Super funny humorous jokes

1. Married a lazy wife. In order to brush less 1 bowl, my wife actually let me eat in a pot!

Just now, my wife and I were kidnapped by gangsters. My wife stopped me in front of me and said loudly, "Run! Live alone! " I was very moved and asked, "Do I have to be alone? Can I marry another one? "

3. Go home with interns after work and wait for the bus at the bus stop. A beggar pushed the bowl to an intern for begging. At this time, the intern said unhurriedly, I don't want your money. Your money is hard-won. Be stupefied by beggars ...

Please be old, and don't lead me with inferior thread in the future. It breaks down every once in a while.

Five. After being pregnant for 2 months, nothing happened, so I forgot I was pregnant. Playing with my husband, I pursed my stomach and pushed my husband's fat belly. My husband was furious and shouted, have you ever seen a hen fight with eggs?

I heard that women like to hear men say "brush casually", so after dinner, I also said to her, "Come on, brush casually!" My wife threw a rag in my face. Why is it so difficult to make your daughter-in-law happy?

7. The couple quarreled. M: The money is mine. Whether to send you flowers or not is my business! Woman: I gave birth to that child, so I'm not sure if it's yours.

8. Wife: "Dear, who do you admire most in Journey to the West?" Husband: "Pig!" Wife: "Why?" Husband: "Because his father-in-law and wife don't want him!" " "

In summer, my face was tanned. I told my husband more than once that I wanted to buy a private car. In the evening, I tentatively said to my husband, "I ride my bike to work every day and get burnt into briquettes;" It's too crowded by bus. I still want to buy ... "My husband quickly took over and said," Buy if you want! A sun hat doesn't cost much, so don't discuss it with me. "

10. Mom said: Girls' mouths should be sweet. So I decisively ate all the sugar at home.

1 1. I dyed my hair dark chestnut. On the first day, my husband didn't find it. On the second day, my husband still didn't find it ... On the fifth day, my husband finally found it and stared at my hair for a long time. I proudly asked: How? Husband said: Is it time to wash your hair?

12. My sister-in-law was lying on my lap in the morning. Seeing his sleeping face, I couldn't bear to wake her up. I was filled with emotion! Suddenly my wife opened the door and growled at me: What time is it? Don't send my sister to kindergarten, let her sleep! Honey, I'm getting up, I'm getting up. Don't fight! Don't fight!

Thirteen. If I can meet as many beautiful girls as in The Journey to the West along the way, I will also learn from them.

What is romance? You know she doesn't like you, and you sent her 99 roses. What is waste? You know she likes you. Send her 99 roses.

15. Today, we had a quarrel because I wouldn't let my wife buy a new wardrobe. I really wanted to smash something to vent my anger, so I punched the closet door and smashed a big hole. I quarreled about this one for nothing.

Sixteen years old. To resign, the leader said, "Good birds choose wood to live in." "Thank you for your affirmation." "I mean, animals that feel good about themselves should leave if they want to!"

17. I ate jiaozi at home today, and my wife said I was out of vinegar. I said it was up to my neighbor, so I knocked on the door of a beautiful female neighbor and talked with her for a long time, and then my wife became jealous.

18. I once went shopping with my boyfriend and played a trust game with him. I closed my eyes and he led me away. I persisted for a long time and got on the subway smoothly. There were many people on the subway, but my boyfriend helped me sit down. Then, he attached it to my ear and whispered, "Don't open your eyes, this seat was given by someone else."

19. Senior high school principal: This year's annual sanitation cleaning is over, and all senior one students are responsible. Thank you very much Next year, it will be the second year of high school. I hope you are serious and responsible

20. I deeply feel that I have the special function of curing the blind. Whenever I see those blind performers in the street, I feel very excited. I silently take one in their money jar, and then they will take off their sunglasses and hit me.

Twenty one. At the end of the month, my wife found that the family had overspent again this month. The main reason for the overexpenditure is that her husband is lazy. When it was his turn to cook, he found an excuse to go out for dinner. While the wife was talking, the husband interrupted her: "Wife, you are too fat." If you are thinner, you can enter the eyes of money. "

Twenty-two I just asked my wife for pocket money. The wife said: Is 200 enough? I gestured OK with my finger. Wife is furious: What? Do you still dare to ask for 300? Fuck off, no money, and then you left. I was stunned for a long time. What just happened? It all happened so fast that I couldn't understand it.

Twenty-three Today, I bought a new fruit knife to cut oranges. Oranges are full of water and leaves are full of orange juice. I hate wasting, so I licked the juice on the blade with my mouth. Who knows that the second-rate wife suddenly patted me from behind: "What are you stealing?" The result is a mouthful of blood.

Twenty-four I went home with my girlfriend and went to my mother-in-law's house for the first time. I was a little excited. My girlfriend's brother put down his dumbbell and asked me, "Dude, do you think I can practice?" ""that's great, brother. I am very strong. "Then her brother held his wrist, made a gesture to his girlfriend and said," Come on, sister, hit me! " "Without saying anything, my girlfriend hit her brother in the eye with a snort ... I was stunned at that time.

Twenty-five When I was a child, I was very happy to collect money. Suddenly one day, mom and dad cried and said they were too poor recently. I gritted my teeth and took out my big bill! I was only four years old then! Mom, are you going to hit me like this? Isn't it printed with 5 million? I didn't know it was burning!

26. Go home from the movies with my wife, meet an enemy and take revenge on me. My wife bravely stood in front of me and said to my enemy, "Want to kill my husband? Unless you pass through my body! " My enemy paused and said to my wife, "Isn't this a deliberate embarrassment?"? Liu Xiang can't pass you. "