2020-10-09 Mom with a bad temper, please read this article carefully.

What terrible things will happen if a mother cannot control her emotions?

A 9-year-old boy was tied up and beaten by his mother all night because he lost his mobile phone. He could not open his eyes again the next day. We can't imagine such a small thing as just losing a mobile phone.

Another mother, after a divorce, had a dispute with her ex-husband over the custody of their two children, and actually threw her 4-year-old son out of the fourth floor!

Do you still remember the mother who jumped off a building with her daughter? Because her husband cheated on her, her mother lost control and wanted to take her daughter to get it over with. But the daughter grabbed her mother and said, "Mom, I will dance by myself."

A mother who cannot control her emotions will also educate a child who cannot control her emotions.

Because I am a member of the family committee, I often receive private messages from parents asking: When I get emotional, I can’t help yelling at my children. What should I do if I regret it afterwards?

Why is it more difficult for mothers to control their emotions in the family?

From a psychological perspective: Mothers always lose their temper with their children. The indirect reason is that other members of the family fail to give you more help in life. Many of the family members are abandoners. , no one pays attention to the child's growth and education; or the relationship between father and mother is not good and they often quarrel, etc., which causes excessive pressure on the mother.

But in this case, the consequences should not be borne by your children. After all, children are innocent angels.

Harming people, especially children, with words and actions is the stupidest form of venting.

A mother who can control bad emotions is more powerful than a hundred teachers.

The deeper the water, the slower the flow; the slower the speech, the more valuable the person. It takes us two or three years to teach a child to talk, but it may take ten years to learn to shut up.

To control emotions, start by speaking well:

Speaking is a kind of ability; not speaking is a kind of wisdom. Why did God give us one mouth, two eyes and two ears? He just wants us to spend more time listening and seeing more, instead of just criticizing and speaking, speaking, speaking with our mouths,,,,,, non-stop. The nagging!

Why won’t your child listen to you even if you yell at your voice? First throw away your perfect expectations for your children.

There is such a true thing: a few years ago, my friend’s child kept getting into trouble at school. In order to teach him, the teacher often punished him and always called his parents to school, so he did this Mom was also very annoyed.

When the child returned home, the mother was worried that the child was unwilling to make progress and would not repent. In addition, she felt that it was embarrassing to be called to school by the teacher all the time, so she joined the teacher's camp and treated the child wildly. Bombing.

But often such a result will only make the child more rebellious and less confident. Instead, the child feels that no one can believe him no matter what he does or says.

Finally, my mother sent me a private message to ask for help and seek a solution. I gave her some advice: Because I think this child’s test scores are average and her scores are relatively stable, let her not worry about her scores. As for conduct, let her consult with the teacher first to find out what is the percentage of this child's performance in school? Are you making trouble every minute of every class? So the mother asked the teacher: "What percentage of my children usually make trouble at school?" The teacher said: "About 10." Only then did the mother realize the problem. Not all children were making trouble. Most of the time, he is a good child; and after sitting down and communicating with the child calmly, the child thinks that the trick-or-treating part is also a science share he saw before he wanted to try (taking a magnifying glass and focusing it really set a piece of paper on fire), but But the mother never heard his explanation. Every time she was told by the teacher that the child was being naughty again, she would start scolding the child indiscriminately. And this mother mistakenly turned 10's occasional naughty behavior into 100's bad behavior. .

Parents tend to magnify their children's shortcomings, and the more they pay attention to them, the more their children's bad side will expand.

Until the good side completely disappears. You get what you see.

This is why I can’t always control myself from yelling at my children.

Because you have infinitely expanded the negative emotions about the child and magnified the child's shortcomings without limit.

I once saw this sentence in the book "Positive Discipline": Parents should work hard to improve their children without expecting perfection. Because in the process of pursuing perfection, parents will bring continuous frustration to their children, which will only make their children more and more rebellious.

When we accept children’s imperfections, discover their strengths, and let each other understand and recognize them more, children will not make their parents so angry. In fact, every child is an angel. We must sit down calmly and communicate with our children more.

Then let’s share how to talk to children?

Speak slowly when something is urgent.

When something urgent happens, if you can calm down and think things through, then explain the matter clearly without haste or haste. It will leave a stable and non-impulsive impression on your children, thereby increasing their trust in you.

