How do American parents educate their children "cruelly"?

American parents seem to be cruel in educating their children, but in fact they are not. Instead, they focus on making their children independent and grow from difficulties, and become stronger. For example, children should have a list of housework from an early age. When they reach a certain age, they should go to the community or other places to find a job within their ability, save money by themselves, establish a small treasury, pay for themselves on a daily basis, and learn to manage money. There are many such stories, and there are many articles written by Chinese living abroad to share on the Internet. Here is an excerpt from a blog article for you. for your information.

(1) If you don’t eat, you deserve to starve

There was a young Chinese student named David. After graduation, he married a foreign wife in the United States and had children. David’s mother I also came to New York from China to live with them for a period of time. As a grandmother, she naturally loves her grandson very much. It didn’t take long for conflicts to arise between the foreign daughter-in-law and the Chinese mother-in-law’s different education of their children.

One day at noon, the child was having a tantrum while eating, and the foreign wife said, forget it if he doesn’t eat, and don’t eat at night. The 2-year-old mixed-race child is also very stubborn, and he won’t eat if he doesn’t want to eat. So in the evening, the foreign daughter-in-law asked her Chinese mother-in-law to cook several dishes with Chinese characteristics, including sweet and sour pork, which mixed-race people like very much. The foreign daughter-in-law arranged the table beautifully and set up all kinds of tableware. Dinner started. The little mixed-blood forgot what he said at noon and asked his mother why he didn't have his tableware?

The foreign daughter-in-law said: "You didn't eat anything for lunch, and you also said you wouldn't eat it at night. You have to keep your word."

When the Chinese mother-in-law heard this, she didn't take it seriously at the time. She thought that the foreign wife was just trying to scare her children, so how could she be so cruel and not feed her children, so she didn't say anything and just invited her son and his wife to have dinner with them. However, halfway through the meal, the Chinese mother-in-law discovered that although the child had been standing aside pitifully for a long time, the foreign wife was still unmoved and had no intention of asking the child to come to the table to eat. Now, the Chinese mother-in-law began to feel distressed. She quickly took the plate, packed the sweet and sour pork for her child, and served it to her grandson.

When the foreign wife saw this, she immediately stopped him: "Don't worry about him. He didn't want to eat at noon. He also said he wouldn't eat at night either." Keep your words. Being hungry is his own business. He knows how many times he has been hungry.

The Chinese mother-in-law frowned after hearing this: Aren’t you abusing children? No food was given to him.

The foreign wife replied: It’s not that we don’t give him food, it’s that he doesn’t eat it himself, and of course he will bear the consequences.

The Chinese son David also advised his mother: Mom, please leave it alone. If this kid doesn’t eat well, he should suffer.

The Chinese mother-in-law did not want to have a confrontation with her daughter-in-law in person, so she had to give up.

The adults returned to the table to eat, but the child was still watching pitifully in the corner as the adults ate, with saliva dripping from his mouth. At first, the child insisted and asked his mother to give him food. If it doesn't work, just cry, cry loudly, but it still doesn't work, just finish the meal.

When it’s time to go to bed at night, the child is so hungry that his stomach growls. He knows that if he doesn’t eat, he will starve. This feeling is really uncomfortable. So I took the initiative to apologize to my mother, admitting that I was wrong, that I shouldn't lose my temper, and that I would eat well in the future. Can you give him a glass of milk now, because he is very hungry.

The foreign wife poured a glass of milk for the child. After the child drank it, he fell asleep. From that day on, the child behaved well every time he ate.

In fact, from this incident we can see the big difference between Chinese and American parents in educating their children.

When American children eat, their faces are all over their bodies, and their parents don’t care. Moreover, American children eat lunch at school every day starting from the first grade of elementary school. Parents have no idea how their children eat. Don't ask at all.

