For the school art festival, I am looking for a more classic and funny two-person cross talk that is not difficult to say.

Dream Marriage

A: Everything is changing now, and it is changing quite fast, one day at a time. Take our cross talk, it sounds like this today, and it will be the same tomorrow.

B: What’s wrong?

A: Changed. The same goes for people's thoughts. Take me as an example. In the past, I only wanted to get rich, but now I don't think so. This is a change.

B Yes!

A: That idea in the past was wrong. I just wanted to get rich. What kind of thinking is this?

B: That’s right.

A: I don’t have the idea of ??getting rich.

B: You are better than them.

A: It would be better to have more money!

B: You are not as good as them!

A: With your kind of thinking, you are in a dilemma!

B: You are the only one who has this kind of thinking!

A: It’s a joke to talk about getting rich.

B What?

A: I made a fortune once, more than 20 years ago. I picked up a large leather bag during a night show at Sanqing Theater in Dashilar. When I opened my wallet, I took a look and saw that there were more than 500,000 yuan in winnings and receipts! I suddenly became rich, and with a thunder, I became a rich man in the blink of an eye. What did it mean to have money in the old society? Pay attention to food, clothing and ostentation. You have to be particular about your clothes. You think, now that I have money, I must be particular about it.

B: Yes, can you wear it?

A: Do the math, I’ll put on the xi leather jacket on June 13th.

B: Wait first! Isn’t it hot to wear a leather jacket on June 13th?

A: If it’s not hot, make the grass cloth hang noodles!

B: That’s not cool either!

A: There is also a small cotton-padded jacket and pants inside.

B: It’s just a shame!

A: I wear seventeen top hats by myself. From a distance, I look like a chimney turned into a spirit.

B: Big skewers of candied haws.

A: My monthly subscription car has three footbells.

B: There are two of them?

A We are three! One on each side.

B: Which one is in the middle?

A: Let the civilized stick poke you. I was even more tired from sitting than the driver.

B: Yes! Your hands and feet are free from time to time.

A: Do you want to eat barbecue for breakfast?

A drank ice cream, but he didn’t dare to drink it when it was too cold. He had to take a spoon to heat it up, add some sesame sauce, add three sanitary balls, put four chickens on it, and bring it up...

B Did you drink it?

A: I poured it down! It's not a taste!

B: It’s a feeling to be helpless.

A: It made me crazy, so I ran to Shanghai.

B: Why did you go to Shanghai?

A: When I went to Shanghai, I stayed at the largest hotel in Huangpu Beach, which cost 60 yuan per room per day. I left eight gates alone.

B: Two rooms are not enough?

A No! All eight rooms are useful. There is a dining room, a living room, a shower room, and a toilet, which takes up four rooms.

B Where are the four more rooms?

A: Those four rooms take turns sleeping.

B: Sleep in one room for one night.

A No! This house sleeps for five minutes, that house sleeps for five minutes. When sleeping, hold the watch. Go in, spread out the quilt, take off your clothes, and get in. I looked at my watch and saw that there was still one minute left. I quickly put on my clothes, folded my bed, and ran to the house again.

B: Pure torment!

A: Walk here and there every day. Everything is good, but the only bad thing is that he doesn't understand the dialect.

B Oh! Don't understand the local dialect.

A: I miss my homeland when I am in a foreign country, but I miss Beijing again when I arrive in Shanghai. Why! I met an acquaintance in Beijing who is also a cross talker among us. You know this person.

B Who is it?

A XXX, this person’s heart is broken!

B What?

A was in Shanghai that year, so he met me on Guangxi Road: "xx, I came here to look for our relatives, but couldn't find them. They moved. I'm stuck here. You Can you find something for me?" I said, "Where can I find something for you? I'm still here.

Aren’t you just here to eat? It doesn't matter, let's go! Come to my store. "At that time, I shaved his head, bathed and changed his clothes, from head to feet.

B: Friends enough!

A: "First of all, you can get a fox-leg leather jacket. ”

B What month is this?

A is in the twenties of June.

