China's homophonic humor jokes

China's Homophonic Humorous Jokes (5 General Comments)

Do you know the benefits of learning some jokes? When we meet for the first time, there is always the embarrassment of not knowing what to say. At this time, you need some jokes to ease the atmosphere. Here, I have collected a complete set of China homophonic humor jokes for you, hoping to help you!

China's homophonic humor jokes 1 Yunan

Two Yunnan people went to Beijing to play. They heard that Beijing roast duck is very famous, so they decided to eat it. As soon as they sat down, one of them said to the waiter, "Go and dump those two roast ducks!" " After waiting for a while, they saw the waiter waving a roast duck in front of them and left. One of them couldn't wait, so he called the waiter and asked him why he didn't serve them roast duck. The waiter said, "Didn't you ask me to bring a roast duck?"

Note: ("Shuai Shuai" means "eat" in Yunnan dialect)

Henan Province

Lao Dong, a native of Henan, came to the south for breakfast. As soon as I entered the door, I asked, "Miss, how much is it to sleep (bowl) in jiaozi for one night?" The waiter was very unhappy and said, "No, only steamed bread." Old Dong said, "Oh, just touch (steamed bread)." The waiter was so angry that he scolded, "Rogue!" Lao Dong was extremely surprised: "Sixty cents? Too cheap! "

China homophonic humor joke 2 Sichuan

A soldier was captured, and the officer promised to grant him three wishes before killing him.

The soldier said I want to have a word with my horse. The enemy agreed.

The next day, the horse came back with a beautiful woman, a soldier and a woman.

The police officer said there were two more wishes. The soldier said I want to have a word with my horse. The enemy agreed.

The next day, the horse came back and brought back a beautiful woman. The soldier spent another night with the beautiful woman.

The officer said you had one last wish. The soldier still said I wanted to talk to my horse.

The officer was very surprised and went to the stable to eavesdrop. He saw the soldier holding the horse's ear and shouted, "I told you to take a woman (brigade), not a woman!" "

Guangxi

Some people in Guangxi speak Mandarin with inaccurate pronunciation and often with obvious local accent! The common thing is to read: empty mouth becomes a public, mouth becomes a dog, and wind becomes crazy, which leads to the following joke.

When friends are far away, they usually eat a plate of snails for dinner. The host picked up one and said, man! He abandoned it, picked up another one and said, it's a male again! The mouth is not short.

Goo: It's a man again! My friend was surprised and thought: awesome! Guangxi people are too powerful! Even the male and female snails can see it!

I also invited my friends to dinner. People in Guangxi have a little cold and find themselves sitting under the air outlet of the air conditioner. They said, I have a cold and can't sit next to a mad dog. Change seats after that, my friend.

On New Year's Eve, my brother took two overseas Chinese students home for dinner. One is cheerful and the other is more formal.

During the dinner, the cheerful classmate smiled and said to us, "He is from Myanmar, so he is shy." Then he raised his glass to propose a toast to everyone and gulped it down with his head up.

Then he said, "I'm from Yangon."

At the school affairs meeting at the end of the term, the headmaster was furious at the inefficiency of personnel management.

It thunders He said: "the person in charge of the director's business is not sensible; The consciousness of personnel management is not strong;

As an officer, I won't do it! "

There is a family named Pan, and the elders in the family passed away.

At the family festival, an old gentleman with a strong accent was invited to be the master of ceremonies.

The obituary says this:

Filial piety: Pangenko

Filial piety: Chi family

Filial piety granddaughter: Pan Liangci

Filial piety: Pan Daoshi

But this old gentleman is blind and his pronunciation is not standard.

When he called the roll according to the obituary, anyone who literally had three points of water or left the capital missed it.

So I read it to him like this: "Be filial, turn over ... and fight with ..."

Hearing this, the filial piety man felt very strange, but he was afraid to ask, so he turned a somersault.

Then he said, "Filial piety, too ... is ..."

Hearing this, the filial daughter-in-law said, "I want to turn it over, too?" So the filial daughter-in-law also turned a somersault.

Again: "Filial piety granddaughter, turn it over twice. 」

Hearing this, the filial granddaughter thought that her parents had turned over, so I turned over! So I turned two somersaults.

At this time, Sun Xiao thought to herself, "Dad, mom turned once each, and my sister turned twice.

How many times do I have to go through it? I started to get nervous when I thought about it: "What should I do? 」

I saw the old man slit his throat and read aloud:

"Filial piety sun ... turn to ... go to hell ..."

