Ask for advice a few jokes

A young daughter-in-law was sitting in the street nursing a child, who was very playful and didn't eat well. At this time, the child's grandfather coaxed his grandson and said, if you don't eat, I will eat.

order ...

When the child grew up, the father put a small bed beside the husband and wife's bed. One night, when my son woke up, a mosquito wandered in a hole in the mosquito net. The child couldn't help saying "Come out, go in, come out, go in". Suddenly, the husband was furious, got up and slapped the child and said, "Shit, I want you to direct?"

Look who is lazy!

One night my friend was lying in bed, too lazy to move. At this time, a mosquito flew over and landed on the mosquito net. He thought if he didn't kill him, he might bite me tonight. But he just doesn't want to move. On second thought, maybe I'm too lazy to move. Who knows? So I fell asleep peacefully. The next day, my head was red and swollen, and my face was covered with bags. He thought, alas, mosquitoes are much more diligent than me.

**...！

One day, father and son went to the city and walked to a yard. The father said to his son, "Son, you can go anywhere in the city, but don't go to the yard." The son asked, "Dad, why?" The father said, "Son, as long as you go to the hospital, you will be * *, your daughter-in-law will be * *, your daughter-in-law will be * *, I will be * *, I will be married to your mother, your mother will be * *, and then the whole village will be * *."

If it was your mother, I would kill you. ...

One day I was taking a bath in the bathhouse. A father and son stripped naked. Father said, be careful when you slip on the ground.

The son said, I see. But my son is fat. He walked carelessly and almost fell down, but at this moment, he grabbed his father's "ass" with one hand.

Father, casually said: Hum, this is with me. If you come with your mother, you will die.

Sing!

Father, son and grandmother went out with the tour group. At noon, my father and son eat at the same table with other individual travelers. The son suddenly said, "Dad, I have to pee!" " "Dad felt very embarrassed and said," If you want to pee in the future, just say,' I want to sing'. "In the evening, when my son and grandma were in the same room, the child said," Grandma, I want to sing. " "What song to sing in the middle of the night, sleep!" Grandma replied. After a while, the child really couldn't hold back and said, "Grandma! I want to sing! " "Well, then you can whisper in my ear." At this time, the child really sang "The River is Pentium" in grandma's ear.

Universal rule ...

Zi: I heard that men in some African countries don't know their wives until they get married. Is it true?/You don't say.

Father: Not only in Africa, but all over the world.

Why not?

There is a mother and son on the bus, and the five-year-old son is clamoring to pee.

Mom: stop arguing, it's almost over, bear with it!

After several stops, my son clamored for a pee again, saying that he couldn't stand it.

Son: No way. Can I pee in the corner?

Mom: How is that possible? How rude? !

While talking, he beat his son. The people in the car can't help feeling sorry for the child. He is young, and he can't stand being anxious for long.

Son: Mom, I really can't stand it. Why don't you open your mouth and let me pee in your mouth?

Mom: How is that possible?

Son: Why can't Dad and I?

Suddenly, the car was silent. . . As soon as the next stop arrived, the woman got off the bus in a hurry with her child in her arms. . . . .

false alarm ...

False alarm ... Mary took the children to the bank to withdraw money, and the children chattered all the way. Mary didn't want to expose the child's rude behavior in public, so after entering the bank, she suddenly shouted to the child, "Face the wall and don't talk!" " "Suddenly, all the people in the bank are facing the wall and dare not make any noise.

grand funeral ...

A grand funeral is being held in memory of a man who has just died of illness. Before burying the dead, the priest told the story of this man in his sad tone: "... here lies such a man, who is an honest and trustworthy lawyer, a considerate husband and a good father with a sense of family responsibility ..."

At this time, the widow lowered her head and whispered to the child, "Go and see if that's your father lying in that coffin!" " "

& lt/b & gt； A grand funeral is being held in memory of a man who has just died of illness. Before burying the dead, the priest told the story of this man in his sad tone: "... here lies such a man, who is an honest and trustworthy lawyer, a considerate husband and a good father with a sense of family responsibility ..."

At this time, the widow lowered her head and whispered to the child, "Go and see if that's your father lying in that coffin!" " "

Get a bumper harvest ...

A woman filled in the household registration book, filled in "10" in the column of "number of children" and filled in "children's surname"

Only the word "Harvest" was filled in the column "Name". After reading it, the household registration clerk asked the woman to let all the children go.

Fill in the name.

Woman: Ten children are called "Harvest".

Registrar: Then what do you call them?

W: Their surnames are all different. Clean ... Father: "Why are you crying?"

Son: "When I was cleaning the birdcage, your beloved canary disappeared."

Father: "What did you use to wipe it?"

Son: "vacuum cleaner."

Show off one's skills or abilities ....

One night, a couple went to bed with their two children, the older of whom was 5 years old. The youngest is 3 years old. The couple began to do things before the children went to bed. The little one said, why did someone shake my bed? The couple stopped and soon they started again. The little one got angry and scolded, "Shit, which one shook my bed?" Dad slapped me, and the little one was silent. The older one proudly said to the younger one, "What bad luck!" I know I didn't say anything. "

Repairman ...

Dad found something wrong with the fan after work and said to his son, "Feifei, you broke the fan!" " "The son said," not bad. After I modified it, the function was increased. It just shook its head, but now it will nod! " "

Our children ...

I married a widow. She has six children, and I have five children myself. We got married and had three children. One day, my wife rushed over to me and said, "Go to the yard quickly!" " It's terrible. "

"What's the matter?" I said.

"alas!" She said, "Your children and my children are beating our children."

sir ...

One day, my son came home and said, Dad, I got 60 points today.

Dad: If you fail in the exam next time, don't call me dad.

The next day, son: Sorry, sir.