Who can recommend me some jokes, classic and few?

I was born twice.

The first time, a doctor pulled me out of the womb and suddenly fainted. A nurse fumbled with her eyes closed and stuffed me back. ...

After the second birth, everyone in the hospital hid in the morgue and cried. The dean slapped himself and blamed himself for being as blind as a bat. He shouldn't be greedy for money and take over my business.

Motherly love is great. She didn't abandon me and raised me. She just put a mask on my face to relieve my psychological pressure. The mask accompanied me to 10 years old.

1 1 years old, when I was in the third grade, the whole class desperately wanted to see what I looked like behind the mask. A classmate nicknamed Li Dadan took off my mask. Since then, Li Dadan has suffered from a strange disease, unable to speak, glassy-eyed, doing nothing all day, and afraid to close his eyes. When he closed his eyes, he cried. ...

The headmaster reported to the education bureau, and the education bureau sent someone. Because all the students in the school have transferred, the principal can only eat half a bowl of porridge every morning, and the teacher's salary has not been settled for two months. ...

When the people from the Education Bureau saw me, they immediately resigned!

I was walking in the street, and people on the side of the road were vomiting. A group of toads rushed up to me from behind, dressed me in red flowers, handed out trophies and gave me a certificate, which read: toad's savior.

Next door, Pockmarked Liu's wife wants to divorce him, saying that his pockmarked face is disgusting! It happened that I went to their window. As soon as Pockmarked Liu's wife saw me, she stopped talking, took out the money and went to the insurance company to insure Pockmarked Liu. A pockmarked Liu 10 thousand yuan ...

I wanted to have a facelift, but I didn't succeed. All the plastic surgeons cried when they saw me. Nearly half of them went to a mental hospital with the same symptoms. They didn't say anything but one sentence: ugly ... the ugliest. ...

A writer came to me with tears and said, "When I was so old, my biggest dream was to get a Nobel Prize in Literature, but now the master is too powerful ... I have a unique skill. As long as I can write a book in front of you, I will definitely win the prize. "

I didn't believe it, so he stayed with me for a week and wrote a 5 million-word novel, Seven Days in Hell. As a result, Nobel Prize in Literature was also taken away by him. ...

The Football Association specially recruited me to join the team, hoping to really rush out of Asia. In the World Cup, China didn't concede a goal. Every game was 1 1: 0, and each player scored a goal, because the opposing players, including the goalkeeper, fainted when they saw me.

Of course, our players have gone through the devil training step by step. First, look at my photos, then look at my photos of eating, and then play football. ...

The media commented that I was the incarnation of the devil.

From the beginning of the lying contest, I stepped onto the stage, won the championship in just three words, and kept the title forever. I said, "I'm not ugly!" "

I cried at night and whispered to the moon, "Do I look good?" A white object landed gently on the moon. I picked it up and saw that it was a small white rabbit trampled to death by Jiuyin's white bone claw. ...

I left this world and came to this ancient castle. I asked the mirror, "Who is the ugliest in the world?" The mirror burst with tears. ...

God forbid, why did you give birth to me?

I held a grudge and died of depression. Who knows, that terrible man forgave me and sent me back to earth. ...

So I wandered around the world, having nothing to do, just playing online. I wanted to chat, so I applied for QQ number. Who knows the system prompt: because you are disgusting, our company will not provide you with the number even if you die!