918 jokes

1. The principal and English teacher visited a middle school in France. The principal spoke in the auditorium and the English teacher translated.

Principal: "Dear teachers and classmates!"

English teacher: "ladies and gentlemen!"

Principal: "Ladies and gentlemen!" ! ”

English teacher-_-! After thinking for a while, he said: "Good morning!"

Principal: "Good morning!"

English teacher:... =="Khan

Said there is a The polar bear, because the snow was too harsh, had to wear sunglasses to see, but he couldn't find the sunglasses, so he closed his eyes and crawled around on the ground to look for it, crawling and crawling until his hands and feet were dirty. Only then did I find my sunglasses. After putting on my sunglasses and looking in the mirror, I realized: Oh, it turns out I am a panda.

One day, three explorers finally found the "Valley of Hope". Legend has it that As long as they stood on the edge of the valley and shouted what they wanted, and then jumped into the valley, they would get what Mankeng Mangu wanted. So the three of them decided to give it a try.

The first one was a pervert, so he yelled "Woman!" woman! "If he jumped down, there would be a lot of beauties waiting for him.

The second one was a nerd and shouted "Books, books, books, books!" "Then, I jumped into the valley and got a lot of books.

The third one is an indecisive person. He can't decide his favorite after thinking about it. After an hour, he Finally he made up his mind and felt that banknotes were the most useful, so he walked towards the edge of the valley. When he accidentally kicked a stone, he cursed "shit!" "Unexpectedly, the center of gravity was unstable and fell down the valley.

As for Xiao Ming, he has to take the exam tomorrow, but he is watching TV at night

Xiao Ming's mother asked worriedly: I have finished reading the book. Is there a test tomorrow?

Xiao Ming replied readily: Mom, I have finished reading.

Xiao Ming’s mother happily praised Xiao Ming: Good boy, you will do well in the test tomorrow. Okay

Xiao Ming cried and said, "Mom, I see, it's over."

One day, a university teacher asked a student that there were ten trees on the tree. If you kill one bird, how many are left?

The student asked: Is it a silent pistol? Isn’t it illegal to shoot birds at 80-100 decibels? No. Are you sure that the bird was really killed? At this time, the teacher was impatient: "Just tell me how many birds are left, okay?" Are any of the birds in the trees deaf? No. Are there any that are locked in a cage and hung from a tree? No. Are there other trees nearby? Are there any other birds on the trees? No. If a bird is pregnant, does it count as a baby bird in the belly? Doesn’t count. Is there any confusion in the eyes of those who shoot birds? No flowers, just ten. The teacher was already sweating and the bell rang for the end of get out of class, but the students continued to ask: Are there any birds that are so stupid that they are not afraid of death? All afraid of death. Will he kill two with one shot? Won't. The student said with confidence: "If your answer is not deceptive, if the bird that was killed hangs on the tree and does not fall, then there will be only one left. If it falls, there will be no one left." The teacher immediately foamed at the mouth. Falling to the ground!

A man climbed out of the school and was caught by the principal. The principal asked: Why don't you leave through the school gate? The principal said: Metersbonwe, don't take the ordinary way. How do you climb over a high wall? He pointed to his pants and said: Li Ning, everything is possible.

The principal asked again: What does it feel like to climb over a wall? He pointed to his shoes and said, "Xtep, fly." A general feeling. On the second day, he entered the school from the main entrance, and the principal asked: Why don't you climb over the wall? He said: Anta, I choose, I like it. On the third day, he wore a gangster outfit, and the principal said: He can't wear a gangster outfit! He said: Wear whatever you want, Semir clothing. On the 4th day, he wore a vest to school. The principal said, "You can't wear a vest to school." He said, "Man, just keep it simple. If you like Dengbao clothing, I will give you a big demerit." He said: Why? The principal said, I have the final say in the dynamic zone.