What are the benefits of being polite?

I remember going to the opposite side of Shenzhen Middle School to ask for directions. The road was very dark at that time. As I was walking up the stairs with my head down, I suddenly met an old man. I couldn't help but blurt out and asked: "Hey, how do I get to the eighth building?"

The old man didn't even look back. Answer: "Go straight."

At this time, I turned around, looked at the old man who was slowly walking down the stairs and said, "Thank you, master."

The old man After hearing my thanks, he turned around and added to me: "Go straight to the third building and turn right."

It turns out that this old man was bargaining with me! If I don't thank you He; he probably just kept me going. I thanked him, and he taught me to "turn right."

Indeed, this is often the case when asking for directions. If someone asks me, they will also use "Hey, how does this road go?" I think I will either not tell him, or I will point to a random road. I am a human being, not a thing, and I am not something to be "fed" by others.

Being polite when asking for directions is just a trivial matter, but it can be seen from the inside out. Politeness is the expression of modesty and respect in speech and action. So treating others politely is also a sign of respect for others.

(1) Being polite is a sign of your good upbringing

In fact, a charming person does not rely on the academic qualifications behind him as a support, but on his flat elbows The accumulated accomplishments. And how well-educated a person is is often determined by how much etiquette he knows. Members of the British royal family have been required to receive court etiquette training since they were young, and famous families in my country have also been emphasized to be well-educated. Now etiquette training has become popular in Shenzhen, precisely because politeness directly reflects a person's education level.

A student told me such a story.

“I went to a certain company to apply for a job. During the interview, there were many people waiting outside. Whoever was called went to the manager’s office and opened the door. When I was called, I knocked on the door and asked: 'Can I come in?' The manager said yes, and I went in.

"A few days later, I was hired by the company. After a while, I got to know the manager well, so I asked him what qualities he considered in me when he hired me. The manager replied: 'To be honest, you are not better than others in any way. What I like about you is that you knocked on the door when you entered the room. Knocking on the door shows that you are polite, and being polite means that you are educated. An educated person will not only make a big difference in the company, but at least he will not create trouble for the company. '"

Cultivation is a person's inner quality, but this inner quality is expressed through people's external courtesy.

Two people were chatting together, and one said: " Hey, who is that ugly guy?"

Another replied: "That's my brother. "

This person was surprised and said: "Oh, I didn't notice that you two look so similar!"

This sentence is full of flaws. Originally, "Who is the ugly guy?" " is already rude. If someone else replies, "It's his brother," he should apologize quickly, but he instead says, "They look so alike." Doesn't that mean the other person is also ugly? This statement shows that the speaker is No cultivation.

One day I walked to the street and saw a father and son arguing. The father was yelling and scolding fiercely, but the son shouted without showing any signs of weakness: "I won't break your legs unless I see that you are my father."

Like father. Has a son. A person's courtesy reflects his family upbringing.

When everyone came to Shenzhen, the dialects used to curse people from all over the world were useless, and others could not understand them, so everyone shouted "fuck" in Mandarin. In order to show roughness and affection to each other, we young people often say "fuck" before and "fuck" after. In particular, some intellectuals, in order not to make others think that they are nerdy, deliberately add a few words of "fuck" in their speech. "Fuck" has become a national curse in Shenzhen. But some people get used to scolding and can't stop talking.

One time a colleague of mine was talking to his uncle, and I was recording it. In the two-minute conversation, he said fourteen "fuck"s.

After I came back, I asked him: "Who were you talking to just now?"

"My uncle.

"

"When you talk to your uncle, do you say 'fuck' before and after 'fuck'?"

He was embarrassed.

Fortunately, he was talking to his uncle. If he were talking to other elders, others would not say that he was reckless or informal, but would only say that he was uneducated.

Little things can really expose a person's true nature. Your appearance. Your daily words and deeds all reflect your own self-cultivation.

When I teach in the secretarial class, because the computer room is inside, there are students coming in and out every time. There are all kinds of students, and you can roughly see their level of cultivation in certain aspects through their different ways of entering and exiting. Some ladies, when they see someone in class, try to walk as slowly as possible in order to reduce the impact, but some ladies are afraid of others. I didn’t know that she had high heels, which made a loud clicking sound when she walked out of the classroom. Some girls were careful and tried not to make any noise, but some girls slammed the door and didn’t care about other people’s presence. To put it mildly, the latter type of girls. , it means not being good at thinking about others, to put it harshly; it means being uneducated.

