Selected English jokes

Joke is a literary form based on folk oral creation, and it is a popular way of entertainment in real life. This article is about English joke speech, I hope it will help everyone!

English joke speech: A couple went to heaven. The couple are 85 years old and have been married for 6 years. Although they are not rich, they still manage to live because they are careful. Although they are no longer young, their health is very good, mainly because their wives have insisted on healthy food and exercise for the past thirty years. One day, when they went on a rare holiday, their good health didn't help them. Their car crashed and sent them to heaven. They arrived at the gate of heaven, and St. Peter escorted them in. He took them to a beautiful mansion, decorated with gold and exquisite silk, with a well-stocked kitchen and a waterfall in the main bathroom. You can see a maid hanging their favorite newly ironed clothes in the closet.

When he said, "Welcome to heaven", they gasped in surprise. This is your home now. "The old man asked Peter how much it would cost. "Why, nothing," Peter replied. "Remember, this is your reward in heaven."

The old man looked out of the window and saw a championship golf course, which was more exquisite and beautiful than any building on earth. "How much is the green fee?" The old man complained. "This is heaven," replied St. Peter. "You can play for free, every day and anytime."

Then they went to the clubhouse and saw the delicious food in front of them, from seafood to steak to exotic desserts, free-flowing drinks and a bottle of champagne. "Don't ask," St. Peter said to the couple. "This is heaven, and you can enjoy it for free." The old man looked around and glanced nervously at his wife. "So, where are the low-fat and low-cholesterol foods and decaffeinated tea?" He asked.

"This is the best part," replied St. Peter. "You can eat whatever you want and drink whatever you want. You will never get fat or get sick. This is heaven! " The old man pushed, "No gym?" "Unless you want to," was the answer. "Didn't test my blood sugar or blood pressure or ..." "Never again. All you do here is enjoy yourself. "

The old man glared at his wife and said, "You and your fat-free bran muffin. We should have been here twenty years ago, you bitch! "

Taiwan Province, Taiwan Province (AP)-Diners who want to lick their plates after delicious food can now go one step further-eat their plates.

Chen Liang Earle, a 50-year-old amateur inventor, announced on Friday that he has perfected a dinner plate made of wheat and plans to mass-produce it and other edible pottery, including cups, bowls and food containers.

Chen spent six years developing the plates. He said that the retail price of each plate was about 7 cents.

He said that diners who don't want to eat these foods that taste like unsalted popcorn can cook them as nutritious meals for animals.

Chen said that this will help reduce the pollution caused by discarded pottery. He said that the only drawback is that his pottery can't be cleaned and reused.

Good idea Before going to Europe for business, a man drove his Rolls Royce to a bank in the center of new york and asked for an immediate loan of $5,000. The loan officer was surprised and asked for collateral.

"Well, then, this is the key to my Rolls Royce," said the man. The loan officer quickly drove the car to the underground parking lot of the bank for safe keeping and gave him 5000 dollars.

Two weeks later, the man walked into the door of the bank and demanded to settle the loan and get his car back. "That is $5,000 in principal and $0/5.40 in interest," said the loan officer. The man wrote a check and began to walk away.

"Wait a minute, sir," said the loan officer. "While you were away, I heard that you were a millionaire. Why on earth do you need to borrow 5000 dollars? "

The man smiled. "Where else can I park my Rolls Royce in Manhattan for two weeks for $ 15.40?"

English joke speech: Three girls went camping for one day, and three women went camping, one with blonde hair, one with black hair and one with red hair. The blonde suddenly needs to go to the bathroom. She went into the Woods with toilet paper and did her business.

While she was away, the brunette and the redhead decided to play a joke on her. They skinned a rabbit, sneaked to the blonde, put the internal organs behind her and ran back to the camp. Three minutes later, they heard a scream.

Then they waited for another half an hour, and the blonde came back sweating. She said, "I pulled too hard and pulled my intestines out. But thank God and these two fingers, I put them back. "

A dirty policeman reported that a man knocked at the door and a woman answered the door. He asked him if he could use her toilet. She said you have three chances. If you do three things wrong, I will call the police. So he went to pee, but there was a bra on the chain, so he tore it off. Then when he came down the stairs, he saw her cat barking on the steps. He hates cats, so he makes them creak. And threw it up the stairs. Then he went to the kitchen where the women were. The women said, why did you throw my cat up the stairs? He said I don't know. When she went to get it, there was a glass of milk on the table and he drank it. When those women came back, she said you had three chances, and now I'm going to call the police. When the police came, they asked her what the man had done. She said the man ripped off her bra, squeezed her breasts and drank her milk.