I want to find some jokes!

0 1. My dear wife woke me up from my sleep at two o'clock in the middle of the night and kindly asked, "Honey, aren't you thirsty?"

"Not thirsty," I replied firmly and definitely, in a daze, and then fell asleep.

After a while, she kindly came over and shook me: "Honey, do you want some water?"

"Didn't I just answer?" Turn over and go back to sleep.

"You just said you wouldn't be thirsty. Now, I ask you if you want to drink water? "

Oh, my God.

"Can I not drink water?"

"..." coquetry, "people want you to drink water ..."

"Well ..." My mind is full of cowards. "Drink water, drink water ..."

"When you go to drink water, can you pour me one?" Angry ........... can't sleep. ...

02. My wife wants to go shopping, and no one is with her. She said to me, "I will accompany you to buy some clothes today, so that you can dress up as Shuai Shuai and make those who see us jealous of my handsome husband!" " With a happy smile, it is the kind that is sweet enough to be tired of ants. Who was the last person to return home with a full load?

03. After dinner, I washed the dishes, my wife sat on the sofa giggling, I wiped the floor, and my wife was still sitting watching TV.

I said, can you help me?

She said, I really don't want to move.

Me: Why do you always sit on the sofa and watch TV? I have to wipe it and be busy.

She said: You can't compete with me. I have a good husband. Do you know that?/You know what? . (Bowing down with affection)

Me: I have. ...

I giggled and said, give me some pocket money.

She said with a straight face: Give it tomorrow morning! "

I am anxious to say: Why? "

She said with color: sleep well with me tonight, and I will pay you tomorrow morning ~!

05. She said: Buy a car quickly.

I said: Why do you suddenly support me to buy a car?

She said: In this way, you don't have to worry about bringing things when you go to my mother's house, and you can bring more things back when you go to your mother's house.

I said; Don't buy.

06. Man: "Why are you here now? What time is it now? ! "Woman:" We have something at home, my dad ... "

Man: "Stop it! From the day I met you, your family never stopped! I am bored. When your father retired, how could he be more popular than Comrade Arafat? ! "

Woman: "Yes, as for it? Is it a little late? "

Man: "For a while? I have been waiting in the cold wind for more than an hour! "

Woman: "So what? Last time you and your second son went to Sanlitun for a drink, I stood at the door for more than an hour! I am a head of ice, like a crystal lamp ... "

Man: "Are you waiting for me? That's stalking! Three hours, you deserve it! You get angry when you say it. I said, what's your major? You don't have the ability to stare, approach and follow, but you are quite deep; Also an ice crystal, I bah! Aren't they just snot bubbles frozen solids? Don't take care of yourself ... "

Woman: "Don't say such ugly things! What happened to my blank? I don't look good, find me a good one! "

Man: "You think I can't? If I hadn't been soft-hearted, I would have dumped you as a big nose! "

Woman: "Hey, you are still full of energy!" " Don't look at your own virtue! If your parents are really great, how can you save such a half-baked thing! "

Man: "I don't look as good as you." Look how good you are ... like a model, and it's for Mr. Picasso! " I said, why do you look familiar the first time I saw you? I have seen it in Mr. Bi's famous paintings! "

Woman: "That's not as good as you! Da Vinci practiced painting, did he paint you? I wonder how Leonardo da Vinci painted your face so realistically through your mother's belly! "

Man: "What? Did Leonardo da Vinci make you angry by drawing eggs? Jealous, right? Who told you that your breasts are not as big as egg yolk? Seriously, if you hadn't seen Tianer wearing a fake chest in front, I really couldn't tell you right from wrong! "

Woman: "Hello! As thin as a toothpick, it is usually a pile. At that time, it was like dreaming that grandma was sewing clothes. "

Man: "Sewing clothes? Do you have such a long sewing needle at home? "

Woman: "What's the use of being long? This is not to buy fishing line! "

Man: "Hi! I really let you talk! At this critical time, it can fish! This is capital, understand? Think that year there was a Jiang Ziya ... "

Woman: "Jiang Ziya? At best, you are a green bean sprout! "

Man: "Don't worry about any buds, just fish!" Can you do it? "

Woman: "I can't, you can. Why not try it in the water? " Be careful not to invite tortoise and tortoise. When people see your head, they think it's a blind relative of their family! "

Man: "I must try it today!" " "

Woman: "Well ... you let me go! If you don't give up, I'll call someone, you rascal ... "

Male: "You shout. I want to go fishing ... "

Woman: "Don't you think I look like an egg yolk? You go find a big one, you go! "

Man: "I like small ones. Diamonds and jewels are packed in small boxes, and garbage is packed in big baskets ... "

Woman: "You hate … you bully … you are bad …" "