People’s level of education cannot be faked. If you have inner cultivation, your behavior and behavior will naturally be polite: inner cultivation. If it is not enough, your behavior and behavior will not be well-educated.

(2) Being polite can increase your charm.

The "Prince Charming" in the eyes of modern ladies is often the "Prince Charming". "Gentle and handsome". The "Snow White" that modern gentlemen prefer always has "gentle style". What is "gentle style"? It refers to good cultivation, gentleness and politeness. Show that you are well-educated and have a graceful manner (being polite is a kind of chicness).

Britain emphasizes gentlemanly manners? Naturally, you should treat others with courtesy. When entering the door, you should open the door for the lady first. When eating with the lady, you should put the stool for the lady first. This shows your demeanor as a gentleman. But some people are different. When entering, especially the spring door. , thinking that he would hold you back and move forward with your head held high, but as soon as he let go, the door clicked and knocked you out.

Have you ever felt this way? Some young ladies look like this. Their appearance, appearance, and gestures all leave a good impression on others, but as long as you accidentally see them swearing like a shrew, these good impressions will be gone in an instant.

The same goes for Mr. . Someone once said to me: "Sir, you must have some 'smell of oil and sweat'!" Indeed, a man must be masculine, but roughness is not rude, nor is it careless; it is just a kind of mental madness. , be bold in behavior. A man should be strong and soft, rough and polite, so that you will be loved by others.

The temperament you reveal on the outside is exactly your inner thought, quality and cultivation. A reflection, and being polite can make you look good.

(3) Shaking hands shows respect for others

Politeness is also reflected in the way you shake hands with others. Although a handshake is a small thing, small things can sometimes spoil big things. In my life experience, there are two handshakes that I will never forget.

The first time is naturally my first handshake as an adult. When I was in college, my father's old comrades in arms came to visit me and he extended his hand as soon as they met. I had never been formally shaken by someone as an adult in my whole life. I was a little flattered. In a hurry, I extended my hand by the wrong person. When the other person accommodated me, When I switched to my left hand, I stretched out my right hand. After several changes, I finally held the hand that made me feel like an adult for the first time. If the first handshake left a mark on my maturity, then the second unforgettable handshake made me understand the importance of respecting others.

Once, Hui and a group of friends were honored to be summoned by the general manager of a large company. When I walked forward quickly with admiration and extended my hand enthusiastically, he just took out his hand casually and rubbed a few fingers on my hand. I suddenly felt extremely humiliated. I was serious about what I was doing, but he was perfunctory about it. I really wanted to find a handkerchief, wipe my hands vigorously, and then throw them away gracefully.

Although I didn't do this, it made me tremble in my heart - shaking hands is also a way to show respect for others.

A handshake can sometimes tell others much more than you might imagine from this approach. A weak handshake reflects your lack of self-confidence, a loose handshake shows your indifference to others, and an arrogant and coercive handshake shows that you are putting on airs. A firm handshake with just a hint of strength in it - not a deliberate squeeze - says, "I'm full of energy, I've got these things." This style of handshake represents confidence, represents Treat people warmly and appropriately.

Especially for young ladies, you either don’t shake hands with others. When shaking hands with others, no matter whether it is out of shyness or not, please abandon the touch-and-go approach and use a gentle and generous way to fully express your enthusiasm. Method - A firm handshake with a touch of strength. This is how you treat others politely.

(4) Excessive politeness will drive people away

Although there are many benefits of being polite, we must also view it dialectically.

A student once asked me a question: How to break up with his girlfriend without hurting her heart too much? One student joked that he told her that he had cancer and would not live long. Naturally, this method cannot deceive people. There are naturally many ways to solve this problem, but I think "being polite" is a very effective one.

For example, when he suddenly behaves very politely to his girlfriend, she helps him, he says "thank you", and when they break up, he says "goodbye". This kind of excessive politeness actually turns people away thousands of miles away.

