What is the name of an early cross talk joke by Feng Gong Niu Qun?

I only found this version at the first time, not the popular version, but it’s not much different

"The Threat"

A: You are performing here Where?

B: Ah.

A: I have a question for you.

B: What problem?

A: What do you think is the most terrifying thing in the world?

B: Which aspect do you mean?

A: It’s all there. Count them all.

B: In the whole world...?

A: Hey, what is the scariest thing? Let’s put it this way, what are you most afraid of?

B: If I were to say what I fear the most in the world, I would probably say -

A: What?

B: My wife!

A: You Wife?!

B: Yes, in fact, more than 95% of married gay men are afraid of their wives.

A: How did you know?

B: I...I have experience.

A: Yes!

B: Look, everyone in the audience feels the same way, right?

A: Ouch! So what are you afraid of about your wife?

B: I...I'm afraid that if she divorces me, I'll never find such a good wife again.

A: Hi! You can’t call this fear, this is a kind of love. What I'm asking is what are you afraid of?

B: Oops! I really have nothing to fear. Think about it, our kitchen collapsed last time and I was covered in it. I even caught two crickets in it!

A: Hi! These don’t count, let’s talk about the scariest thing.

B: Then what is the scariest thing?

A: If I say it, everyone will definitely agree.

B: Yes? Then tell me, what are you most afraid of?

A: What I am most afraid of in the world——

B: What is it?

A: My son!

B: Your son?!

A: I am not generally afraid of him. When I see him, My heart beats, my liver trembles, and my intestines and stomach turn together.

B: Why are you so afraid of him?

A: Oh! You haven’t seen my son, it’s so scary!

B: Yes. ?Why is it so scary?

A: He is so old!

B: Nonsense, no one’s child is a twitchy kid!

A: We are not afraid of his height, but we are afraid of his knowledge!

B: Why are you afraid that your son will learn a lot?

A: You are such a little kid, and if you ask him to gain knowledge later, he might treat you badly at some point! You are taking it for granted. Where do you put your parents’ faces?

B: How could he be degrading to you?

A: Oh! How can you think that he is degrading to me? Don’t say anything else, just I can’t stand it when he asks me everything! He asks even if I don’t know a word! Do you think I should tell him or not?

B: Tell him.

A: If you want to know me, why don’t you just tell him!

B: Oh, you don’t know me!

A: Do you think I should tell him or not? Don't tell him?

B: You don't know what to tell people? Just say you don't know...

A: Are you saying you don't know Xianghua? I'm dad!

B: Do all fathers have to know each other?

A: Of course! How about I become the father in our family? This shows that we are qualified, how many years have I been re-elected!

B: Never heard of it!

A: Anyway, I am a father! Whose father doesn’t know more than his son?! This is not a boast. At that time, my son was just like his mother and admired me the most. I have worshiped him since he was three years old!

B: How did you say that?

A: "My dad is the best! None of your dads are as good as my dad! My dad always teaches me how to read! My dad knows all the characters! I know many, many characters, one, two, Three, four, five...six also know each other!”

B: Okay!

A: To be honest, I wasn’t afraid of him at all at that time. When he wanted to ask a question, he opened his mouth and said: "This character is pronounced 人 -, where should I add a dash in the middle? Let's pronounce it big -, and add a dash below it? Just pronounce it Tai -, and add a dash on the top?" Just... I can’t recite it!”

B: That’s all the knowledge.

A: Not to mention, I could withstand this knowledge for a while at that time, but not now! The child is up and he is in the sixth grade of elementary school! He is in the sixth grade of elementary school!! Do you think you are afraid or not? Yeah?

B: What's there to be afraid of?

A: That day he asked me again: "Dad, what does this word mean?" When I saw it, it was bad!< /p>

B: What?

A: I don’t know you!

B: Then just say you don’t know it and that’s it!

A: I am dad! I said: "This word... is actually very easy to pronounce. Did you see? It is composed of two parts. Do you recognize these two parts?" "Yes. On the left is the word "yan" , the one on the right is the word " enjoy." "Yes, you don't know what these two words mean together, right?"

B: No, I won't ask you if you do.

A: "I can't tell you what this character means right away!"

B: Then why?

A: "I'll tell you right away, you... …I’m not very impressed, ah…I encourage you to use your brain and think about it, what is better to read?”

B: Can you think of it?

A : "This word is often seen!"

B: Yes, what do you often read?

A: "What do you read so often!"

B: What?

A: "Read that...hum!"

B: Hum?

A: "Hey, hum! It's not the first time. Just say: Hum teaches, hum teaches, that’s the word."

B: Is that hum taught?

A: "How about our ancestors invented this word. It makes sense! If you think of teaching people, they don’t yell. They come close to you and hum in a low voice - humming to teach - so vivid!"

B: Nonsense explanation!

