Do you have any jokes to tell? thank you

1. Xiaomei is happy to show her report card to her father.

"Oh!" Grandpa said, "When I was at school, I got a total score of ten in history, and you only got four."

"But, Grandpa," Xiaomei replied, "when you were at school, history was much shorter than what we are studying now."

2. The title of this composition is that if I am the chairman, all the other students will write carefully, and only Xiao Wu is still sitting in the chair, and the knife in the front row feels very puzzled. So I asked Xiao Wu why you haven't written Xiao Wu yet, and proudly said that I was waiting for the secretary to help me write it.

Five treasures are eating, and the knife says to Xiao Wu, "Xiao Wu, dip it."

"Eat standing up?" So Xiaowu stood and ate.

It will be like this for the next few days.

"555, China people should eat standing up!" Xiaowu said.

4. One night, Xiaomei went to Daodao's house to play.

Soon, it rained heavily outside.

Xiaomei: What should I do?

Daodao: You can sleep at my house tonight!

Xiaomei is very grateful. ...

Daodao went to cook. ...

When the knife came out of the kitchen, I saw Xiaomei come in wet from the outside.

Knife: What are you doing?

Xiaomei: Didn't you let me sleep at your house? I went home to get my pajamas. ...

The knife fainted on the spot. ...

5. "Students, let's start our class." Master Meng said kindly.

"Hello, teacher!"

"Classmates, the five new students who came here today must know each other, so the teacher will not introduce them one by one. This is an English class. First of all, ask everyone a word. " The teacher wrote a vertex on the blackboard. "Students, who can make sentences with this word?"

"We love top combine harvesters!"

"Do you like top combine harvester. I see. What else? "

"Dao Dao, I forgot to bring money. Can you lend me some? " Cheng Cheng said.

"ok!" Daodao speaks loudly, so ...

"Dao, do you have any other sentences?"

"We are the top combine!" Knife knife the feeling be nasty under, said such a sentence.

"Well, Daodao, can you say something else?"

"Top combine is a good group!"

"Ok, please sit down." Teacher Yuan Meng took out a tissue and wiped the sweat on her face. "All right, students, make sentences with the word top, for example, we are top ...................................."

"combination!" Before the teacher finished, the students had already connected.

Teacher Yuan Meng finally gave up. Gorgeous fainted! In the chaos, the teacher was sent to the school doctor's office.

6. In Chinese class, the teacher is a capable lady. She adjusted her glasses gracefully and said

"Birds and Li Mao playing cards at the back of the classroom, Xiaomei and Ma Xiaoyang talking in front, please keep your voice down and don't disturb Xiaowu who is sleeping in the middle ..."

……………………

Five: embarrassment ...............

7. In class, I learned the story that Washington was praised for daring to admit his mistake after cutting down a cherry tree. Xiaomei is a little envious ~ ~ ~ She walks past a mobile toilet after school (that is, a single room with wheels, the toilet can be pushed …) and kicks the toilet into a nearby lake …

Back in the dormitory, he admitted his mistake like Bird, the head of the dormitory, and Bird beat him up. ...

Beauty: "555555555555 ... unfair! ! ! ! Washington was praised for cutting down the cherry tree and admitting his mistake. Why do I ... 5555555 ... "

Yuan (angry): "Washington's father didn't sit on the tree when he cut it down!" " ! ! ! "

8. One day, Daodao cooked a meal and waited for the other four people to go home.

They finally came back after n hours,

Daodao asked, Why did you go?

The distant team said: I went to practice songs.

Xiaomei said: I visited all the makeup shops in Beijing.

Xiao Wu said: I went to the kindergarten to find children to play with.

Four people asked Brother Mao: What did you do?

Brother Mao said: I came back from an ant.

9. In class, the teacher asked Mao Mao, "What is your ideal when you grow up?"

Mao: "Architect"

The teacher asked, "Why?"

Mao: "I want to make the classroom cylindrical, because then we can't stand in the corner."

10. The loss of bicycles at school is particularly serious. The new bicycles disappear in the blink of an eye, but with luck, the lost bicycles will appear every few days. Yuan Dui bought a gearbox and showed off to other Four Treasures of the Study: "I locked this car into the latest style." A few days later, Yuan Dui looked tired and held a note in his hand, which read: Don't be so old-fashioned, I borrowed the car, and I'll pay you back in a few days! A few days later, the car really came back. Afraid of being "borrowed", the distant motorcade bought ten big locks, tied the cars in various ways, and posted a note: See how you borrow them! The next day, there were five more big locks on the car, and there was a note: see how you ride!

1 1. One day, Zhang Xiaoyuan and Cyber went to see the statue of the thinker.

Zhang Xiaoyuan said, "What do you think he is thinking without clothes?"