Speak humorously about small things

Especially some well-intentioned reminders, if they are told in a joke, the children will not feel stiff. Not only will they readily accept your reminders, It also enhances mutual intimacy.

Speak cautiously when you are not sure.

It is not a shameful thing to admit your shortcomings in front of your children. On the contrary, it will bring you closer to your children.

If you show off and say yes to your children, it will affect your children's ability to do things in the future. It's better to work hard with your children and tell them that it's okay if they don't work, but it's not good to give up without working hard.

Don’t talk nonsense about things that didn’t happen

People hate people who make trouble over nothing! What's more, it's a child, who hates being wronged the most!

If you never make assumptions or talk nonsense, it will make your children think that you are a serious and responsible mother.

Don’t talk nonsense about things you can’t do

As the saying goes, “If you don’t have diamonds, don’t do porcelain work.” Not easily promising things you can't do will make your children think that you are a person who "keeps your word and takes action" and is willing to believe in you. For example, if your child wants you to go to the movies with him, but you are not sure whether you have time, don't make a promise easily. If you have promised to take him there at a certain time, then please spare this time to accompany him no matter what.

Don’t say things that hurt others

Don’t use words to hurt others easily or use very unpleasant words, especially between people who are close to you. Don’t say it to your children or husband. Hurtful words. This will help maintain and enhance the relationship. Example: Don’t quarrel with your husband in front of your children. Say things like, "Children are so stupid, like you." Don't scold your child with very certain words: You can't do such a simple question, why are you so stupid? ,,,,,

Don’t talk about sad things to others

It is advisable to be weak in front of your children, but it is wrong to transfer your sad emotions to others in front of your children. Not good.

For example, if you lose something, you will be very sad, but you will keep saying whose fault it is.

Be careful when talking about other people’s affairs

Everyone needs a safe distance between each other. Do not easily comment or spread other people’s affairs in front of your children. In particular, remember not to talk about someone in the class. classmates or parents of classmates.

Listen to what others have to say about your own affairs

Listen to outsiders’ opinions on your own affairs, especially when children are around, as this can give people a modest impression; Second, it will make people think that you are a sensible person. This will set a good example for children.

Listen more and speak less when it comes to respecting your elders

Older people often don’t like young people to comment too much on their own affairs. If young people talk too much, they will I feel like you are not a respectful, humble and studious person.

Adolescent children, enlighten them

Adolescent children are very rebellious. Adolescent children can be enlightened with a gentle but firm attitude, which can make them have a good impression of you and be willing to be with you. Friends can also play a role in persuasion. In a very relaxed environment, open up and talk about your heart. I found out that some classmates in my child’s class started to fall in love. I was very worried that my child would start to fall in love early. I tried to have a very open and relaxed chat with my child. Before I could finish my words, the child answered me in the affirmative: Mom, don’t worry, I I won’t fall in love before college. Even if I like her, I will keep it in my heart silently, or regard her as the goal of my efforts... After hearing this, all my worries are calmed down, and I am very happy that I am not very rough. Tell your children that you don’t want to find a girlfriend at school, etc.

When mothers want to lose their temper, think about these words

1: Learn to put yourself in someone else’s shoes and don’t always talk to your children in an authoritative and condescending manner. When you encounter resistance when disciplining your child, stop and think about why your child is doing this and why he is so resistant to my approach. If I were him, what would I think now?

2: If the little devil who controls your temper in your body has been provoked by a disobedient child, don’t lose your temper yet. Be sure to HOLD yourself and pause all your current actions. You can do abdominal exercises Breathe, count down, look away or do some strenuous exercise or simply step away from the child to calm down before coming back to discipline the child in other ways.

Three: Maybe you can’t control yourself and have lost your temper with your child, and you have realized that it was wrong to lose your temper. The first thing you should do is apologize to your child and tell your child that you are okay with losing your temper. I'm very sorry for my behavior, but you didn't control yourself well.

Four: After parents apologize, guide their children. Adults will apologize and correct themselves after making mistakes. What the children did just now is indeed not good enough, and they should also apologize to their parents and promise not to make mistakes again in the future.

Five: If the above four points still make your mother very angry, recite silently a hundred times: This is my biological child, my biological child, my biological child.