Humorous jokes between men and women

1, the husband died suddenly, and the neighbors saw his wife fanning her husband's body with a fan. Winter is here, life planning, what are you doing? While wiping away tears, the wife replied: When my husband died, he told me that if you want to remarry, you must wait for my body to get cold.

After three years of marriage, my wife asked her husband: I look at you now, as if I don't have that kind of heart-warming feeling. Do you still have me? My husband said: I always jump. And it is not a simple heartbeat, it is a pleasure.

3. My husband sent a low-cut dress on Tanabata, put on a beautiful dress and walked around the park for a day. At night, a red envelope was bitten on the chest by a hateful mosquito. Honey, look, my chest was bitten by a mosquito! Husband: No? Mosquitoes can be found in such a small place.

4. I saw a plane flying in the sky while waiting in the boring queue at the high-speed toll station, so I sold Meng to my husband: Look! The ash machine is ash! My husband said a profound sentence: how can it fly far? It should fly towards you, otherwise how can it land? I finally understood what he meant after two minutes. A girl with small breasts really can't afford to hurt!

My wife went out to collect debts and returned empty-handed a few months later. Husband said angrily: you are really incompetent! The wife said disapprovingly, although I didn't get the money, I brought the boss's child back! The husband was overjoyed and asked, Where are you? The wife patted her belly and said, don't worry, it's closed here!

6. A couple came to the wishing pool. The husband bent down and made a wish, and threw a coin into the well. My wife also wanted to make a wish, but when she bent down, she accidentally fell into the well. The husband was surprised, then smiled and said to himself, What a fucking spirit!

7. There is a newly married couple. In the morning, her husband will go to work. Before going out, her wife asked her husband, What would you like for dinner after work today? The husband whispered in his wife's ear: Eat you! Then he went out to work. My husband came home from work at night, and when he opened the door, he saw his wife streaking in the living room. Husband asked, wife, what are you doing? Wife: I'm cooking!

8. Wife: We will respect each other in the future. I won't swear, and you won't hit anyone, okay? Husband: I agree. If you swear again, I'll beat you to death! The wife is angry: bastard, don't you dare!

9. In the evening, a couple is preparing that. Suddenly, his wife farted, which affected her husband's mood and he stopped acting. The wife asked: Why didn't my husband just get the gun? A: I was afraid that there would be an ambush when I heard the guns, so I changed my battle plan.

10, one day I was breast-feeding my baby and suddenly my toes itched a little. I put out my foot to call my husband: Husband, my third toe itches. Help me catch it! The husband came up to him and said, is it the third one on the left or the third one on the right? I replied helplessly: you count.

1 1. My husband took his wife shopping and passed a hair salon. There was a girl in a short skirt at the door. Wife: What's that girl doing? Husband: That's a woman. Wife: Oh. Her short skirt looks beautiful. I wonder where I can buy it. Husband: I'll ask her next time.

12, husband and wife play mahjong in partnership to discuss how to look after their wives. When I was playing cards, I saw my wife suddenly split her thigh, but my husband was busy taking the bucket, and as a result, he shot someone else! Husband doesn't understand? My wife shouted angrily, I want a chicken! !

13, girlfriend shyly asked her boyfriend: How have you felt since we met? Boyfriend scratching his head: Feeling that the monthly salary is not enough?

14, my sister-in-law came to my house as a guest, and after some hospitality, the two sisters talked about their families. I heard you found someone? Hmm! Just now. Sister-in-law embarrassed to answer. What does it look like? The wife asked with concern. Sister-in-law thought about it and replied, just like her brother-in-law. My wife gave me a look: that's ugly enough.

15, a man and a woman have to sleep in one room at night. The woman drew a line to warn the man: it is animals that cross the border!

The next day, the woman found that the man really didn't cross the line and immediately slapped the man: I didn't expect you to be worse than an animal!

16, my husband was on a business trip, and my wife gave her husband a pack of condoms in distress: I can't help it outside, remember to bring a condom.

Husband said excitedly: the family is not well off, I still use theirs!

17, noodles are outrageous. One day, I want to make twists but dare not shoot them, because my best friend Jiaozi is right.

Its whisper: big brother, bear with it. I heard that someone survived the frying pan under the twist.

18, the gangster broke into the house and forced the woman to resist to the death. When the husband came back from the field and saw his wife being held down by gangsters, he raised his shovel and slammed it, so he listened to his wife scold him. Damn it, I resisted for a long time and was photographed by you with a shovel.

19, a man took off his clothes and showed his girlfriend his biceps, saying it was equivalent to 50 kilograms of explosives.

He took off his pants, pointed to his thigh and said, this is equivalent to 100 kg of explosives.

Then she took off her underwear, and her girlfriend rushed to the door and exclaimed, Oh, my God, lead is so short.

20. A train passed a mountainous area, and farmers came to watch along the way. A female passenger on the bus came for a holiday. After changing the paper, she still went out of the window and flew head-on in the face of a farmer. The farmer took it down and said, the train is fast, and a piece of paper can make my nose bleed.

2 1. A family married the bride, all the guests left, and the new couple entered the bridal chamber.

In-laws want to have a rest and listen to the bride shouting in the bridal chamber.

Mother-in-law helpless, had to pull her father-in-law came to the door of the new house:

Wife! Wedding night is inevitable, so make do with it!

Unexpectedly, the bride was furious and said something super classic:

? What a fool! He-he-he-he just doesn't like it! I just can't stand it! ?

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