A joke that makes people laugh to tears.

A joke that makes people laugh to tears.

Funny jokes and humorous jokes can make us smile and make us feel particularly happy. When we are unhappy, watching more jokes can also ease our mood. Let's share the jokes that make people laugh. Let's have a look.

Funny jokes +0 1, specialty

A manager is going to Liuzhou, Guangxi on business. Before he left, he asked everyone what they needed to bring. A colleague is really rude. He searched online for local specialties for a while and said to the manager, "Liuzhou is famous for its wood. Why don't you get me a chopping board? Our food here is not as good as that there. "

When this statement came out, a stone stirred up a thousand waves. Everyone asked the manager to bring back the chopping block. Finally, the manager said helplessly, "I counted and there are 22 chopping boards at present." Otherwise, I carry a tree? "

2. Have the best of both worlds

Running a company by one person is very harsh on employees. On the first anniversary of the company, this man found a broker and said to him, "Listen, I'm going to hold a celebration party for the company's first anniversary. This celebration should attract attention and make all employees happy, but it is not allowed to spend a penny. "

The agent thought for a moment and said, "Then please hang yourself. It will attract attention and your employees will be happy without spending a penny. "

Step 3: shoppers

Mother took her son shopping home, and his son was holding a big balloon. Dad saw it and blamed his wife: "Why buy so many balloons?" Is there any place to spend money? "

The son interrupted his father and said, "Dad, balloons are free. If mom buys something in the store, people will send her a balloon! " "

Step 4 fail

When my wife reaches middle age, she can't help recalling her youth: "I miss my figure, with beautiful mountains and rivers in front, cliffs on one side and a bright future behind, right, husband?"

The husband thought for a moment and said, "Yes, but your soil erosion is too severe ..."

I can't change it.

A gambler and a card friend played mahjong all night. The next morning, they didn't lose anything, so they had to go home by bus. The conductor asked the gambler to buy the ticket. He faltered and said, "You can't change my money."

The conductor said, "It's a big deal 100 yuan. Why can't I change it? "

The gambler still refused to give it, and the conductor kept urging him. Finally, the gambler was forced to be anxious. He took out a mahjong card "90 thousand" and handed it to the conductor, saying, "Can you change this?"

6. New seasoning

Lao Chen and his friends went to the supermarket and saw pomegranate vinegar on the seasoning rack. Lao Chen said: "There are so many new things now. I did not expect pomegranate to be vinegar! " Then they saw apple vinegar, and Mr. Chen sighed, "I didn't expect apples to be vinegar."

At this time, a friend pointed to a seasoning and said, "Look at this, Teacher Chen, you are a tragedy." Mr. Chen looked at it and saw on the bottle: Old vinegar.

7. Specific functions

There is a man who often receives express delivery. Once, the young man who sent the courier said to him, "This courier smells good!" " "The man opened it and found several packages of beef jerky inside. The man was surprised. The young man said that he had special functions and could perceive the characteristics of express goods. A few days later, the young man came to deliver the courier again. He said the courier smelled of food. The man opened it and found a cookbook in it.

This day, the young man came again and said, "Today's express delivery is so heavy!" " "The man took it and said. It's obviously light He opened it doubtfully, and there was only a piece of paper inside-the notice from the tax bureau.

8. misunderstanding

A young man took a bus and two old people got on it, so he gave his seat to one of the old people. Seeing a middle school student beside him indifferent, the young man walked up to him and glared at him, trying to remind him to give up his seat to another old man. Who knows that the middle school student not only refused to give up his seat, but also glared back.

The young man was angry and said loudly, "What are you looking at? Give your seat to grandpa quickly. "

The middle school students looked at the fierce look of the young man, hesitated, stood up, and said to the young man with a little fear, "Grandpa, please sit down ..."

9, the use of compasses

In art class, the teacher asked the students to draw self-portraits and instructed them to start with their heads. At this time, a boy saw the female classmate at the same table suddenly take out a compass and asked curiously, "You are having an art class now, not a math class. What are you doing with a compass? "

The female classmate gave him a white look and replied, "It is used to draw faces."

10, good news and bad news

The headmaster called a parent: "Sir, I have good news and bad news, both about your son."

Parents said, "Let's talk about the bad news first."

The headmaster said, "Your son's behavior is becoming more and more feminine."

Parents asked, "What's the good news?"

The headmaster replied, "He has just been named the beauty of our school by his classmates."

