Xinjiang beauty joke

1: My wife likes to buy things, especially small things with low value. In 2000, my wife saw a beautiful mobile phone lanyard and bought one. At that time, I was a poor student. In order to capture my heart, I gave her a mobile phone as a lanyard. After graduation, my wife saw the beautiful headrest of the car and bought it without saying anything. Two years later, she got a Polo. My wife bought a nursing bottle, and then she had our baby. Today, my wife bought a pair of men's leather shoes, size 43, and my feet are only size 40. . . . . .

I had some trouble with my uncle some time ago, and later I really regretted buying something to make amends. When I arrived at my uncle's house, my uncle opened the door.

Me: Uncle, I was wrong.

Uncle: What uncle? I don't have an uncle like you.

Me: ...

3. Boyfriend: I love you the most, of course ~ No matter what your requirements or wishes are, I will try my best to satisfy you.

Me: I only have two small wishes now. ...

My boyfriend interrupted me: shh, you said it was useless. ...

4. When I was a child, I looked like a pillow and was soft like a pillow. I was used as a pillow by my dad all night …

5. Stay in high school and talk to a group of girls about the size of MM at night.

A BH woman, relatively flat, suddenly said excitedly, "I am most afraid that someone will accidentally hit my chest when I take the subway!" " Because bra is concave, it can't be typed! ! "

6. Take a shower with my dad. After taking a bath, let him lie on the back rubbing table and rub his back. While rubbing, a young man came in, took off his bath card and handed it to me, saying, I'm on the 22nd.

Without looking at me, I went straight to take a shower.

I'm so embarrassed by the card. I just shouted "dude". He turned around and smiled twice and said, "Hey, I haven't seen you before, and I have a pair of glasses. Like a college student, are you here to experience life? " What a nice cat! Does anyone do this experience life?

At this time, my father sat up and said calmly, "I'm sorry, this is my private bath teacher." This is his science. "

At the moment, thunder rolled and shocked the people around. They were confused and shocked. A child asked his father seriously, "Dad, which school teaches rubbing baths?"

God, I plunged into the foggy sauna. ...

7: A classmate got very good grades. It is said that his father took him to play in the summer vacation because he did badly in the final exam.

Walking to a pond full of phytoplankton, I said earnestly, "In fact, you don't study hard at ordinary times, just like this duckweed, it won't sink when you step on it lightly ..." (Demonstration with your feet) "But step on it hard ... Ah! ! ! "

His father fell into the pond. ...

8. I heard from my classmates that their former class teacher wouldn't let me bring my mobile phone, and it was very strict.

On one occasion, they went to study by themselves, but the teacher didn't come, so everyone sacrificed various artifacts and put them on the cat's paw, which made them feel happy. Just then, I heard a loud noise. The head teacher kicked the door and turned off the light in a second with his backhand. The whole action was done in one go, and the whole class was amazed.

So all the students with reflective faces were taken away.

At 9: 00, my sister, who is in the sixth grade, patted me on the shoulder: "Brother, can you give me your phone number?" I smiled and shook my head.

When I was in Grade One, my junior in Grade Three stopped me and handed me a pink love letter. I looked at her for half a minute and said, "I'm sorry."

Just this afternoon, I was walking in the street when another high school girl, accompanied by her classmates, asked me for my number.

I "look at me"

She "what?"

I "look carefully"

She "huh?"

I said, "You really can't tell the difference and you can't pretend it. Look carefully, I am a girl! "

10: I took a shower after taking calculus exam today, and I didn't wear glasses. As soon as I entered the bathhouse, I saw a burly buddy undressing. As soon as I saw it, his arms and stomach were covered with tattoos.

I didn't dare to look more. I went to the cubicle to wash it. A minute later, my buddy came to borrow shampoo. I took a look, but I was not calm … It's not a tattoo, it's a fucking formula …

165438+

The first thing babies learn is loud and clear-"Wang" ...

12: My daughter. Today, I ran to my mother's bedroom, threw myself on the bed and pretended to be dead. I want my mother to see that I'm playing dead and stiff. I blurted out: mom, you see I'm hard ... mom is changing clothes, and I'm scared: what did you say !

13: I once heard that men pee in the pool while taking a shower, thinking that we women can do it!

It's just that we women have to stand anyway, and there is water on our heads to X L, so others can't see it. I went to take a shower today, and a shower head happened to be empty. Thinking about it, I stood over.

Stand wider, I peed ... When the eyes around me looked at the animals, I realized I was wrong! ………

You are right! ..... I forgot to turn on the water in the shower head!

14: Hold a warm baby on your chest when you sleep every night and meditate on the expansion and contraction.

15: My girlfriend said that I agreed without much pursuit, and she couldn't stand it.

Let's break up, I'll catch up again,

I said yes.

Then, it's gone.

17: After class, the students threw chalk heads at each other, and the head teacher came in and shouted as usual, "What are you doing?"

Suddenly a white track passed through our sight and ended in the angry mouth of the class teacher …

Then the head teacher seemed to have a stuck throat and wanted to vomit, but it just slipped down …

He said to us with tears in his eyes, "After using chalk for so many years, I finally know what it tastes like ..."