Quotations from classic funny philosophy

1, I'm not heartless or steady! I'm not damaged, I'm not scaleless! I'm not innocent, I'm slow!

2. Better fight with wise men than talk to SB!

3, if you have a cold and don't take medicine, it will take 7 days to get better; If you go to the hospital to see a doctor and take medicine, it will be fine in a week.

4. Over time, it may lead to an outbreak; And if it breaks out for a long time, it may lead to collapse.

Don't worry about my girlfriend following me. As long as she lays eggs all her life, we will break them immediately and never let the principal and parents know!

6. Even if you look like shit, why do you have to be shit?

7. What is happiness? Happiness is that cats eat fish and dogs eat meat, and Altman hits small monsters!

8. Stupid man+stupid woman = marriage; Stupid man+smart woman = divorce; Smart man+stupid woman = extramarital affairs; Smart man+smart woman = romantic love; we?

9. Loneliness is a person's carnival, and carnival is the loneliness of a group of people.

10, it is better for a man to have a daughter, because he can hold his wife in one hand and someone else's wife in the other.

1 1, a big woman can't live without electricity for a day, and a little woman can't live without money for a day!

12, when two people meet, what follows is either a story or an accident.

13, only to find that the wrong way and the right way are only a few steps away.

14, rich people are uncles! But there are even more people who owe money and don't pay it back!

15, born, easy. Live, relax. Life is not easy.

16, if you see a shadow in front, don't be afraid, it's because there is sunshine behind!

17, I don't do what I regret, I only do what you regret.

18, even if you want to cry again, smile and say, damn it!

19, when I was a child, I often made faces in the mirror; In old age, mirrors are flat.

20. I feel unhappy because I am not pursuing "happiness" but "being happier than others".

2 1, the hunter found a pig, raised his shotgun and killed the pig. The hunter approached the pig, but the pig stood up. Do you know why? Can't guess? The pig is also wondering.

22. Once upon a time, there was a cucumber. I felt that there were too many acne on my face, so I sliced it myself and applied it to my face.

23, the girl's heart is impeccable; Innocent heart, beauty lies in innocence; The heart of the strong is fearless; The beauty of people with lofty ideals lies in selflessness.

24. Korean scholars believe that the Monkey King is actually a Korean fairy, because he used a stick!

25. arguing with mm about whether whales are fish, I finally said that I also brought personal words, and she agreed that whales are not fish.

26, I know that there is no such thing as a banquet that must come to an end, but at least, I want to eat well at the banquet!

27. Buddha said: Looking back 500 times in previous lives, you can get a pass in this life. I would rather pass the world by 500 times in my life.

28. Confucius said: Sleepless at noon, collapse at noon. Mencius said: Confucius is right!

29. I used a little skill to double my chances of winning the lottery! Just buy two lottery tickets!

30. There are so many people who despise me. Who are you?

3 1, a girl went to the pasture as a trainee to milk, and everyone else squeezed a bucket. She only squeezed a little and was in a hurry. Suddenly the old cow said, Miss, you are in the wrong place!

32. You don't believe I slapped you on the wall and couldn't get it off!

33. I not only have a car, but also my own!

34. I'm not afraid to drink dichlorvos, but I'm afraid there will be a surprise when I open the lid: another bottle!

35. I won't say anything until I'm killed. You haven't made a beauty plan!

36. The earth is moving, and a person will not be in an unlucky position forever.

37, no money, no power, no longer good to you, can you follow me?

38. When people make mistakes, they think too much when they should use their true feelings (next88), and they are too emotional when they should use their brains.

39, people can not be too square, nor too round, one will hurt people, and the other will keep people away from you, so people should be oval!

40. I have seen the ugly, but I have never seen such an ugly one. It's ugly at first glance, but it's even uglier when you look closely!

4 1, I remember one day shortly after graduation, my girlfriend sent me a short message: "Let's break up!" Before I could feel sad, my girlfriend sent another message: "Sorry, I sent it wrong." Now you can be completely sad.

42. It's all water. Why do you need wine? You're a pervert. Why are you pretending to be a sheep?

43. People who don't want to be slaves are willing to be slaves of RMB.

44. We should also pay attention to technology and find the right person in the right place at the right time. For example, I am online at the moment.

45. The world belongs to us and our children, but ultimately to our children and grandchildren!

Live well, because we will die for a long time!

Please go to the nearest telephone pole and shout "I'm cured" to the wild advertisement above.

48. Don't cry at my grave, it defiles my path of reincarnation.

49. To me, you are a light bulb in the dark, bread in hunger, cotton-padded jacket in winter and ice cream in summer. You are the only wealth in my life.

