Complete works of four jokes of Tang priest.

1. In the morning, Tang Priest woke up from his dream and found the Monkey King kneeling in front of his bed. He asked, "Wukong, what's wrong with you?" The Monkey King said with tears all over his face, "Master, I beg you, next time you talk in your sleep, don't say spells, okay?" 2. After getting Buddhist scriptures, Pig Bajie became a particularly handsome young man after plastic surgery. Then he went to the bar to meet the young lady for a drink. After coming out, he said to the young lady, "Do you know? Do you know how many cigarettes I used to smoke I used to be a pig, you know? " The young lady looked at him with tears in her eyes and said, "Second brother, I'm Friar Sand!" Fifth floor, third floor. When the Buddhist scriptures team arrived in the poverty-stricken areas, they could not lend them out in a few days. Wukong had to send Friar Sand and Bajie to distant cities to find food because he wanted to protect his master. On the first day, everyone returned empty-handed because there was no money. Go the next day, or empty-handed, because there is no money. Wukong was furious: "If you can't find food, don't come back!" On the third night, Friar Sand happily carried a big bag of rice with a lot of money left. Wukong was overjoyed and asked, "Where's Bajie?" Friar Sand suddenly cried sadly, "Brother, forgive me. There are so many of us, only the second brother can sell 16 yuan a catty. " 4. Four people arrived in a big city, Wukong went to eat, Friar Sand packed his bags, and Bajie went out for a walk. In the evening, Pig returned empty-handed, and the Tang Priest asked, "Where is Bai?" Pig said, "I was detained by * *." Tang Priest asked why? The pig said, "It farted." The Tang Priest asked, "You won't be detained for farting, will you?" Bajie said: "* * said that Beijing would hold a green Olympics, and the exhaust gas exceeded the standard." Number five on the seventh floor. When Wukong came back begging, he found that Master had disappeared, and Friar Sand and Pig were crying on the ground. Wukong asked, "Where is Master?" Pig said, "I lost it." Wukong said, "Look for it!" Friar Sand said, "I've looked everywhere, but there's nothing." Wukong looked around again, but still couldn't find it. Three people were worried when Wukong suddenly asked, "Did Master pay the mortgage this month?" Friar Sand said, "No." "Have you paid the road maintenance fee?" "No," Wukong said, "Master, wash and sleep, you can't escape. The bank is watching! " "6. The Tang Priest and his disciples passed through the Lion Camel Ridge, and the lion spirit caught Tang Priest. Wukong took great pains and finally defeated the lion essence. Just as he was about to be killed, Manjusri Bodhisattva suddenly came, saying that it was his mount and took the lion essence and roared off. Wukong cursed. "Pig said," Brother, forget it. " I am a leading driver and a civil servant. "The seventh floor on the eighth floor. Pig Bajie became a particularly handsome young man after he got the Buddhist scriptures. Then he went to the bar and had a drink with a young lady. After coming out, he said to the young lady, "Do you know? Do you know how many cigarettes I used to smoke I used to be a pig, you know? The young lady looked at him with tears in her eyes and said, "Second brother, I'm Friar Sand!" ! "8. Friar Sand took the math exam. The invigilator looked at the beads on his neck for a long time, and then said, "Don't think that I don't know if you disguise the abacus like this, and you still want to cheat? Take it off quickly. "9. Wukong was exiled to Huaguoshan by Tang Priest because of Monkey King Thrice Defeats the Skeleton Demon. A few months later, the pig suddenly visited and cried when he entered the door. Wukong asked, "Where are the marching troops? Bajie replied, "Linfen." . "Wukong asked again," but you met the monster again? "No," Pig said. Wukong said urgently, "Then why are you crying? Pig was even sadder: "Master, brother, go home quickly!" ! The master was sold to the black brick kiln, and we searched for it for three months. "10. Four priests Tang went to travel by plane. On the way, the plane crashed, but there were only three parachutes. Therefore, Father Tang said that everyone should answer questions, and jump if they can't answer them. Tang Priest and Master: Wukong, how many suns are there in the sky? Wukong: One. Tang Priest: OK, here you are. Tang Priest: Friar Sand, how many moons are there in the sky? Friar Sand: One. Tang Priest: OK, I'll give you one, too. The pig on the side is so happy, such a simple question. Tang Priest: Pig, how many stars are there in the sky? .................................................................................................................................................................................. Wukong: 1949. Tang Priest: OK. Tang Priest for you: Friar Sand, how many people died in the Liberation War? Friar Sand: 2.5 million people. Tang Priest: OK, I'll give you one, too. Tang Priest: Bajie, what are the names of those 2.5 million people? ..... Bajie had to jump again ... The third time, the four of them went to travel by plane again and had an accident on the way. Then Pig said, Master, you don't have to ask. I'll jump myself. Then I jumped. Tang Priest joined hands: Amitabha, there are four parachutes this time ... 