Never let your children receive such filial piety education

It all started when a friend took his children to attend a summer Chinese culture filial piety summer camp. My friend is a worker in the system and has an 8-year-old son who is in the second grade of elementary school. He usually attaches great importance to his child’s education and cultural and sports ability training. Recently, his son was on summer vacation and participated in a three-day Chinese traditional Chinese filial piety summer camp through the recommendation of other parents. , after returning, my friend was filled with emotion. He kept saying that this summer camp was not in vain, it was really worth the money. He shared every detail of this summer camp with us, and almost cried when he talked about his excitement.

Through understanding, I learned that the schedule of this so-called summer Chinese culture filial piety summer camp is arranged like this. First, parents and children visit the hometown of a celebrity famous for filial piety in history, and then organize The trainer gives the children Chinese traditional culture classes and teaches the spirit of filial piety in the "Book of Filial Piety", "Disciple Rules", and "The Analects of Confucius", and then takes the children alone for a field trip. In fact, so far, this summer camp is pretty good. Regardless of whether the children can truly understand it, at least they have learned some classics and cultivated their ability to adapt to the wild and their spirit of cooperation, which is still beneficial. However, the next arrangement is a bit surprising.

The climax of the summer camp was to organize the children to kneel down and wash their parents’ feet, look for gray hair, beat their backs... Next to them, "A Grateful Heart" was played loudly on the speakers, and the host was sensational In the end, the parents finally cried and their eyes were red, and the children finally found their parents’ gray hair. But I couldn’t listen to it anymore. I was covered in goosebumps and felt like I was sitting on pins and needles.

As a person with a certain foundation in psychology, I have to say that this kind of filial piety education is very harmful to people. Never let your children receive this kind of filial piety education.

First, this is not an appropriate occasion to express filial piety.

Have you ever felt that the scene mentioned above seems a bit familiar? Yes, it is the product promotion meeting we often see in front of supermarkets or squares. There are also sensational music and products. There will be explanations in turn, users’ experiences will be shared, small gifts will be given out through Q&A activities, and finally there will be a so-called discount promotion. I always believe that the relationship between children and their parents is a very private matter, just like the spring breeze turning into rain, moistening things silently, and the seedlings accept the gifts, and finally repay this kind of upbringing and gift with rich and sweet fruits. Rather than telling the seedlings with thunder while it rains, how precious this rain is and how hard it comes, you must grow quickly and repay me with good fruits, or simply become a sweet stalk and give me a taste now. . Parents' love for their children, and children's support for their parents are not commodities. Of course, they cannot be used as commodities to sensationalize and sell. The stronger the love, the deeper it is and the more private it is. It is not suitable to share it with irrelevant people. If it is revealed, it will become superficial. , it would be more of a joke to have a group exercise in a public place, not to mention the great love of parents and children. Even if they are good friends, you will tell him or her in public how deep your friendship is and how deep your relationship is. How harmonious is it? As far as I know, those who say this are not true friends, what do you think? This kind of love should be the touching feeling between receiving and giving back, the tacit understanding and tacit understanding between the eyes. As for my parents’ silent devotion to me, so much warmth and touch, I will seal it tightly in a jar to prevent the flavor from escaping, and wait for time to turn it into refreshing wine.

From a psychological point of view, it is best not to discuss or share your plans and goals with others, especially not in public, because the human subconscious has a characteristic that it will think that you have completed it. In this way, your motivation and susceptibility will be greatly weakened. I call it the leakage of energy.

The second point is that this is not an appropriate way to express filial piety.

Chinese people have always been very dogmatic in terms of filial piety. Basically, filial piety = washing feet ≈ kowtow ≈ kneeling ≈ looking for gray hair ≈ beating back ≈ rubbing shoulders. Isn't it a very interesting formula? Such a rigid symbol has become a classic and is still used today. If this could really express the meaning of filial piety, I was really afraid that I would wash the skin off my parents' feet. Fortunately, it can't.

Why can’t we educate our children to take the initiative to do some housework at home, reduce the work burden of their parents, and set an example by their own parents? Why can’t we go home often to visit and have a meal? , have a drink with your father and chat with your mother; why can't you dye your white-haired parents' hair with your own hands, and rub their backs when taking a shower; why can't you ask more about your parents when they feel slightly uncomfortable and take them in time? Hospital visit. Can love that is too lazy to think about the method be true love? We are all too utilitarian, so utilitarian that we can only do useful work at work, buy some supplements in the supermarket for our parents to take home, and have a drink with our boss and people who are useful to us. The children have seen our performance. When they grow up, they can be so filial as to wash our feet. We should be happy. At least, they still know how to formalize and remember to be filial.

The "imprinting effect" means that a chick that has just hatched will follow the first moving object it sees and learn from the "mother" it sees. This is irreversible and will affect Animal behavior throughout life. Research shows that the "imprinting effect" exists not only in lower animals, but also in humans. It’s just that human beings have a long infancy period, so this effect can be extended to the entire childhood of children. Therefore, children are the imprint of their parents. Parents’ role in teaching their children by example is far greater than words. They are also more responsible for educating and guiding their children in appropriate ways. way to express filial piety.

The third point is that what children learn is not the true meaning of filial piety.

I don’t know what the true meaning of filial piety is, but I know that it must not be a cheap shed of tears, not a spiritual burden, not a material exchange based on time, not an emotion Investment is even less likely to be a transaction without a contract under moral suppression.

If I were to guess, I think the true meaning of filial piety may lie in the two-way sharing and feedback of material and emotions between independent personalities based on blood. It includes a kind of gratitude to the giver, a kind of Respect and understanding for the given person, parents show love to their children without restraint, and children show filial piety but not disobedience to their parents. It should be a warm tacit understanding in life, a selfless sacrifice in times of difficulty, just like an old friend who seems to have lived apart from another life.

Finally, I want to say,

I love my parents, which is a kind of hazy and indescribable beauty. They are the people I face life alone and protect the people I love. The spiritual power is a permanent memory rooted in the soul.

I love my child and respect every choice he (she) makes, but I do not recommend him (her) to participate in this kind of Chinese traditional culture filial piety summer camp.