Jokes that make people laugh to tears 2 humorous short message jokes

1, there is a god's question. Q: Women have four limbs and men have five limbs. How many limbs do men and women have when they are together? Some people answered nine limbs and some people answered eight limbs. None of them are accurate. The standard answers are: nine limbs, eight limbs, nine limbs, eight limbs, nine limbs, eight limbs and nine limbs. ...

2. The team leader went to the barracks where materials were in short supply to inspect the situation. He found a cigarette butt near the oil depot and said discontentedly, Whose is it? The corporal looked around and said happily, no one. Please suck it quickly!

3. What's the situation this year? CCTV didn't broadcast Journey to the West, Children's Channel didn't broadcast Princess Zhu Huan, anhui tv didn't broadcast the stars herding sheep, Zhejiang Satellite TV didn't broadcast the biography of Pleasant Goat and Big Big Big Wolf, the legend of the Sword and Chivalrous Man, Sichuan Satellite TV didn't broadcast the legend of the new White Snake, Shandong Satellite TV didn't broadcast the legend of Wulin, Jiangxi Satellite TV didn't broadcast ipartment, and David TV didn't broadcast the biography of Zhen Huan. How can this be called summer vacation? ! This summer vacation is inexplicably sad!

4. Health tip: There is a recent influenza epidemic. What if you catch a cold? If you don't take medicine, it will take 7 days to get well; If you go to the hospital to see a doctor and take medicine, it will be fine in a week!

5. It turns out that only people who are tall are called Gao Leng, and those who are cold but short can only be called quick-frozen dwarfs.

6. I really want to become a monk, but there is always one thing that I can't let go-I don't have a girlfriend yet …

7. Life becomes uncomfortable without you. I hate that hateful third party for taking you away. Do you have a new relationship with him? I really want you to come back to me-wallet.

8. An ugly monkey went to a matchmaking agency to find someone, and the boss said it was expensive. The ugly monkey said it would be cheap, but the boss said it was stupid. The ugly monkey said it doesn't matter. The boss shouted at the window → Fool, don't read the text message, come out on a blind date.

9. My colleague: You have so many pimples on your face that the tractor will roll over when you drive it! Me: If the pimples on my face are as few as the hair on your head, I will be satisfied!

10, Heilongjiang people's wish: the capital is diverted to Hegang, the provincial … Committee replaces the central Committee, the United Nations is located in Mudanjiang, Shanghai is the hometown of Jixi, the national wine is Beidacang, the state banquet is bumpy, and the national anthem is "Qiqihar, ah, my hometown".

1 1. Today, I saw my colleague realize "sliding unlocking" on the laptop! Really, I was shocked when I saw it at the scene. This is an abnormal bunker … do you know? ! His computer boot unlock password is "ASDFGHJKL; ",and then swish in the past, the last key on the carriage return, just, just unlock!

12. The chairman asked the new general manager, "Not everyone pays attention to every meeting. What can we do? " The general manager said, "This is easy to handle. We don't want the secretary to attend the meeting. After the meeting, we will announce who will take the minutes of the meeting this time. "

13, the apprentice said, "It's great to think about going to work at school, but it's boring to go to work. It is better to go to school. " The master said, "You are a person who can't learn at school and can't do a good job ..." The apprentice asked curiously, "Which line do I go to?" The master said, "Hang yourself!"

14. The headmaster recognized one of his former students: Are you John? "Yes, headmaster." "You see, I never forget the students' names. What are you doing now? " Teaching under you.

15. Today, I watched my wife kill fish, all thumbs, and deliberately humiliated her: "What do you have to do with pigs?" Wife: "Hey, the relationship between husband and wife ..."

16, share a little truth about life: you don't have to worry about what you are afraid of, because it will come as scheduled.

17, when buying clothes, the shop assistant (contemptuously): This dress is very expensive, so don't touch it unless you buy it. Jane Doyle: It seems that you are rich? Don't sell it if you have money!

18, the World Cup is over and I feel extremely depressed. After all, I can't find such a good reason to justify my procrastination in a short time.

19, father: "Did I put the letter I asked you to bring this morning in the mailbox?" Son: "Give a report to?" Oh, by the way, you forgot to write your name, or I added it! "

On the 20th, the emperor, the carrier of Fengtian, said: Bearing in mind Ai Qing's loyalty and hard work, I gave Ai Qing the right to shop for free. How to get it: Take this short message to a nearby shopping mall and choose whatever you need. It would be nice if he gave you everything. If he doesn't pick it up, he will run. Qin this!