Tell jokes to your girlfriend.

What jokes do you tell your girlfriend? Girls like to listen to jokes, and humorous boys often tell jokes to their girlfriends to make them happy. What jokes are suitable for telling your girlfriend? I shared a joke with my girlfriend. Let's have a look.

Tell a joke to your girlfriend: 1 1. I passed an intersection that day and had a desire to fart. It happened that a person was boarding a motorcycle, so I wanted to take this opportunity to cover my fart. I don't know. It's too noisy. The motorcyclist thought that the motorcycle had started and was about to leave when it was in gear. I was embarrassed that time.

The manager is talking to a beautiful girl: "Sorry, swimming is forbidden here …" "Then why didn't you tell me before I undressed?" "We didn't ban undressing."

3. Xiaomei wrote down her wishes when she grew up in her composition book: first, she hoped to have a lovely child; Second, I also hope to have a husband who loves me. It turns out that the teacher wrote a comment: "Please pay attention to the order."

Who do you think is the most influential physicist? I wrote Newton. As a result, I was the only one in the class who failed. So everyone wrote the name of the tutor ... What world? !

The butterfly said to the bee, "You are so stingy. You are full of sweet words, but you won't give me a word. " The bee said, "Hum! Still talking about me, you have two long antennas on your head, why don't you send me a text message? "

6. A parrot was taught to speak: "I can walk." Parrot: "I can walk." A: "I can talk." Parrot: "I can talk." A: "I can fly." Parrot: "Don't be ridiculous."

7. In the middle of the night, George W. Bush saw bin Laden standing in front of his bed, criticizing his head and distributing it. Bush was frightened and said, "How dare you break into the White House at night!" Bin Laden shook his chest-high beard, smiled darkly and said, "It's so confident to be soft!" " "

8, maternal labor is just around the corner, and relatives and friends are anxiously waiting outside the delivery room. The nurse finally carried the baby out and everyone swarmed. "Is it a boy or a girl?" Fathers are most concerned about this problem. He couldn't wait to reach into his swaddling clothes and grope for it, then shouted happily, "It's a boy! It's a boy! " "What boy?" The nurse scolded angrily, "Let go of my finger!"

9. Teacher: "Xiao Xin, your problem is the improper use of words. Now let me test you, and use an idiom to describe it. The teacher is very happy. " Xiao Xin: "Laugh at Jiuquan."

10, the fish said, "I always open my eyes to leave your side." The water said, "I have been flowing tirelessly all day and want to hug you." The pot said, "It's almost fucking ripe and still so poor."

1 1. In a military performance, a shell deviated far away. The soldiers sent to inspect found that the shells landed in the farmland, and there stood a farmer in Tanaka, his clothes were torn and his face was dark. With tears in his eyes, he said, "Just stole a few cabbages. Is it worth shelling?"

12, a hen laid a huge egg, and a reporter came to interview. The hen was shy and silent, so she had to interview the rooster. The cock rolled up his sleeves. I won't comment on this matter at present, until I catch the ostrich!

13, a frog called the priest and asked about his fate. The priest said, "Next year, a young girl will come to meet you." The frog jumped up happily: "Oh, really? Was it at the prince's wedding? " The priest said, "No, it's in her biology class next year.

14, if you are willing to peel off the hearts of college entrance examination students layer by layer, you will be surprised to find that there are so many stars in it!

15, a person always farts in the office, and colleagues can't help but say, "Can you be quiet?" Then I saw him sitting there rocking. Colleagues asked, "What for?" Answer: "I set it to vibrate."

16, a man feels that his job is not good and his salary is low. He said to his wife, "As the saying goes, men are afraid of going into the wrong line, and women are afraid of marrying the wrong person. This is true. " The wife replied, "You said this unfortunate thing made us catch up!" "

17, my buddy's wife is going to give birth and asked my buddy, "If I am going to give birth, where will you send me?" "Hospital!" He said without hesitation. "Where is the hospital?" His wife worried that he would panic and asked again. The buddy thought for a moment and said affirmatively, "Anatomy room!"