Darwin said that there are two kinds of evolution. From animals to people, it is a natural evolution. It is the evolution of society that people change into beasts.

5 1, the wife goes out to follow, the wife orders to obey, and the wife is wrong and blindly follows; Wife waits for makeup, remembers birthdays, endures beatings and scolding, and is willing to spend money.

52. The reason why anonymous college students don't become nuns is that she hasn't passed Band 4 and buddhist nun won't accept them.

If one day I become a hooligan, please tell others that I am innocent.

54. Decades later, we met again and were sent to the crematorium, where they were all burned to ashes. You will have a pile, and I will have a pile, and no one knows anyone. They will all be sent to the countryside to make fertilizer.

55. clap your head to make a decision, and clap your chest to ensure that you leave.

56. Besides teeth, there is love in the world.

57. Don't thank me. Thank you and dare to charge you money!

58. Money is not everything. Sometimes you need a credit card.

59. Once in a while, you will feel that it is great to live in silence, but it is miserable to live in silence.

60. Mixed society is a physical activity, and it pays attention to four lessons: flash and movement.

6 1, don't think that wearing dirty clothes can become a tainted witness; Don't think that wearing wooden slippers is the witness of "clogs".

62. It is gold, which will always be spent; This is a mirror. It always reflects light.

63. The cause belongs to the country, the honor belongs to the unit, the achievement belongs to the leader, the salary belongs to the wife, the property belongs to the children, and the mistakes are your own.

64, relying on the fence alone, the mountains and rivers are infinite, and it is easier to see when it is difficult!

65. Give it to me and don't worry. There is nothing wrong!

66. We have some differences: she wants me to turn dung into gold, and I want her to treat gold as dung.

67. The so-called surprise is that the rabbit you are waiting for comes, followed by the wolf!

68, people are not embarrassed, standing instability! People are not damaged, not standard! People are not bad, they die quickly.

69. Grandpa Mao said that love is not a treat. Who is our lover and who is our rival in love? This is the first problem in love.

70. Women like two kinds of flowers all their lives: one is to spend money, and the other is to spend as much as possible!

7 1. When I was a child, I thought I could save the world when I grew up. When I grow up, I find that the whole world can't save me.

72. If there is an afterlife, be a tree and stand forever, without the gesture of sadness and joy. Half is peaceful in the dust, half is flying in the wind, half is cool, and half is bathed in the sun. Very silent and proud, never relying on and never looking for!

73, loneliness is not a feeling, an old man is not lonely, miss an old man lonely!

74. Marx said that beauty is the proletariat, which digs the graves of the old bourgeoisie.

Anyway, my life is always different from their calculations. I don't know whether they are wrong or I am wrong.

76. A man's lies can lie to you all night, and a son's lies can lie to a man to the end!

77. Pilars said that the stream of human civilization will eventually merge into the ocean of cosmic civilization.

78. Being single is shameful, being in love is intoxicating, and getting married is too expensive. I divorced because I didn't want to waste it, and remarried because of no way back. There is nothing wrong with love. Love should be simple. Don't give up the whole spring date because of a rose.

79. Give me a fulcrum and I'll put my neighbor's car in the ditch so that he won't honk when he sees me.

80. If happiness is a cloud and pain is like a star. Then my life is really cloudless and full of stars in Wan Li.

8 1, you can live like a pig, but you can never be as happy as a pig!

82. The most desired sentence of a man: "I want it"; What men fear most is: "I want more!" " "

83. Look back once in a while, otherwise you will always be looking for it and never know what you have lost.

84. In a harmonious campus, cyclists may be doctors, and Mercedes-Benz drivers may be logistics personnel.

85. Roses are yours, chocolates are yours and diamonds are yours. You, mine!

86. What makes us unhappy are trivial things. We can avoid an elephant, but we can't avoid a fly.

87. Those who are not afraid of debt collection are heroes, and those who are afraid of debt are really poor!

88. Two beggars went out to beg for food. On the way, they saw a pile of sour and smelly glutinous rice. A was overjoyed and ate it. B sat tight and did not compete with it. After a few minutes, A suddenly felt unwell and vomited! B was overjoyed. This is what I've been waiting for.

89. Camus said that sometimes we are not looking for a reason to live, but looking for a new reason!

90. Khrushchev said that in the final analysis, personality worship is corpse worship.

9 1, unmarried women lamented: Why do good men become husbands? She was reminded that a wife cultivates a good husband by self-production and self-sale, and no man can learn by himself.

92. Hegel said that the highest organ and the lowest organ are unified.

Tomb-Sweeping Day, buy flowers to pay homage to the lost love.