China homophonic humor joke 3 eat jiaozi.

One day I went to a restaurant to eat jiaozi with a foreign friend.

The beautiful service lady came to ask, my friend always missed any opportunity to practice Chinese and rushed to say, "How much is a sleep?" ?

The young lady was very embarrassed, so she was very angry. I quickly explained that he was asking jiaozi how much.

Jiaozi served it, and I asked him if he wanted mustard.

He invited another young lady. Is there a "program"?

The young lady said brightly, "Yes, what program do you want?"

"That's the yellow one!"

Eat standing up

A foreign girl married to China. When eating breakfast, I was pointed out that I can't eat fried dough sticks: "Dip it."

She stood up at once and was told, "Take a dip!"

Confused, she said indignantly, "Let me eat standing up. I have stood up. Where should I stand? "

Do what you see.

Once upon a time, there was a landlord who loved chickens. The tenant rented his field, but he had to be given a chicken first.

A tenant named Zhang San went to pay the rent to the landlord at the end of the year and rented it out the next year. When he went, he put a chicken in a bag, and after paying the rent, he told the landlord about renting the land for the next year. He insisted that his hands were empty, opened his eyes and said, "There are no three kinds of land." Zhang Sanming understood the meaning of this sentence and immediately took the chicken out of the bag.

As soon as the landlord saw the chicken, he immediately changed his tune and said, "If you don't give it to Zhang San, who will you give it to?"

Zhang San said, "Your words have changed so quickly!"

The landlord replied: "I just said' nonsense', and now this sentence is accidental."

At a meeting in the village, the village head said, "Rabbit, shrimp, don't burn melons, pickles are too expensive." The host said, "Sausage and melon for pickles." (Now, please speak to the township head. The township head said, "Rabbits and shrimps, dogs ate today's meal, and everyone is chinemys reevesii."

The coach said, "Class One kills chickens, Class Two steals eggs, and I'll cook porridge for you." One kind of shooting, the other kind of bombing. Let me show you. )

A foreigner came to China and gave himself a China name, Mao Wei. He is looking for a job in China. He came to a company and a man asked him, "What's your last name?" He replied, "My last name is Wei." "Wei what?" "Why? Why am I surnamed Wei? Needless to say? "

The bus I took arrived at the station that day, and the passengers got off in a column. Just as the door was about to close, a lady shouted outside. "I will die in your car!"

I was so nervous that I closed the door immediately, stepped on the gas pedal and thought; "There are many strange people in this city."

Unexpectedly, the lady called a taxi to chase my bus and finally stopped.

The door opened and the lady shouted again; "Why don't you stop? I am going to die in your car! "

"I'm afraid" asked her; "Miss, what's bothering you?"

He angrily walked to a seat, then picked up a bunch of keys and said to me; "I'm dying [the key is in your car!"

China homophonic humor joke 4 Li Dazhuang is afraid of his wife.

Li Dazhuang, a famous scholar in Hebei Province, is very afraid of his wife. If he disobeys his wife's orders, she punishes him for sitting still, making his hair into the shape of a needle and thread plaque, putting a lamp bowl in it, and then lighting the lamp. Li Dazhuang's body did not dare to move or catch his breath, just like a dead wooden head or a clay doll. Friends who saw him punished joked with him and said, you are a lampstand at home.

One day, his wife suddenly fell ill and had to use crows as medicine. At that time, before the snow melted, it was difficult to catch crows with nets. Li Dazhuang didn't get a crow, and his wife was furious and wanted to hit him with a stick. Da Zhuang was afraid, so he stepped on the sand to lure crows with food, and only caught one.

A friend joked about him and said: saints regard phoenix as auspicious. You caught a crow and escaped your wife's beating. This crow seems to be Dark Phoenix.

feng shui

A man was dying, so his son nailed four big copper rings on the side of the coffin. When his son asked him why, he said, in the future, you have to listen to Mr. Feng Shui and move me around, so it will be much easier to move words.

The dog denies it.

Two people sit together. One of them didn't say anything, so he pretended nothing and covered his nose with his sleeve.

There happened to be a dog nearby, so the man said it was a dog who farted. Just then, the dog yawned, and the man said to the man, look, it still refuses to recognize it!

magnificent

There is a plum blossom painting with no inscription. Someone saw it and praised it very well. Someone asked him: Do you know who painted it? He said, Zhang Chang.

