Ask a joke, don't be too old.

1. There is a polar bear playing with a penguin. Penguins pull out his hair one by one. After pulling it out, he said to the polar bear, "It's so cold!" When the polar bear heard this, he pulled off his hair one by one and turned to the penguin and said, "It's really cold!

Xiaoming lost a leg in a car accident.

Xiaoming lost another leg in a car accident.

Xiaoming lost his other leg in another car accident.

Xiaoming lost another leg in a car accident.

In fact, Xiaoming is a dog.

One day, the cabbage was walking on the road and felt very hot, so it was taken off one by one and disappeared.

4. A steamed stuffed bun walked on the road and felt very hungry, so he ate himself.

Xiaoming and Xiaohong are deskmates. One day, Xiaoming borrowed a pen from Xiaohong.

Xiaohong said "don't borrow"

"Lend it to me and you're dead!"

Then Xiaohong said, "Oh, I'll lend it to you."

When Xiaoming returned the pen to Xiaohong, Xiaohong really died.

6. Once upon a time, there was a lamb. One day, he went out to play and met a wolf. The wolf said, "I will eat you!" " ! ! "

Guess what?

As a result, the wolf ate the lamb.

7. Xiaohua, did you use my pencil?

Xiaohua: No, I'm useless.

Bug: Are you really useless?

Xiaohua: I'm so useless!

Bug: Alas, you are the17th person to admit that you are useless.

8. When will Taiwan Province Province be reunified?

When buying instant noodles

9. One day, Xiao Qiang asked his father, "Dad, am I a stupid child?" Dad said, "Silly boy, how can you be a silly boy?"

10. A medium-rare steak and a medium-rare steak met in the street. Why don't they say hello? (assuming they can talk)

Because ... they don't know each other very well ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

1 1. Devil: God, can I be born again?

God: Yes.

Demon: I don't want to be a demon anymore. I want to be as white as an angel and have wings, but I still want to suck blood.

God: Well, you can be reborn as a nurse.

12 One day, a man met God.

God suddenly kindly gave the man a wish.

God asked: Do you have any wishes?

The man thought for a moment and said, I heard that cats have nine lives, so please give me nine lives!

God said: Your wish has come true!

One day, the man was idle and bored.

If you want to say death, forget it. There are nine lives anyway.

Lying on the tracks,

As a result, a train passed by,

That man is still dead.

Why is this?

Because that train has 10 cars.

13, Xiaoming owed 200,000 yuan to the underground bank, and Xiaoming begged him to give up for a few more days.

The banker said, "Be sure to return it tomorrow, otherwise ... chop off two fingers;

The day after tomorrow ... chop 4; The third day ... "

Xiao Ming: "There is no need to return it, right?"

Banker: "no, then you will become a tinker bell." 」

14, one person has a bad stomach. One day, he went to the Stomach Hospital and said to the doctor, "I pull everything, eat watermelon, eat cucumber and pull cucumber!" " The doctor thought about it and said to him, "I think you have to eat shit!" " "

15. Three small animals are chatting in the forest. Pig said: nicknames are popular now, so you can call me pig in the future. Rabbit said: well, I'll call it rabbit. The chicken looks unhappy and says, I have work to do. I have to go first.

16, I went to the hospital alone. The doctor said you should have a blood test, a urine test and a stool test.

After a while, he came back and told the doctor that I had swallowed blood and urine, but I really couldn't swallow stool.

There are three people in the family, named robber, kitchen knife and trouble.

One day, the trouble disappeared. The robber came to the public security bureau with a kitchen knife and said to the police, "hello, I'm a robber." I am looking for trouble with a kitchen knife. "

Hee hee and haha are good friends, very good friends.

One day, haha died. Hee hee is very sad. He went to Haha's grave and said, "Haha, you are dead."

On Monday, I got on the bus with nothing but 1 yuan. Sitting from the starting point to the finish line, I feel very calm all the way. But when I got off at the terminal, I found a note in my pants: "An adult goes out without anything, and it's no shame to lose it." - "

On Tuesday, I took a broken wallet with 1 cent in it. When I arrived at the terminal, I found that the money was still there, and a note was stuffed in my wallet: "We are not beggars, please don't insult our profession. - "

On Wednesday, I still broke my wallet, which contained counterfeit money of 100. When I arrived at the terminal, I found that the money was still there, and a note was stuffed in my wallet: "It is illegal to keep a large face value and forge a copy. Please consciously hand it over to the relevant departments. - "

On Thursday, I took an envelope containing a stack of overdue straits talent newspapers. When I arrived at the terminal, I found the envelope was still there. I took out the newspaper and read it. The newspaper was replaced by the latest straits talent newspaper. 1 Remarks: "Now is the consulting era. Only by updating information in time can we seize the opportunity and win success! - "

On Friday, I put a toy mobile phone in my pocket. After arriving at the terminal, the mobile phone was still there, and there was an extra note: "Please don't make such jokes, which will affect the normal work of our company. - "

On Saturday, I took a toy pistol and stuck it in my waist. When I arrived at the terminal, I found that the gun was gone, and a note was stuffed in my waistband: "What you robbers hate most is that you have no technical content at all! Confiscate the tools of crime! - "

On Sunday, I was about to get on the bus, and there were too many people to squeeze in. When waiting for the next bus, I felt in my pocket and found that there was an extra 20 yuan, and there was a note: "Brother, our business is not easy this day. This is 20 yuan. You can take a taxi to where you want to go, please don't mess with us. "

Three mice are bragging. One said, "I eat rat poison as candy, and I feel uncomfortable if I don't eat it for a day." Another said, "I like to walk in the street twice a day, otherwise I won't sleep well." The third mouse said, "It's getting late. Go home and hug the cat to sleep."

The husband and wife divorced for their children, and the wife confidently said, "The child comes out of my stomach, of course it is mine!" " The husband said, "Joke! This is complete nonsense. Can the money withdrawn from the ATM go to the ATM? No one inserted the card! ?

A mother said to the little girl, "If someone molests you, touch the top and say" No ",and touch the bottom and say" Stop "! 」

The next day, the little girl was sexually harassed and came back crying for her mother. After the little girl listened, her mother said angrily, "Did you refuse that man?" 」

The little girl looked at her mother with innocent eyes, nodded and said, "That man touched me up and down, and I said," Don't stop! ! 」

Ge Liang is proficient in eight special skills, one of which is ventriloquism. On this day, Zhuge Liang was discussing with Liu Bei in his account, and Zhuge Liang suddenly wanted to fart.

I am afraid of being heard by Liu Bei. Sorry, he had an idea and said, "Master, I'll call you like a woodpecker. How about adjusting the atmosphere?" Liu Bei nodded.

Zhuge Liang barked twice in imitation of a woodpecker and took the opportunity to fart. Then he asked, "What's the matter, master? Do I learn like it? " Liu Bei said, "Learn it again, Gang."

You farted too loudly, I didn't hear you. "

A primary school student participated in the school recitation competition for the first time and was particularly nervous. The teacher encouraged him for a long time, but his palms were still sweating. It's finally her turn.

Pupils gritted their teeth and walked a few steps to the center of the stage: "Teachers and classmates, the topic I recited is: Red leaves are crazy (maple leaves) ..." ~ ~ # RMB * * ......

As a primary school student, I am particularly envious when I see my classmates who are assigned to read the composition by the teacher. I always hoped that the teacher would let me read it. The opportunity has finally come.