100% humorous jokes

If there is a joke, let's laugh together. This is sharing happiness. Perhaps happiness is as simple as that. Below I bring you 100% humorous jokes, I hope you will like them.

100% humorous joke

1, eat apples

Is this the longest time in a windy night? The scariest road?

The taxi driver drove there?

A woman on the roadside waved to get on the bus? Hmm? Along the way? Very quiet, isn't it?

Until that woman talks?

She said:? Apple for you to eat? It is delicious. The driver thought it was great? Just take it away?

And took a bite? The woman asked? Does it taste good?

The driver said:? Delicious! ? The woman replied:? I liked eating apples before my death.

Wow? & amp*$#@? Hearing this, the driver suddenly braked and turned white?

I saw the woman slowly tilting her head forward. Say to the driver?

Want to know what she said?

? But I don't like it after giving birth!

2. Dolls

There is a taxi driver who works in a taxi company.

One night, he was driving through a very desolate place, surrounded by darkness; Suddenly I saw a building on the wasteland ahead, with dim lights on. He wants to know when such a building was built here. He saw a young lady beckoning him to take the car home. After the young lady got on the bus, he closed the door and started driving. After a while, he felt very strange. Miss, why don't you talk? As a result, he looked in the mirror and saw that there was no miss, only a doll sitting there. Scared to death, he grabbed the doll and threw it out of the window. After returning home, he was seriously ill.

After his illness, he returned to work in a taxi company. As a result, his colleague said to him, "You are really boring. A beautiful lady came to complain that she wanted to take your car last time. As a result, she just threw the doll in, and you closed the door and drove away. "

3. Ghost fire

On a dark night, a man drove through a graveyard at night. The breeze blew, and the surrounding sounds rustled, making people feel creepy and numb. Just then, he suddenly found a little red light flashing in the distance. What's his first thought? Ghost fire? . So he carefully picked up a stone and threw it at the lamp. I saw flames swaying behind another grave. What is even more frightening is that he picked up a stone and threw it at the fire, only to see the light fly to another grave. At this point, he is close to collapse. So he picked up another stone and threw it at the lamp. At this moment, I heard a voice from behind the grave. Shit, who is it? Shit is not fun. A pack of cigarettes cut me three times. ?

4, damn it

After the Halloween masquerade, two men walked home ... when they passed a cemetery, they wanted to cross it on a whim. When they were halfway through, they were frightened by the sound of drumming. The sound came from a dark place, and they were all frightened. Then they found an old man digging a tombstone with a chisel.

One of them said, "My God, sir, we thought you were a ghost. What are you doing here so late? " The old man scolded: * * *, they spelled my name wrong. ! ! ! ! "

5, the toilet meets a ghost

Chu Yang wants to visit the countryside. When chatting with his relatives, they told him that there were ghosts in the toilet here. However, if you don't accept ghosts, ghosts won't hurt you. May be the cause of acclimatization, at night, Chu Yangxiang's stomach hurts like hell. There is really no way, so Chu Yang has to go to the toilet in fear.

Chu Yanggang squatted down and heard the voice of a ghost. Red toilet paper or white toilet paper?

Chu Yang knew that he couldn't accept ghosts, so he replied:? I always use newspapers. ? It seems that Chu Yangxiang has dysentery. After a while, Chu Yangxiang ran to the toilet again, but this time, he was no longer afraid. Seeing Chu Yang backward, the ghost held out his hand and said, I have been using sports newspapers to select Wen Wei Po or reference news. ? In the evening, Chu Yang went to the toilet for the third time. ? Sports Weekly or Football Daily? Asked the ghost.

? ..... I ... I just need to pee. ?

6. The complaints of three ghosts

One day when they were shopping, they met God! They told God that they all died miserably and hoped to send them to heaven! God said helplessly, now the residents in the sky are too (reprinted from the study abroad network, please keep this information. ), it is full. But there's another place! You said, whoever dies the worst will go to heaven!

