Can one of you help me tell a humorous story? joke

One day, Xiaoming and his father went out to play. When it was time for dinner, his father took him to the door of a small restaurant. Xiaoming won't go in anyway. His father asked him why. Xiaoming pointed to the sign in front of the restaurant and said, "I don't want to eat urine fried rice ..." Originally, the sign read:

Urine.

fried rice

One day after school, a little boy asked his mother, "Mom, where am I from?" Mother thinks this question is not easy to answer, but she should take this opportunity to educate her children, taking cats and dogs as examples, and seriously talk about the reproductive process. After listening to this, the son said in a daze, "How did this happen? My deskmate said that he is from Shanxi! "

Xiaoming went to grandma's birthday party. When it's time to eat birthday buns, Xiao Ming asks, "Why do we eat this kind of birthday buns like ass?" They listened to the face big change. Then Xiao Ming opened the handbag, looked at the bean paste inside and said, "Grandma, look! There is also shit in it! " Everyone fainted, vomited and vomited.

In the street, a little girl walked up to an uncle in police uniform. She looked it up and down, carefully asked:

"Are you a policeman?"

"yes."

"Mom said that no matter what difficulties you encounter, you will get help finding pol.ice, right?"

"Yes!"

"Well," the little girl raised one foot, "please help me tie my shoelaces."

An old man walked slowly along the street and saw a little boy reaching for the doorbell, but the doorbell was too high to reach. The kind old man stopped and said to the child, "I'll ring the doorbell for you." So he rang the doorbell so hard that the whole house heard him.

At this time, the child said to the old man, "Now let's run away, quick!" " "

Old man: "..."

One day, Xiao Qiang asked his father, "Dad, am I a stupid child?" Dad said, "Silly boy, how can you be a silly boy?"

One day, turtle's father, turtle's mother and turtle's son decided to go for an outing. They took a Shandong pie and two cans of underwater chicken and set off for Yangmingshan. After ten years of hard work, it's finally here! They sat on the floor, unloaded their equipment and prepared to eat. Turns out I didn't bring a can opener!

Son of a turtle: "... I'll go back and get it." 」

Father Tortoise: "Good boy! Come on! Mom and dad are waiting for you to come back for dinner. Go back! 」

Tortoise son: "Be sure to wait for me! Don't break your word! 」

So turtle son set foot on the road home. ...

Time flies, time flies, 20 years have passed, but the turtle son has not appeared yet.

Mother turtle: "Wife ... shall we eat first?" ? I was so hungry that I said ... "

Tortoise Dad: "No! We promised our son! Well ... wait for him for another five years, or let him go! 」

It's been five years, and the turtle son still hasn't seen it. Tortoise parents don't care! Parents decided to start.

Take out the pie and get ready to eat. ...

Suddenly, turtle son poked his head out from behind the tree. ...

Turtle son: "Shit! I knew you would steal! Trick me into getting a can opener? I waited for 25 years and finally got it! I hate being cheated! 」

Electrical appliances held a joke-telling contest,

It is stipulated that every electrical appliance should tell a joke.

Let all the audience laugh,

Otherwise you will be taken to Aruba. First, the washing machine,

As soon as he finished his joke, all the audience burst out laughing.

Suddenly I heard the rice cooker say, "It's so cold ~ ~ ~"

So the washing machine was taken to Aruba. Next is the smartest computer. As soon as his joke was finished, all the home appliances laughed.

I heard the rice cooker say, "It's so cold ~ ~ ~"

So! Computers were also brought to Aruba.

The third place is the most humorous desk lamp.

The desk lamp confidently finished the joke, and everyone laughed and rolled on the ground.

The rice cooker said, "It's so cold ~ ~ ~"

Just as the magic lamp was about to be taken to Aruba,

The rice cooker stood up angrily.

Turned to the refrigerator sitting behind him and said:

"I've had enough of your laughter. Don't open your mouth so wide and cold."

One day, the teacher took a group of children to the mountain to pick fruit.

He announced: "children, we can wash the fruit together after picking it, and we can eat it together after washing."

All the children went to pick fruit.

As soon as the assembly time came, all the children got together.

Teacher: "Xiaohua, what do you have?"

Xiaohua: "I am washing apples because I picked them."

Teacher: "What about you, Xiaomei?"

Xiaomei: "I'm washing tomatoes because I picked tomatoes."

Teacher: "The children are great! What about Amin? "

A-Ming: "I'm washing cloth shoes because I stepped on shit."

A pair of nude statues have stood face to face in the park for decades. One day, Cupid, the god of love, came to them and said, "It must be depressing for you two to look at each other every day, but you can't do it. Today I want you to be human and do what you want! " But only fifteen minutes. "

Say that finish, the two statues turned into people, and the two men immediately jumped into the grass, and the haystack rustled. ...

Ten minutes later, they jumped out of the grass. Cupid said, "Alas, there are still five minutes. Enjoy it again. "

Say that finish, the two men looked at each other, smiled and jumped into the grass. ...

I vaguely heard the female statue say to the male statue, "I pinned this pigeon down, and now it's your turn to shit on its head."

A girl confessed her crime to the priest ... Girl: Father, I am guilty. Father: Son, what crime have you committed? Girl: Yesterday, I scolded a man: "You son of a bitch! Father: Why? Did he do something to you? Girl: He ... He touched my chest. Father: You mean like this? (The priest reaches out and touches the girl's chest) Girl: Hmm … Yes. Father: You have no reason to scold him like that. Girl: But … take off my clothes again … Father: You mean like this? Girl: Yes, that's right. Father: But you still have no reason to scold him. Girl: Then ... he turned off the light and carried me to bed, just ... Father: (grinned) You mean that? (The priest also turns off the light and puts the girl to bed ... Girl: (A few minutes later) Yes ... That's it. Father: My dear child, even so, you still have no reason to call him "you …" Girl: But he has AIDS! ! Father: That son of a bitch! ! !

One day, Xiaoming came to visit his future mother-in-law. Mother-in-law: "Sit anywhere, the food is almost ready!" " "Then I went into the kitchen and began to get busy. At this time, only nervous Xiao Ming and his mother-in-law's dog Xiao Bai were left in the living room.

Suddenly, Xiao Ming found a sharp pain in his stomach. He thought, no! I must hold back! But he couldn't help it, poof! He farted invincible, and he thought, this is a dead man, and he will be driven out! Unexpectedly, my mother-in-law just shouted "Little White!" Xiaoming thought with relief: Fortunately, Xiaobai is my scapegoat.

Then he couldn't help farting for the second time, but his mother-in-law shouted "Xiao Bai!" " "

When he farted for the third time, he saw his mother-in-law rush out and shout, "Little White! You don't want to run until you stink, do you? !

A woman came to the hospital for examination because she couldn't control her farting. After waiting in the waiting room for 20 minutes, it was finally her turn.

"Take a good look at it, doctor. I can't control my fart. "

"Fart?"

"Yes, I often go out to socialize. That's not true. I saw Mr. Mayor the day before yesterday, but I couldn't help but fart when I saw him. Of course, I didn't make a sound. Also, I farted four times at dinner with the ambassador last night, and even farted six times in the waiting room just now! What do you think? "

"Do it, you go to the otology department first."