A: A few masters from our factory came to visit us that day. Everyone was very happy and wanted to drink some wine. We were having a good time drinking, and hey! This kid came in: "Dad, Dad, the text we learned today said: 'Colonies under the enslavement of imperialism criminally produce beggars and idiots every day and every hour.' Dad. , what is an idiot?" I said: "..."

B: He can't answer!

A: "It's for nothing! You don't understand this? It's for nothing." Eat——! Dad earns money, so you just eat for free!"

B: Ah?!

A: Several masters, poof! They all sprayed! Said: "Here we go! We are all eating for nothing!”

B: You are showing how cowardly you are!

A: If you don’t say that this child is ignorant, then don’t ask questions as an outsider. !"Dad, Dad, is this flounder on this plate?" I said: "Yes." "Why do flounder eyes grow on one side?"

B: You still ask everything.

A: I said: "Of course! It has to grow on one side!"

B: Why?

A: "...I I can’t tell you right away.”

B: What’s the matter?

A: “I’ll tell you right away, you’re not impressed. You should encourage yourself to use your brain and think about this halibut. Why do its eyes grow on one side?"

B: Why do they grow on one side?

A: "Yes, it has both eyes on one side, so it is called flounder!"

B: It’s the same as not saying anything.

A: "If there is one on each side, it is called a yellow croaker!"

B: Who asked you!

A: "Hey! Remember Come on! Anyone with one eye on each side is a yellow croaker!" "Dad, dad, why do you have one eye on each side?" I said: "...the yellow croaker is my father's transformation...no. , Dad...yellow croaker...Hey! By the way, dad loves to eat yellow croaker!"

B: This kid is forcing him to talk nonsense!

A: That's good What! Sometimes you don’t even know what to say when you want to talk nonsense!

B: Yeah?

A: He chases you all day long and asks: "Dad, dad, why?" Our TV is black and white, but someone else’s TV is color?"

B: The structure inside is different!

A: "How is the structure different? ?"

B: A picture tube is...

A: "What is a picture tube? Why can a picture tube display images? Where do TV images come from? ? Did it fly into the house from the sky? Is it like a flying saucer? Why is a flying saucer called a UFO? Is UFO English? Why do Americans also speak English? Dad, can you speak English?" I said: "(Unclear) Qing) English...Gu Debai!" (waving)

B: Come on!

A: Why do you keep getting involved in our family's affairs? You don't know any sympathy at all. Man! This child has put me through a lot of trouble! Look at how thin I am now, I’m losing weight right before my eyes. I'm not afraid of making fun of you, but how far have you pushed this child? I go to work at eight in the morning, and I leave as soon as six o'clock. At night, if the child doesn't fall asleep, I don't even dare not go home.

B: Why?

A: Aren’t you afraid to ask? If you can’t offend me, why not hide away!

B: As for that?

A: He asked you, you are wrong, he really looks down on you!

B: No.

A: Why not? The last time we held a parent-teacher conference, I saw him grunting and grumbling, meaning he didn’t want me to go. I said, "This child, parent-teacher conference, parent-teacher conference, parent-teacher conference, parent-teacher conference, parent-teacher conference, Who will go if my parents don't go?" When I said this, he was not happy: "Huh! I won't let you go! I won't let you go! Look at how good my father said it, you can't speak, you are innocent Nonsense! Last time we held a parent forum, what did you call it? All the classmates in our class gave you a nickname."

B: What is a nickname?

A: "I call you a fool!"

B: Ouch!

A: Do you think this child is okay now?! Name his father Nickname! What kind of nickname do you think you gave me? Ah? Asshole! Just be as stupid as you want, and give me a nickname! Why am I so stupid? Tell me with your conscience, Am I stupid?

B: Don’t be so angry with your child.

A: One night, I didn’t let him eat when he came back. I said: "Come here!...Come here!!"

B: Speak slowly if you have something to say.

A: "I'm your dad, right? Huh?...Yes. Yes - you just walked past me on the side of the road and glanced at me. You didn't call me?!"

B: Oh, this is the fault of the child!

A: He has no reason: "Dad, what do you want us to call you? Just now in front of so many classmates Hey, you were sitting under the street lamp playing poker with a blank note on your face."

B: Okay!

A: "Actually, I didn't scream. ?Shanshan didn’t call her dad either. Her dad was wearing a pair of sunglasses, which were painted.”

B: Hey! The child is afraid that you will embarrass him!

A. : After hearing this, I tossed and turned and couldn't sleep at night. I suddenly felt that the child was older! I saw him sleeping so soundly and sweetly, so I gently tucked him in, okay?

B: What?

A: Diary?

B: Oh, the child writes a diary.

A: I’ll open it! The child’s diary is so neatly written. Oh, this is the diary from the day before yesterday: "March 5th: Sunday: Sunny

From now on, I will never ask my dad a question again. He can't answer, how uncomfortable I feel! From now on In the future, I will study hard. I will know many things, and I will never have to ask my father again.

”

B: Hey!

A: I really couldn’t stand it when I saw this. When I turned around, I saw my lover sleeping soundly, which made me so angry. I lifted my wife up and said, "You...you...do you still have time to snore?"