So, the first ghost started talking? I was a cleaner before I died. Work is very hard! Busy from morning till night! One day, I was cleaning windows outside a building! It's the kind of dangerous work hanging outside at high altitude! On the 30th floor! Suddenly, my foot slipped and fell! I think it's over! I'm dying! But the survival instinct makes me scratch unconsciously! Luckily, I grabbed the railing of a balcony on 13 floor. I feel saved! So I want to climb up after I recover! Who knows, suddenly someone patted my hand and I fell down again! I think I'm really finished now! However, my life should not be decided, and a tent caught me below. I am glad that I must have accumulated virtue in my last life! I want to wait for my physical strength to recover before I go down. Who knows, a refrigerator fell from it and killed me!

The second ghost said? I was a clerk before I died. Everything is fine. I have a beautiful wife. Great figure! But it's just a little water. I have a slight heart attack. One day I forgot to bring my medicine to work, so I went home to get it. As soon as I entered the door, I saw my wife's hair disheveled and disheveled. There must be an adulterer. So I looked everywhere in the house, kitchen and toilet, but I couldn't find it. When I got to the balcony, I found two hands on the railing and thought: adulterer! So he patted his hand. I think, 13 floor! See if I can fall to my death! As a result, I didn't die when I looked at it! Caught by the tent! I was in a hurry, so I searched all over the house and went into the kitchen. I found that the refrigerator was big enough and threw it away. Finally smashed him to death! I'm so happy! Laughing a lot. Who knows, laughing so hard, laughing so hard!

The third ghost said? I was a punk before my death, but I didn't do anything wrong! One day I went to a female friend's house to hang out! Just finished, her husband suddenly came back! I have to find a place to hide. So I searched the kitchen and toilet, and finally found that their refrigerator was quite big, so I hid in it! I don't understand, how did her husband know I was in the ice box, and he threw the refrigerator from the 13 floor! I just fell to my death in my refrigerator!

7. There are two people.

In a remote village, there is a straight telephone pole on a narrow path. Strange to say, people often have accidents there. Soon a man and a woman were accidentally knocked down by a bicycle and died on the spot. One night, five-year-old Xiao Zhi and her mother passed by on their way home. Xiao Zhi suddenly said, Mom, there are two people on the telephone pole. ? Mother took his hand and walked away quickly, saying, Don't talk nonsense, children! ? But it soon spread. One day, a reporter came to interview Xiao Zhi and asked him to take him to see the place where the car accident happened. Xiao Zhi generously took him there. The reporter asked: Where? Xiao Zhi pointed to the above.

The reporter looked up and saw a sign hanging on the telephone pole, which read: everyone is responsible for traffic safety.

8. Ghosts took their lives.

Once upon a time there was a man who had a girlfriend. He loves her more than anyone in the world. But one day, his girlfriend left him mercilessly without even giving him a reason. Watching his girlfriend go shopping arm in arm, he was in great pain and lost his mind. Finally one day he killed his girlfriend. He was going to kill her and then kill himself. But when I was dying, I felt the value of life. Since then, he has been haunted by nightmares every day. In the dream, his girlfriend was naked, with long hair fluttering, red tongue hanging down and fingers hooked to kill him. Nightmares tormented him like needles, and one day he found a Taoist priest and begged to get rid of him.

The Taoist asked him to do three things.

First, give his girlfriend a good burial.

Second, burn the pajamas that his girlfriend wore before her death.

Third, wash away the hidden bloody clothes.

Everything must be finished before midnight, or you will be killed!

He did everything carefully according to the orders of the Taoist priest, but the bloody clothes were nowhere to be found. It's almost midnight. Beads of sweat dripped from his face and wet the carpet. He found the bloody clothes in the middle of the night, but no matter how he wiped them, he couldn't wash them off. At this time, there was a sudden strong wind, lightning and thunder. The window was shaken from side to side by the strong wind, and the sound of broken glass made people even more jumpy. Suddenly all the lights went out and the whole room was dark.

In the lightning, I saw his girlfriend wearing bloody pajamas, with blood dripping from her eyes, pointing at him with a ferocious face and a harsh voice. Do you know why the blood won't wash away? He was too scared to say a word.

Girlfriend continues: Because you are useless, Diao brand washing powder, you idiot. ?

