Wechat funny jokes when bored?

When I am alone, I often feel bored. At this time, brush down the WeChat circle of friends, look at the sentences inside and make sure to laugh. The following is carefully arranged for you, hoping to help you!

Talk in a circle of friends.

1. Some people stay in bed because they have money, thinking about how late they get up; You lie in bed because you have no money. What a good meal you can save!

Don't help me. I'm not drunk. The road ahead will move. Help me keep that road.

3. When the person you like has something to do, you should delete all * * * and phone records, don't ask, don't bother, and wait silently.

4. A: "How can I talk to make myself look cold?" B: "For example, after you finish a sentence, add an ok?" Answer: "Can you give me an example?" B: "Stop it, will you?" A: "So, let's go to karaoke?" B: "Don't tell anyone that you know me."

5. I laughed when someone said that my photo didn't look like mine. It will take me two or three hours to pose for a photo, plus filters and color matching. If you are like me, isn't my photo white?

6. At this point, the world has to admit seven facts, please don't be surprised. 1。 You can't turn your neck twice. 2。 You can't count how much hair you have. 3。 You can't breathe through your nose when your tongue sticks out. 4。 You are doing the third thing. 5。 When you are doing the third item, you actually think it is feasible, but you will look like a puppy. 6。 You're laughing now because I ruined you. 7. Please praise the rounded-up people and don't cheat.

7.*** This kind of thing, three points are doomed to heaven, and seven points depend on the filter.

8. breasts are very useful, and it's not you who are cool.

9. The biggest use of schoolbags for me is to hold snacks.

10. When I was about to go to school at the beginning of school, my father stopped me and said, "Pull the shit clean before going to school!" I was surprised: "Why?" My dad said, "Don't write a word about your holiday homework. Don't go to school and let the teacher hit you! " "What a real father.

1 1. The girl behind the teacher's paper took an extra one and shouted, "Teacher, I have it, I have it!" As a result, the boy sitting next to him said, "It's mine!" " "

12. The math teacher's class is boring. Fifty students are playing mobile phones, almost all of them are deducting WeChat Taobao games and so on. Suddenly, the teacher said: Students, I want to say the last sentence, hand in your mobile phone before class. The remaining power of your mobile phone is your final exam result this month. This will kill our rhythm! At this time, when I saw my deskmate say with a smile, I knew it was a good habit to play with my mobile phone with a charging treasure!

13. Teacher: Xiaoming, remind your deskmate Lily to sleep in class in the future. Xiao Ming: Oh, I see. As soon as school started the next day, Xiao Ming said to Lili: Lili, it's time for you to go to bed! The teacher is afraid that you will forget. Let me remind you.

14. Mom: "It's the New Year. I see your grades are good this year. I give you a big red envelope. Are you happy? " Me: "Don't want to be happy" Mom: "Huh? Don't forget. "

15. Walking on the bridge, I saw a sister who wanted to commit suicide. I said, I'm dying. Let me be happy. I didn't expect her to say yes. After the storm. She told me that she had AIDS. Now, we are all sitting on the bridge. ...

16. On the way, I met an old man carrying something and wanted to go up and help him. He said, "Old thing, I'll help you."

17. "In fact, it is not easy for aunts in the square. No one gave me a drink most of the day, and no one gave me a bench to do it. " Policeman: "So you threw ten pots of water downstairs and lost seven benches?"

18. My friend won 5 million! He was particularly grateful, deducted the tax and donated half of it to their village to build roads and schools. Give me half of the rest, saying that I will accompany him to buy lottery tickets and bring him good luck. However, I am not happy at all, because I made all this up!

19. My classmate is my son's teacher. When I came home one day, my son said, "Dad, the teacher said today that like father, like son, what does it mean?" When I was angry, I opened my mouth and scolded my son: "Did you touch the teacher today?"

20. My mother won't let me tie my hair up, saying it looks like Liu Huan. I said I would wear it, but she said no, like a Tengger singer singer. This makes me very angry. I went to the barber shop and shaved my head. When I came back, she said it looked like Degang Guo!

Talk about sentences made by friends.

1. In China, some people call her Xiao Gu, some people call her Xiao Gu, and some people call her Qian Gu Girl. Why is no one called Flower Girl?

2. I'm used to the beauty camera, and once I accidentally opened the camera that came with my mobile phone, which scared me to throw it out.

She is cute now, big cute when she grows up, cute when she is old, and cute when she dies. Anyway, she is the cutest.

If someone loves you more than me and is willing to love you, let her * * * I love you.

5. "Listen at the same table, it seems that a baby is kicking my stomach", "Speak human words" and "I'm hungry"

6. Xiao Wang kept the midpoint and became Xiao Quan.

7. "Mom, today I saw a boy bullying another boy, and then I went to stop the fight, and then they both hit me together." "Whose children are so stubborn that they ask their mothers to look for them later, but why did they hit you?" "Because I said to them, beast, let go of that beast ..."