B is wearing a leather jacket with fox legs in the twenties of June. Ah?

A is covering me here, and he is covering me with me.

B and I are sweating!

A and I are covering everyone in the store. Called over. “Let me introduce you. Mr. xx is my closest friend. What he has is mine, and what is mine is his. No one is allowed to restrict his access. "Let me ask you, how about we make friends?

B is unambiguous!

A! Kindness brings disaster.

What's wrong with B?

A! p>

I went out that day, and when I came back, there was nothing in my room! I asked the people in the store, and they said, "You can't ask us. You said he came in and out." Don't limit him. "I asked him where he was. The person in the store said: "He has canceled his registered permanent residence and said that he wants to return to Beijing if there is any news. "Oh! I can't say this, I can't explain it, I'm suffering from typhoid fever! I don't have much money left, how can I afford to stay in such a big hotel?

What should B do? ?

Move to a hotel. I can’t afford to live in a hotel. I can’t afford to live in an apartment anymore. Then I fell into a bad situation and slept with a beggar. I don’t want to say it anymore, I feel sad if I say it!

It doesn’t matter if I say it

It’s already the twelfth lunar month in a blink of an eye, and I’m wearing a big hollow cotton-padded jacket. .

B, you wore a leather jacket in June!

Don’t mention whether it’s a cotton jacket or something else.

How come B has three things?

A has a jacket in front and a coat in the back, but I haven’t seen B’s clothes even with two ounces of cotton on the cuffs. Yes.

There are good people everywhere. The shopkeeper saw me and said, "XXX, seeing as you are like this, you should go back to Beijing as soon as possible." I said, "Shopkeeper, you know what I said, I have no clothes on my body, no food in my belly, and no money in my hands. How can I go back?" "It has been prepared for you a long time ago." "Open the safe and take out two large sums for me.

B two hundred yuan?

A two cents!

B two cents No!

Why is A’s giving me money? It’s better than sending someone to beg for food. We’ve been running around for a while and you still don’t understand? I said, “Shopkeeper, please wait. What do you think of the two cents you gave me? Oh, are you treating me like a beggar? Let me tell you, when the person named He gritted his teeth, stamped his feet, and said cruelly: "Isn't it just your two cents?" "

B: No?

A: "I'll take it! ”

Has B got it?

A is a layman. Who will give you a penny then? It’s also good to buy some roasted sweet potatoes.

B now knows that money is good?

You don’t support A when you say he is unlucky to eat sweet potatoes.

What about B?

The more A eats, the more he eats. Less!

B, yes, there is nothing left to eat!

A walked north for several days, it was raining heavily, and there was nothing on his body. I have no clothes, no food in my stomach, and my upper and lower teeth are so cold. The more I think about it, the more sad I am. Why am I still alive? Why not jump into a well and die! You said that people will be unlucky, and it comes true. If you jump into a well, there will be a well. .

Where is B?

As soon as A goes up the slope, there is a vegetable garden. There is such a big well in the middle (gesture) that no one can touch the other if they jump in. .

B is a big well.

There is a shack next to A. There are two people sleeping in the shack. Don’t ask, they must be watching the food. When I saw that there was no one around, no one was aware of it—

Did B jump in?

Why can’t A jump? ?

A, you think, we are people who can’t do secret things. I woke up one of the waiters, and I discussed it with him. If he asked me to dance, I would dance with them; he didn’t. Let me jump, I'll jump somewhere else, it doesn't matter.

B: I’ve never heard of it, waking someone up to jump into a well?

A: "Second brother, wake up." "Are you buying it?" "I'm not buying anything. I'll lend you my light and jump into the well." He was so frightened that his color changed, and he held on to me and wouldn't let go: "If you have any trouble, just tell me! More than 300 people in our village live by this well! If you jump in, it's over." The more he pulled me, the more I jumped.

B: I really want to die!

A: Who is really dead? I was trying to scare him. If he got scared, he would pay me dozens of dollars and I would be alive!

B Listen, what kind of behavior is this!

