Funny jokes: Damn you, where have you been?

Every leftover woman has her own journey to the west: 1, and those who are born well and look good are determined to become monks; 2, the one with great ability and high status does not say that his temper is not good; 3. The ugly one has a good temper and makes people happy. He is still a playboy. 4. The one who is honest and in good health has no skill, and can at most carry a bag for the leader ... A girl as good as the old lady can bend and be straight, sell cute, play the second element, play the girl, play the queen, bask in the lower limit, blush her cheeks, play small and fresh, swallow heavy tastes, and fend off those stubborn ignorant teenagers who can't avoid malice. You are lucky, but I lost your life. Why did I become a leftover woman before I knew it? Dear husband, I will love you, and I will be gentle and considerate. I'll give you a massage when you're tired, I'll cook for you when you're hungry, I'll keep you warm when you're cold, I'll cheer you up when you play games ... Oh, my God, give me a boyfriend. The twins are in the same class, and the teacher assigned a composition-my father. As a result, the teacher found that the father written by the two people was completely different, not only with different personality habits, but also with different birth dates. The teacher asked them, "aren't you twins?" Not the same father? "The twins said," They are twins. They write the same thing. We are not afraid of you saying that our composition is plagiarized. "Oh, my God. Today, due to the disorder in class, Mr. Shuai directly said, "If you make trouble again, I will kill you one by one!" "Ha ha, the only boy among 40 people in our class also replied:" Don't worry, teacher, I took a bath last night! " "This time the teacher didn't have the strength to play checkers with her 5-year-old daughter. When the phone rang, it was my friend Lao Hou, and she said hello: "Hello, Brother Hou! "At this time, my daughter looked at me with reverence and said nothing. I'll put the phone down when I'm finished. The daughter whispered, "Dad, how did you and the Monkey King meet? "Xiaoming said to his deskmate," Yesterday I made only one mistake in my composition, and my father killed me! " The deskmate asked in surprise, "Which word?" Xiao Ming said, "Isn't it just writing ancestors as inferior ancestors? "Teacher: Xiao Ming, did you write the composition you assigned yesterday? Xiao Ming: Yes, the topic is Hometown Soil. Teacher: This is a good topic. Read it to everyone. Xiaoming: I went back to my hometown yesterday and found people in my hometown … that's called dirt ~, dirt for eating, dirt for wearing, dirt for playing … Teacher: Get out! The new girlfriend said that her first boyfriend sold wonton and stopped eating wonton after breaking up. The second boyfriend opened an Internet cafe and stopped surfing the Internet after breaking up. I replied, "Then you can't leave me in the future. "My girlfriend asked why? I fucking sell clothes, you don't know! A classmate couldn't find a job after looking for a long time and asked another classmate, "I'm so stubborn." I can't listen to what others say. No one can ask me to do anything. I always do what I want. What do you think I can do? " Another student replied, "Suitable for hairdressers! "... when writing a composition in primary school, the protagonists have always been Xiaohong and Xiaoming. Then one day, I found it boring to always use Xiaohong and Xiaoming, so I used the names of some characters on TV. As a result, the teacher said that what I wrote was untrue! I don't understand. Can't Xiaoyu and Hua Wuque sweep the floor together after school? College entrance examination composition topic: Walking, I think I can write 800 words in one breath! Pass by! Don't miss it! All the goods in this shop are from 2 yuan, one from 2 yuan and one from 2 yuan, so everything you want is cheap. Buy what you can afford, don't come back when it's now or never, and sell it at a loss after clearance! Pick whatever you want, and it's 2 yuan if you take it! Original price18 yuan, 0 yuan, now the whole audience is in 2 yuan. You can't buy two dollars at a loss or be fooled by two dollars ... 1. When you just bought something, you should pay seven dollars. Touch your pocket. There is a 10 and a five-dollar bill. I gave my boss 10 yuan, gave me 3 yuan and looked at the 8 yuan in my hand. I was confused for a moment: "boss, I just have it here." "It is estimated that the goods are wandering around, silently taking the 7 dollars I handed me, and then returning the 10 yuan to me just now. On the way back, the more I thought about it, the more I felt something was wrong ... Am I losing money or is the boss losing money? 2, the difference between booking after 70, 80 and 90, after 70: look at the brand; After 80: read the comments; After 90: Look at the mood. After 70: used for rest; After 80: For the sake of mood; Post-90s: Take photos. After 70: the house money is reimbursed by the unit; Post-80s: We have room money AA system; After 90: Brush my dad's card and hope you are happy every day!