8. surfing the internet in the internet cafe last night, there was a pupil sitting next to him. I heard him answer the phone. "Hello, Dad, I'm at school." I learned to lie at such a young age, and I shouted, "Network management! Come to the bucket to make instant noodles! " After the phone call, the child's face turned green. After a while, my daughter-in-law called me and I said, "I'm playing League of Legends in an Internet cafe." The child said, "Check out at 409! Six condoms were used! " After the phone call, my face turned green.

9.80-90 kg is skinny, 90- 100 kg is sexy,10-120 kg is perceptual, and above 130 kg is pure sense of humor.

10. I 17 years old. I had my hair cut last night. Then the barber praised me: "Is this hairstyle more energetic?" Suddenly I feel that you are 5-6 years younger and look like a young man in his twenties. "I ... . .

1 1. I think Mrs. White Snake is unwell because of snake sperm disease.

12. I thought the air was free until I bought a bag of potato chips.

13. I just went to a small shop to buy water and saw my boss fall asleep in a rocking chair. The proprietress also beat his leg, and I instantly felt so loving. I couldn't bear to disturb them, so I took two bottles of coke and left quietly.

14. Baidu can't find you, but you must be in sogou.

15. Once I was on the bus with my husband, I asked, "Husband, I lost my tooth. What should I do if I can't chew anything?" I think it would be romantic to say "Baby, I chewed it up and fed it to you". As a result, he actually said, "Then you can have soup."

16. I have a headache. Is my knowledge too profound to overflow?

17. When I was a child, I studied very well. Once I failed in a math exam, I was called to the podium by the teacher to criticize. The teacher became more and more excited and raised his hand to hit me. I slapped her with my brain. ...

18. One cold night, just as I wanted to sleep, I received a text message from my friend in the dormitory next door: Come here quickly, it's very important. When I arrived, I asked him what was wrong. Only this fellow said slowly: Nothing, but the door was not closed. It was too cold and others were too lazy to move, so I asked you to close it for me.

19. Xiaoming went to the bank to withdraw money. "You ... OK, I, I, I, I withdraw money ..." "OK, did you get the card?" "Card ... card ... card you ... mother ... b, labor ... this is ... stuttering ..."

When a girl sharpens a pencil, she sharpens a hole with her hand. When the boy who likes her saw it, he immediately took the pencil sharpener in the girl's hand and scratched a hole in his hand. The girl asked him, "What are you doing?" The boy stared at the girl affectionately and said, "Look, then we are a couple." Half a month later, the boy died of tetanus. This story tells us: show love, die quickly.

Friends circle is humorous.

1. As long as you want it, as long as I have it, I won't give it to you anyway.

Animals are still a little pathetic, but I'm not, so I'm not an animal.

When you feel ugly and poor, don't be sad, at least prove your judgment is right.

God didn't give me much responsibility, but it still made me heartache and tired.

When I was a child, I ran to the toilet as soon as I was chased by boys.

6. History is always strikingly similar: the year before last, you were single, and last year, this year, you are still single.

7. When eating, the power went out. I quickly ate two mouthfuls of rice, and suddenly the light came on. I exclaimed: Is this the legendary lesbian?

8. Examination paper, a kind of * * *, mostly white, is common in schools. Now it has made countless schools addicted and crazy. Let countless schoolmasters indulge in it. Let countless scum can't sleep, drift off, and feel dizzy. It destroys the harmony of many families, because it can make a examinee commit suicide by jumping off a building, and it is poisoning many people's spiritual world … Stay away from the papers and start with dolls! Put an end to the paper and start with me!

9. Q: Why are slippers not allowed in the library? God replied: in case you turn over the book and lick your fingers to see your feet.

10. Maybe you will meet more beautiful girls, gentler girls, girls who love you more than me, but of course they can eat and play without me.

1 1. Doing bad things will be discovered sooner or later, so do it at noon.

12. A woman once cried and said "Don't go, don't go" to me, but I still stayed away from her. Two months later, the police arrested me for robbery.

13. I invited a guest to a restaurant that day, and I was dumbfounded when I turned over the menu. Delicious food is too expensive, cheap food is not delicious, so I turned over the menu for 30 minutes in that dilemma. The waiter stood there impatiently and said, "Sir, can you hurry up?" I patted the menu and said to the guests around me, "The waiter in this house has a bad attitude. Let's change it! " "

14. "I'll tell you the truth first." "Okay, okay, I'll tell you when I'm handsome."

15. When will mosquitoes evolve to suck fat instead of blood?

16. The beautiful woman opposite my house has been sitting on the balcony playing with her mobile phone in the sun. I was still a little excited when she saw me smile shyly and then play with my mobile phone. Now I finally understand that you are rubbing my net.

17. The deskmate and the front desk class have been sending notes to each other, but the teacher always finds out. One day. They passed the note again and were found by the teacher. The teacher once took the paper they handed me, and when he saw it, it said, "The person who saw this paper is brain-dead."

18. One day, a sister took her cat to the market to buy eggs. She walked to the front of the shop. The boss saw the cat in his arms and boasted, "Sister, * * * is so white!" Then: "Sister, you * *!" After listening to this, the sister paper said shyly, Say it again and I will crush your eggs!

19. I heard that you are not doing well. I sat at the door and had a good day.

20. The way I express my feelings has always been simple and rude: I have time to sleep together.