The longest joke, is there any?

1) A patient comes to a psychiatrist. Patient: I always felt like I was a bird. Doctor: Oh, that’s serious. When did it start? Patient: Ever since I was a little bird... (2) A doctor at a mental hospital asked the patient: What would happen to you if I cut off one of your ears? The patient replied: Then I won't be able to hear it. The doctor listened: Yes, that's normal. The doctor asked again: What would happen to you if I cut off your other ear? The patient replied: Then I won't be able to see it. The doctor started to get nervous. Why couldn't he see it? The patient replied: Because the glasses will fall off. (3) Two mental patients escaped from the hospital. The two ran and ran and climbed up a tree. One of them jumped down from the tree and rolled. Then he raised his head and said to the person above: Hey, why don't you come down? The person above answered him: No - OK - ah - I'm not familiar with it yet... (4) There is an old lady in the mental hospital who wears black clothes and holds a black umbrella and squats at the door of the mental hospital every day. The doctor thought: To cure her, we must start by understanding her. So the doctor also wore black clothes, held a black umbrella, and squatted there with her. The two squatted in silence for a month, and the old lady finally spoke to the doctor: Excuse me, are you also a mushroom? (5) A certain mental hospital heard that the leader was coming to the hospital to inspect the situation, so the director called a meeting with the patients. At the meeting, the dean said: "This afternoon, very important leaders are coming to visit. Everyone must go to the door to welcome them. During the welcome, all patients should stand on both sides of the hospital door and stand neatly. When When I cough, everyone claps together, the louder the better; when I stamp my feet, everyone must stop, and no one can make a mistake. As long as everyone is done, we can eat meat buns for everyone tonight, as long as one person messes up, No one has any buns to eat, remember?" The patients in the audience shouted together: "Remember!" That afternoon, the leader arrived on time. When he walked into the door, the welcoming patients were already standing at the door. At this time, as the director coughed, all the patients clapped and welcomed him, and the atmosphere was very warm. The visiting leaders were infected by the warm atmosphere and walked into the hospital with smiles on their faces and applause with everyone. Seeing that the leader had entered the hospital, the director stamped his foot and all the applause stopped, very neatly. Only this leader was still walking forward with a smile and applause. The dean was very satisfied. Suddenly, a patient as strong as Schwarzenegger emerged from the welcoming crowd, strode up to the leader, gave him a big slap in the face with a round fist, and shouted angrily: "You don't want to eat steamed buns anymore?" "A Beijinger, a Frenchman, and an American were walking in the desert together and were about to die of thirst. Suddenly the three of them found a magic lamp. When they touched it, they pulled out a magic lamp. He said, "I can satisfy each of you." "Three wishes." The American said first, "I want a box of dollars." "There are two more." "Well, another box of dollars." "The last one." "Well, the last one is to send me back to the United States." Hey, The Americans were gone, and the French were also anxious. "I want a beautiful woman." came "Well, I want another beautiful woman." "There's another one." "Well, send me back to France." Phew, the French were also gone, and the rest The Beijinger said calmly, "Give me a bottle of Erguotou," "I have two more wishes," "Another bottle of Erguotou," and "There's one more." The Beijinger saw that it was pointless to drink two bottles of wine alone. Speaking of "bring them back and drink with me", the Americans and the French are back again. So the three people continued walking, but with luck, they found another magic lamp and took out a magic lamp. "Haha, I am the younger brother of the magic lamp just now. My magic is not that high, I can only be satisfied." "Two wishes for each of you." This time the French and Americans thought that it was useless to say anything. If they let him get it back, they would die. Let him say it first, so they pushed Beijing to the front. The Beijingers said, " "Give me a bottle of Erguotou first." Boom, a bottle of Red Star Erguotou. "Where's the other one?" Beijing took the wine and thought about it. He didn't say anything for a long time. The French and Americans were so anxious that they urged him to come. " "Speak quickly." Then the Beijinger suddenly said, "Well, I don't have anything else to do, you can go back." After a while, the gods and demons went back. A man committed suicide and went to see God.

