What kind of jokes are the most interesting?

Before marriage, my friend said that marrying a tigress was a great sorrow for a man's life. When talking about this topic, he quoted the classics and couldn't help crying when he was emotional. Really: Hedong roar, husband shakes three times; As soon as the daughter-in-law stares, the man kneels on the washboard; As soon as the wife gets angry, the husband lives on the street.

But after I got married, I found that hearsay was absolutely wrong. I married a tigress, and I didn't feel anything wrong except bitterness, tiredness, timidity and emptiness.

I was silent at first, then I was scared, and then I bowed my head and made a fuss. After the rigorous study and careful training of Garreton University, with my daughter-in-law as my tutor, my grades in various subjects have made rapid progress and changed with each passing day. Coupled with my own efforts, I gradually grew into a comprehensive, professional and loyal family training executor. To sum up, I have made great progress in the following eight aspects.

1. Summarize the physical knowledge in life. When I am with my wife, I always sleep with my eyes open, and I always feel that time passes slowly. Once the unit held an activity on the weekend, and I took the risk of taking part in it on the pretext of working overtime. Fortunately, I was attracted by the pretty girl in the company office and danced with her. As a result, my dance addiction was aroused. I dragged her off and on for three hours and six minutes until MM collapsed and collapsed in my arms. From this, I have a new understanding of Professor Einstein's theory of relativity: three minutes with my wife is like three years; Three hours with beautiful MM seems to be only three minutes.

2. The application of philosophy is quite rewarding. I have always used the "two-point theory" to educate my colleagues who are prone to male chauvinism: everything has both good and bad sides. We must look at the problem comprehensively and never be blind. Have you noticed that although my wife has a big temper, she looks extraordinary and outstanding; Although I can't touch alcohol at ordinary times, it ensures that my blood pressure is not high, and fatty liver and obesity are strictly prevented. Although I stay indoors on weekdays and am busy with housework, I don't inhale car exhaust. In addition, you can go to the park for a day on Children's Day (at your own expense, bring your wife and sister's twins). Although the wife is usually in charge of the little things at home, I feel at ease that this is the basis of longevity. What others can't compare is that all the major events in my family are decided by me, but there is no major event in my family so far.

3. apply what you have learned. Because of my own reasons, I became interested in physiology after marriage. Through the painstaking research on physiology, pharmacology and pathology, I have adjusted and treated my discomfort and diseases, and the effect is quite good. My main achievements are as follows: ① After two months of marriage, I heard my wife snoring at night and the convulsion was cured; (2) After getting married for half a year, the secret of urinary incontinence was solved when I heard my daughter-in-law's crying; (3) After one year of marriage, my calf stopped cramping when faced with a cartoon picture similar to my wife's image.

4. Sublimation of tactical theory. My mother-in-law came to my house for the first time. I called her dog by the wrong name while chatting. After my mother-in-law left, my wife offered to punish me. I refused to accept it and gave a few words. Although I begged and promised not to do this again, I was punished for sleeping in the kitchen for a week. After several arduous and important battles, I studied the art of war and put it into practice, so I summed up the twenty principles of self-protection in family conflicts: my daughter-in-law moved me quietly, my daughter-in-law retired me, my daughter-in-law was angry and obedient, my daughter-in-law yelled at me, and my daughter-in-law kept me.

5. The gains of psychology. After two and a half years of family life, my psychological quality has gradually matured, and my colleagues can prove this. In April, the unit organized outreach training. In the last activity, I was the last to appear, and everyone was folded before. In full view, I quickly climbed to the bare top of the 8-meter-high steel column. Just standing, a colleague suddenly called my wife from below. I immediately jumped up and easily caught the bar 3 meters away, so I was rated as an excellent development student.

6. Self-study beauty. After 30 months of marriage, I gave my wife 152 facial masks, 6 1 manicure, 19 red lips and 8 tattoos. My beauty kung fu is really blooming. Of course, the lessons of failure are also very painful, and I will inevitably make up for them. Once I was sleepy, I used toothpaste as a mask, which made my wife's face swollen for a week and her head was too big to wear a sweater. Therefore, running to work within one month is fined (42 kilometers one way, the speed is not lower than the bus). Once again, when I painted her eyebrows, the area was too large and the position was too biased, resulting in a panda eye. I gave up smoking and skipped breakfast for two months and bought her a pair of fake imported glasses. But failure is the mother of success. I can be an assistant in the beauty salon now.

7. Use the knowledge of overall planning. My main work after work includes: ① buying food, washing vegetables, cooking and cleaning; Wash your wife's hair and feet; Washing clothes, ironing clothes, folding clothes; (3) posting on the Internet for my wife, chatting with netizens for her, and upgrading CS for her (at least once a week); Call my wife's parents, grandparents, grandparents, seven aunts and eight aunts, and call her cousin to help her with math, English and Chinese in high school; ⑤ Finish facial mask, massage and other beauty work before the wife goes to bed.

If these tasks are done step by step, can they be completed in eight or nine hours? After my key analysis and gradual exploration, I have formed a perfect work overall management model, which has basically reached the international level. The latest achievement is that I can finish all the work before midnight on 12, saving two hours and fifteen minutes. I can use this time to sit on a small bench in the kitchen and have a leisurely dinner.

8. Make full use of mathematics and legal knowledge in the vegetable market. When I come into my house after work, I will go to the vegetable market in the community and buy food according to the menu instructed by my wife the night before. As the saying goes: it is better to buy than to sell. I not only want to be decent, but also ensure that the only channel for saving private money is not blocked. I try my best to make up math. Any three-digit multiplication can be completed in my mind in 10 second, not to mention addition and subtraction, so as not to be fooled by small vendors. Of course, some of them are not authentic, so I will make full use of my legal knowledge and let them get more than one bargained for.

The fat sister-in-law who sells tofu gave me half a tael of shredded tofu, trying to fool me with 50 cents. I dragged her to the market office in a rage and fined her 20 yuan. Before going out, the comrades in the office affirmed my behavior: "Remember, don't look for me in such a small matter in the future." Are you kidding? Did I punish her myself?

Er Ya, who sells cucumbers, weighed me two catties and three ounces of cucumbers. I'm two dollars and seven cents, and she wants me two dollars and one; I won't do it. She said round. I replied: four houses cost two yuan and three cents; The other five dollars should be one dollar and ninety-eight cents. I'll give you two dollars and you take advantage! She refused to do it and said I was wrong, so we argued endlessly. It took me 45 minutes to tell her that she was thirsty before she was convinced. With the 70 cents I won, I was angry that she sacrificed my precious time, so I arranged a garlic and two green onions at her booth as compensation. She envied my wife very much and shouted desperately behind my back, "I have never seen a man like you."

To sum up, there is still a big gap between my grades and my wife's requirements. In order to achieve a good education for the next generation, I recently enrolled in piano classes, poetry classes, English classes, pop songs classes, pregnancy education classes and early childhood education classes. I will strive for the successful realization of surrogate daughter-in-law pregnancy next year. I believe that with my efforts and the constant supervision of my wife, my family will become more harmonious, happy and happy.