18. Recently, I worked overtime until midnight every day, and my colleague Xiao Zhang drove me home. I jokingly said to my boyfriend, aren't you worried that Xiao Zhang will come to see me off every night?

Boyfriend said: Why not worry? If people don't send you one day, I won't have to pick you up in the cold.

19, looking at the questions on the math paper is like seeing relatives who have visited in the New Year, and no one knows them.

20. When the husband watched the golf match on TV, he talked with his wife about life and death. The husband told his wife that he wanted to make it clear in his will that if one day he unfortunately became a vegetable, he didn't want to rely on machines to maintain his life or the liquid in the bottle.

After listening to her husband's words, the wife immediately stood up, unplugged the power cord of the TV set, and then threw all his beer out.

Tell a joke to your girlfriend 2 1. One day, my boyfriend came to meet me at the subway station on a motorcycle. I deliberately asked: "Master, how much is it to the garden community?" The boyfriend said, "No money, just give me a kiss." So I kissed him and got in his car. A "motorcycle" master next to me was stupid and kindly reminded me: "Little girl, don't be fooled!"

2. One night, I played a race with my boyfriend, and soon I was left behind, so I shouted at him, "Robbery!" Passers-by looked at us in succession, so my boyfriend had to slow down. I overtook him at once, so he had to run with me. I couldn't shake him off, so I started shouting, "Robbery!"

Once, my husband drove me to the downstairs of the company. It occurred to me that I pressed my face against the window. My facial features were twisted and I shouted, "Help! Help! " My husband put his hand on my head and pushed it out desperately. Just then, the security uncle in the building opened the car door in a dream and said, "I saved you."

My husband bought me a mobile phone. On the bus back, I suddenly asked him: "This let your wife know, are you going to get more than one bargained for?" Who knows that my husband took my words and said, "Who told you not to build a big house, but to be a second house?" At this time, everyone next to us squinted at us. Not to be outdone, I said, "Don't you know that you are a little favored?"

One day, my boyfriend was walking fast in front, and I shouted at the back, "Big Brother in front gave me a piece of change. I want to go home by car. " This shout, next to an uncle looked at me with strange eyes. My boyfriend turned around with a strong accent, took out two coins and put them in my hand, saying, "I will reward them." The uncle next to me was completely blinded and kept watching me get on the bus.

6. Once I got on the bus, my boyfriend and I deliberately stood far away. After a pause, I crept up behind him, made a V-shaped gesture, and gently took out his wallet from his pocket. He didn't respond. At this time, I found that everyone in the car was looking at me, holding the bag tightly without exception, and a beautiful woman actually took out her mobile phone and wouldn't let her call the police. I quickly said, "Sir, your mobile phone is going to drop."

7. One day, my boyfriend and I made an appointment to meet at the park gate. When I arrived, I saw that he was already waiting for me. I pretended to be surprised and said, "Hey, where's your wife? Business trip? It happens that my husband is not here today. Go, come to my house tonight! " At this moment, an old lady next to her frowned and stared at us. ...

8. W: Husband, do you have any gifts for Valentine's Day this year?

Man: You are not my lover.

Woman: Then I am your wife!

Man: Today is not Wife's Day.

Female: ...

9. The boy said to the girl: I am the best. I promise to make you happy. Come with me. -It's a promotion.

The boy said to the girl: My father has three houses, which are good with me and will be yours in the future. This is a promotion.

Boys don't confess to girls at all, but girls are fascinated by boys' temperament and demeanor. -This is marketing.

The girl doesn't know the boy, but all her friends praise him. -It's a brand.

10, a bride asked the master of ceremonies: How much does it cost to host a wedding?

Moderator: It depends. Well, generally speaking, the more handsome the groom is, the higher the charge.

Upon hearing this, the woman shyly took out 5 yuan's money and handed it to her. The MC looked back at the groom, then calmly looked for 4 yuan and 5 yuan.