What effect will parents have on their children by training them in public?

Take Erbao to play in the community, and go to exercise equipment. There are a group of boys who look like elementary school playing. Suddenly, the mother of one of the boys comes out of the building, tugging at the boy's arm and pulling back, saying, how many times have I called you? I can't hear you, so hurry home. All his companions were gloating with the expression of watching the play.

Suddenly, I felt very touched. I remembered that when I was a child, I forgot to make an appointment to do my homework. I was playing with children, and suddenly a slap fell from the sky, which made me dizzy. My mother's voice sounded in my ear: "Go back quickly." I was really embarrassed at that time.

Shouting at a child upstairs, or beating and cursing in front of his friends, was nothing worth mentioning in the past. However, it is really hurting children's self-esteem. Therefore, not only adults need face, but also babies need parents to take care of "face" once they start to have self-awareness.

How important is self-esteem

In his book Proper Self-esteem, Christophe Andre thinks that self-esteem includes three aspects: self-love, self-concept and self-confidence. Self-esteem is a psychological state formed through interaction with the outside world.

When children have self-awareness at the age of one, they begin to build self-esteem through interaction with the outside world. The baby threw the diaper into the trash can, and his mother and father applauded him. The baby thought he was very powerful, and his self-esteem was thus established.

On the contrary, parents often criticize their children or don't respond when they should be encouraged, and children will feel more and more inferior. Self-esteem is built on little things, and it is not formed in a day.

▲ Self-esteem is the cornerstone of a healthy personality

It is no exaggeration to say that self-esteem is the most basic quality to cultivate a child. All the excellent qualities we are familiar with, such as courage, responsibility and helpfulness, should be based on this. If a child's self-esteem is hurt, he can develop an inferiority complex, think that he doesn't deserve good, dare not express himself, and please others blindly. Or give up on yourself and have no sense of honor.

▲ Self-esteem brings self-discipline

"Why do you have to rush me every time you do your homework? Isn't that your own business?" Aunt always taught her cousin like this before. But every time, my cousin goes back to her room and opens her exercise book, but there must be a comic book in the drawer. We all hope that children can manage themselves well, whether it is time or mood. I am very upset about the "unconsciousness" of the baby. In fact, this is because parents don't give their children enough "trust" to make them have self-esteem.

Mao Mu said that "self-esteem is a virtue and a motive force to promote a person's continuous upward development". Self-esteem is the key to children's self-discipline ability. It is completely opposite to the state when doing homework. My cousin's self-esteem is manifested in basketball. Every morning at five o'clock, Lei can't move to practice. This is his self-discipline. The result of self-discipline is to bring better performance on the court, and then strengthen self-esteem and make him more self-disciplined. This is a virtuous circle.

▲ Self-esteem achieves self

There are always people around us who are afraid of conflicts with others and will sacrifice their rights for this. Others, knowing clearly what they want in their hearts, still follow most people's choices, go with the flow and dare not stick to themselves. The result of low self-esteem is often that you dare not stick to yourself. On the other hand, those who have self-esteem can often ignore the feelings of others, follow their own hearts, become the people they want to be, and live a meaningful life.

How to save face for children

1. Don't criticize children in public

John Locke has a famous saying that the less parents publicize their children's mistakes, the more they value their reputation, and the more they will carefully safeguard their praise.

Some parents teach their children to ignore the occasion completely, and the reason is still lack of respect. If the boss keeps saying, "Look at what you're doing, and you graduated from college, I think the primary school students are doing better than you, and what you said when you gave the report today, which wastes our time." Will the employee feel embarrassed? If he can't resign from this company, will he be lazy or continue to work hard? For children, too, when parents criticize their children in public, their self-esteem is hurt, and then they also go slow and accept their own personal design. That's why some children get more and more abusive.

2. Don't praise other people's children by stepping on your own children.

Our parents often greet friends and colleagues like this. Alas, Tingting in your family is studying hard. We just play around and don't listen. If any parent dares to say that your children study hard, well, my children are not bad either. Everyone must be thinking to themselves that this parent is so proud. Many children are not bad, but parents deliberately exaggerate their children's shortcomings in order to show "modesty". In the eyes of children, parents are denying themselves. As parents, we should evaluate our children objectively, without over-praising or deliberately belittling them. Praise other people's children, you don't have to belittle your baby.

3. Tell the child's anecdote as a joke

When visiting relatives, my cousin talked to me about my nephew's illness some time ago. She said, Pippi rolled around with a stomachache, and I hurried ... Before she finished, my nephew quickly covered her mouth and begged her to say, "Mom, don't say it." In the end, we still held back a gossip heart and reserved dignity for this four-year-old little man. In children's daily life, there are many embarrassing things that we think are cute, and we also want to tell them to our relatives or friends, but maybe children don't want others to know. We shouldn't help children judge and say nothing, so what's the matter? I'll tell my aunt about it. Instead, you should ask your child's opinion before sharing these things. Some embarrassing things are jokes for adults, but for children, they are secrets that will make others collapse.

4. Treat him as an adult in appropriate occasions

I once took my two sons to a high-end western restaurant on Valentine's Day, which needs to be booked in advance. I told them a week in advance that this is a very special festival, and you are my little lovers, so I took you to this western restaurant for a date. You need to put on your aunt's wedding suit. You must act like gentlemen, don't make any noise, and take care of your mother, okay? Dabao learned a lot about the details of "gentlemanly demeanor" and was gearing up before leaving.

The result was beyond my expectation. Two "Dining Terminators", who always make mischief, were very quiet and lovely with the accompaniment of the live piano. Dabao even pulled a stool for me. Give enough face, the child will be beyond your expectation.