As soon as A yelled, the other one woke up: "Second one, are you yelling?" "Brother, come quickly, you see this person is going to jump." "Let go! He's going to jump early. There are also those who wake people up and jump into wells!"

This person B understands.

A "I said, who wants to jump into the well?" "Lend me your light!" "It's just you, is there anyone else?" This is a shameless statement. You have to make an alliance just to jump into the well. Brother? "It's just me." "It's easy for you to handle it alone. This is our own garden and our own well. We have been operating it for more than 30 years and we don't have a dancing master yet. There's nothing else to say, big brother. Let’s open it up!”

B, let’s see if you jump this time!

A: This place is awesome. He asked me to open it for him! "If I don't open a business for you, why don't I call you! If I die, I will die in the open. Tell the truth, this well has sweet water and bitter water?"

B: Why do you ask this?

A: Find some stairs to walk on.

B He said sweet water?

A: Sweet water, I will not die. I am a miserable person and cannot let God do anything. I am looking for misery.

B He said bitter water?

A I will not die from bitter water. I am a miserable person. I have suffered all my life, and I will not drink sweet water before I die!

B Hey! He said everything!

A: No matter what he says, I won’t die. He smiled at me: "You ask us about this water?"

B: Is it sweet or bitter?

A: "Half sweet but not bitter!"

B: You can drink whatever you want.

A has two properties: water. What a dual nature! You are a Sanqingzi! How dare you kill someone without saving them? Are you afraid of those who wear shoes when you are barefoot? I said I can't do it anymore, I'm really anxious!

B Beat them?

A: I knelt down for them! Kneel there and talk nonsense to them.

B: What nonsense are you talking about?

A "I've been hungry for three days and haven't eaten anything. Do you have any leftover food for me to eat? I will never forget your benefits as long as I live."

B Is this called nonsense? You are suing others!

A: Just scare those two away!

B: You are so soft-hearted!

A "It is better for young people to learn something. You should have said this earlier. Are you going to scare us by jumping into a well? Secondly, let him get it." After a while, he brought me two cakes and half a casserole. Millet porridge. "Come on, you can even give me this pot!"

B: What do you want this pot for?

A: There are so many people begging for food.

B: This time I am scared of hunger.

A: Give me another bundle of firewood and half a box of matches. "Go, go to the Earth Temple in the north. That's the place where our father-in-law is." When he came to the Earth Temple, he fanned the X (left wooden right hand), dusted the dust on the table, and lit the firewood. Okay, let's get rid of the cold air in the temple. Put the pot on, put the pancakes on it after eating, the porridge is hot, drink the porridge. Then I put the ashes of the firewood into the casserole, hugged the casserole, wrapped the cotton-padded jacket around me, and put my head on the incense burner. I have been sleeping like this for three days -

B seems to be sleeping but not sleeping .

A: It’s my fault, I missed a night’s sleep (tax)!

B: If you evade taxes, I will punish you!

A: I seemed to be sleeping here, but I heard the sound of a car outside the door, bang! Stopped. Two people got out of the taxi, one said: "Look for it!" The other said: "Don't worry, he can't go far, he must have entered the temple!"

B: Maybe he caught the thief.

A: If you catch someone breaking an open flame, shoot me later! As soon as I was frightened, I jumped down and hid under the altar table to look out. The two people who came in didn't look like officials.

B: What does it look like?

A was dressed as a follower, wearing a leather jacket and holding an electric baton in his hand: "Take a photo - it's not here, come out!" I said, "It's not me." These two people As soon as they swarmed up, -

B tied you up?

A: Just kneel down! Forget about calling me something nice.

B What did I call you?

A "Master Gu, who has offended you again? The old lady gave us three days, and the installment is the second day. If we can't find you tomorrow, we will have to be sent to the county! Master Gu , Come back with us!"

B Do you have relatives here?

A: Who has any relatives?

B Then why do you call me my aunt?

A: I got the wrong person.

B: That’s right.

A, I have to give you a clue: "Can you take a closer look at a young lady like me?" Mouth, I raised you up as a child, even the skin and bones are left. "These two people simply recognized the wrong person.