100% humorous joke 2

1

Husband often scolds the boss for incompetence in front of his wife, which leads to the closure of the company and even the bonus can't be paid out.

One day, a colleague came to visit and was surprised to hear him scold the boss. He asked quietly, "Don't you get a bonus every month?" how ......

He quickly interrupted his colleague and whispered, don't scold the boss. Who will pay for playing mahjong with you?

2

A female dancer is waiting at the station.

In order to make use of time, she practiced tiptoe rotation on the platform.

An old lady came over and said with concern, miss, come with me and I'll tell you the nearest toilet.

three

On the weekend, a trapped stockholder came to the seaside to relax and fell asleep on the soft beach.

Suddenly, a voice woke him up: get up! The sea level is rising.

Oh, it's rising. He regained his spirits. Throw it out!

four

A woman was walking at night when she suddenly saw a man stretching his shoulders in front of her and walking slowly towards her with a hug.

The woman was very angry, and suddenly she lost her shadow, only to hear a crash. The man said gloomily, this is the second piece. Alas, why can't I even get a piece of glass?

five

My wife is dishonest with me. An angry husband said to his good friend in a bar.

What happened?

She didn't come home last night. When I asked her where she had gone, she said she was with her sister.

After a sip of wine, the husband continued, as a matter of fact, her sister was with me last night.

six

My six-year-old son pinched his mother's ass when she wasn't looking. Her mother was very angry and asked. Who taught you to do this?

Son:? Mom, you shouldn't be happy to twist a woman's ass. Why are you angry?

Mom:? Who would you like to see screwed?

Son:? Yesterday, my father secretly twisted my aunt's ass, and my aunt kissed my father happily?

seven

In the military court, three soldiers are trying a case of forcibly raping a female prisoner. Soldier: We didn't want to rape her, but the company commander ordered us to do so! ?

The company commander argued: When did I let you rape her?

Soldier:? We caught the female prisoner that day and asked the company commander what to do with the female prisoner. You said, you three take her to a room and talk about it later. ?

eight

When I was a freshman, I met a junior, and I went out to KF in less than half a month (this is my first time). At that time, I thought NB was good, and I became a senior in less than half a month. Now, when I think about it carefully a few years later, I can't help but be annoyed. It turns out that my senior fucked me in less than half a month.

nine

Introduce yourself. . . Hello, my name is Chen Xiaomai. Well, my name is Xin Mi. . . Ha ha ha ha. . . Head teacher: Pay attention to classroom discipline, and don't laugh. I am everyone's class teacher. My name is Liang Cang.

10

Roommates are ugly and can't find a boyfriend. Finally one day I met a net friend.

After a while, she came back crying. We asked her how she was, and she said, He just said that I was not good enough for you and left. ?

A roommate comforted that it was nothing. I'm being tactful. Don't be too sad. ? . . .

1 1

In front of the school, when the stall owner was busy, a parent secretly stuffed a bottle of milk tea to his son behind him and was about to leave with another bottle of milk tea. The son at the back shouted: two bottles, I have another bottle here!

The stall owner frowned and smiled quickly: your mother has a prize on this bottle cap, and that bottle is a prize!

After the children entered school, the parents blushed and wanted to make up the money. The stall owner waved to her and said, tickets are small things, but children are big things?

12

Ask the husband: What should I do if I want to eat shrimps and crabs?

He replied: think about it, no matter how awesome I am, I can't stop your idea!

13

My nephew is five big and three thick, but he is a veritable master of mathematics. Once it was very late, and it was a little faster. I advised him: Tomorrow, it's late, go to sleep! The little nephew said sadly, no. If I delay my female classmates copying tomorrow, I will be strangled by them. ...

14

Linger went to kindergarten for the first time, and her mother was out of her mind for a day, so she wandered around the kindergarten to see how Linger was doing.

Finally, after school, Linger was very excited: Dad, there is such a fun place, why didn't you send me earlier? I watch cartoons with my mother at home every day ...?

15

I am a writer at the age of 3, a martial artist at the age of 4, a master of poetry and songs at the age of 5, and a master of piano, chess and calligraphy at the age of 6. Someone asked me, what did you do when you were seven years old? I was seven years old and injured for a year.

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