God asked: "My child, why did you commit suicide?" The man said: "I pursued a woman, but she said that I did not have a tall and handsome figure and appearance, so I was rejected." God nodded thoughtfully The head said: "It's true, visual effects are very important in love. Let's do this, I will give you a beautiful shell that is unparalleled in the world, and you can go back and pursue your happiness now." After saying this, God recited a spell, Just hearing a "swish" sound, the man left. A week later the man committed suicide for the second time and came back and saw God again. God asked: "My child, why did you commit suicide again?" The man said painfully: "After I went back, the woman said that although I was very handsome, I didn't understand her at all. I was rejected again. " God nodded understandingly: "Of course, if you don't know a person, how can you know how to give her happiness? Well, I will give you superhuman insight and intuition, and you can go back and pursue your happiness. " As God recited the incantation, there was a "swish" sound, and the man left again. The man came back a week later and committed suicide for the third time. God was very surprised and asked: "My child, why did you commit suicide again?" The man said in extreme pain: After I went back, although she was very handsome and knew her very well, she said that she had already taken away her body. Dedicated to another man. "God looked at the unfortunate man with sympathy, and finally said: "Well, since you like that woman so much, I will let the man die, so that the woman will be yours, you go back! "As he spoke, God recited the incantation. Just halfway through the incantation, all he heard was "bang! "With a sound, God fell to the ground, hard and dead. The man said happily: "Now I can finally go back and pursue that beautiful nun! "A patient with indigestion complained to the doctor: I have been very abnormal recently. I poop whatever I eat, cucumbers and watermelons. How can I get back to normal? The doctor was silent for a moment, then you can only eat shit. Blind man I was riding a bicycle with a driver who was stuttering. I was looking at the road. Suddenly I saw a deep ditch. I stuttered and exclaimed: Ditch, ditch, ditch!!! The blind man sang back: "Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!" So the two fell into the ditch. A swimming instructor was in the shopping mall. He was shopping there. A beautiful lady greeted him. He took a closer look and saw that it was one of his students. He then said loudly: "I can't recognize you when you put on your clothes!" "A drunk man accidentally fell from the third floor, attracting passers-by to watch. A policeman came over and asked: What happened? Drunk man: I don't know, I just arrived! It is said that on a dark and windy night, on that street On the longest and scariest road, a taxi driver passed by and a woman waved her way into the car. It was quiet until the woman spoke and said to the driver, "I'll give you an apple." "It's delicious..." The driver thought it was great and took it, then took a bite. The woman asked, "Is it delicious?" The driver said: "It's delicious!" "The woman replied again: "I remember I also liked eating apples when I was alive..." Wow...&*$#@... When the driver heard this, he was so frightened that he rushed the car and turned pale... I saw that The woman slowly tilted her head forward and said to the driver: "But I didn't like eating it after giving birth! ..." Teacher: Honestly, do you smoke? Boy A: No. Teacher: No? Well, let's eat some French fries. Boy A naturally stretched out his two fingers and took it... Teacher: No Smoking? ! Call the parents... [Scene 2] Teacher: Do you smoke? Boy: No. Teacher: Well, let’s eat French fries. I took the fries. Teacher: Why don’t you dip them in some ketchup? b I accidentally dipped them in too much, so I flicked them with my fingers... Teacher: You are very skillful in flicking the ash... [Scenario 3] ] Teacher: Do you smoke? Boy c: No. Teacher: No, okay, let’s eat some fries. c Because of the previous two examples, I ate the fries very carefully. Teacher: I didn’t bring any fries to my classmates. Are you going back? c took the fries and put them on his ears... Teacher: Don't smoke? Call the parents... [Scene 4] Boy d: No. Teacher: Very good, eat potato. Bar. d Finished the fries in fear. Teacher: Don’t you want to take some fries back to your classmates? d Put the fries carefully in his coat pocket.

The teacher suddenly shouted: The principal is here! d Quickly took out the chips from his pocket and threw them on the ground, stomping them hard with his feet... Teacher: Don’t suck? ! Call parents... [Scene 5] Teacher: Do you smoke? Boy e: No, Teacher: Very good, let’s eat French fries. e Just took the fries, and the teacher said: Won’t you treat me to some? e quickly handed over the fries with both hands, and then took out the lighter... Teacher: Don't smoke? ! Call parents... [Scene 6] Teacher: Do you smoke? Boy f: Don’t smoke. Teacher: Very good, let’s eat some French fries. f finished eating with fear. Teacher: Suddenly he shouted: The principal is here! f His palms were sweating, but he still lowered his head calmly and said: Hello, principal! Teacher: The principal will smell your mouth. f took out the French fries: No, it’s still here, the fire hasn’t even started yet... [Scene 7] Teacher: Do you smoke or not? Boy g: Promise to God, I will never smoke. Teacher: You really don’t want to smoke? OK, let's eat some root fries. g took the fries very naturally and ate them all. Teacher: What a good boy. What brand of French fries do you usually like? g (getting carried away): Greater China... [Scene 8] Teacher: Let’s eat French fries. Boy n: Thank you, no. Teacher: ... The website of the Joke Collection: /ym.htm

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