B Alas!

A: He recognized the wrong person. Do you want me to go with him or not?

B: Then go with him.

A: Go with him? Let’s see what he is looking for. He is looking for his son or nephew to go with him. If he doesn’t find it when he gets there, why are you looking for it in vain? You have to give me a few bucks no matter what. As soon as I said I was standing, master, when I got there, I saw that it was not the case. Do you think this beating is light?

B: Then don’t go.

A Don’t go? I must starve to death in this temple.

B Do you have any ideas?

A: Ask him about it, I won’t go if there are many men in his house, and the men will not be treated lightly. It doesn't matter if there are many women, just complain twice and run away.

B: You are not talking about this. You are my aunt and you don’t know who I am?

A is talking about business, using my words to trick him: "Since you two brothers are here, go back and tell him that I have no intention of committing suicide!"

B, you have no intention of dying at all!

A "Look, my clothes are in tatters. If I go back like this, who do you think I can deserve? I'll find a classmate to change my clothes before I go back tomorrow!" The follower said: " My dear, you are so confused. Who else is there in your family? The old lady is your hometown; Dare you laugh at me?" I didn't expect it to be an old widow with a girl (looking very proud).

B What are you going to do?

Go away. Get into the car with a casserole in your hand.

B: Just throw away the casserole!

A layman. Throw it away? When I got there, I saw that no, there was no one left to beg for food!

B: This time I am scared of hunger.

A: The car is driving really fast, and the corner is here. At the Guangliang gate in the north of the road, there are four locust trees, horse stones and horse stakes. The light bulb at the door is so big (gesture), it has more than 84,600 candles.

B: Is there such a large number of candles?

A: It shines like daytime. The attendant got off the car and shouted inside: "Meet my aunt!" More than two hundred people came out. The big ones, the small ones, the messengers, the servant girls, the old ladies, standing around like this made me afraid to get out of the car.

B What?

A: It’s dark in the Earth Temple. Two people with four eyes are blinded no matter what. There were more than 200 people and more than 400 eyes. One of them could tell: "This is not our grandpa!" Trouble! Not down? The car is at the door!

B: What should I do?

A: I have to show off my style. I hold the casserole as if it were a leather bag. I flick my sleeves and cover my face: "Don't look like this!" Go in! With a quick grab, he snatched out the two taels of cotton from the cuffs!

B: This time it’s a jacket.

A: As soon as I entered the second door, I saw my old lady coming out of the upper room.

B Do you know him?

A: I don’t know him.

B Then how do you know?

A: There is a reason. The one holding the arm between the two mothers must be my old lady. There was no one who helped my mother for a walk around the yard after dinner.

B: Never heard of it!

A: Kneel down at the door and cover his face with his hands: "Oh my God, I'm back!"

B: Are you still ashamed?

A: Who is ashamed?

B Then why are you covering your face?

A: I’m afraid she’ll see it!

B: Right.

A: The old lady said: "Oh! If I can't find it for two more days, you have to lie down outside. Sooner or later you will make me angry to death. Go inside!" Didn't see it! I was shivering from the cold outside, and I was covered in sweat when I entered the house.

B What?

A: Surrounded by heating pipes, there are eight large stoves. They are all so tall, so thick, such a big stove plate, and such a big furnace eye (gesture). Eight tons of coal are only half poured into them! The flames shot up to nine feet high!

Yi Hua! Where is that room?

There are holes in the house!

B: If there are no holes, then everything is fine!

A: When I look in the mirror, my teeth are white. "Take me to the bathroom to take a bath."

B Is there a bathtub at home?

A: I was given six pieces of soap. I ate three pieces and washed three pieces.

B: Why eat three pieces?

A: This is called seeing the light inside and outside.

B: This... cleanse the intestines!

After A took a shower, there was a small door here with "Changing Room" written on it. I went over to open the box and took a look. It was filled with lake crepe, buckle crepe, flowery crepe, etc. Kara, rattle, goose satin, Guan Ning silk, imitation satin; there are no coarse cloth, blue cloth, large white cloth, moon white, gray market, light wool blue.