"Maybe, he is wondering where the bathhouse is?" Sabre said.

Zhang Xiaoyuan:. -||||||

12.

Xiao Wu studies computer.

The teacher said, "The computer has a main menu. If we need anything, just click on it and it will come out. "

Xiao Wu said loudly, "I want a lobster."

13. Walking in a long line, a bitch jumped on you, bit off a piece of meat from your foot and swallowed it quickly. When you put out your foot to kick it, the dog said with tears: You fight, anyway, I already have your flesh and blood in my stomach!

14. In the classroom, Daodao put the lunch box in front of Xiaomei nearby and said, "Try my meal." Xiaomei scooped up a spoonful and fed it into her mouth. "Did you see it?" Knife knife added.

65438+

Cinema.

He Miaomiao: Why did you throw the orange peel on the ground?

Yuandui: What, you want me to throw orange meat?

16. Stir the coffee with your right hand.

Xiaomei asked: Do you use your right hand or your left hand to make coffee?

Xiaowu said: right hand.

Xiaomei said: Oh, you are awesome. You are not afraid of scalding, just like I use a spoon.

17. Write poetry

Once, a teacher left Xiaomei, He Miaomiao, a knife and a long list, and then said a tongue twister: If it snows in the sky and it doesn't rain, it turns into rain when it snows on the ground. Too much trouble. If I had known it would rain.

Four people to discuss, and then stand in a row:

Xiaomei said: Teachers don't eat shit,

Mao Mao began to say that rice would turn into shit in his stomach.

To be honest, it's so troublesome,

The distant team began to say: If I had known this, I would have eaten shit.

18. One day, Mao Mao was ill and his nose was stuffy, so he tried to sniff in class. I took an English class and smoked more than 60 times. In the second half of the class, the teacher couldn't help it, yelling: Who is it? Dare to eat noodles in class, so many times, so loudly, hooked up my glutton.

19. Everyone agrees that Xiaomei and Daodao are often off-line.

So he was sent to a mental hospital and built a wall of 100.

They were going to escape from the Great Wall that night.

When turning to the 30 th wall, Xiaomei asked the knife: "Are you tired?"

"Not tired"

When turning to the 50 th wall, Xiaomei asked the knife: "Are you tired?"

"Not tired"

When turning to the 99 wall, Xiaomei asked the knife: "Are you tired?"

"tired"

"Then let's go back."

Knife knife "..."

20. One day, Xiaomei and Zhang went shopping.

The bird said to Xiaomei with big and small bags in his hand, "Beauty, wait for me, I want to tell you ..."

Xiaomei thought: Really, you tell me' I like you' every day, and now you have to confess to me, hmm ~! Please, I understand.

Yuan said, "Beauty, what I want to say to you is."

I have no money! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

2 1. Chinese teachers like to procrastinate.

On this day, Xiaomei, He Miaomiao and Daodao came up with a good way to fool the teacher.

In the last class the next morning, the knife kept coughing, so I took advantage of the teacher.

While writing on the blackboard, the knife pretended to vomit, and Mao Mei was on the table.

After pouring the eight-treasure porridge prepared before, the teacher turned his head and saw Xiao Yuan.

Eating that sticky piece, Xiao Yuan said while eating: "Ma Xueyang, you!"

I also ate longan today. "See the teacher crazy vomit. (A very old one)

22. One day, Xiao Wu went to buy breakfast. When the stall owner saw that the money was fake, he was annoyed: "Young man, don't think about counterfeit money. At least it was printed. This bill of yours is actually painted! To say the least, forget to draw. You can draw a ten-dollar one. Any five-dollar bill will do. You can also draw a seven-dollar one! Let's draw it in seven, or at least in color, even with pencils! Forget it, black and white is fine, but you can't draw with toilet paper. It feels too bad! Even toilet paper, cut the edge with scissors. This is torn by hand, and the raw edges are too exaggerated! Well, I put up with burrs, but you can also tear a rectangle. This triangle is too unreasonable ... (omitting ten thousand words) "

Xiao Wu: "This is the first time I have bought something in RMB in China ... How do I know this ..."

Vendor: "That's too exaggerated ..."

Xiaowu: "Will you help me draw in the future? ! "(expectation)

Supplier: "…"

23. Mao Mao: "Is the mayor of Nanjing called Jiangqiao?"

Xiao Yuan: "No. Why do you say that? "

Mao Mao: "When I was crossing the river in Nanjing by car that day, I saw a billboard that said: Welcome to Nanjing Yangtze River Bridge."

Xiao Yuan: "..."

24. Xiao Wu went to the restaurant to eat, but unfortunately forgot to bring his wallet.

The waiter threatened: "within 5 minutes, if you don't pay, I will call the police!" " "

Xiao Wu: "Joke! Do you think the police will compensate me? "