Send plaque

A man boasted that he would win the bid and said, I dreamed that a drum band was playing at night and sent a plaque to my house. One of his friends said, I also dream of sending a plaque to your home. The man asked: which four words? The friend replied: What a shame.

Spread the news with a smile.

When a new official takes office, a village head asks to give the new official 100 dogs; I bought ninety-nine, and one is missing. I couldn't buy it, so I sawed off the horn of a sheep and handed it to the dog.

Sheep are ruminants, chewing food constantly in their mouths. Seeing the sheep's mouth moving, the new official asked: Why does the dog's mouth keep moving? The captain replied that the dog was chewing maggots.

Laugh at a fool

Once upon a time, there was a thief who often had money to buy things. A fool envied him very much and once asked him: How could you steal? The thief replied: I am good at stealing for only one reason: whenever I steal other people's property, I will put a branch made of crows and magpies in my hand so that others can't see me. Fools believe what thieves say.

One day, he really went to the crow's nest, holding a branch in his hand, and then went to a family to steal property, and was caught and beaten. When being beaten, the fool also said: I was beaten down by you, and you couldn't see me.

New car

A boss bought a new car, but he was very uneasy about the driver he hired. He is worried that the driver will replace the parts of the new car with the old one to make a profit. He can't drive himself, so he has to ask the driver every move.

Once he went out by car, the car slowed down and got up soon.

"What's the matter?" The boss asked the driver.

"Nothing, sir, I just changed gears."

The boss turned to his friend next to him and whispered, "Look, he didn't even let me change gears. I must give him up. "

China's homophonic humor joke Chapter 5 What happened to that beautiful woman?

Chatting with my classmates in the corridor, a beautiful female chemistry teacher passed by,

I pointed to the teacher and said to my friend, "That beautiful woman ..."

The chemistry teacher heard it. He turned around, smiled and asked, "What happened to that beautiful woman?"

I paused and answered, "Na, Mg, Al, Si, P, S, Cl, Ar, K and Ca"

Can you give me a spoon?

There used to be a monk who passed by our village looking for water and went to Aunt Wang's house.

Monk: "patroness, I'm here to beg for water."

Aunt Wang kindly took the monk to the yard: "Master, wait for me to fetch water."

The monk nodded kindly: "The benefactor is really kind. Can you give me a scoop? "

Then there was a lame monk in our town.

Gisbon

A woman went to the supermarket to buy food.

Her man said to buy a box of jasper to go home.

When the woman came home, she handed the man a box.

The man opened it: a pair of chicken wings.

The man said: I depend, I said how to change the box!

Is it cool?

A colleague came to work today and saw that his hair was short.

Me: How to cut your hair? Is it cool?

He sincerely said to me: Not 2 yuan, but 28 yuan!

Zhu Shanghai

There is a classmate in the class named Zhu Shanghai, and Tepi doesn't like studying.

Once in class, he played by himself, which influenced others.

The teacher criticized him viciously:

"You are so unlearned and want to live in Shanghai? I can't open the door when I live in the toilet. "

To find you (roommate)!

"Teacher, you wanted to see me?"

"I heard that you often have an accident recently. Did you skip class yesterday? "

"well. I did go to cut class. "

"Is it fast to use in the dormitory?"

"I am useful."

"Is there a hair dryer in the dormitory?"

"well. I am useful. "

"Oh, the teacher is wrong about you, go and call you (roommate)!"

Since I am kneeling like this, I won't buy it.

Go shopping for clothes with my girlfriend, who likes a coat.

It costs 6888 yuan to open the label.

My girlfriend is also very sensible, knowing that it is not easy for me to make money.

He turned to me and said, "Since I am kneeling like this, I won't buy it."

Sister paper, where is your brother?

Go to my buddy's house to play, and his sister opens the door.

I asked elegantly, Sister Paper, where is your brother?

Before I could say more, she subconsciously put her hand on her chest. ......

Then the door slammed and she shouted angrily, Brother!

I am a lost child.

The child got lost in the forest and met a big stupid bear.

The child said, I am a lost child. Can you take me to see my mother?

The big stupid bear nodded and took the child to the elk's house. ......

It's not good to die.

Liu Bei: "Zhao Yun. We three brothers used to be best friends. You are a good man today, count you in. "

Zhao Yun: "You'd better not."

Zhang Fei: "How can you look down on our brothers?"

Zhao Yun: "No, Brother Fei, I just don't think it's nice to call Zhao Si."

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