10 classic jokes

No. 10

Yesterday at noon, a male colleague went out and did not take his mobile phone with him. His wife kept calling. The female colleague who was taking a nap was annoyed by the noise. She took her mobile phone and yelled: "We are sleeping, are you bothered?" As a result, the male colleague has not come to work today!

No. 9

I was hungry in the afternoon and saw a bottle of yogurt on my colleague’s desk. I drank it without thinking. After a while, my colleague came and shouted: “What’s wrong with my facial cleanser?” Gone! 108 yuan!" Brother didn't say anything, he just walked to the toilet silently, scratching his throat, and vomited things hard until he spit out acid water.

Finally, I almost vomited, and when I returned to my seat with tears streaming down my face, my colleague held a bottle and said, "I was scared to death. The facial cleanser rolled under the table. Why did my yogurt come back?" It's gone. "My brother cursed in his heart: Your grandma is a bitch, she will kill you if she drinks some yogurt."

　No8

An old man went to the People's Bank of China to withdraw money. He walked directly to the window. The security guard came over and said: "Uncle, press the number." The uncle: "What?" The security guard: "Press the number. "No." The old man thought to himself, it is indeed a big bank. To withdraw money, you need a secret code, so he whispered to the security guard: "The king of heaven has to give up the tiger." The security guard reluctantly helped the old man to press a queue ticket. The old man thought to himself: It scared me to death that I was actually fooled! !

No. 7

A beautiful female colleague, her husband brought her lunch, put it down without saying a word and left.

The new male colleague asked: Who was that just now? She answered: Delivery food. The new guy asked again: Why didn't you give me the money? She said: No need to give it, just sleep with him at night. The male colleague was silent. The next day, he brought her a lunch of four dishes and one soup, and the whole office burst into laughter...

　 No. 6

A child asked his mother: When you Why did you marry dad?

My mother said: "My mother was blind before she married your father!" The child asked his father again: "Why is our family so poor?"

Dad said: "Our family's money has been spent on your mother's eye treatment!"

No5

There were many people in the restaurant, and a young couple was really He couldn't find a place, so he shared a table with me and sat across from me. To be honest, the woman was really pretty, so I took a second look, but the man found out. He slapped a Volkswagen car key on the table to scare me. I took a closer look. , let me go, Phaeton...

I slapped a Maserati car key on the table, slap, slap, Bugatti, Rolls-Royce, several car keys I threw on the table , the man led the woman away in despair... Really, why are you pretending to be the one with the key?

No. 4

When I went to the bank to transfer money, the car was temporarily parked on the side of the road. In order to avoid being fined by the traffic police, I left my friend to look at the car. I told him that a car inspector was coming to tell me. A few minutes after I entered, a traffic police officer came. The friend rushed into the bank and shouted loudly: Brother, the police are here. , hurry up!

Damn it, there were dozens of people in a huge hall, and it was silent for a moment. Then the crowd poured out of the bank like a flood, and then I was pushed to the ground by five or six security guards... What an injustice. ! Don't be afraid of opponents who are like gods, but be afraid of teammates who are like pigs!

No. 3. The series of uncles falling down

(1) It snowed heavily today. I just went out and saw an uncle who fell down. I went over and asked: Uncle, my monthly salary is less than 2,000. Can I help you get up? Uncle: Young man, you go, I'll wait a little longer. Me: Okay! Although the weather was cold, the uncle's words were warm and full of positive energy...

(2) I was walking on the road and saw the uncle lying on the ground. I quickly went up to help him, and the uncle looked at me. I said, "Young man, don't move. I see you are also a part-time worker. You can go and I'll wait." I was moved and said quickly, "Uncle, there is a Land Rover guy who parked his car and came over quickly."

"The uncle was also excited. "You are quite honest as a young man. Why don't you just leave and be a witness for me? Then buy a car to drive to work when you're done. "

(3) When I was walking on the road, I saw an old man lying on the ground. I quickly went up to lie down with him. The old man looked at me and said, "Young man, please don't compete with me. My son wants to buy a house and marry a wife. . "I said, I also want to buy a house and marry a wife, but I don't want to gnaw at my old age. The uncle said that if you are ambitious, I will give you this place. I will change it!

No2

Chinese language in primary school is too difficult now. Look at one of their homework questions:

Requirement: Connect the following four sentences with related words:

(1) Sister Li is paralyzed;

(2) Sister Li studied tenaciously;

(3) Sister Li learned many foreign languages;

(4) Sister Li learned acupuncture.

(The correct answer should be: Although Sister Li was paralyzed, she studied tenaciously and not only learned many foreign languages, but also learned acupuncture.)

As a result, one child wrote: Although Li My sister tenaciously learned acupuncture and many foreign languages, but she was still paralyzed.

Later, I discovered that the more powerful child wrote:

Sister Li not only learned foreign languages, but also learned how to speak them. After learning acupuncture, she studied so tenaciously that she finally became paralyzed.

The reason why Sister Li became paralyzed was because of her tenacious study. Not only did she learn many foreign languages, she even learned acupuncture.

Sister Li studied so tenaciously that she not only learned many foreign languages ??and acupuncture, but also learned paralysis.

Sister Li learned many foreign languages ??and acupuncture, and she also learned paralysis tenaciously. .

The highlight is always at the end:

Sister Li learned many foreign languages ????and acupuncture through tenacious study, but ended up paralyzing herself after reading a foreign language version of an acupuncture book!

No1

I got into trouble today

There were a few transparent shrimps in the fish tank in the office. The boss looked at them with glasses for a long time and asked me what I had raised. What.

I said: "Shrimp! "

The leader was stunned and left...

I was also stunned and quickly explained loudly: "Shrimp, leader! Leader shrimp! The leader is really a shrimp! ! It’s a real shrimp! ! ! ”

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