B This kid is so poor!

A: We know how to wear clothes, but we can’t make others laugh when we wear them.

B: Of course.

A: Wear three sets of soft trousers and jackets, three sets of trousers and jackets, and three sets of sweaters and woolen trousers. Wear a five-silk silk gown or a spun silk gown. Camel hair robe, velvet-lined cotton robe, and a coat worn outside the cotton robe. A leather jacket is worn outside the coat, a mandarin is worn outside the leather jacket, and a waistcoat is worn outside the mandarin jacket. Tie a dungaree, wear a straw hat, and wear a felt pullover.

B What virtue?

A: As soon as I sat down on the sofa, the old lady didn’t want to mention this compliment to me.

B: How can I praise you?

A: "It's true that a man is just as good as his clothes and a horse is a saddle. If I don't have a knife and a ruler, I don't look good. This knife and ruler——"

B: Does it look good?

A: “He has become a bear!”

B: He has become a bear!

A: "Have you eaten?" Why don't you come to your own house and talk a little bit?

B: Eat it!

A: "I haven't eaten anything for three days!"

B: You should be more ambitious!

A: It is so hungry that it feels uncomfortable. "Place western food for me." This is going to kill you!

B What?

A: There are no chopsticks in Western food, just knives and forks, and I have never used them. He took a knife and poked it in his mouth, breaking his tongue.

B: Please be careful.

A and I were about to drink when the old lady called my mother: "Go! Send a message to the lady, saying that his son-in-law is back and let them meet." This is a good opportunity. I have to see Miss. If she's good-looking, I'll tolerate it with her; if she's not good-looking like me...

B: Then you're leaving?

A: I can bear it too!

B: I can’t bear it anymore!

A What to eat here!

B: Did you eat it just by looking at it?

A: After a while, four little maids came with the young lady on their arms. They pulled the damper and hoo! I took a look at this young lady! She looks so angry that the four beauties are angry.

B: Tell me.

A: Smiling and praising Si, I hate Daji, Xi Shi is sick, and Concubine Yang is drunk. The fish is sinking and the geese are falling, the moon is closed and the flowers are ashamed. They are so modern and beautiful. Cut their heads and perm their hair!

B: How can you still be poor?

A: One foot is inside the threshold and one foot is outside the threshold.

Seeing that I am happy first and then worried, this energy makes it difficult for me to learn!

B: Do you want to learn?

A: "Oh! Mister X is back?"

B: Is there any English here?

A "Who offended you? Once you left, and now you left, the old lady still took care of us when she was alive, but when the old lady died, we had to show up with you! Looking at you, you are such a stranger. Unable to teach, shameless. Very annoying, very annoying, you are so annoying!"

B You are so annoying!

A: The old lady said: "Don't bother talking, I will get married to you during the Chinese New Year." Chinese New Year? Eight years of waiting! The old woman beside me said kind words to me: "Old lady, you are getting more and more confused as you get older. My uncle comes and goes just to prevent the marriage from being consummated, and the young lady comes and falls sick to prevent the marriage from being consummated. You might as well do it as early as possible. That's it." The old lady said: "Okay! Check the imperial calendar." When I check the imperial calendar, Ding is Ding, Mao is Mao, today is a good day (showing a proud look)!

B: What do you want to do?

A: I changed my clothes again, wearing a red cross and a flower arrangement. The two main gates are hung with lanterns and colorful decorations. After worshiping heaven and earth, you enter the bridal chamber. When I got to the bridal chamber, I looked at it like this. I was so confused that everything fell to the ground. The bed was covered with a shiny satin mattress, a satin quilt, and pillows, pillows, and mandarin duck pillows. The young lady sat on the bed and smiled at me. I took a step towards the bed and it was amazing!

B What?

A: The force exerted was too great. With a crash, I fell from the altar table to the ground. The casserole was broken, the cotton-padded jacket was caught, and my neck was injured!

B: Aren’t you married?

A: Where, I’m dreaming in the temple!

B: Dreaming!