The young lady often uses this method when she refuses to chase her husband. She always treats him politely and politely. This can actually curb her husband's love. If this gentleman knows what he is interested in, he will naturally not think too much.

This is also true in interpersonal communication. If you go to an old friend for help and he suddenly becomes overly polite to you, offers you tea, offers you a seat, and offers you a seat, then he has turned his back on you and is essentially rejecting you. When interacting with real friends, everyone is informal and casual. Excessive rigidity in etiquette is a sign of estrangement from each other.

Why do some people become like old friends after they have known each other for a short time? Why do some people never achieve harmony when interacting with others? The former type of people are masters of interpersonal relationships, and they are good at quickly dismissing etiquette. , showing that everyone is like old acquaintances. If performed appropriately, this atmosphere will naturally infect the other person, thus quickly melting away each other's strangeness.

I once went swimming in Xiaomeisha and accidentally dropped my glasses into the sea. It happened that a group of acquaintances came over the next day, and we all went to Dongmen Food Street to eat game. At that time, I vaguely saw a man walking towards me with a smile and extending his hand to me warmly. I thought they were acquaintances, so don’t be lazy, so I quickly stretched out my hand, and after holding it, I looked at the other person and realized that I didn’t know him, so I asked: “Who are you? I don’t know you. !"

The other party responded enthusiastically: "I am the owner of Qiushi restaurant, welcome to my store."

I smiled and said: "You guys, we are. The first time we met, it felt like you had known me decades ago. The next time we meet, I think we must be related by blood."

Although this boss's approach is excessive, it is. The effect was obvious, so we went to the Qiushi restaurant. The feeling of strangeness and restraint in interacting with others is like an iceberg, while the way of quickly giving up etiquette and acting casual and natural in interaction is like the sunshine shining on the iceberg.

How to maintain a good relationship with leaders? This is a question that everyone is concerned about.

I was transferred to Shenzhen because of the help of our principal, so I am grateful to him. Every time he spoke to me, I listened respectfully. In front of him, I never dared to say anything or act carelessly. I acted in an orderly manner and was cautious in doing things. Once when I was going up the stairs, I clearly saw that he wanted to go downstairs, but when he saw me, he immediately retracted as if he had remembered something.

For this, I am very sad. I am grateful to him in every possible way. Why is he afraid of seeing me and hiding from me?

In fact, it is human nature to want to live a relaxed and comfortable life. If you don’t want to always carry a false mask, life itself is hard and strenuous enough. People naturally want to get along with those who make them feel free and natural. And I was too restrained in front of the principal, which caused him to always feel tired when interacting with me, and he couldn't enjoy the fun of interacting with me. This is the disadvantage of being overly polite.

For this reason, I decided to change the way I interact with the principal. I tried to be as casual and natural as possible in front of him. On the premise of respecting him, I also made some harmless jokes with him from time to time. One time I went on a trip to the Folk Culture Village. No one wanted to go with the leaders. They felt it was too restrictive to be with them, but I deliberately walked up to the principal and said jokingly: "I didn't expect that the principal would also be very lonely sometimes. Others are afraid of being with you, so let me accompany you." As a result, this change in the way I live has made my relationship with the principal more harmonious.

Remember that the leader is also a human being. Like you, he also longs for some good friends and associates with people who make him feel less restricted. Have you ever observed that all the leaders’ really good friends are those who get along easily with the leaders and can joke appropriately? So you must not be intimidated by the leader's external mask. He needs you to tell him jokes, treat him as a friend, and make his life relaxed and happy. This is how to deal with leaders. Of course, you can't just pat the leader on the shoulder and say, "How are you doing?" Because of the leader's status, joking must be done without damaging his dignity.

Since politeness is a dialectical issue, how do we grasp the appropriateness? I think that leaders, elders, and members of the opposite sex should pay more attention to politeness, while young people of the same gender should be good at discarding politeness. Of course, the most important thing is based on the environment and atmosphere at the time. If the atmosphere at the time requires you to show good manners and respect the other person, then you should be polite. If the other person is very interested at the time and needs you to join in the fun, you may as well give up the rigid etiquette. In short, the smart method should be to make the other party feel that you are educated and polite without hindering the harmony of your relationship.