safety belt. )

That cold, the whole unit suddenly knew me!

Waiting in line in the canteen, I heard a boy next to me say, "Master, a bowl of bullet cauliflower soup!" " "(Porphyra and egg soup) Haha, I laughed and sprayed soup.

When my parents quarreled, my father said angrily, "I'll take you out!" " "

Sixth floor

In my impression, the monitor of the primary school is extremely serious. A self-study class, the classroom was crowded with people. After several times of maintaining order, the monitor was finally fed up. He stood up, patted the table and shouted, whoever makes any more noise will break his mouth! ! ! ……

When I was looking for a job, the examiner asked me when I would graduate.

I wanted to say 2000, but when I got excited, I said, "Two thousand years ago. . . "

What's more, the examiner sighed and said, "Confucius' student. "

A friend of mine has just watched The Legend of the Condor Heroes, and he is very interested in "fighting the dog to win the battle" and often plays jokes on others.

One day, as usual, he. Kicked a man and shouted "kick the dog's leg!" " Everyone laughed wildly, and he felt embarrassed, so he kicked again and shouted, "Dog kicks!" " "

The manager usually says to smokers at meetings: smokers are strangled! !

10 There is a song called Boldness and Beauty. There is a lyric in it, "same blood, same water …". At that time, the TV series was quite popular. It was performed at school, and a female classmate sang this song. Maybe she was too nervous. When I sang this sentence, I sang "the same water, the same blood ...", and the audience suddenly got cold! ! !

1 1 I am a university teacher. Once talking about spy 007 (translated from Hong Kong as James Bond), I blurted out: "We all know that there is a famous spy in Britain-James Bond." The boys in the class laughed on the spot.

Colleagues told the whole class during the lecture that "every weekend, parents will take their children to the hospital (theater)." The audience was in an uproar.

Another colleague told the story of Noah's ark in the Bible, saying, "God felt that human beings were guilty and decided to castrate (drown) them all."

12 Take the children to the bathroom to take a bath. Because the hall is slippery, there is a sign in the bathroom "Be careful of slipping". The child is in the literacy stage, and when he sees the words he knows, he is very excited to read "Little Heart De-Slip". . . . Everyone around me fell down with laughter.

13 at the beginning of last semester, the class teacher called the roll and there was a huge slip of the tongue: "Please raise your hand if you are not here."

The brush below actually raised its hand. ......

14 senior three is outside in an advanced class, having math class. The teacher speaks like a poem. After finishing the problem, let's practice by ourselves. The teacher said, "Everyone should follow the example and experience the taste of first love." ...........

15 After work, I waited in line at the station with my naughty little sister, and a middle-aged woman came to pick up junk. She is oily and dirty, her clothes are tattered and she has a bag on her back.

My sister took me to hide and teased me, "Brother, your sister is here."

I immediately refuted her: "That's your sister-in-law!"

16 I'm remembering military training these days. Although tired, there are still many jokes.

When our company commander checked people, he asked, "Raise your hand if you didn't come!" The audience burst into laughter.

An instructor said: "When standing in the military posture, you are not allowed to look at other places, only at the back of your classmates' heads!" "laugh!

17: It's the first time to talk to Lao Wang of a company and do something personal. Because I didn't know his name in advance, my friend couldn't remember it at the moment, so he called him "Lao Wang". The phone rang: "Hello!"

"hello! Hello! "

"Are you Lao wang? ! "

The other party: "..."

"Excuse me-are you Lao Wang?"

The other party: "..."

"Oh, excuse me, are you Lao Wang?"

"Oh, ..."

18 Our leader assigned employees the task of developing users, saying that every employee must develop a pregnant woman before the end of this month! #@#￥￥!

/kloc-building 0/9

19 took my junior high school daughter to a snack bar for dinner. The children said that some students practice Taekwondo and some have yellow and black belts. I casually said yellow and black belt or leucorrhea. . . . . . Immediately realized that I was a father. . . . . . Many people around are embarrassed.

20th floor

One day, while listening to the radio, DJ was introducing fruits and vegetables that are good for health. Then the tomato was introduced, and only the DJ said, "I suggest you eat more of this tomato at ordinary times, because this tomato is rich in WC (actually vitamin C), which is very good for your health ..."

2 1 A classmate is always joking, often calling someone else's son, and occasionally saying something like "Yes, son". One day, he was joking as usual, but as soon as he opened his mouth, he was embarrassed and said, "Yes, Dad!" " "At that time, we were all shocked. . .

23rd floor

Once in a music class, I talked about playing aboriginal music and dancing in the shade. At this time, the teacher asked: What do you insert? Let's shout together: bird hair. The teacher went on to say, yes, mostly eagle hair. "Yes, eagle hair! They have eagle hair on their heads. " The macho man behind me replied. .....

24th floor

It's almost time to get off work. Shao, Liu, Xu and others in the office, as well as me, began to gossip.

Talking about everyone's words, Xu laughed at himself: "It doesn't matter if the words are ugly, what matters is style. There was a Song style in ancient times and a Xu style today. "

Everyone echoed.

I was so excited that I blurted out, "Yes, mine is X!"

When' tis once spoken, only to find that there is a problem, at that time, the office is very quiet. Two seconds later, everyone burst into laughter.

I sweat a lot. . .

I forgot to mention, my last name is Xia.

25th floor

In class 25, one boy A scolded another boy B, and B didn't answer back.

A friend asked B, "Why don't you scold him?"

See b come back, smiled and said:

"Have you ever seen a man bite a dog? Does the dog still bite? "

……

Two seconds later, the whole class burst into laughter. ...

28th floor

The female classmate in the film and television class is surnamed Yin, and all the students call each other Director X, such as "Yo, Director Zhang".

When I saw Yin at recess, I greeted him and said, "Hello, Yin Dao!" "

When I saw my classmates blushing, I thought it was wrong.

Quickly changed his mouth and said, "Hey, Director Yin!"

30th floor

I talked to my male classmates on the phone in my sophomore year.

Talking about his mother's ferocity, my mother is gentle.

I asked him for an analogy, just like asking him if your mother woke you up loudly.

How did you know what I asked was, was your mother loud when she called Chuang?

There are many more, please give points if you like them! ! )