1 1. Learn from Tang Priest and his disciples. . . . The Tathagata asked again, "What about the mobile hard disk? ".。 . . . The Tathagata continued to ask, "You can also use the IPOD." Wukong dug his ear, and the Tathagata sighed, "Then you can go back the same way. I used QQ to send it to Tang Priest: Shit, I knew it would be over if I added your QQ. Why did LZ go so far? The four of them were about to leave when the Buddha suddenly asked, "Do you have a PSP?" Four people answered "no". The Buddha was surprised: how boring. How did you get here? The four of them looked at each other and said, ............................................................................................................................................................. Tathagata, who fought monsters all the way up, called: Hey, Tang Xiao, you are 56k Tietong. Tang Xiao: Yes, it was installed only last year. Tathagata: You'd better come again. After returning, Tang Priest opened QQ and found that Tathagata didn't come, so he asked Tathagata: Is our network too bad to come? Tathagata: Let's do it again. Bring the USB flash drive. So Tang Priest and his disciples experienced it again with a USB flash drive. The 81-year-old finally met the Tathagata and asked, "Do you have a USB flash drive?" Tang Priest and Master: "Yes" Tathagata continued to ask: "How old?" Master Tang Priest: "2G" Tathagata sighed deeply: "The Buddhist scriptures are too big and the USB flash drive is too small. Go back and bring a 4G one." . . . . . . . . . So when the Tang Priest and his disciples went back, they took the mobile hard disk and thought 1000G: How many TM classics did they bring back to you this time? After 81 difficulties, I finally met the Tathagata and asked, "Why are you here again?" Tang Priest and Master: "Didn't you say you should bring a bigger USB flash drive? We brought 1000G hard disk. " Tathagata continued to ask, "Didn't you open QQ when you went back?" Master Tang Priest: "We will buy the hard disk directly after we go back." Tathagata sighed deeply: "Shit, a group of idiots, I left a message for you in QQ, and the classic has been put in my server, so you can download it casually!" " . . . . . . . . . . When Tang Priest and his disciples went back, they opened the Tathagata's server and downloaded it. They found a Trojan horse in the server, so they took the 1000G hard disk and continued on their way, thinking, If I had known this, I would have baked it back long ago, and I will copy it back anyway this time. After eighty-one difficulties, I finally met the Tathagata and asked, "Do you have any paper?" . . . . . The Tathagata continued: "Hey, this time there was a Trojan horse in the server, and the electronic version of the scriptures was completely destroyed. I think you should copy it by hand! " " .。 . . . . . Then, a Tang priest learned this time, bought paper, took the hard disk and set off; I used QQ to send a message to Tathagata to confirm before. In case it changes after the 81 ST difficulty, I will see Tathagata. The Tang Priest first said, "Has the Trojan horse been cracked? "Tathagata:" No "Tang Priest:" Then can we copy? "Tathagata:" Yes, "Tang master and disciples finally copied the scriptures after 65,438+00 years, and prepared to bid farewell to Tang master and disciples:" We finished copying the scriptures in 65,438+00 years, and now we bid farewell to the Buddha and return to the Tang Dynasty ". . . . 。" "A bunch of idiots, why don't you use the copier?" 12. Look, Brother Sha, just catch a cockroach essence. Monkey, will you invite all the gods in the sky? Seriously, this time, have you ever seen this monkey catch a demon by itself? Every time, I shouted at the devil, "Don't go! Don't go if you dare! I'll blow my whistle and have you hacked to death! " Oh, miracle, my ass! Hey, look how many immortals have been here. Hey, there are some people riding brooms, too. Wow, I called all the sanitation workers in the sky. 13. Wukong, Bajie and Wukong, come to the teacher. Alas ..... I don't blame your teacher, but have you forgotten all my teaching? You and I are both Buddhists, so we should avoid many commandments. You should always remember that you don't steal, talk nonsense, hate your mouth, be greedy, jealous or stupid! Since you believe in Buddhism wholeheartedly, how can you practice without practice? Ok, I'll ask your teacher, who the fuck is it! Last night, when I was sleeping for my teacher, I sneaked in and stole my food? !