When American families eat, they put several dishes on the table and the children can eat whatever they want. Almost all American children don't like to eat green vegetables. Although American parents know the nutritional value of vegetables, they will never force their children to eat them. When American children eat, they can put down their knives and forks or even leave the table as soon as they say they are full. Americans’ attitudes and practices when it comes to eating reflect a core goal of American children’s pedagogy: to cultivate children’s ability to think independently.

Children must decide for themselves what they like to eat and what they don’t like to eat. If he is clearly not full and stops eating just for fun, then he will starve after a while and he will suffer it himself. Americans like to say that making mistakes is an indispensable learning process.

Children who grow up in such a living environment have learned from an early age that they have the ability to know what they want and what they don’t want. If they don’t want to eat, they can just say they don’t want to eat. When they are full, they can say they are full. They have full confidence in themselves and know that they are full. Parents have full trust in them.

(2) Wearing shoes backwards, correct them yourself

It’s still a story about David’s house

Once, I was a guest at David’s house, and the child happened to be getting ready When I went out to play with my friends, I saw him putting on shoes and preparing toys at the entrance. His Chinese grandma was also there. When the child put on his shoes and was about to go out, the Chinese grandma suddenly stopped him with a loud laugh: Baby, your shoes are on backwards, come on, come on, grandma will put them on for you.

The foreign daughter-in-law immediately grabbed the Chinese mother-in-law and said: Let him go and leave him alone.

When the child saw that nothing was wrong, he ran out to play like a gust of wind.

Not long after, the child ran back and said: Mom, Mom, my shoes are broken and they are uncomfortable to wear!

My mother immediately said: Are the shoes uncomfortable? You invite Jerry into the house and see the difference between his shoes and yours.

The child called Jerry in doubtfully, and then looked at Jerry's shoes carefully. Finally, the child discovered that his shoes and Jerry's shoes curved in different directions. Jerry's shoes curved inward, while his shoes curved outwards. The child pointed it out to his mother, and she said, "Can you switch the left and right shoes between the two shoes and see?"

The child immediately took off his shoes obediently, and then switched his left and right feet to put them on. As expected, he felt much more comfortable. Only then did he realize that his shoes were on backwards!

The Chinese mother-in-law watched the child jumping up and down and going out to play with her friends again, and then she asked the foreign wife: Isn’t it just a pair of shoes that are worn backwards? If you change it back for him, he will know why he has to go to so much trouble.

The foreign wife said: It’s different. He has always put on his own clothes and shoes, and he has to do his own things. Even if he doesn't do well, we won't do it for him. If he made a mistake, he would taste the consequences, and he would naturally change it next time. For example, this time the shoes were on backwards. He saw that none of his friends wore their shoes like this, so he naturally knew that the shoes were on backwards. If he falls down, he will know that these shoes are uncomfortable to wear like this, it is easy to fall, and it will hurt when he falls.

Sure enough, from then on, David’s kid never wore his shoes backwards again. Every time he saw other children wearing their shoes backwards, he would correct them and tell them how they should wear their shoes. So cute.

Many people may not agree with the words of foreign wives. Some people may think that children are young and ignorant, and adults should try their best to help them correct themselves so that they can make fewer mistakes, suffer fewer setbacks, and have fewer mistakes on the road of life. harm.

Actually, I quite agree with the foreign wife’s point of view. Children should be allowed to walk their own path. Even if they make mistakes or fall, they should be allowed to experience and correct themselves.

I don’t like it when parents scold, blame and complain that their children are useless, and have to worry about everything themselves. At the same time, they agree to almost all requests made by their children, like hens, protecting their children at all times. , everything is taken care of. What I like most is the way American parents treat their children. They don’t give money or scold them. Whatever you need, work hard, create, do not interfere, and often let children have some small goals to strive for and achieve one by one. Such as: buying toys, going on a trip, staying at home or doing work-study, etc. You can use the money you earn by yourself.

