No one can influence me

I struggled to tell myself that I would never go back, and no one could influence me.

Did you hear that? Behind this sentence, he actually influenced me. I don't want to go back, I want to fight, I want to go out and go my own way.

This is an inner cry and a longing for a new life.

Beaten again

The place I desperately want to escape from can't be isolated and can't escape.

I was beaten by Sean twice in a row, and I clung to what little self-esteem I had. I don't want to be laughed at by others, and I don't want to admit that I am controlled by my own violence. I tried to prove Sean's innocence and make excuses for his repeated injuries. I lied to myself again and again to cover up my injuries, in order not to admit that this family has no nostalgia for her, which is meaningless.

However, this deepening injury has also prompted me to wake up a little bit.

Being beaten twice is my resistance. In fact, in the face of neurotic Sean and mentally abnormal Sean, no one knows when he will break out.

But one thing is certain, he tries to control Tara, and once Tara resists, she will be beaten up.

Isn't his twisted and abnormal behavior inherited from his father's genes and influenced by his father's abnormal behavior, and he is a victim of this family?

My awakening

The name "nigger" reminds me of those characters in history class, and my mind begins to associate my reality with their history.

I was called "little woman" and didn't respond. I was insulted as a "nigger" and began to protest.

Because, I am no longer ignorant, I know what "nigger" means, and that kind of contempt for non-existence makes me uncomfortable.

I told myself silently that no one could influence me. In fact, this itself is affected.

This kind of introspection is difficult, and it is a struggle again and again.

I study hard and I want to stay in another world.

Education woke me up and made me realize that I don't want to go back to the past. I am eager to wake up.

When I had a headache, I took the first pill in my life. I began to pay attention to my clothes; I accepted some behaviors of my classmates that my father regarded as heresy.

I'm trying to be myself.