B: Why are you torturing her?

A: We held an emergency meeting overnight and made an in-depth and detailed assessment and analysis of the current family situation. The meeting unanimously agreed that the root cause of children’s faith crisis is that children in the 1980s had an “explosion of knowledge” and knew too much. Too much, too much learning, too broad interests, too strong thirst for knowledge - it is a "four too" situation! However, we cannot stand at the forefront of the movement to lead the children, which leads to the situation where the big layman wants to lead the little expert but leads No, the embarrassing situation of my son looking down on me. In this way, the issue of "learning" is seriously and urgently placed in front of our leaders. Therefore, we believe that in a very long historical period, the main task of our leadership is. The task is to study. Our battle slogan: "I don’t want to be afraid of my son asking questions, study hard and study again!"

B: Okay!

A: We have formulated an extremely Powerful measures.

B: What measures?

A: Buy a set of "One Hundred Thousand Whys"!

B: Why buy that?

A: Memorize it! If you memorize it all, you won’t be afraid of children asking!

B: What’s the idea!

A: Isn’t this a set of books that I dare to love? Master, there are more than 20 books!

B: This is enough to carry!

A: It’s okay. We divide the work, she carries half and I carry half. She memorizes: astronomy, geography, physics, chemistry, electricity, geology, medicine, mathematics; I memorize: human body, sports, plants, animals, law, history, literature and art, and military. When my son asks her what she memorized in the future, she will tell her. When asked about what I memorize, I will tell you. We memorize it before going to work, memorizing it after get off work, memorizing it while shopping, cooking, eating, washing dishes, walking, riding in the car, and lying on the bed. Still reciting, this mouth is not idle all day long: "...Why does the clock at Beijing Station only jump every half a minute! Why does the rear window of the bus not open? Why is noise also a kind of Pollution? Why is psoriasis not ringworm? Why are there so many volcanoes in the Hawaiian Islands in the United States? Why do people keep breathing? Why do the big ends of the nose usually go down? "Nonsense, if the big head goes up, that's a funnel? What do you think of these people? Why are you studying this when you have nothing to do?!

B: Your spirit is commendable, but it is not the solution after all.

A: Then it depends on you...?

B: Study the culture and relearn basic knowledge.

A: What a hero! I will sign up for school! I will study hard! I will sign up first...to go to elementary school!

B: Go to elementary school?

A: I went to junior high school just when the chaos was happening. It was in name only! I was determined to get my time back! I started in the sixth grade of elementary school. !...

B: Then I’m in the same class as your son!

A: It’s not the same school, I’m in a night school. Oops! After a few days of class, I thought why is this sixth-grade elementary school homework so difficult? I am so worried about doing this homework every day!

B: Your foundation is poor.

A: When I got home that night, after dinner, my son and I were doing homework on the same table. He was kneeling on the chair over there, and I was kneeling on the chair over here. I looked at it like this , Hey! Our homework questions today are exactly the same!

B: What a coincidence!

A: I said: "What... lend me a rubber."

B: Hey!

A: The messy paint here is always wrong. I want to ask my son for advice!

B: That’s fine too.

A: But what do you mean by this thing?

B: What’s this?

A: Yes! In order to study, I risked my life! I'm not ashamed to ask! I said: "What...can you please ask me how to solve this problem?"

B: It doesn't matter!

A: But my son talks too much This is so annoying!

B: What did he say?

A: "Dad, you want to ask me how to solve this question, right?"

B: Not bad.

A: “I can’t tell you right away.

”

B: Then why?

A: “I’ll tell you right away, you are not impressed.” We should encourage ourselves to use our brains and think about it carefully, how should we solve this problem?"

B: Okay!

A: My wife was very happy to hear this: "Yes. Where's the dad? My son is helping me with my homework. Aren't you embarrassed? You deserve to be a dad!" I said, "If you don't deserve to be a dad, I'm also a dad, so he has to call me dad. ”

B: How fresh!

A: That’s what you say, but I feel very uncomfortable. Really, if this continues, am I worthy of being a father? The more I think about it, The more I kept tossing and turning at night, I couldn't sleep. After struggling for most of the night, I finally fell into a daze just before dawn. Just as I was dazed, I had a dream. It was so scary!

B: What dream did you have?< /p>

A: Twenty years later, somehow our family has established such a rule.

B: What rule?

A: No one wants to be the one. Dad should be a dad, and we have to implement an assessment system. Whoever passes the exam will become a father. When the test paper came out, I couldn’t do it at all! When I thought about it, it would be very miserable if I didn’t pass the exam. I screamed. I cried. The more I cried, the sadder I became. As I was crying, my son pushed me awake and asked me why I was crying. I got up from the bed and said shyly and excitedly. To be a true father, a qualified father, an excellent father, a competent father, the best father, please see my actual actions! (Raise your hands to make a shaking gesture)

B: You What does this mean?

A: I am on a spring bed!