(3) Deal with your own social problems by yourself

Mr. Mike, an old American neighbor in our community, has a lovely son named Mark. Mark has a very beautiful bicycle. The children there are very envious of him and always hope to borrow his beautiful bicycle for a ride. But Mark cherished this car very much and was reluctant to lend it to the children to ride. Therefore, whenever Mark plays with his bicycle, he does it alone because he is afraid that the children will pester him to borrow the bicycle.

As time goes by, the children in the community no longer like to play with him, and everyone no longer exchanges toys with him.

After a while, Mark’s novelty about bicycles wore off, and he began to miss the feeling of playing wildly with his children. He was even willing to lend his bicycle to everyone to ride. However, the children also seemed to hold grudges, and no one was willing to play with him anymore.

Mark had no choice but to run home and tell Mr. Mike: The children don’t play with me anymore. Can Dad help me tell the children? I am willing to lend my bicycle to everyone to ride on. I also want to play with Jeffrey’s train and hide and seek with everyone.

After hearing this, Mr. Mike immediately rejected his request and said: Mark, you are already a little man. You have to bear the mistakes you made and solve the problems yourself. You can discuss it yourself with the children. If it doesn't work once, just try a few more times and everyone will forgive you.

As a result, Mark had no choice but to run dejectedly to the children, apologize to everyone, and ask everyone to accept him again. Later, the children played together again. You ride my bike and I play with your little train.

In contrast, Chinese families are very different. When a child is ostracized outside or bullied by other children, the first reaction of Chinese parents is: Whoever dares to bully our child, we will settle the score with him!

If adults are too involved in children's social problems, it can easily lead to children with poor social skills and not knowing how to deal with interpersonal problems. The root cause is actually that parents do not know how to cultivate their children's ability to solve problems independently.

I can’t say that American education is all good or successful, but many of their ideas on educating children are worthy of our reference.

(4) American children also value family ties

A long time ago, I heard friends in China say that in American families, the relationship between parents and children is so cold that even one family When we go out to eat together, we have to do it on an AA basis.

I have seen in the United States over the years that this is a deep misunderstanding. Maybe I only saw the situation of some American families, which is not comprehensive and cannot represent the United States?

The United States is a country of immigrants, and many people have a strong sense of family. People like Italy, Ireland, Jews, and Germans attach great importance to family, but when it comes to economics, they all pay great attention to cultivating their children's independence, so Give everyone a "cold" impression.

American parents may not take as meticulous care of their children's lives as Chinese parents do. They focus more on making their children healthy and optimistic, with healthy personality, character, and will to "encourage innovation." They do not take great pains to design their children's future, let alone arrange it for their children. Even if they want to arrange it, they pay more attention to the method. Instead, they pay attention to the child's free development and strive to cultivate the child to be able to adapt to various environments and possess the skills. A social person with the ability to survive independently. To put it bluntly, American parents are not their children’s supporters, but their spiritual pillars.

Children who grow up under this educational concept are also very considerate of their parents. Although parents were very "cruel" to their children when they were young, in the cold winter, when Chinese children of the same age were still sleeping soundly in hot quilts, Western children had already gotten up and went to deliver newspapers from door to door, but when these children grew up, they They will be grateful to their parents for their education and training.

When many children grow up, their parents will not give them pension money when they grow old (in fact, the United States has good welfare, and parents do not need their children’s money). But this does not mean that they do not care about their parents or take care of them.

During the holidays, sons and daughters also send their children to stay with their parents, and grandchildren often call their grandparents to ask their grandparents how to cook that delicious dish.

There are also American children who do not live with their parents because parents do not want to live with their children. However, when parents need care, there are home nurses in the United States, and the insurance company pays for them, but the children We also came to help take care of them

My friend Susanna knows how to take care of her parents very well. Her father was ill, so she took him to live with him so that she could take care of him. And my friend David, his father had a heart problem and had to rely on an artificial heart to live. While waiting for a heart transplant, he took a leave of absence to take care of his father at home. In addition, John would call his mother once or twice a week, and Jeff would send photos of himself to everyone in the family to share.